LTR ended in trainweck - did I give her closure?

[doubletwice]

8 month long relationship. (me 32, she 28) I broke it off after 5 months, we got back together 1 week later. She got pregnant, we decided to keep it. I snapped one day, from the gut - stuff accumulated from the relationship - told her this ain't gonna work. She asked me If I'm breaking up (in a challenging way). I said yes and go and do that abortion. She left.

I reached out to her and apologized, and told her I don't want to break up. She spent a week at her mothers place during the abortion.
We met up next weekend. Had sex and decided to keep going. One week later we had fun and talked a lot, but got into one argument about she being dishonest. She started to cry, took a cab home. Called me later we talked, I said I'm not up for talking right now, but we can meet in 2 days. Than she sent me a long message declaring that she needs to leave the relationship and put the love she has for me aside. This message was lots about how I made her feel in negative ways, remembering the good days, that she will never forget me and so on and now she needs to block me from social media.

The next day she sent me a message about her stuff. I didn't reply for 24 hours (now she unblocked me from social media), went to her work and left the stuff outside, and sent her a message. I received a very aggressive long message, about all the faults I did (rationalization, but also correct in some instances), she went very very low. I didn't reply to it. Then she wrote about that she understand if I don't want to reply to her or need time, and she's hoping I'm okey. She called me three times during the day, which I didn't reply. Then she wrote again, that she's feeling lonely and in a passive-agressive way told me that I sure have my reasons to not reply and said that's she's done and hoping that I will never ever treat someone who loved me in such bad manner again. And accused me for psychological abuse.

I replied to this and told her that I've been busy, and that I don't see any point in replying to the other stuff, but I'm aware that I did some mistakes which I regret, but a major part of the message is nonsense. Then I got blocked again, but later she unblocked me on Instagram and changed her profile photo to one of my fave pis of her.

I have some deeper thinkings about our relationship, dynamic and her which I will update this post for further learning and better screening and frame next time. This girl has self-proclaimed daddy issues, 100+ notch count and all of "her exes has been abusive to her" ( i will go into details about this, i think she purposefully set up this kind of dynamics", "almost being raped by orbiter" attention-seeking and lying. In the beginning of this relationship everything was carefree but further down the road I noticed more and more inconsistency about her background and I became more and more suspicious and off-frame. I paid attention to wrong things and became passive - what the hell I had a really hot chick with a nice ass who is also kind and sweet. But majorly ****ed up, so I'm bit in a chock of the phenomenen of daddy issues.

Now I'm standing here 6 days NC and fluctuating with anger, missing her, guilt, seeing her as the devil, and sometimes in a good light. It's hard to surpass the positive things even if she's "crazy". I dodged a bullet, but I'm as well not satisfied how I treated this relationship.

Did I gave her closure for real when I responded with this neutral text I sent to her as a reply to her messages?
I think she got mad because she feels disrespected about that or that I don't care. And afraid of rejection since she didn't reach out.


I know the concept of NC and the fundamentals, but I want to meet up with her again - we have great sex and fun times. How should I proceed?
She's very attentionseeking - which means she's probably a little bit hungry, but at the same time if I go NC she will look for attention elsewhere, note she just did the abortion (1,5 week ago). And she has a big ego and great pride.

I feel if I don't reach out and charm her again pretty soon she will find someone else (she's a bit of a serial-mono) or get "cold", but the other part says to hold the NC. I don't want to give her the satisfaction if she's already have someone on the line..

Thanks.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard...

This isn't the advice that you want to hear but it's best to eject.

If I've ever been 100% confident with any post, it's this one. You may be feeling a whirlwind of varying emotions at the moment, but it'll be nothing like what you'll experience if you continue this roller-coaster ride. All the confusion that you are currently experiencing? If you continue this, that confusion will be magnified to the nth degree.

Yes, when you see an internet photo of her with someone new, you'll get a pang. It won't feel good. But trust me on this. You'll heal quicker from this... than you will if you reunite with her.

If you were able to learn a few things about yourself and you can improve upon them, then this wasn't a total loss. I realize that you'll probably not listen to the above advice, but it is really given for your own good.

