LTR sudden ending

[Colossus]

Ran into her last night at my friends bar, first time seeing each other in 5 weeks, she was with her girlfriends and seemed to be just fine.

We didn't talk, I didn't approach, or acknowledge her. Just kept chatting up the woman next to me.

I thought I was going to be ok and earlier in the day I got a girls number and was feeling pretty good.

Now I feel like total **** this morning and like a forgotten person.

I feel ya man. I'm going through something similar myself. It's really hard to accept that a girl who used to be madly in love with you, maybe just a month ago, is ostensibly over you and moved on without complication.

Not to trash anyone's viewpoint here, but I think the "hypergamy" concept gets treated here like it's the overarching LAW of male-female relationships. It isn't. It's certainly a factor, but human relationships are far more complex than a simple truism like "women date up" or Briffault's Law. Beware of extremes when you are looking for answers to these types of questions.

That said, I think women rebound from relationships FAR quicker then men, even if we were the ones doing the dumping. I'm not really sure why this is. I found out my LTR that ended over the summer had a rebound relationship almost immediately after I broke up with her...like within a week. I was floored.....I mean she was a wreck when I dropped the bomb. It's not like I felt great about it either, but at the time she was clearly the more emotionally traumatized.
But you know what, I realized that I cant take her jumping on to another c0ck as an affront to myself. It doesn't negate her feelings during the relationship and it doesn't negate me as a man. This is how women tend to cope. They seek out the nearest available male suitor and cover up their hurt and rejection with the warm fuzzies of being desired by someone else. Men, we tend to self medicate or wallow around in the how's and why's for long periods of time. I've seen it in my own relationships and countless others.


So take that nugget to heart. Her bouncing back---at least on the surface---isn't an insult to you. Hard as it may be, accept it as the way most women deal with breakups. They accept other attention. They just want to feel good again. Her letter to you was really, as Howie said, a longer "it's not you, it's me". She was patronizing you and trying to make you feel better, almost like telling a little boy who has a crush on her she cant date him. Understand, she was really trying to make HERSELF feel better with that email, for dumping an otherwise great guy. She knew things weren't broken, so she had to reconcile this with herself. I'm sure there was some truth to her wanting some alone time, but like the others said, count this as a blessing. All breakups are in some way or another.

 

[st_99]

Not to trash anyone's viewpoint here, but I think the "hypergamy" concept gets treated here like it's the overarching LAW of male-female relationships. It isn't. It's certainly a factor, but human relationships are far more complex than a simple truism like "women date up" or Briffault's Law..

i actually view the term as "percieved" dating up. in reality, i think its all bullsh!t. girls screw up all the time, why do you think they come back a lot.?

 

[ayava]

Thanks for the support guys.

 

[GotED?]

Avaya - we all been there, bro.

Stay true to the strong inside of a man that you will find, and at the end of the day, women don't mean nuthin' to us. Always strive to be emotionally detached as much as possible (although we can offer lip-service to make it appear we are otherwise).

Be well.

Exodus

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

ayava, put an age on your profile and read the Mature Man's forum rules.

 

[ayava]

I'm gonna keep updating here, mostly as a journal to myself about NC and the recovery.

EX
Going on 6 weeks of NC w/the ex.

I saw her again at the grocery store, less than 10 ft away, she didn't see me me, so I just bounced. Thought about saying hello, but screw it.

We have a social obligation in 2 weeks that we both have to go to with about 30 mutual friends. Not sure how to play this. I guess be friendly but no long talks, its like a group dinner, hopefully things go normal.

Prospects
Went out with the girl I met earlier in the week on Friday, had a few drinks. I think my indifference to women played out very well. She was basically told me she couldn't tell how I felt about her and when we were leaving she flagged down a cab and said "lets go to your place."

I felt pretty bad emotionally when I got up, and its lingered for a bit the last few days.

I have a date tonight with this girl from the gym who has been tossing me casual inquires since the break-up. I'm reluctant to really pursue this as she used to date a friend of mine, she is in the same circle of friends, and she can be a little crazy. I'm not trying to date her, but I have wanted to sleep with her for a while. I'll see how it goes I suppose.

 

[kimberleah]

I'm gonna keep updating here, mostly as a journal to myself about NC and the recovery.

EX
Going on 6 weeks of NC w/the ex.

I saw her again at the grocery store, less than 10 ft away, she didn't see me me, so I just bounced. Thought about saying hello, but screw it.

We have a social obligation in 2 weeks that we both have to go to with about 30 mutual friends. Not sure how to play this. I guess be friendly but no long talks, its like a group dinner, hopefully things go normal.

Prospects
Went out with the girl I met earlier in the week on Friday, had a few drinks. I think my indifference to women played out very well. She was basically told me she couldn't tell how I felt about her and when we were leaving she flagged down a cab and said "lets go to your place."

I felt pretty bad emotionally when I got up, and its lingered for a bit the last few days.

I have a date tonight with this girl from the gym who has been tossing me casual inquires since the break-up. I'm reluctant to really pursue this as she used to date a friend of mine, she is in the same circle of friends, and she can be a little crazy. I'm not trying to date her, but I have wanted to sleep with her for a while. I'll see how it goes I suppose.

You do not sound like a catch at all- using women to mask your pain. Thinking of women as objects. You are nothing more than an ape slave to your animalistic tendencies. Dont feel bad- youre like most men. Most men are selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity. Your ex is better off without you

 

[betheman]

You do not sound like a catch at all- using women to mask your pain. Thinking of women as objects. You are nothing more than an ape slave to your animalistic tendencies. Dont feel bad- youre like most men. Most men are selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity. Your ex is better off without you

oh go and f cck yourself

 

[kimberleah]

oh go and f cck yourself

Sorry- the truth hurts.

