Love is Rare

[TheCharmingGuy]

You guys, does love exist in the same quantities anymore? Has anyone here ever had love? There is a whole lot of sex advice on this forum but not really any relationship advice/ advice for actual LOVE. Yes, I said the L-word. I bet there are hundreds of guys on this forum who have had sex with over 30-40 different girls but never fallen in love. Am I wrong?
Also please don’t be rude just because I believe that sex is not the only motivator in the world… I know some people will still make fun of me though. Oh well.

 

[Chamber36]

Love exists. I have it for a few people.
Infatuation exists also. This is based on a biological drive to inseminate the other person. It's nothing but the call of your sperm just trying to will itself into existence that causes you to proclaim this overpowering love for the other person. Without it, the human species might not have made it this far. It also allows for pair bonding in which the parents can stay together at least until the child is born, perhaps raised to a decent age.

After infatuation, you might love the other person.

You can also love the other person as you love many human beings.

Women do have a hypergamous nature though, which means their attraction and infatuation can be triggered by status indicators as much as ours can be by indicators of beauty.

We just have to be aware of that.

Make a discernment between infatuation and what people call love. If you love a person, you should also be ok with them leaving you to pursue their own happiness. That's what love is. It's selfless, not selfish and not driven by human reproductive urges and especially not by insecurity.

 

[TheProspect]

It's important for each of us to define what we mean when we use the term "love", as each of us may hold our own interpretation.


To me:

Love = care & affection towards another human being, unconditionally wishing this person well; not necessarily sexual

"In Love" = mutual love but with deep physical (sexual), emotional, and spiritual bonds; develops slowly over time with shared experiences

Infatuation = obsession; usually associated with lust, desire, and idealism; happens suddenly


"In love" and infatuation are commonly used interchangeably, or as synonyms, but I define them by the distinction I laid out.

Love is common. Infatuation is common. Being truly "in love" is rare.

I have both loved and been infatuated with others. So far, however, each time I had feelings that I was maybe "in love" with someone, I ultimately was just wearing rose-coloured glasses and was infatuated with them.

 

[Serenity]

I wouldn't say it's rare, but true love is subtle. It's not like the exaggerations we see in movies. I'm certainly not someone who makes a big show out of how much I love a person, but I still do care deeply and it shows when it's relevant.

 

[Barrister]

You guys, does love exist in the same quantities anymore? Has anyone here ever had love? There is a whole lot of sex advice on this forum but not really any relationship advice/ advice for actual LOVE. Yes, I said the L-word. I bet there are hundreds of guys on this forum who have had sex with over 30-40 different girls but never fallen in love. Am I wrong?
Also please don’t be rude just because I believe that sex is not the only motivator in the world… I know some people will still make fun of me though. Oh well.

Most of us on this forum have probably been badly burned in the past -- divorced, etc. We came here and swallowed the "red pill" and have come to understand women's nature. Most times we just need to hear what we already know from other men, usually those older than us, to finally accept what our guts have told us all along.

Even now, I hold out some hope that there is that "one" out there. Perhaps that is naive on my part. We all are products of our experiences though. For me, having gone through a divorce already and subsequently after that divorce just ended a 2.5 year LTR about 6 months ago, I can say that I guess it depends on what you mean by "love." Because I think it is easy to think you have found something really special in the first 6 months of any relationship. But where are you after that honeymoon phase ends? Because usually at that point my experience is you stay together mostly for mutual convenience. The woman has a security blanket socially; the man has access to sex without having to go out and game. If you start having kids you stay together because you want to be a family unit. Is that "love"? Or is it more just a partnership where you get to know the person so well and become so interdependent on one another for your way of life that you just stay together?

I hope it is out there. I am not sure it really exists in the traditional Disney sense. In fact, I don't believe it does. I can tell you that going the opposite direction and banging as many women as possible has generally left me feeling fairly empty at the end of the day. I have gone through multiple instances in my life of banging as many women in one time period as I can. It never resonates with me and I lose interest in it quickly.

 

[AttackFormation]

I hope it is out there. I am not sure it really exists in the traditional Disney sense. In fact, I don't believe it does. I can tell you that going the opposite direction and banging as many women as possible has generally left me feeling fairly empty at the end of the day. I have gone through multiple instances in my life of banging as many women in one time period as I can. It never resonates with me and I lose interest in it quickly.

