LTR ended in trainweck - did I give her closure?

[doubletwice]

I'm starting to think that love bombing is just a tactic to get u hooked. Then they slowly take the frame back over time once you're hooked and your guard is down. Check out my stripper story in the Mature Man forum for my take on this. Got a stripper love bombing me right now, she is very seductive.

Why do you think so?
Low self esteem / ego / sadists ?

Good luck at NYE.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Why do you think so?
Low self esteem / ego / sadists ?

Good luck at NYE.

Not really. Just an effective seduction tactic. Like a siren, she lures you in. Once you're in her palm, she will close her hand around your nuts. The only way to avoid this is to go for women who aren't as experienced with these tactics (for LTRs) and/or just learn the game and play it while being sure to clip your downside.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm starting to think that love bombing is just a tactic to get u hooked. Then they slowly take the frame back over time once you're hooked and your guard is down. Check out my stripper story in the Mature Man forum for my take on this. Got a stripper love bombing me right now, she is very seductive.

They are literally "machines" at it. They get paid to manipulate men.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

They are literally "machines" at it. They get paid to manipulate men.

The way u said "machines" made my heart sink a little bit lol but I will still likely continue down this road and see where it leads. I'll keep everyone updated.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The way u said "machines" made my heart sink a little bit lol but I will still likely continue down this road and see where it leads. I'll keep everyone updated.

Just remember manipulation machines and stay safe. Get your pvssy up front. Strippers gift the man she likes and robs all the other men. So don't be too giving. Don't give much at all besides your d1ck and your time.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Just remember manipulation machines and stay safe. Get your pvssy up front. Strippers gift the man she likes and robs all the other men. So don't be too giving. Don't give much at all besides your d1ck and your time.

Yeah, I have some female relatives like that. Total cvnt to most guys including her husband. He's a beta simp that does everything she says and for her son, she does everything. She buys him stuff, does his laundry, etc. Granted it is her son but sometimes I wonder if women have this sort of compartmentalized mentality. Basically since they're robbing so many simps, they need at least one guy or two to spoil so that they kind of redeem themselves. They subconsciously feel guilt or something so they need to release it by overly spoiling someone or maybe it could be seen as a form of self-punishment. A form of psychological transference or something...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah, I have some female relatives like that. Total cvnt to most guys including her husband. He's a beta simp that does everything she says and for her son, she does everything. She buys him stuff, does his laundry, etc. Granted it is her son but sometimes I wonder if women have this sort of compartmentalized mentality. Basically since they're robbing so many simps, they need at least one guy or two to spoil so that they kind of redeem themselves. They subconsciously feel guilt or something so they need to release it by overly spoiling someone or maybe it could be seen as a form of self-punishment. A form of psychological transference or something...

Yes its something like that. Makes them feel like a "good" person.

 

[bcude]

Yes. She wrote in her diary that she needs a therapist, not being one hehe.

When i was young my dad always told me to be aware of psychiatrists, therapists and to some degree teachers. More often than not they seek those professions to straighten their own sh1t out and might be excellent at their craft but are horrible fvck ups in their private lives.
We say that self-reflection and accountability are not areas in which women shine.

Thank you for giving us insight into the life of a therapist.

To answer your questions:

What do I want out of this?
Any insights! to why it went like this, anecdotes and so on.

There are usually plenty of reasons and not as black and white but this one is damaged to a degree where she can't have a healthy relationship. Your intuition caught up to it. If you're going to learn anything from this story, it's this - always listen to your gut feeling about women.

I wonder if this type of woman can be in a healthy relationship at all, and what kind of man can handle it?

Partner count in the hundreds and an established lier. That's enough for me to say no. No man will be in it for the long haul, but women like this are usually the ones leaving the men since the good sex keeps men hooked.

I takes a lot for me to wanting to have revenge. But I hate hypocrisis like this, and that she is that cowardly and "breaking up" and accusing me, and not leaving me a chance to reply. I thinking about writing her a letter with deep truths she knows about her self but not accepting.

But I also want to **** her again- how to proceed?
Full NC won't work since she's AW and prolly has another **** on the line.