 

[bat soup]

8 month long relationship. (me 32, she 28) I broke it off after 5 months, we got back together 1 week later. She got pregnant, we decided to keep it. I snapped one day, from the gut - stuff accumulated from the relationship - told her this ain't gonna work. She asked me If I'm breaking up (in a challenging way). I said yes and go and do that abortion. She left.

I reached out to her and apologized, and told her I don't want to break up. She spent a week at her mothers place during the abortion.
We met up next weekend. Had sex and decided to keep going. One week later we had fun and talked a lot, but got into one argument about she being dishonest. She started to cry, took a cab home. Called me later we talked, I said I'm not up for talking right now, but we can meet in 2 days. Than she sent me a long message declaring that she needs to leave the relationship and put the love she has for me aside. This message was lots about how I made her feel in negative ways, remembering the good days, that she will never forget me and so on and now she needs to block me from social media.

The next day she sent me a message about her stuff. I didn't reply for 24 hours (now she unblocked me from social media), went to her work and left the stuff outside, and sent her a message. I received a very aggressive long message, about all the faults I did (rationalization, but also correct in some instances), she went very very low. I didn't reply to it. Then she wrote about that she understand if I don't want to reply to her or need time, and she's hoping I'm okey. She called me three times during the day, which I didn't reply. Then she wrote again, that she's feeling lonely and in a passive-agressive way told me that I sure have my reasons to not reply and said that's she's done and hoping that I will never ever treat someone who loved me in such bad manner again. And accused me for psychological abuse.

I replied to this and told her that I've been busy, and that I don't see any point in replying to the other stuff, but I'm aware that I did some mistakes which I regret, but a major part of the message is nonsense. Then I got blocked again, but later she unblocked me on Instagram and changed her profile photo to one of my fave pis of her.

I have some deeper thinkings about our relationship, dynamic and her which I will update this post for further learning and better screening and frame next time. This girl has self-proclaimed daddy issues, 100+ notch count and all of "her exes has been abusive to her" ( i will go into details about this, i think she purposefully set up this kind of dynamics", "almost being raped by orbiter" attention-seeking and lying. In the beginning of this relationship everything was carefree but further down the road I noticed more and more inconsistency about her background and I became more and more suspicious and off-frame. I paid attention to wrong things and became passive - what the hell I had a really hot chick with a nice ass who is also kind and sweet. But majorly ****ed up, so I'm bit in a chock of the phenomenen of daddy issues.

Now I'm standing here 6 days NC and fluctuating with anger, missing her, guilt, seeing her as the devil, and sometimes in a good light. It's hard to surpass the positive things even if she's "crazy". I dodged a bullet, but I'm as well not satisfied how I treated this relationship.

Did I gave her closure for real when I responded with this neutral text I sent to her as a reply to her messages?
I think she got mad because she feels disrespected about that or that I don't care. And afraid of rejection since she didn't reach out.


I know the concept of NC and the fundamentals, but I want to meet up with her again - we have great sex and fun times. How should I proceed?
She's very attentionseeking - which means she's probably a little bit hungry, but at the same time if I go NC she will look for attention elsewhere, note she just did the abortion (1,5 week ago). And she has a big ego and great pride.

I feel if I don't reach out and charm her again pretty soon she will find someone else (she's a bit of a serial-mono) or get "cold", but the other part says to hold the NC. I don't want to give her the satisfaction if she's already have someone on the line..

Thanks.

Imagine how much more of a trainwreck your life would be if she hadn't had that abortion. I hope you at least took her for an EggMcmuffin afterwards.

 

[doubletwice]

Welcome aboard...

This isn't the advice that you want to hear but it's best to eject.

If I've ever been 100% confident with any post, it's this one. You may be feeling a whirlwind of varying emotions at the moment, but it'll be nothing like what you'll experience if you continue this roller-coaster ride. All the confusion that you are currently experiencing? If you continue this, that confusion will be magnified to the nth degree.

Yes, when you see an internet photo of her with someone new, you'll get a pang. It won't feel good. But trust me on this. You'll heal quicker from this... than you will if you reunite with her.

If you were able to learn a few things about yourself and you can improve upon them, then this wasn't a total loss. I realize that you'll probably not listen to the above advice, but it is really given for your own good.