According to standard projections done by "red pillers" on to men, this kind of experience shouldnt be possible, as men merely "want to inseminate as many women as possible". But then even those same chest thumpers, let alone other men, allegedly dont want to fvck women who are or arent this or that way, and shame other men for fvcking such and such women. That's the first clue that this projection cant be right. Next you find sections like what you wrote here, where men reject the lifestyle itself as well.

What i have in mind is all of the "alpha" internet personas who men take on as authority figures. They can easily be higher on the cluster B spectrum themselves. And even if they arent, i believe the cult-like worldview men can easily take on is harmful as it suppresses their own individual faculties and that of others.

 

[Barrister]

According to standard projections done by "red pillers" on to men, this kind of experience shouldnt be possible, as men merely "want to inseminate as many women as possible". But then even those same chest thumpers, let alone other men, allegedly dont want to fvck women who are or arent this or that way, and shame other men for fvcking such and such women. That's the first clue that this projection cant be right. Next you find sections like what you wrote here, where men reject the lifestyle itself as well.

What i have in mind is all of the "alpha" internet personas who men take on as authority figures. They can easily be higher on the cluster B spectrum themselves. And even if they arent, i believe the cult-like worldview men can easily take on is harmful as it suppresses their own individual faculties and that of others.

Every man is different and is shaped by his environment and experiences. What I wrote is simply my own. I remember shortly after my divorce there was a period of time where I was sleeping with 6 different women. I felt like I was on top of the world banging that many women in a single active rotation at once. But the newness of that quickly wore off and I found that I enjoyed 1-2 of the plates more than the others and I had and still do have very limited free time. I got more out of hanging out with them than the other 4 on more than just a sexual level. So I dropped the others.

I’m basically at that point right now again post LTR where I had about 4 at one point and I’ve dropped back down to 2 and I see one more than any others because she and I click on more levels. Great sex of course but there’s more to it. Not ready to say it’s LTR material so I am open to seeing what else comes along.

That was my rambling way is saying that the “lifestyle” as you referenced it of having some mega rotation of plates isn’t for everyone. I like a smaller grouping of women Ive gotten to know better. Not necessarily an LTR mind you - but certainly familiarity adds a lot of value for me.

 

[AttackFormation]

Every man is different and is shaped by his environment and experiences. What I wrote is simply my own. I remember shortly after my divorce there was a period of time where I was sleeping with 6 different women. I felt like I was on top of the world banging that many women in a single active rotation at once. But the newness of that quickly wore off and I found that I enjoyed 1-2 of the plates more than the others and I had and still do have very limited free time. I got more out of hanging out with them than the other 4 on more than just a sexual level. So I dropped the others.

I’m basically at that point right now again post LTR where I had about 4 at one point and I’ve dropped back down to 2 and I see one more than any others because she and I click on more levels. Great sex of course but there’s more to it. Not ready to say it’s LTR material so I am open to seeing what else comes along.

That was my rambling way is saying that the “lifestyle” as you referenced it of having some mega rotation of plates isn’t for everyone. I like a smaller grouping of women Ive gotten to know better. Not necessarily an LTR mind you - but certainly familiarity adds a lot of value for me.

The bolded part highlights something else, which i believe is the main reason people of both genders have casual sex: validation. We want to feel a certain way about ourselves, like "on top of the world", and about how others view us, like "the man", and that's the main reason why we have casual sex.

Now for some speculation (as ive never had a relationship or felt love), but i would believe "love" could only be confirmed, or maybe even experienced, once this validation (along with the more obvious sense of obligation or sheer convenience) is no longer a motivator for being with someone. I think you are expressing growing toward this stage in your current arrangement (whether it will actually lead to love or not).

 

[Focal core]

Thats why it makes more sense to hire an escort than being emotionally involve with emotionally unavailable women.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You guys, does love exist in the same quantities anymore? Has anyone here ever had love? There is a whole lot of sex advice on this forum but not really any relationship advice/ advice for actual LOVE. Yes, I said the L-word. I bet there are hundreds of guys on this forum who have had sex with over 30-40 different girls but never fallen in love. Am I wrong?
Also please don’t be rude just because I believe that sex is not the only motivator in the world… I know some people will still make fun of me though. Oh well.

