LTR-type new relationship getting cold and distant

attraxion

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Hey guys,

So I met this girl from another college in my university about 25 days ago, and things happened fast. I played it cool and ****y, and she was totally into me, coming up with pretexts to meet me on campus. Then she called me to her house two times, 2 weeks ago, and we made out. But she has intimacy issues and possibly sees me as an LTR, so no sex. I didn't push it either. I want her for an LTR too. She kept kissing me and saying "I am not ready for a relationship", and I kept saying "but I haven't asked you for a relationship".

Then she went out of town for 5 days for a conference, and came back last Tuesday. I was kinda expecting her to behave like a girlfriend (call me up and all that) but she didn't. I still played it cool and waited to see how she will react when she comes back.

Tuesday:
She was totally into me as soon as she came back, made plans to meet. We met on campus so not much intimacy but she hugged and kissed me many times, kept sending me texts all day.

Wednesday:
She asked me to come to a lecture she was delivering, and take some pictures. I went, but wasn't in the mood to play cameraman, so just took some pics from my seat. She got disappointed after that and sent me an email "I am sad blah blah, but don't worry". I apologized for the pictures, and asked her to meet me tomorrow, she said she can only meet for half an hour.

Thursday:
We made plans to meet at 7 PM and she said she had to talk to a professor before that. I kept waiting until 7:25 until I finally lost my cool and started walking back home. She called me at around 7:30 and I yelled at her "my time has value blah blah". She immediately hung up the phone. That's when I got super needy and called her around 20 times. She didn't pick up. Later she called me and said she was not okay with my behavior, and she thinks that we became too close too soon, so she would like to trivialize the relationship. I tried to explain once or twice, then I said okay, do whatever you want, I understand your decision. When I said this she cooled down and started saying "we will come out of this, it's a matter of time".

(We had a ball at school on Friday which I had invited her to, and she had been super excited about that). Then she asked me "what about tomorrow evening" and I said "do whatever you like" and she said she would like to come. I played the hurt-cool guy.

Friday:
In the morning she texted me she'd like to join me, and again "we will come out of this, you are a good guy, I am not, sorry". I took her to the ball and she was all over me again. I was playing ****y-funny to regain my value, almost being mean to her. I left her alone many times in the ball to see if she wants to hang around with me or just wanted to come to the party. She always came back to me, hung around with me, acted like my girlfriend. In the night we kissed and everything seemed to be fine again. Late night she puts up a romantic song on facebook and says "I feel like this". So I thought she's undergoing something she calls love for me.

Saturday:
A friend of hers had organized a birthday party for her (her bday had been a few days ago). Since we're still new, it seems to me that she doesn't want to advertise our relationship in front of all school people. She didn't interact with me much, but kissed me when I asked for it. I started talking about a girl I had gone out with in the afternoon, and she seemed jealous. Then she started jealousy tracks of her own. She massively flirted with all guys at the party, danced with all of them, and when she danced with me she was very uncomfortable. However, all the time she was looking at me to check out how I react (so I am sure it was jealousy and not interest in other guys). Whenever I started talking to other girls, she came around and held my hand etc.

At the end of the night, she kissed me and said "thanks for being there, and thanks for handling my moods". I continued playing ****y and cool, but I was super needy from inside.

Sunday:
Whole day I kept feeling needy and she didn't contact, so finally I called her at 5 PM and asked if she wanted to grab dinner. This was the first time I had suggested a traditional date, and she immediately said no. I kept trying to talk but she was annoyed and almost rude to me. Then I hung up. In the night she called me again and talked for half an hour, both of us talked almost professionally about school work etc., not a single romantic conversation.

Monday:
No calls or texts for the whole day. She sent me a little message on facebook in Romanian (her native language), and said "don't try to translate it". It was just a harmless joke, though, when I found out what it meant.

Tuesday:
I chat her up on facebook and she's very distant again, I told her she sent me a rude message in Romanian, and she's like "no its not rude blah blah. But believe what you like". Then I said "okay I will" and she didn't respond.

All the while she's been rude to me or trying to make me jealous, she's also been posting romantic stuff on facebook, which is what makes me think she's ****-testing me just before a final close. Am I being overly optimistic?

What do you guys think? Is she freezing me out or geniunely losing interest? In either case, what should I do? Should I freeze her out 'badly' for a few days, or try and ask her out to see if she will come?