Try to bury your thoughts of revenge, this will only come back to bite you when the dust has settled and these feelings will dissipate with time. Your best revenge is living well and breaking off all communication with her, that's how you get back at her.

I wouldn't recommend sex with her, it will only keep you hooked and prolong your healing. I'll tell you, this woman is not good for you.
Full NC works if you want it to work.

I wish you good luck and if you truly want to have sex with her again and think that you can handle it. First let your emotions for her subside to a point where you're not thinking about her daily anymore. That's when you have a shot at handling it the way you should.
I'll leave you with this: relationships are supposed to add to your life, not be a drain and a headache.

 

[speed dawg]

The advice for years was for guys to go out and get other girls when they got their world turned upside down like this. I’m starting to question that. I think you need to take at least a month to work on yourself - physically and mentally - after a split like this. And over a woman like this with her notch count and level of crazy - that takes some decompartmentalization.

 

[doubletwice]

When i was young my dad always told me to be aware of psychiatrists, therapists and to some degree teachers. More often than not they seek those professions to straighten their own sh1t out and might be excellent at their craft but are horrible fvck ups in their private lives.
We say that self-reflection and accountability are not areas in which women shine.

Hehe her father is a psychiatrist, and she works at his company. Yes, that's a general saying that psychologists are the ones with greater problems, and looking for answers to their problems through others. I didn't get that sense about her tough, she liked the power of feeling "needed" by the patients. And of course being proud for helping.

There are usually plenty of reasons and not as black and white but this one is damaged to a degree where she can't have a healthy relationship. Your intuition caught up to it. If you're going to learn anything from this story, it's this - always listen to your gut feeling about women.

Yes, my intuition was there all along but I didn't trust it. Being hooked on the stuff she provided and the fun. I have been thinking about her skills for creating healthy relationships, she said that she tried to create a stable relationship and never tried to deceieve me or hurt me. Made me think that her thoughts on healthy relationship from her side is always being there/needy, helpful, tolerant, accepting and kind acts. That's making her likeable. Like child she thinks that her man will accept everything and let her do everything without consequences.

Partner count in the hundreds and an established lier. That's enough for me to say no. No man will be in it for the long haul, but women like this are usually the ones leaving the men since the good sex keeps men hooked.

I asked her why she never had a stable lasting relationship, and she said "I don't know". I don't know if she lack self-awareness or just is a supermaster in rationalization.

Try to bury your thoughts of revenge, this will only come back to bite you when the dust has settled and these feelings will dissipate with time. Your best revenge is living well and breaking off all communication with her, that's how you get back at her.

I'm not a spiteful person. The principle of living well and breaking contact is always the best revenge and the usual way to go. But, here I'm so frustrated on her way of ending things, and then the childish act of blocking and unblocking. And how she wrote down her reasoning in some philosophical way that justify her in everything, just empty phrases of the "love we had" and building up a theory about me being abusive towards her (and including my ex in this theory), like you said no accountability. But deep down, she knows the reason she is ****ed up and her rationalizations - she hates men and doesn't give a **** about hurting someone. My revenge would be writing a letter down-to-the point, that will hit her so hard that I will always be a ghost following her in life. [/QUOTE]

I wouldn't recommend sex with her, it will only keep you hooked and prolong your healing. I'll tell you, this woman is not good for you.
Full NC works if you want it to work.

I wish you good luck and if you truly want to have sex with her again and think that you can handle it. First let your emotions for her subside to a point where you're not thinking about her daily anymore. That's when you have a shot at handling it the way you should.
I'll leave you with this: relationships are supposed to add to your life, not be a drain and a headache.

Thank you. NC is the normal procedure. But she is attentionseeking and probably has some other men already. NC would also give me self worth but right now I don't feel I got personal closure. And I don't know if she will contact me in the future because of the ego, and her being self righteous.

I have a highly active ego as well right now. Even if she’s ****ed up, I’m not satisfied 1. I didn’t act soberly enough 2. I lost frame 3. I feel disposed and take it personally she’s telling me she never loved someone as much as me - knowing me 8 months.

Thank you again.

 

[doubletwice]

The advice for years was for guys to go out and get other girls when they got their world turned upside down like this. I’m starting to question that. I think you need to take at least a month to work on yourself - physically and mentally - after a split like this. And over a woman like this with her notch count and level of crazy - that takes some decompartmentalization.