"love" is a societal construction not a natural one … you don't need to love anyone to survive sex and love are not mutually exclusive if they were you would need to love every woman you banged to get hard and ***

( we all know that's bS )

in years gone by where societies were more naïve and free thinking wasn't a thing , the illusion of love was easily maintained and stimulated by Hollywood , the media , Disney and just about every other industry you can imagine

hot tip "love" is perhaps the most marketable and very useful perception sales tool i have ever seen ......

then along came social media and hyper connectivity oooops all of a sudden Pandora's box is open

Temptation , information and attraction is suddenly readily available at our finger tips ( the curtain is raised )

Now all of a sudden "love" isn't what we perceived it to be its starting to look forced ....... now its an Instagram / Facebook post but "hang on a second i know them two people aren't in love because one of them was messaging me filth the other day" …

oh and shock horror it transpires people still find others attractive even when they are supposedly in "love"

catch my drift !?! now stay with me

Societies perception of love is changing you can see it with your very eyes .......marriages aren't lasting heck most people can't get past the 5 year stage in a relationship that's because they were never really meant too

the concept of a 30- 40-50 year relationship is so heavily flawed i cant even understand how anyone could consider investing that sort of time into something that is so destined to fail

for me Micro relationships are far more fulfilling and less demanding ......i spent 4 years with my ex GF we had a great time but she started constantly asking me did i love her !?! i said yea sure and went along with it for a bit but apparently "my behaviour wasn't matching"

so eventually i asked how can you define love ? its entirely subjective im not telling you i love you to fulfil some Disney perception you have because i know its bullsh1t i am still attracted to other women and i know you are probably still attracted to other men

so how the hell can i tell you i "love" you when we both know it is a lie

it was too much purple pill for her too cope with and it will be for a lot of others but its the truth .

 

[Lordeterra]

You guys, does love exist in the same quantities anymore? Has anyone here ever had love? There is a whole lot of sex advice on this forum but not really any relationship advice/ advice for actual LOVE. Yes, I said the L-word. I bet there are hundreds of guys on this forum who have had sex with over 30-40 different girls but never fallen in love. Am I wrong?
Also please don’t be rude just because I believe that sex is not the only motivator in the world… I know some people will still make fun of me though. Oh well.

It’s rare most women are after your wallet and what you can do for them

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I never loved a woman like my first LTR. I was living the disney-fantasy back then at 19 and needless to say she cheated on me, dumped me, asked me to take her back and then dumped me again.
Months later i was still devastated. After that everything was more shallow on the emotional level.
With 25 i started my "DJ"-career and from that point on there was even less emotional connection with women after all the ONS, pumps & dumps and spinned plates.

It took me 14 years and the birth of my son to experience real love again.

I dont know if i will ever really love a woman again.

 

[Lordeterra]

Female "love" is conditional on her seeing you as her best. Once she stops seeing you as her best, then the "love" disappears as if it never existed.

Romance and idealistic love for men. Women are realistic and pragmatic.

Women give love, they aren't interested in receiving it. They want to receive value. It's an exchange - men exchange value and performance for female love.

I always say women are the colder sex.

 

[Lordeterra]

I've been in love 3-4 times. How reciprocated it was on the other end I can't really say, but I think they did at least a bit.

I have watched women dump men that deeply love them out of boredom and for the most absurd reasons, and and I watch women dump men that the women are still incredibly in love with because they don't see it as a good long-term fit. We all know men's failings but I honestly can't think of a single male that was in love with a woman and dumped her anyway because of logistics.

This is why a women can never be first. Women are too damn unstable. Your one true “love” should be your goals and dreams. That’s it.

 

[Epimanes]

I never loved a woman like my first LTR. I was living the disney-fantasy back then at 19 and needless to say she cheated on me, dumped me, asked me to take her back and then dumped me again.
Months later i was still devastated. After that everything was more shallow on the emotional level.
With 25 i started my "DJ"-career and from that point on there was even less emotional connection with women after all the ONS, pumps & dumps and spinned plates.

It took me 14 years and the birth of my son to experience real love again.

I dont know if i will ever really love a woman again.

I know the feeling brotha!