Also, there's another girl in her social circle who has been making advances to me. Should I go out with her, while I'm sure that the main girl would come to know? Will it enhance attraction or kill the "love" she might be feeling?

Thanks for reading this long post. I know I have done a lot of AFC-ish stuff, but I'd appreciate advice for the future more.

Best,
R.
 

hamilton

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Why do you feel the need to talk to her/see her every day? You've only known her for 3 weeks, and only kissed her. You should be out doing other things, give her the gift of missing you
 

attraxion

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When we began, I didn't feel this need and was confident. But in the past days she herself was meeting / calling everyday, so now her cutting off abruptly seems like a problem to me.

I have resolved not to initiate contact with her until she does, but I don't understand why this happened, as well as whether this is a ****-test or a lack of interest. I have no idea what to do in the future.

Please continue to help, thanks.
 

sodbuster

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I personally don't play games or date someone who does. I'd be alot less available. IF it doesn't straighten out,date her friend. NOT to make her jealous,to make her go away.

The only reason women play so many games-men LET them.
 

cffrmw

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Well, it really doesn't matter, does it? If it's a ****-test, you need to back off and let her miss you. If it's a lack of interest, you need to back off and let her miss you (to build interest). I'd say go a week without calling, date other girls, and see what happens. And don't stress so much. Go out with the other girl. If girl 1 finds out, great - if she's mad you know she's interested. If she's not interested, well, you're already moving on.
 

Ease

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Why are you letting her decide if you have a relationship or not. It isnt a relationship untill you say so, and you dont have to say it untill she begs. If she even mentions 'not being ready for a relationship' you need to let her know that you're twice as 'not ready' and she needs to get her head out of the clouds. What makes her think you would even consider a relationship with her? Put her back in her place and dont let her get out.

I dont want to misogynistic, but girls will run you around with a collar if you let them. The only way your going to be happy is if you are the one that has her by the collar. Your being too easy and taking the female role in the relationship, dont be surprised that she has super low interest in you. That means she should be the one thinking about you all day, she should be the one waiting by the phone untill you phone her back, wondering how much you like her.

Forget the love songs, the number #1 show of low interest is not jumping at the oppurtunity to see you or cancelling plans. A girl can lie and decieve you in many ways, but you can always tell by how excited she is about the thought of seeing you. When you ask her to dinner, and she says no or even a less-than-enthusiastic reply, then you know.
 

attraxion

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Thanks for your replies, guys. I realize I have ****ed it up in many ways, and I've made her feel that I'm gonna be available for her to treat as she sees fit.

Can't do anything about the past, and of course I'm gaming other girls, but what can I do to turn this around? I'm not contacting her until she does, anything else I need to do? How do I respond if and when she finally contacts?

I honestly don't think this is a gone case yet, so I need to be prepared. Or do you guys think it is?
 
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hamilton said:
Why do you feel the need to talk to her/see her every day? You've only known her for 3 weeks, and only kissed her. You should be out doing other things, give her the gift of missing you
Word. This also gives you the gift of not having to deal with her crap everyday.
 

pipe007

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I thought it was going to be an interesting post that could have a solid solution to it until I saw what you thought of her on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday... and on and on

needy, needy, needy, needy..... you lost her already.

dude you should have seen her twice a week at max and suggest you are busy most of the times.

why do you even keep track and remember what you did with her last monday??

that's girly behavior!!

work on ur issues first
 

attraxion

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Okay guys, do I need to tell you you're awesome? You know you are! I need to ****ing slap myself - whenever I follow community rules, I start getting the babes, and then I go back to being the AFC I was..

Anyways, update on this one - after three days of NC (and dating another chick) she catches me on campus at an event, comes and talks to me 5-6 times, I'm very polite and formal, she hovers around for a while and ultimately goes away. Many other guys are hitting on her, but she opens no jealousy tracks, she's down because I'm not talking.

Late night, she calls, I don't pick up, long voice mail about how she wanted to talk to me and hug me and how I didn't seem happy to see her blah blah blah drivel drivel jibber jabber jibber jabber..

I'm gonna wait a full 2-3 days more and then re-initiate contact. Sound good? Thanks again, DJs..
 

attraxion

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With respect, Falcon25, what makes you think that? What can I do in your opinion?
 
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