LTR ended in trainweck - did I give her closure?

[speed dawg]

Yes. That's my plan. I'm leaving for a sunnier country for a month and will in meantime also talk with a psychologist.

And over a woman like this with her notch count and level of crazy - that takes some decompartmentalization.

Do you mind elaborating?

Right here:

Ah. I think it’s both of it in this case. Lost virginity early on and then hanged out with a party crew and made a thing (she and her friend) of ****ing every weekend. Even contest who could **** as many as possible on a day.
It’s such a a shame, world losing a otherwise smart and hot female

Do you see the pedestal on which you have placed this gutter slvt?

I get it, they are captivating. They make you feel good, alive, whatever. It's one-itis, it's not real. Look at the facts about this girl. She's trash, and your insistance to save her signifies that you have some work to do on yourself, so you'll never be chewed up and spit out like this again.

If she is as hot as you say, I GUARANTEE you she's already got somebody else. She had the orbiters anyway, all she had to do was pick one. She probably hasn't found an alpha yet, else she wouldn't be contacting you. I would go into more detail but I won't....yet.

 

[doubletwice]

Right here:


Do you see the pedestal on which you have placed this gutter slvt?

I get it, they are captivating. They make you feel good, alive, whatever. It's one-itis, it's not real. Look at the facts about this girl. She's trash, and your insistance to save her signifies that you have some work to do on yourself, so you'll never be chewed up and spit out like this again.

If she is as hot as you say, I GUARANTEE you she's already got somebody else. She had the orbiters anyway, all she had to do was pick one. She probably hasn't found an alpha yet, else she wouldn't be contacting you. I would go into more detail but I won't....yet.

Thank you for the reply, and you are correct. What do you mean with decompartmentalization.

she didn’t contact me for one week plus now, so I guess so.

 

[bcude]

Ah. I think it’s both of it in this case. Lost virginity early on and then hanged out with a party crew and made a thing (she and her friend) of ****ing every weekend. Even contest who could **** as many as possible on a day.
It’s such a a shame, world losing a otherwise smart and hot female

Jesus christ, run forest run. This is not what i would file under quality partner or potential serious long-term girlfriend. She won't be able to pair bond with anyone anymore since experiences like this corrupts a female mind.
The only reason you think it's a shame is because you've strong feelings attached to her, which is just normal and a consequence of spending time together. I've been there myself with a single mother that's still haunting me.
That's why it's a good thing to learn to recognize the 'red flags' and try to not get emotionally attached before it's too late with women who show you these flags early.
You'll be fine eventually, don't worry.

 

[2Rocky]

The Breakup

Everything else after

 

[doubletwice]

So she sent me a message right after midnight at NYE updating me about some stuff considering the abortionand that she finally bought an apartment And saying:

“Everything is fine with me, I’m alright. Everything feels good and I’m actually really happy! Thinking about you from time to time and despite everything I wanted to send you a happy new year message I hope you doing well and feeling fine”

yeye

 

[Bigpapa]

So she sent me a message right after midnight at NYE updating me about some stuff considering the abortionand that she finally bought an apartment And saying:

“Everything is fine with me, I’m alright. Everything feels good and I’m actually really happy! Thinking about you from time to time and despite everything I wanted to send you a happy new year message I hope you doing well and feeling fine”

yeye

She : “ things are ok “
The narrator : “ things were not ok”

 

[doubletwice]

Of course.

I replied to her in the morning. Saying Im
Happy you finally bought a new apartment and hope you had a great evening. And asking in which area the apartment is located.. no reply..

 

[doubletwice]

So. I've been better everyday.

When we were together she told me about some shady stuff about her landlord. I work as a freelance journalist and started to investigate it, I didn't get a newspaper hooked back in the summer.

But by chance, two news papers contacted me last week and I've been working on the story now, interviewing her neighbours and stuff. And it will be published as a bang in two weeks. Pretty nice win.


So she blocked me on FB a while ago, and I noticed (by chance) she unblocked me one week ago, and then she blocked me again.

Tonight I created a tinder profile with my real name and age and some random photos of a lamp and a tree. The first one that liked me was her. Why? I'm sure she knows it's me. But this is the strangest thing I ever seen.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Anyone in these type of relationships where you fight all the time and break up multiple times within a few months is only kidding themselves if they think this is something other than an enormous waste of time.

Learn from this and find someone that you don't need to be in fights with. If you seem to be in the same type of relationships all the time then I think it is time to look at yourself as being the main issue.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Just saw this thread. Read the first post and skimmed some of the rest. Please take the advice of others who advise you to stay far away from this girl. Nothing good of it will come for you. I can tell you are far too emotionally invested in her to be considering trying to plate her - it's not going to end well for you if you do that.... I mean, why are you repeatedly checking whether she has you blocked or unblocked on FB so often that you know when she's doing it? It means you are too invested.