Thank you for your response. That's the most sensible advice yes - I didn't decide yet though. If I reunite with her it would be for the end, and I have plans to follow up in the coming months which doesn't include her in any way.

 

[doubletwice]

Imagine how much more of a trainwreck your life would be if she hadn't had that abortion. I hope you at least took her for an EggMcmuffin afterwards.

Yes. It's funny, we decided to keep the baby, and after I changed my mind she became really nasty...

 

[Bigpapa]

8 month long relationship. (me 32, she 28) I broke it off after 5 months, we got back together 1 week later. She got pregnant, we decided to keep it. I snapped one day, from the gut - stuff accumulated from the relationship - told her this ain't gonna work. She asked me If I'm breaking up (in a challenging way). I said yes and go and do that abortion. She left.

I reached out to her and apologized, and told her I don't want to break up. She spent a week at her mothers place during the abortion.
We met up next weekend. Had sex and decided to keep going. One week later we had fun and talked a lot, but got into one argument about she being dishonest. She started to cry, took a cab home. Called me later we talked, I said I'm not up for talking right now, but we can meet in 2 days. Than she sent me a long message declaring that she needs to leave the relationship and put the love she has for me aside. This message was lots about how I made her feel in negative ways, remembering the good days, that she will never forget me and so on and now she needs to block me from social media.

The next day she sent me a message about her stuff. I didn't reply for 24 hours (now she unblocked me from social media), went to her work and left the stuff outside, and sent her a message. I received a very aggressive long message, about all the faults I did (rationalization, but also correct in some instances), she went very very low. I didn't reply to it. Then she wrote about that she understand if I don't want to reply to her or need time, and she's hoping I'm okey. She called me three times during the day, which I didn't reply. Then she wrote again, that she's feeling lonely and in a passive-agressive way told me that I sure have my reasons to not reply and said that's she's done and hoping that I will never ever treat someone who loved me in such bad manner again. And accused me for psychological abuse.

I replied to this and told her that I've been busy, and that I don't see any point in replying to the other stuff, but I'm aware that I did some mistakes which I regret, but a major part of the message is nonsense. Then I got blocked again, but later she unblocked me on Instagram and changed her profile photo to one of my fave pis of her.

I have some deeper thinkings about our relationship, dynamic and her which I will update this post for further learning and better screening and frame next time. This girl has self-proclaimed daddy issues, 100+ notch count and all of "her exes has been abusive to her" ( i will go into details about this, i think she purposefully set up this kind of dynamics", "almost being raped by orbiter" attention-seeking and lying. In the beginning of this relationship everything was carefree but further down the road I noticed more and more inconsistency about her background and I became more and more suspicious and off-frame. I paid attention to wrong things and became passive - what the hell I had a really hot chick with a nice ass who is also kind and sweet. But majorly ****ed up, so I'm bit in a chock of the phenomenen of daddy issues.

Now I'm standing here 6 days NC and fluctuating with anger, missing her, guilt, seeing her as the devil, and sometimes in a good light. It's hard to surpass the positive things even if she's "crazy". I dodged a bullet, but I'm as well not satisfied how I treated this relationship.

Did I gave her closure for real when I responded with this neutral text I sent to her as a reply to her messages?
I think she got mad because she feels disrespected about that or that I don't care. And afraid of rejection since she didn't reach out.


I know the concept of NC and the fundamentals, but I want to meet up with her again - we have great sex and fun times. How should I proceed?
She's very attentionseeking - which means she's probably a little bit hungry, but at the same time if I go NC she will look for attention elsewhere, note she just did the abortion (1,5 week ago). And she has a big ego and great pride.

I feel if I don't reach out and charm her again pretty soon she will find someone else (she's a bit of a serial-mono) or get "cold", but the other part says to hold the NC. I don't want to give her the satisfaction if she's already have someone on the line..

Thanks.

she has a lot of red flags

you should vet better the women in your life , as accidents like her becoming accidental pregnant is direct proportional to the time you spend with the girl

I do not really see any reason to continue the relationship , as it is very likely that this will not end up good for you down the line

 

[2Rocky]

It's up to her to get closure. Not your problem.