 

[betheman]

Sorry- the truth hurts.

no, youre just an idiot

 

[speed dawg]

You do not sound like a catch at all- using women to mask your pain. Thinking of women as objects. You are nothing more than an ape slave to your animalistic tendencies. Dont feel bad- youre like most men. Most men are selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity. Your ex is better off without you

She brings an interesting point to the table, although she doing for her own agenda. The entire forum exists BECAUSE we as men have gotten weak for the most part and we're trying to change that. So yes, MOST men are as she says. However, selfish, shallow and lacking emotional maturity are just chick words for 'pumped me and dumped me'. Even those perceived alphas that blew their wad in kimberleah are probably deep down betas, or alphas by association as RolloT described himself back in the day, hence their behavior.

And no, I don't think he should use women as objects either. And ayava is not a catch at this time, but he will be. This forum is the right place for that. Personally, I think he should be fixing himself and his confidence right now. Women come later in the process because at this point they're not that important. I've never been a big fan of rebounding until you've somewhat gotten your confidence back. It might even make things worse if chicks smell the desperation on you.

 

[betheman]

She brings an interesting point to the table, although she doing for her own agenda. The entire forum exists BECAUSE we as men have gotten weak for the most part and we're trying to change that. So yes, MOST men are as she says. However, selfish, shallow and lacking emotional maturity are just chick words for 'pumped me and dumped me'. Even those perceived alphas that blew their wad in kimberleah are probably deep down betas, or alphas by association as RolloT described himself back in the day, hence their behavior.

And no, I don't think he should use women as objects either. And ayava is not a catch at this time, but he will be. This forum is the right place for that. Personally, I think he should be fixing himself and his confidence right now. Women come later in the process because at this point they're not that important. I've never been a big fan of rebounding until you've somewhat gotten your confidence back. It might even make things worse if chicks smell the desperation on you.

she brings nothing to the table

 

[ayava]

using women to mask your pain.

I may be masking my pain, but these women weren't forced (or even asked) to do anything.

 

[MikeOck]

You do not sound like a catch at all- using women to mask your pain. Thinking of women as objects. You are nothing more than an ape slave to your animalistic tendencies. Dont feel bad- youre like most men. Most men are selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity. Your ex is better off without you

Are you honestly suggesting that women don't get into rebound relationships? Or that women don't willingly have non-committed sexual relationships? You obviously have some issues of your own that you are projecting onto the op.

Furthermore, what you say about men reveals your own emotional immaturity. You don't realize that you think men are "selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity" BECAUSE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO ARE SELFISH, SHALLOW, AND LACK EMOTIONAL MATURITY. There are hundreds of millions of "nice guys" out there, they just don't make your ***** tingle like the douche-bags do.

 

[scrouds]

Don't feed the trolls.

Especially the obvious ones.

 

[Die Hard]

^^ what he said...

I can't for the life of me understand why you guys are so easily baited. If some bytch on the internet can do that to you, then how are you guys able to deal with women in your daily lives??

 

[drak_ool]

1) I'm an attorney and work in finance, I'm fairly well off compared to most of the U.S. and probably average for NYC finance types. No debt.

2) I hit the gym 4/5 days a week and would say that I'm more fit than a vast majority of the guys I run into on average. She was comparable.

Ayava: based on the above, you are better off than 95% of the US male population. You have a high status job, you make BANK, and you're good/decent looking.

My advice to you would be to look at this break-up as an opportunity to do all the things you weren't able to do while in a relationship. Go big man! Get a table with your buddies at some fancy club in the meatpacking district, take a trip to an exotic country (it's the start of summer in South America), go to Vegas, start hooking up with models and other girls who put your ex to shame in the looks department.

As far as the emotional "void" you are feeling with other girls, that can take a LONG time to heal. I've been single for almost a year now, hooked up with two dozen girls in the meantime, yet I never banged any of them more than 3 or 4 times. Actually after the first time, when the thrill of the chase is over, I usually lose all interest.

So don't get discouraged and got get yourself the 9s and 10s you deserve!

 

[vatoloco]

I can't for the life of me understand why you guys are so easily baited.

TROLOLOL!!

 

[kimberleah]

Are you honestly suggesting that women don't get into rebound relationships? Or that women don't willingly have non-committed sexual relationships? You obviously have some issues of your own that you are projecting onto the op.

Furthermore, what you say about men reveals your own emotional immaturity. You don't realize that you think men are "selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity" BECAUSE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO ARE SELFISH, SHALLOW, AND LACK EMOTIONAL MATURITY. There are hundreds of millions of "nice guys" out there, they just don't make your ***** tingle like the douche-bags do.

Nope I am not attracted to that. When a guy starts acting like those traits I bail...all men do it eventually in a consistent manner. Some guys just put up the facade a little longer- have yet to find a guy that hasnt done this...and for the past several years have purposefully dated quieter, more laid back guys and theyre all the same. So I will never get married but Im fine with that...most men are worthless and incapable of treating a woman with respect for a long period of time and I dont need to join the club.

 

[kimberleah]

Are you honestly suggesting that women don't get into rebound relationships? Or that women don't willingly have non-committed sexual relationships? You obviously have some issues of your own that you are projecting onto the op.

Furthermore, what you say about men reveals your own emotional immaturity. You don't realize that you think men are "selfish, shallow, and lack emotional maturity" BECAUSE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO ARE SELFISH, SHALLOW, AND LACK EMOTIONAL MATURITY. There are hundreds of millions of "nice guys" out there, they just don't make your ***** tingle like the douche-bags do.

No you are right there are some. Within each gender there is variation. There are alot more boys that do it than girls though.