Second, as far as giving closure goes - closure is something a person gives to themselves. You don't owe it to anyone and no one owes it to you. Most often when a relationship ends, you couldn't even give someone closure if you wanted to and tried to, because they simply won't accept the reasons you are giving them. The girl I just broke things off with after a year.... I tried to give her closure but it didn't work and just served as yet another reinforcement to the truth that you can't give someone closure. I clearly spelled out, in detail, in writing, everything she did that caused me to lose interest in her and realize that she would never change, and in response, she pushed back on it. She ignored the things she couldn't defend, focused on the things she thought she could, tried to gas-light me by claiming some of it never even happened, tried to say some of it was justified or didn't happen the way I described it, and tried to claim she would change some things that I had told her plenty of times before were boundaries for me but she crossed them anyway, not to mention she then tried to blame me for things and make me feel guilty about things I hadn't even done wrong. Maybe some women will accept your closure attempt, but the really unhealthy ones who are manipulative will never accept it. So never think you owe it to someone or that what you provided wasn't satisfactory enough for her, because nothing ever will be. Say your bit if you like, leave it at that, move on, and never look back.

 

[doubletwice]

So, 1,5 month later. I'm feeling better. Plating 2 other hot women.

And meeting up with her tomorrow.

During this time she contacted me several times which I brushed off, then she liked my tinder-profile and I messaged her that she accidentally liked my profile. One week later she messaged me and asked me if i called her from hidden number. I said cute try, miss u too.

After that she provided proof that someone called her, it was a paragraph and she's also telling me she doesn't have any good emotions towards me yadayda, I told her that she need some ****, and I'm on my way to her. She replied with a paragraph about it being creepy yadayada. I replied with a meme, she said she's pitying me and to never reach out to her again.

Two days (one week ago) later I wrote to her that "i've been thinking about something", she asked what, i said about "us, how stuff could have been and so on" she replied "i cant answer you with text" I replied "i cant write about my feelings on text, it always end upswrong".

What happened after this she started to chase me with loads of messages, which i didn't reply it eventually ended up "i foundyour jacket, if you want i can leave it somewhere or pick up at my new place". So we arranged a meeting tomorrow.

What can I expect? ****tests? Should I be sexual? How should I act?

I'm thinking about just being there for like 25 minutes and leaving on a high note and hit up her in a couple days later to ****, or just **** her there...

I'm thinking about to **** her and then when she contacts me again tell her that I pity her and good bye.

 

[diogenes84]

I would also add that you should proceed with care when dealing with women that are shrinks , therapists etc . Most of the time they are crazy , and only take this career Because they know that they are crazy and try to find out more about their mental problems

I would change it to: "they want to find out what is wrong with them". But I completely agree from both knowing women from my studies who went into Psych and also ex-Gf who became a shrink as well as one plate I am spinning now -->all of them have some above-average mental baggage and were trying to find a way to deal with it.

does not mean they will not eventually. But they certainly will not make for a comfortable LTR XD

 

[diogenes84]

So, 1,5 month later. I'm feeling better. Plating 2 other hot women.

And meeting up with her tomorrow.

During this time she contacted me several times which I brushed off, then she liked my tinder-profile and I messaged her that she accidentally liked my profile. One week later she messaged me and asked me if i called her from hidden number. I said cute try, miss u too.

After that she provided proof that someone called her, it was a paragraph and she's also telling me she doesn't have any good emotions towards me yadayda, I told her that she need some ****, and I'm on my way to her. She replied with a paragraph about it being creepy yadayada. I replied with a meme, she said she's pitying me and to never reach out to her again.

Two days (one week ago) later I wrote to her that "i've been thinking about something", she asked what, i said about "us, how stuff could have been and so on" she replied "i cant answer you with text" I replied "i cant write about my feelings on text, it always end upswrong".

What happened after this she started to chase me with loads of messages, which i didn't reply it eventually ended up "i foundyour jacket, if you want i can leave it somewhere or pick up at my new place". So we arranged a meeting tomorrow.

What can I expect? ****tests? Should I be sexual? How should I act?

I'm thinking about just being there for like 25 minutes and leaving on a high note and hit up her in a couple days later to ****, or just **** her there...

I'm thinking about to **** her and then when she contacts me again tell her that I pity her and good bye.

Also trust your own gut dude.

No offense but this is an advice-seeking for every little action and decision. Just take it and own it. Even if it turns out to be a mistake I am sure you can make it up later IF you want to.

Some time ago I used to consult friends often about their opinion on decisions, but decided it's better to trust your intuition and build belief in it by doing so. Makes you more authentic and confident as well.

P.S.: ****ing her in a way to hurt her on purpose and blowing her off will not help you in the long run. these things come around...just my 2cts though

 

[Bandolero]

- never go full retarded
Think about that my friend.

 

[Bandolero]

So, 1,5 month later. I'm feeling better. Plating 2 other hot women.

And meeting up with her tomorrow.

During this time she contacted me several times which I brushed off, then she liked my tinder-profile and I messaged her that she accidentally liked my profile. One week later she messaged me and asked me if i called her from hidden number. I said cute try, miss u too.