Yes. That's my plan. I'm leaving for a sunnier country for a month and will in meantime also talk with a psychologist.

And over a woman like this with her notch count and level of crazy - that takes some decompartmentalization.

Do you mind elaborating?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The advice for years was for guys to go out and get other girls when they got their world turned upside down like this. I’m starting to question that. I think you need to take at least a month to work on yourself - physically and mentally - after a split like this. And over a woman like this with her notch count and level of crazy - that takes some decompartmentalization.

60 days om yourself and purpose to reclaim your "square". Other women are allowable if they put their coins in your game. Ie they come to you with the huge desire and you set back focus on your priorities.

 

[Barrister]

Well,
I will be the first who would say I've been naive and ignoring the red flags. By today I am a bit amazed about what happened. I'm a bit angry both on myself and her. And my ego is a bit bruised, and a part of me want to seek revenge because of the way the relationship ended. I would like lift some of the specifics - hopefully gaining a greater insight by the help of you guys. The relationship went from fun and carefree to very draining and exhausting. The good and band are in the extremes so to grasp a connected big picture is tough for me.


The RED flags

• Relationship history and sexual history
  Already on our 3rd date she told he has daddy issues, I didn't understand the severity of it until now. There were always traces of former exes. She was still in touch with the guy prior me, she broke up with him 3 months earlier, because he had a manic episode.
  I never saw him as a threat, and their contact fizzled out, later on i realized she was still "hurt" from the relationship. Her first relationship was when she was 22 and it ended because physical abuse. Then she had a "open relationship" for four years. Apparently she was co-dependent and he was an *******. Later down the road some details changed, which is shady. She slept with 30 people during their relationship. It ended 3 years ago, I thought it was much earlier. During her last relationship she contacted an orbiter, who she later on accused for sexual harassment. I found search history on the two first exes. Second time I broke up with her and her reaction was: "are you breaking up with ME??". When she realized she had primal screams and cryings the whole night. I took her back on week later.
  
  Is it really impossible for her to see that she is the factor in all this and that's her fault to be in this kind of situations?
  Is the rationalisation so extreme?
  
  
• Parents and upbringing
  Both parents rich and successful doctors. Father cheated on mother, left for the new woman. Mother dated around and are now settled, but still bitter. Never met her mother, met the father 10 minutes. Her mother is dominating her new man, her father is in a relationship with a "domineering" woman, according to my ex. Her grandfather denied her father to meet her for a couple of years because of the divorce. She said that she maybe got sexually abused by the grandfather ( attention seeking?). She often mentioned her grand father and her mothers man as the perfect men, also talked lot about "my father says so", "my mother says so". " I was the frist boyfriend her father liked, and that she introduced to her grandfather". She even started to write a book, the plot was that her she started to treat her lover as her father, and vice verse. She had sex with a 48 year old man, when she was 17 bur are angry on older man pursuing younger girls.
  
  
• Flirting / attention
  Rrationalize her "sensual" way as it's just for herself and not directed for any special person. But it was crazy to see. Like a never ending pit. In periods she needed attention from every man. Cray. Never seen anything like that. She posted lots of photos of me and her doing stuff on Instagram, I guess it was for attention, she said she just wanted to show me off. I told her to stop the flirting, she got very defensive and didn't understand what I meant, but it was better for a while. Later on she called me controlling because I told her to stop touching her hair excesslivy.
  
  
• Needy/Latching on/ attentive/loving
  From the get go she latched onto me like a force. later on she showed me a message she sent to her mother about meeting her dream man. She's always been accepting and attentive, and giving. Always in touch, sending messages, nice words, nice actions and so on. "Lovebombing".
  