From my experience and things I've seen, an unplanned pregnancy and abortion pretty much wrecks a relationship. In college I was on a Hall where 4 guys got their girlfriends pregnant.

Grieve, but learn from your relationship. Keep an eye out for red flags for future relationships and have a list of dealbreakers that will pull the plug in the future. Seriously write them down. It is a really good feeling to see wrecks avoided with women .

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

WTF? 100+ notch count and you're considering an LTR? Bro, what are u thinking?????

 

[doubletwice]

WTF? 100+ notch count and you're considering an LTR? Bro, what are u thinking?????

I see your point, but I don't think high notch count is a disqualifier per se. But her way of normalizing, rationlizing it

It's up to her to get closure. Not your problem.

From my experience and things I've seen, an unplanned pregnancy and abortion pretty much wrecks a relationship. In college I was on a Hall where 4 guys got their girlfriends pregnant.

Grieve, but learn from your relationship. Keep an eye out for red flags for future relationships and have a list of dealbreakers that will pull the plug in the future. Seriously write them down. It is a really good feeling to see wrecks avoided with women .

I was wondering if my neutral response to her messages were seen as an closure for her, from me. I operated on the theory that; despite being angry and so on, was also seeking attention since I didn't chase her.

That's a great idea.

 

[doubletwice]

WTF? 100+ notch count and you're considering an LTR? Bro, what are u thinking?????

Crazy number right, I had no plans to consider LTR in the beginning. I have my share of history as well witch would make many people back off, but I dealt with that. I think it's a great warning but it could also be contextual and "healed" from. In the beginning she did exhibit signs that she did so...later on when the facade was cracking it was too late for me to just turn around..but I def. got your point. Not to mention the sex was the best.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Crazy number right, I had no plans to consider LTR in the beginning. I have my share of history as well witch would make many people back off, but I dealt with that. I think it's a great warning but it could also be contextual and "healed" from. In the beginning she did exhibit signs that she did so...later on when the facade was cracking it was too late for me to just turn around..but I def. got your point. Not to mention the sex was the best.

Lmao, Im not even going to convince you to leave her because I can tell that you're already under her spell. I hope that you get back with her and then tell us how worse things get. This is gold for us Don Juans trying to learn.

 

[Bigpapa]

Crazy number right, I had no plans to consider LTR in the beginning. I have my share of history as well witch would make many people back off, but I dealt with that. I think it's a great warning but it could also be contextual and "healed" from. In the beginning she did exhibit signs that she did so...later on when the facade was cracking it was too late for me to just turn around..but I def. got your point. Not to mention the sex was the best.

When it comes to relationships , I would say that sex is not the most important thing

it is a very stupid idea to have a relationship with someone only because the sex is good , for that you have the friends with benefits

 

[B80]

Do you have other options?

I fell/fallen under similar spell with a woman with similar traits, drama recently.

My issue is/was lack of options so rationalised the silky amount of red flags around her.

Hot woman, great sex etc

Low and behold the drama soon began in full swing

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Do you have other options?

I fell/fallen under similar spell with a woman with similar traits, drama recently.

My issue is/was lack of options so rationalised the silky amount of red flags around her.

Hot woman, great sex etc

Low and behold the drama soon began in full swing

I would say go all in with these red flag women. Do not marry but get involved and see for yourself. OR just be defensive and spin plates in a non committed fashion until you're ready for something else.

 

[doubletwice]

Well,
I will be the first who would say I've been naive and ignoring the red flags. By today I am a bit amazed about what happened. I'm a bit angry both on myself and her. And my ego is a bit bruised, and a part of me want to seek revenge because of the way the relationship ended. I would like lift some of the specifics - hopefully gaining a greater insight by the help of you guys. The relationship went from fun and carefree to very draining and exhausting. The good and band are in the extremes so to grasp a connected big picture is tough for me.