After that she provided proof that someone called her, it was a paragraph and she's also telling me she doesn't have any good emotions towards me yadayda, I told her that she need some ****, and I'm on my way to her. She replied with a paragraph about it being creepy yadayada. I replied with a meme, she said she's pitying me and to never reach out to her again.

Two days (one week ago) later I wrote to her that "i've been thinking about something", she asked what, i said about "us, how stuff could have been and so on" she replied "i cant answer you with text" I replied "i cant write about my feelings on text, it always end upswrong".

What happened after this she started to chase me with loads of messages, which i didn't reply it eventually ended up "i foundyour jacket, if you want i can leave it somewhere or pick up at my new place". So we arranged a meeting tomorrow.

What can I expect? ****tests? Should I be sexual? How should I act?

I'm thinking about just being there for like 25 minutes and leaving on a high note and hit up her in a couple days later to ****, or just **** her there...

I'm thinking about to **** her and then when she contacts me again tell her that I pity her and good bye.

Don't even get your jacket. Sounds like she really has control over your emotions. Don't even have sex with her. Next thing you know, - you are in court and getting everything taken away from you , because u could not get over a women with a 100+ body count . You don't have anything to gain from ****ing or seeing her.

 

[2Rocky]

Why is this thread still going? You owe her nothing. Cut the cord and salvage what self respect you have.

Read the NoContact thread.

 

[diogenes84]

- never go full retarded

Unless you are on Wallstreetbets XD

 

[Dash Riprock]

8 month long relationship. (me 32, she 28) I broke it off after 5 months, we got back together 1 week later. She got pregnant, we decided to keep it. I snapped one day, from the gut - stuff accumulated from the relationship - told her this ain't gonna work. She asked me If I'm breaking up (in a challenging way). I said yes and go and do that abortion. She left.

I reached out to her and apologized, and told her I don't want to break up. She spent a week at her mothers place during the abortion.
We met up next weekend. Had sex and decided to keep going. One week later we had fun and talked a lot, but got into one argument about she being dishonest. She started to cry, took a cab home. Called me later we talked, I said I'm not up for talking right now, but we can meet in 2 days. Than she sent me a long message declaring that she needs to leave the relationship and put the love she has for me aside. This message was lots about how I made her feel in negative ways, remembering the good days, that she will never forget me and so on and now she needs to block me from social media.

The next day she sent me a message about her stuff. I didn't reply for 24 hours (now she unblocked me from social media), went to her work and left the stuff outside, and sent her a message. I received a very aggressive long message, about all the faults I did (rationalization, but also correct in some instances), she went very very low. I didn't reply to it. Then she wrote about that she understand if I don't want to reply to her or need time, and she's hoping I'm okey. She called me three times during the day, which I didn't reply. Then she wrote again, that she's feeling lonely and in a passive-agressive way told me that I sure have my reasons to not reply and said that's she's done and hoping that I will never ever treat someone who loved me in such bad manner again. And accused me for psychological abuse.

I replied to this and told her that I've been busy, and that I don't see any point in replying to the other stuff, but I'm aware that I did some mistakes which I regret, but a major part of the message is nonsense. Then I got blocked again, but later she unblocked me on Instagram and changed her profile photo to one of my fave pis of her.

I have some deeper thinkings about our relationship, dynamic and her which I will update this post for further learning and better screening and frame next time. This girl has self-proclaimed daddy issues, 100+ notch count and all of "her exes has been abusive to her" ( i will go into details about this, i think she purposefully set up this kind of dynamics", "almost being raped by orbiter" attention-seeking and lying. In the beginning of this relationship everything was carefree but further down the road I noticed more and more inconsistency about her background and I became more and more suspicious and off-frame. I paid attention to wrong things and became passive - what the hell I had a really hot chick with a nice ass who is also kind and sweet. But majorly ****ed up, so I'm bit in a chock of the phenomenen of daddy issues.

Now I'm standing here 6 days NC and fluctuating with anger, missing her, guilt, seeing her as the devil, and sometimes in a good light. It's hard to surpass the positive things even if she's "crazy". I dodged a bullet, but I'm as well not satisfied how I treated this relationship.

Did I gave her closure for real when I responded with this neutral text I sent to her as a reply to her messages?
I think she got mad because she feels disrespected about that or that I don't care. And afraid of rejection since she didn't reach out.


I know the concept of NC and the fundamentals, but I want to meet up with her again - we have great sex and fun times. How should I proceed?
She's very attentionseeking - which means she's probably a little bit hungry, but at the same time if I go NC she will look for attention elsewhere, note she just did the abortion (1,5 week ago). And she has a big ego and great pride.

I feel if I don't reach out and charm her again pretty soon she will find someone else (she's a bit of a serial-mono) or get "cold", but the other part says to hold the NC. I don't want to give her the satisfaction if she's already have someone on the line..

Thanks.

Simple solution:

I think you're acting myopic.

You need to extract and fly up to 50,000 feet and look down on your situation.

Relationships are supposed to enhance and enrich your life. That's the purpose of them.

Does this person you're describing enhance and enrich your life so you're better off with them rather than without them?

Doesn't sound like it.