Originally posted by Sir_Chancealot:
I could go on and on. Ok, all of those here who have had a woman draw out a breakup raise your hands. Now, why did the woman draw it out? There could be a couple of reasons. She will say she didn't want to "hurt him", when what she really meant was that she didn't want him to be mad at her. Or she will hang on because she doesn't want to be alone. What do those two examples have in common? It's all about what SHE wants and/or feels.
And once you see through that game, the rest is easy. Finally we realise that women are not nice, sweet, adorable creatures just because they're female and pretty. A lot of them actually *are* self-centred, self-obsessed and controlling *to the extent that they can be completely blind to a guy's feelings.*
These women just *do not see* what the outcome of their actions is. They will sleep with some other guy then come crying to you looking for sympathy, expecting you to make it better, and not get at all why you might not, for some reason, be 110% immediately willing to do that.
And what are the chances that a chick who does this will ever say 'Yes, it was *all* my fault' instead of 'You jerk - I only did this because of *you*?
Are all like this? Thankfully, no. There are some real sweeties out there.
But a scary number are like this. Worse still, they have this schizophrenic view of themselves where they absolutely don't see what they're doing, or it even occurs to them that there might be something mad or bad about it.
Worse still again *guys are expected to be blind to this.* How many newbie posts on here give the women involved the benefit of the doubt by default? And the guy is wondering what *he* is doing wrong?
Looking honestly at what's happening is something guys are just not supposed to do. We're told over and over that women are 'better at relationships' than we are, and eventually we start to believe it, no matter how crap that line is.
So here's a tip - *being female does not make someone any better at empathy than you are.* A woman may go all gooshy over little fluffy animals and still be completely unable to understand that you have feelings that can be hurt by her actions. It's not pretty, it's not nice, but it *is* the way it is out there.
This means that if you find you ever want to go beyond the sex stage and give your heart to a chick, you *have* to check out whether she is like this or not. Otherwise you'll be paying big time later. And you do *not* want to be there when the brown stuff hits the spinning metal thing.
To get back to post 1 - the only thing that was meant as poetic license, and which I should clarify as such, was the idea that women somehow sat down and planned 'love' so it would drive guys mad. Sadly, love (of this sort, anyway) turns women into drooling idiots just as much as it turns men. So yes, blaming them for the whole deal might indeed be just a leetle bit harsh.
Other than that, what was the post for? Here are some of the secret, evil assumptions that I was trying to call out:
The belief in scarcity
The belief that 'love' in the AFC sense will buy you a worthwhile relationship
The belief that if you love someone you can ignore how they actually act towards you
The belief that if you love someone and act in a loving way, that's all you need to worry about for a guaranteed happy ending
The stupid, *stupid* process of committing to exclusivity (at least in your own head) with someone you haven't even dated yet
The belief that any one woman is so unique that she is 'the one', and is therefore allowed to short-circuit all your higher brain functions and make you look stupid (or worse), if she so chooses
The belief that you should choose a woman based on how you feel about her, and whether or not she condescends to spend time with you because of those feelings, instead of choosing her for how she feels and acts towards you, and how *good you feel* (or not) when she's around
The AFC belief that women are angels who can absolutely be relied on to be nice, mature, honest, straightforward and to know more about relationships than you ever could *just because they're female*, and that you should always, absolutely, trust everything they say, because (hey...) don't you see it's for your own good?
The AFC belief that 'the one' is 'THE ONE' - and there will never be another who even comes close to comparing, and therefore much pain and anguish is due when she leaves
As for uniqueness - are women unique? Yes and no. You'll always mesh with some better than others. And some will hit your heart with the force of a Mack truck.
Guess what? In the long run, that guarantees nothing. You still need to keep checking out what she's doing, whether she's respecting you, whether she's lying to you over things big and small, how sorted her own life is, where she is with her exes. And all of that.
What women do want is to *believe* they're unique - at least to you. Women *hate* the idea that they're predictable, or simple, or easy to see through. It's ultimate chick heresy to say that to them (and a wise DJ would never say that to a woman's face. Along with 'Yes dear, actually you do look rather fat in that.'
) ) They would rather tear your head off with a chainsaw than admit that it could ever, in a million years, be even slightly true.
But in fact the ultimate, single, predictable chick fantasy is to be pursued relentlessly by a high status quality guy who could have any chick he wants, but who wants *her* because of her seductiveness, intelligence, allure, feminine grace, or whatever qualities she feels make her stand out. So if you're high status enough (or can act high status enough) to get her attention, and can make a chick feel 'special' like that, she's yours.
Complicated? Not really.
As for love... yes, people can and do hit it off. Sometimes they go all effortlessly gooshy on each other and it's every bit as nice and sweet as everyone says. Sometimes it even lasts. Occasionally it'll last a lifetime.
But is an AFC *at all* likely to have an experience like that while he's pining over some chick who has just LJBF'd him? While all his emotional energy is invested in her, instead of being out there looking for someone that makes him happy without demanding that he go through this?
*That* is what the post was about. If you are wasting energy in pointless fantasising and drama on a chick, even if you feel she is 'the one' and you are 'in love' with her, even if you've gone beyond chumphood to a place where the sex is great, if she's sapping your energy, you're still being more stupid than a very stupid person from a tribe of stupids in CapitalStupid somewhere in the Stupid Solar System, in a Stupid Galaxy far far far away. (Have I made my point here?
)
The truth - the unarguable, simple truth - is that somewhere out there is at least one, and very possibly a whole lot more, chicks with whom things will work out a whole lot more smoothly for you.
An AFC doesn't believe they exist. And even if they do, he doesn't believe he has what it takes to find them. As long as he believes that, he is exactly 100% right. He doesn't do ask outs, he lacks the basic skills, his choices are zero. Which is why he's average, frustrated, and a chump.
And what's more, a whole load of of women will line up to tell him over and over - exactly as Wyldfire has tried to do here - that this is how it is, and this what he *should* believe, and he should never change his mind, because if he exercises his male powers of discrimination and exploration and self-control at all, he's suddenly a cynical, bitter, woman hater. (Or something equally black and wicked and shameful and nasty, scratch, miaow, scratch, miaow.)
But... a DJ knows he can find them. So he does. He learns the skills, he puts himself on the line, he does the job.
And then - everyone is happy. (Including, as it happens, the lucky chick herself.)