The RED flags

• Relationship history and sexual history
  Already on our 3rd date she told he has daddy issues, I didn't understand the severity of it until now. There were always traces of former exes. She was still in touch with the guy prior me, she broke up with him 3 months earlier, because he had a manic episode.
  I never saw him as a threat, and their contact fizzled out, later on i realized she was still "hurt" from the relationship. Her first relationship was when she was 22 and it ended because physical abuse. Then she had a "open relationship" for four years. Apparently she was co-dependent and he was an *******. Later down the road some details changed, which is shady. She slept with 30 people during their relationship. It ended 3 years ago, I thought it was much earlier. During her last relationship she contacted an orbiter, who she later on accused for sexual harassment. I found search history on the two first exes. Second time I broke up with her and her reaction was: "are you breaking up with ME??". When she realized she had primal screams and cryings the whole night. I took her back on week later.
  
  Is it really impossible for her to see that she is the factor in all this and that's her fault to be in this kind of situations?
  Is the rationalisation so extreme?
  
  
• Parents and upbringing
  Both parents rich and successful doctors. Father cheated on mother, left for the new woman. Mother dated around and are now settled, but still bitter. Never met her mother, met the father 10 minutes. Her mother is dominating her new man, her father is in a relationship with a "domineering" woman, according to my ex. Her grandfather denied her father to meet her for a couple of years because of the divorce. She said that she maybe got sexually abused by the grandfather ( attention seeking?). She often mentioned her grand father and her mothers man as the perfect men, also talked lot about "my father says so", "my mother says so". " I was the frist boyfriend her father liked, and that she introduced to her grandfather". She even started to write a book, the plot was that her she started to treat her lover as her father, and vice verse. She had sex with a 48 year old man, when she was 17 bur are angry on older man pursuing younger girls.
  
  
• Flirting / attention
  Rrationalize her "sensual" way as it's just for herself and not directed for any special person. But it was crazy to see. Like a never ending pit. In periods she needed attention from every man. Cray. Never seen anything like that. She posted lots of photos of me and her doing stuff on Instagram, I guess it was for attention, she said she just wanted to show me off. I told her to stop the flirting, she got very defensive and didn't understand what I meant, but it was better for a while. Later on she called me controlling because I told her to stop touching her hair excesslivy.
  
  
• Needy/Latching on/ attentive/loving
  From the get go she latched onto me like a force. later on she showed me a message she sent to her mother about meeting her dream man. She's always been accepting and attentive, and giving. Always in touch, sending messages, nice words, nice actions and so on. "Lovebombing".
  
  
• Dishonest/Victim/Controlling/Domineering
  The dishonesty started from the get go, especially about her history. But just a dishonesty in communication I sensed always that she had an agenda and many times when she was writing to me I sensed her opinions and what se haws sayn actually somebody elses words. She had a way of just not telling the truth, but state facts and omitting lies. Tactics. Why?
  Always the victim but also lots of humblebragging - like no one could understand her greatness. Emotionoal controlling. It was very taxing and I did't understand what was happening. I noticed also she tried to dominate me i social settings with body language and so on.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'm perplexed - she works as a therapeut and seems to have it all outwardly and is kind and intelligent, but this selfsabotaging in life and crazy. This makes me wonder if I really got to know her and if I actually was the person she told me I was in her life. After the first couple of months everything was a mess. Made me questioning her a lot, asking, and inquiring about her history and why she did some stuff and came across as insecure and suspicious, and fell into her frame. I stopped being a source of good feelings for her and instead told truths to her about her and her history and general characther.

_______________________________________________________________________________

After the abortion and the break up she sent me a "leaving the relationship-message", telling me she's not secure enough, that she can't heal from the abortion and me breaking it off with her prior dinner with her fater, that she feels like walking on egg shells because I inquired her so much, that I shamed her, didn't feel accepted by me. And some good stuff.

I didn't reply and received another one. Where she said that I'm sensible but also aggressive. And she elaborated a theory about me being mentally abusive, adding small happenings to a story. And it must be true since my ex also said the same ( i got accused by it, but not true) it must be true. So she's leaving the relationship because of the "abuse".

I didn't reply.

Then I received a message; "You treated me like **** in periods, don't do that again to someone who loved you". And then she blocked and unblocked me three times.

I think she couldn't deal with me bringing up her history and haven't dealt with that so she pulled the cord.

______________________________________________________________________________
What do I want out of this?
Any insights! to why it went like this, anecdotes and so on.