16 to 41 with my ex I'm 43 now... I was in love.... she left me for a guy with more money after our kids grew up (ages 23 and 17 now) ... I got the kids she left to other side of Canada.

Dated about 13 ladies... have found one that "works" right now.. sadly I have flashbacks about my ex still... and dreams.... fk every song from all that time brings me back there... our wedding song was nothing else matters by Metallica and now that song is ruined. Alot of music is just a constant reminder of what I had... the family unit... some days I still grieve it.I live in a perpetual state of being triggered about my ex wife (still legally married)...

My new woman is decent... fks anytime I want.. almost wants it too much..cooks and cleans at my place.. and is a polar opposite of my ex... she even went to high-school with my ex and I back in our mid teens....

Like you "thisissparta" I don't know if I will ever love or invest myself emotionally ever again like I did with my ex wife.... have learned that NOTHING lasts forever....so... one day at a time. And if one day this new GF of mine decides she's done with me ... I likely wouldn't care much... I do care... to some degree... we been together nearly 10 months now but if she left ..... meh... I'd be like.. "thought so".... who knows maybe that's years away or never happens.... she's very attentive so....hope for the best and expect the worst...

 

[Modern Man Advice]

You guys, does love exist in the same quantities anymore? Has anyone here ever had love? There is a whole lot of sex advice on this forum but not really any relationship advice/ advice for actual LOVE. Yes, I said the L-word. I bet there are hundreds of guys on this forum who have had sex with over 30-40 different girls but never fallen in love. Am I wrong?
Also please don’t be rude just because I believe that sex is not the only motivator in the world… I know some people will still make fun of me though. Oh well.

Does it exist? Yes, of course, it does. It's the same energy that powers the universe. But without getting too philosophical, scientific, and certainly not religious (I am not), humans just call it love or God. Also, that same energy is different from human to human. We all perceive it differently according to our level of consciousness. I know this won't make sense to a few but check out Allan Watts and hopefully, it helps.

But I know you refer to love in terms of intergender dynamics. And unfortunately, love is not the same nor it will ever be the same for women and men. We perceive and expect "love" in a totally different way (check out Rollos 1st volume of THe Rational Male).

True love is unconditional so you will never have that from a woman, or another human being for that matter. It is just not possible on this level of existence. A person with a transcended level of consciousness can, just not your average human being.

This is why the only true unconditional love you could experience in this world is from a dog. They perceive the present and life differently.
This is probably why most women fail to marry, have kids, etc, and decide to have dogs as their main squeeze.

I know I got a bit deep on this one but hopefully, it makes sense.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Epimanes]

I just gotta say.... love is Always conditional.. has to be. You wouldn't love someone if they beat you daily.... or if they cheated on youu but apologized every weekend after they did it..... no. There's lots of examples on why love is always conditional.

Lead your heart. Don't follow it.... it can lie to you.

Epi

 

[Sir FB]

Careful boys...

To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This (Published 2015)

What happens if you decide that falling in love is not something that happens to you, but something that you do?

www.nytimes.com

 

[Lookatu]

It's important for each of us to define what we mean when we use the term "love", as each of us may hold our own interpretation.

I agree about everyone having their own version.

I'm of the belief that most forms of "love" are mere disguises to other things.

For me I do know of 2 definite ones:

Unconditional Love - This mostly exists between the mother and her kid(s). I find it very rare for it to exist in other areas when a sane person is in control of themselves. I know some get brainwashed into it, just like you got religious leaders that can get all their followers to commit suicide and such. In this case, it's not really true unconditional love but a mere disguise as I said above.

Love - The kind where you truly have emotions for someone and want the best for them, putting them first and expecting nothing in return. Their happiness is what completes and fulfills you and is everlasting. It doesn't change with situations.

This is the reason why I don't think you can be "in love" and all of a sudden fall out of "love". I believe once you truly love someone, it's permanent.

Being "in love" to me is someone giving you something to make you feel a certain way but in reality it's merely a disguise. For example, if you never had a girl treat you like a king before and you come across a HB8+ one that does, you can easily feel like you're in love. But in actuality, you might be in love with the action of being treated like a king and not so much in love with the person themselves.

That's why being "in love" is the most dangerous because it's hard to make that distinction a lot of times IMO.