8 month long relationship. (me 32, she 28) I broke it off after 5 months, we got back together 1 week later. She got pregnant, we decided to keep it. I snapped one day, from the gut - stuff accumulated from the relationship - told her this ain't gonna work. She asked me If I'm breaking up (in a challenging way). I said yes and go and do that abortion. She left.
I reached out to her and apologized, and told her I don't want to break up. She spent a week at her mothers place during the abortion.
We met up next weekend. Had sex and decided to keep going. One week later we had fun and talked a lot, but got into one argument about she being dishonest. She started to cry, took a cab home. Called me later we talked, I said I'm not up for talking right now, but we can meet in 2 days. Than she sent me a long message declaring that she needs to leave the relationship and put the love she has for me aside. This message was lots about how I made her feel in negative ways, remembering the good days, that she will never forget me and so on and now she needs to block me from social media.
The next day she sent me a message about her stuff. I didn't reply for 24 hours (now she unblocked me from social media), went to her work and left the stuff outside, and sent her a message. I received a very aggressive long message, about all the faults I did (rationalization, but also correct in some instances), she went very very low. I didn't reply to it. Then she wrote about that she understand if I don't want to reply to her or need time, and she's hoping I'm okey. She called me three times during the day, which I didn't reply. Then she wrote again, that she's feeling lonely and in a passive-agressive way told me that I sure have my reasons to not reply and said that's she's done and hoping that I will never ever treat someone who loved me in such bad manner again. And accused me for psychological abuse.
I replied to this and told her that I've been busy, and that I don't see any point in replying to the other stuff, but I'm aware that I did some mistakes which I regret, but a major part of the message is nonsense. Then I got blocked again, but later she unblocked me on Instagram and changed her profile photo to one of my fave pis of her.
I have some deeper thinkings about our relationship, dynamic and her which I will update this post for further learning and better screening and frame next time. This girl has self-proclaimed daddy issues, 100+ notch count and all of "her exes has been abusive to her" ( i will go into details about this, i think she purposefully set up this kind of dynamics", "almost being raped by orbiter" attention-seeking and lying. In the beginning of this relationship everything was carefree but further down the road I noticed more and more inconsistency about her background and I became more and more suspicious and off-frame. I paid attention to wrong things and became passive - what the hell I had a really hot chick with a nice ass who is also kind and sweet. But majorly ****ed up, so I'm bit in a chock of the phenomenen of daddy issues.
Now I'm standing here 6 days NC and fluctuating with anger, missing her, guilt, seeing her as the devil, and sometimes in a good light. It's hard to surpass the positive things even if she's "crazy". I dodged a bullet, but I'm as well not satisfied how I treated this relationship.
Did I gave her closure for real when I responded with this neutral text I sent to her as a reply to her messages?
I think she got mad because she feels disrespected about that or that I don't care. And afraid of rejection since she didn't reach out.
I know the concept of NC and the fundamentals, but I want to meet up with her again - we have great sex and fun times. How should I proceed?
She's very attentionseeking - which means she's probably a little bit hungry, but at the same time if I go NC she will look for attention elsewhere, note she just did the abortion (1,5 week ago). And she has a big ego and great pride.
I feel if I don't reach out and charm her again pretty soon she will find someone else (she's a bit of a serial-mono) or get "cold", but the other part says to hold the NC. I don't want to give her the satisfaction if she's already have someone on the line..
Thanks.