I wonder if this type of woman can be in a healthy relationship at all, and what kind of man can handle it?

I takes a lot for me to wanting to have revenge. But I hate hypocrisis like this, and that she is that cowardly and "breaking up" and accusing me, and not leaving me a chance to reply. I thinking about writing her a letter with deep truths she knows about her self but not accepting.

But I also want to **** her again- how to proceed?
Full NC won't work since she's AW and prolly has another **** on the line.

 

[doubletwice]

Do you have other options?

I fell/fallen under similar spell with a woman with similar traits, drama recently.

My issue is/was lack of options so rationalised the silky amount of red flags around her.

Hot woman, great sex etc

Low and behold the drama soon began in full swing

Not really other options. I could have if I went for it. Will start soon.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Well,
I will be the first who would say I've been naive and ignoring the red flags. By today I am a bit amazed about what happened. I'm a bit angry both on myself and her. And my ego is a bit bruised, and a part of me want to seek revenge because of the way the relationship ended. I would like lift some of the specifics - hopefully gaining a greater insight by the help of you guys. The relationship went from fun and carefree to very draining and exhausting. The good and band are in the extremes so to grasp a connected big picture is tough for me.


The RED flags

• Relationship history and sexual history
  Already on our 3rd date she told he has daddy issues, I didn't understand the severity of it until now. There were always traces of former exes. She was still in touch with the guy prior me, she broke up with him 3 months earlier, because he had a manic episode.
  I never saw him as a threat, and their contact fizzled out, later on i realized she was still "hurt" from the relationship. Her first relationship was when she was 22 and it ended because physical abuse. Then she had a "open relationship" for four years. Apparently she was co-dependent and he was an *******. Later down the road some details changed, which is shady. She slept with 30 people during their relationship. It ended 3 years ago, I thought it was much earlier. During her last relationship she contacted an orbiter, who she later on accused for sexual harassment. I found search history on the two first exes. Second time I broke up with her and her reaction was: "are you breaking up with ME??". When she realized she had primal screams and cryings the whole night. I took her back on week later.
  
  Is it really impossible for her to see that she is the factor in all this and that's her fault to be in this kind of situations?
  Is the rationalisation so extreme?
  
  
• Parents and upbringing
  Both parents rich and successful doctors. Father cheated on mother, left for the new woman. Mother dated around and are now settled, but still bitter. Never met her mother, met the father 10 minutes. Her mother is dominating her new man, her father is in a relationship with a "domineering" woman, according to my ex. Her grandfather denied her father to meet her for a couple of years because of the divorce. She said that she maybe got sexually abused by the grandfather ( attention seeking?). She often mentioned her grand father and her mothers man as the perfect men, also talked lot about "my father says so", "my mother says so". " I was the frist boyfriend her father liked, and that she introduced to her grandfather". She even started to write a book, the plot was that her she started to treat her lover as her father, and vice verse. She had sex with a 48 year old man, when she was 17 bur are angry on older man pursuing younger girls.
  
  
• Flirting / attention
  Rrationalize her "sensual" way as it's just for herself and not directed for any special person. But it was crazy to see. Like a never ending pit. In periods she needed attention from every man. Cray. Never seen anything like that. She posted lots of photos of me and her doing stuff on Instagram, I guess it was for attention, she said she just wanted to show me off. I told her to stop the flirting, she got very defensive and didn't understand what I meant, but it was better for a while. Later on she called me controlling because I told her to stop touching her hair excesslivy.
  
  
• Needy/Latching on/ attentive/loving
  From the get go she latched onto me like a force. later on she showed me a message she sent to her mother about meeting her dream man. She's always been accepting and attentive, and giving. Always in touch, sending messages, nice words, nice actions and so on. "Lovebombing".
  