  
• Dishonest/Victim/Controlling/Domineering
  The dishonesty started from the get go, especially about her history. But just a dishonesty in communication I sensed always that she had an agenda and many times when she was writing to me I sensed her opinions and what se haws sayn actually somebody elses words. She had a way of just not telling the truth, but state facts and omitting lies. Tactics. Why?
  Always the victim but also lots of humblebragging - like no one could understand her greatness. Emotionoal controlling. It was very taxing and I did't understand what was happening. I noticed also she tried to dominate me i social settings with body language and so on.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'm perplexed - she works as a therapeut and seems to have it all outwardly and is kind and intelligent, but this selfsabotaging in life and crazy. This makes me wonder if I really got to know her and if I actually was the person she told me I was in her life. After the first couple of months everything was a mess. Made me questioning her a lot, asking, and inquiring about her history and why she did some stuff and came across as insecure and suspicious, and fell into her frame. I stopped being a source of good feelings for her and instead told truths to her about her and her history and general characther.

_______________________________________________________________________________

After the abortion and the break up she sent me a "leaving the relationship-message", telling me she's not secure enough, that she can't heal from the abortion and me breaking it off with her prior dinner with her fater, that she feels like walking on egg shells because I inquired her so much, that I shamed her, didn't feel accepted by me. And some good stuff.

I didn't reply and received another one. Where she said that I'm sensible but also aggressive. And she elaborated a theory about me being mentally abusive, adding small happenings to a story. And it must be true since my ex also said the same ( i got accused by it, but not true) it must be true. So she's leaving the relationship because of the "abuse".

I didn't reply.

Then I received a message; "You treated me like **** in periods, don't do that again to someone who loved you". And then she blocked and unblocked me three times.

I think she couldn't deal with me bringing up her history and haven't dealt with that so she pulled the cord.

______________________________________________________________________________
What do I want out of this?
Any insights! to why it went like this, anecdotes and so on.

I wonder if this type of woman can be in a healthy relationship at all, and what kind of man can handle it?

I takes a lot for me to wanting to have revenge. But I hate hypocrisis like this, and that she is that cowardly and "breaking up" and accusing me, and not leaving me a chance to reply. I thinking about writing her a letter with deep truths she knows about her self but not accepting.

But I also want to **** her again- how to proceed?
Full NC won't work since she's AW and prolly has another **** on the line.

Here is my guess and my advice. You’re putting up with a lot of sh1t because I’m guessing she’s very hot and probably fun in bed (because she’s crazy and the crazy ones are always good in bed).

Bottom line: it isn’t worth your sanity. Yes, it’ll suck seeing her with other dudes in near future and she may be hot. But cut all ties now and move on. It won’t be easy but you need to do this now and not continue to complicate your life.

 

[Reyaj]

I started reading this thread in detail until I got to the break down of the daddy issues etc... I saw most of the information was coming from her own word of mouth. My gut on this situation is what most have previously said, this girl just has too much mileage.

 

[Bigpapa]

I started reading this thread in detail until I got to the break down of the daddy issues etc... I saw most of the information was coming from her own word of mouth. My gut on this situation is what most have previously said, this girl just has too much mileage.

i believe that women who get the mileage are kinda broken from the get go . They do not get the mileage and then they get broken .

Iti starts in their childhood and progresses slowly till the point of no return

there are some not broken women from the get go who do this , but mainly this happens to social pressure and they give in because they are quite weak people

 

[Reyaj]

i believe that women who get the mileage are kinda broken from the get go . They do not get the mileage and then they get broken .

Iti starts in their childhood and progresses slowly till the point of no return

there are some women who do this , but mainly this happens to social pressure and they give in because they are quite weak people

Yeah I'd tend to agree. I'm sure a lot of it ties to their up bringing.

 

[doubletwice]

What does “the mileage” mean?

 

[Bigpapa]

What does “the mileage” mean?

How many people she has slept with

 

[doubletwice]

Ah. I think it’s both of it in this case. Lost virginity early on and then hanged out with a party crew and made a thing (she and her friend) of ****ing every weekend. Even contest who could **** as many as possible on a day.
It’s such a a shame, world losing a otherwise smart and hot female

 

[Bigpapa]

Ah. I think it’s both of it in this case. Lost virginity early on and then hanged out with a party crew and made a thing (she and her friend) of ****ing every weekend. Even contest who could **** as many as possible on a day.
It’s such a a shame, world losing a otherwise smart and hot female

that is quite sad what you are saying , and very likely also means mental problems from an early age , or maybe she is just a weak person