  
• Dishonest/Victim/Controlling/Domineering
  The dishonesty started from the get go, especially about her history. But just a dishonesty in communication I sensed always that she had an agenda and many times when she was writing to me I sensed her opinions and what se haws sayn actually somebody elses words. She had a way of just not telling the truth, but state facts and omitting lies. Tactics. Why?
  Always the victim but also lots of humblebragging - like no one could understand her greatness. Emotionoal controlling. It was very taxing and I did't understand what was happening. I noticed also she tried to dominate me i social settings with body language and so on.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'm perplexed - she works as a therapeut and seems to have it all outwardly and is kind and intelligent, but this selfsabotaging in life and crazy. This makes me wonder if I really got to know her and if I actually was the person she told me I was in her life. After the first couple of months everything was a mess. Made me questioning her a lot, asking, and inquiring about her history and why she did some stuff and came across as insecure and suspicious, and fell into her frame. I stopped being a source of good feelings for her and instead told truths to her about her and her history and general characther.

_______________________________________________________________________________

After the abortion and the break up she sent me a "leaving the relationship-message", telling me she's not secure enough, that she can't heal from the abortion and me breaking it off with her prior dinner with her fater, that she feels like walking on egg shells because I inquired her so much, that I shamed her, didn't feel accepted by me. And some good stuff.

I didn't reply and received another one. Where she said that I'm sensible but also aggressive. And she elaborated a theory about me being mentally abusive, adding small happenings to a story. And it must be true since my ex also said the same ( i got accused by it, but not true) it must be true. So she's leaving the relationship because of the "abuse".

I didn't reply.

Then I received a message; "You treated me like **** in periods, don't do that again to someone who loved you". And then she blocked and unblocked me three times.

I think she couldn't deal with me bringing up her history and haven't dealt with that so she pulled the cord.

______________________________________________________________________________
What do I want out of this?
Any insights! to why it went like this, anecdotes and so on.

I wonder if this type of woman can be in a healthy relationship at all, and what kind of man can handle it?

I takes a lot for me to wanting to have revenge. But I hate hypocrisis like this, and that she is that cowardly and "breaking up" and accusing me, and not leaving me a chance to reply. I thinking about writing her a letter with deep truths she knows about her self but not accepting.

But I also want to **** her again- how to proceed?
Full NC won't work since she's AW and prolly has another **** on the line.

Read the whole thing. Wow, definitely A LOT of red flags. I would stay away.

 

[Bigpapa]

Well,
I will be the first who would say I've been naive and ignoring the red flags. By today I am a bit amazed about what happened. I'm a bit angry both on myself and her. And my ego is a bit bruised, and a part of me want to seek revenge because of the way the relationship ended. I would like lift some of the specifics - hopefully gaining a greater insight by the help of you guys. The relationship went from fun and carefree to very draining and exhausting. The good and band are in the extremes so to grasp a connected big picture is tough for me.


The RED flags

• Relationship history and sexual history
  Already on our 3rd date she told he has daddy issues, I didn't understand the severity of it until now. There were always traces of former exes. She was still in touch with the guy prior me, she broke up with him 3 months earlier, because he had a manic episode.
  I never saw him as a threat, and their contact fizzled out, later on i realized she was still "hurt" from the relationship. Her first relationship was when she was 22 and it ended because physical abuse. Then she had a "open relationship" for four years. Apparently she was co-dependent and he was an *******. Later down the road some details changed, which is shady. She slept with 30 people during their relationship. It ended 3 years ago, I thought it was much earlier. During her last relationship she contacted an orbiter, who she later on accused for sexual harassment. I found search history on the two first exes. Second time I broke up with her and her reaction was: "are you breaking up with ME??". When she realized she had primal screams and cryings the whole night. I took her back on week later.
  
  Is it really impossible for her to see that she is the factor in all this and that's her fault to be in this kind of situations?
  Is the rationalisation so extreme?
  
  
• Parents and upbringing
  Both parents rich and successful doctors. Father cheated on mother, left for the new woman. Mother dated around and are now settled, but still bitter. Never met her mother, met the father 10 minutes. Her mother is dominating her new man, her father is in a relationship with a "domineering" woman, according to my ex. Her grandfather denied her father to meet her for a couple of years because of the divorce. She said that she maybe got sexually abused by the grandfather ( attention seeking?). She often mentioned her grand father and her mothers man as the perfect men, also talked lot about "my father says so", "my mother says so". " I was the frist boyfriend her father liked, and that she introduced to her grandfather". She even started to write a book, the plot was that her she started to treat her lover as her father, and vice verse. She had sex with a 48 year old man, when she was 17 bur are angry on older man pursuing younger girls.
  
  
• Flirting / attention
  Rrationalize her "sensual" way as it's just for herself and not directed for any special person. But it was crazy to see. Like a never ending pit. In periods she needed attention from every man. Cray. Never seen anything like that. She posted lots of photos of me and her doing stuff on Instagram, I guess it was for attention, she said she just wanted to show me off. I told her to stop the flirting, she got very defensive and didn't understand what I meant, but it was better for a while. Later on she called me controlling because I told her to stop touching her hair excesslivy.
  
  
• Needy/Latching on/ attentive/loving
  From the get go she latched onto me like a force. later on she showed me a message she sent to her mother about meeting her dream man. She's always been accepting and attentive, and giving. Always in touch, sending messages, nice words, nice actions and so on. "Lovebombing".
  
  
• Dishonest/Victim/Controlling/Domineering
  The dishonesty started from the get go, especially about her history. But just a dishonesty in communication I sensed always that she had an agenda and many times when she was writing to me I sensed her opinions and what se haws sayn actually somebody elses words. She had a way of just not telling the truth, but state facts and omitting lies. Tactics. Why?
  Always the victim but also lots of humblebragging - like no one could understand her greatness. Emotionoal controlling. It was very taxing and I did't understand what was happening. I noticed also she tried to dominate me i social settings with body language and so on.

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'm perplexed - she works as a therapeut and seems to have it all outwardly and is kind and intelligent, but this selfsabotaging in life and crazy. This makes me wonder if I really got to know her and if I actually was the person she told me I was in her life. After the first couple of months everything was a mess. Made me questioning her a lot, asking, and inquiring about her history and why she did some stuff and came across as insecure and suspicious, and fell into her frame. I stopped being a source of good feelings for her and instead told truths to her about her and her history and general characther.

_______________________________________________________________________________

After the abortion and the break up she sent me a "leaving the relationship-message", telling me she's not secure enough, that she can't heal from the abortion and me breaking it off with her prior dinner with her fater, that she feels like walking on egg shells because I inquired her so much, that I shamed her, didn't feel accepted by me. And some good stuff.

I didn't reply and received another one. Where she said that I'm sensible but also aggressive. And she elaborated a theory about me being mentally abusive, adding small happenings to a story. And it must be true since my ex also said the same ( i got accused by it, but not true) it must be true. So she's leaving the relationship because of the "abuse".

I didn't reply.

Then I received a message; "You treated me like **** in periods, don't do that again to someone who loved you". And then she blocked and unblocked me three times.

I think she couldn't deal with me bringing up her history and haven't dealt with that so she pulled the cord.

______________________________________________________________________________
What do I want out of this?
Any insights! to why it went like this, anecdotes and so on.

I wonder if this type of woman can be in a healthy relationship at all, and what kind of man can handle it?

I takes a lot for me to wanting to have revenge. But I hate hypocrisis like this, and that she is that cowardly and "breaking up" and accusing me, and not leaving me a chance to reply. I thinking about writing her a letter with deep truths she knows about her self but not accepting.

But I also want to **** her again- how to proceed?
Full NC won't work since she's AW and prolly has another **** on the line.

besides the obvious red flag from the get go , when she was love bombing you , things were a bit difficult to gauge in the really early beginning .

I would also add that you should proceed with care when dealing with women that are shrinks , therapists etc . Most of the time they are crazy , and only take this career Because they know that they are crazy and try to find out more about their mental problems

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I'm starting to think that love bombing is just a tactic to get u hooked. Then they slowly take the frame back over time once you're hooked and your guard is down. Check out my stripper story in the Mature Man forum for my take on this. Got a stripper love bombing me right now, she is very seductive.

 

[doubletwice]

besides the obvious red flag from the get go , when she was love bombing you , things were a bit difficult to gauge in the really early beginning .

I would also add that you should proceed with care when dealing with women that are shrinks , therapists etc . Most of the time they are crazy , and only take this career Because they know that they are crazy and try to find out more about their mental problems

Yes. She wrote in her diary that she needs a therapist, not being one hehe.