Lost Interest?

[SteveSin]

Been dating this girl for about a year and a half since 2006. Well lately i have been getting on her about only seeing me like once or twice every two weeks. She is a flight attendant i might add. The past two weeks i have not heard from her at all. She won't call or txt me and i see her online but she doesn't msg me.
What the hell is with women?

 

[Mr.Positive]

Does she live in your area? or just pass through on flights? After a year and a half, what was the nature of your relationship?

I've never dated a flight attendant, but I'd imagine that they are a bit 'flighty'.

 

[SteveSin]

yeah she is based in my city. Plus she only lives like 10 minutes away. At first i didnt want to really date her and her interest level was high. She would always call and msg me on myspace. We would hang out and **** most of the time. If we i didnt call back or msg her she would get upset. All in all things were good till she got this damn job about 6 months ago.

 

[Latinoman]

yeah she is based in my city. Plus she only lives like 10 minutes away. At first i didnt want to really date her and her interest level was high. She would always call and msg me on myspace. We would hang out and **** most of the time. If we i didnt call back or msg her she would get upset. All in all things were good till she got this damn job about 6 months ago.

She does NOT miss you because she is already getting attention from ONLINE.

How can you expect a woman to miss you when she has all that attention at the luxury of her hotel room?

Red Flag: She is into the ONLINE and MySpace crap.

 

[SteveSin]

So basically i need to either next this ***** or just stay in contact by phone. Or just wait till she eventually calls me. Either way i'm not contacting her at all.

 

[jophil28]

Been dating this girl for about a year and a half since 2006. Well lately i have been getting on her about only seeing me like once or twice every two weeks. She is a flight attendant i might add. The past two weeks i have not heard from her at all. She won't call or txt me and i see her online but she doesn't msg me.
What the hell is with women?

Dating or in an LTR ? . Have both of you been exclusive?

Sounds like -
1. Her IL is dropping for some unknown reason.
2, You pushed her further away by getting on her about not being around.
3. She is getting attention from someone else..

Maybe you need tp post back with more details of your relationship so that we came zoom in a littly tighter on what is going on here.

 

[SteveSin]

Well for two weeks i didn't talk to her or msg her. She finally texted me 2 times and then called and asked why i was so distant. she was worried something was wrong. now it seems like she has turned the tables on my ass. dunno wtf to do really? Maybe its a **** test dunno. I need to get her damn IL back up but dont know really how?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo SteveSin,


What was the rationale behind you NOT returning her text messages and calls two weeks ago? What was YOUR "then" mindset? What was going on with you?

 

[SteveSin]

Well i was getting on her about not making time to see me. So in return i figured i would just not do anything till she made and effort on her part and called or whatever. Sorta cheap but i was trying to get me back to being the prize.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Oh, I get it.

Actually, I think that that particular strategy was a pretty good one. After all, it DID force the issue somewhat. But now that it has, it doesn't seem like either of you used that as an opportunity to "come clean' about your expectations in this relationship.

Which begs another question:

Were you EVER in a "formal relationship"? Did either of you (preferrably HER) ever bring up the question of exclusivity? Because if not, after all this time (almost 2 years), that leaves SO MUCH wiggle room for both of you.

Not many men on this site, and "maybe" even on this particular forum will tell you this, but after a certain period of time, ALL relationships have to be DEFINED.

Becuase if they are not, what two people ONCE considered "keeping their options open" then turns into living a life of "relational UNCERTAINTY". And once that happens, what used to be lighthearted and fun turns into a game of powerplays, deceit, half-truths, ambiguity, and ultimately ...HURT FEELINGS.

Fukk buddy, friend with benefit, and similar types of situations have a shelf-life. AND, if either the woman or the man actually wants MORE----and the other person doesn't, then the end is only a "better PROSPECT" away.

Today, many people persuade themselves that they REALLY are "comfortable" living this much-publicized, NONcommital lifestyle. But quite often, the truth is that they AREN'T.

As evidenced by their sudden REVELATION that they have HURT FEELINGS-----due to the EXISTENCE of an underlying emotional connection that they fought SO hard to avoid from the start.

There are MANY guys here that deny the legitimacy of the bonding experience that sex and repeated exposures to a particular woman can bring. But to me, this is a mask that they wear to hide the fact that they FEEL the "tearing away" effect at the end of these types of initially "casual" couplings.

SOME men, whenever this happens, tend to call EVERYTHING Oneitis in order to soften the blow in an attempt to reframe it----or to call it "ANGER", instead of what it REALLY is sometimes:

GRIEF.

Because, you see, "grief" is a word that is ONLY associated with a sense of "loss", when something is taken away from you, or----when something DIES. And the only way a person can feel LOSS is when he knows that on some level, THAT something actually "existed" beforehand.

And that something that "existed", many times IS a "RELATIONSHIP".

No matter what form it has taken, and no matter by what name it was called, a DEFINITE bond previously existed.

That's why I ask whether or not you two ever defined the nature of your relationship? Because if you haven't, that could very well be the catalyst of the confusion, the emotional upheaval, and that forboding sense of loss that you are experiencing right now.


Peace...one day.

 

[SteveSin]

Well at first she would always ask if her status was up to girlfriend material. I would always shrug it off. Well eventually i gave in and we decided that we were gonna be exclusive. That was about a year ago. We would on occasion say i love you. My question is should i just email her and tell her what i think should happen and then call it quits if she doesn't respond accordingly?

 

[jophil28]

Well for two weeks i didn't talk to her or msg her. She finally texted me 2 times and then called and asked why i was so distant. she was worried something was wrong. now it seems like she has turned the tables on my ass. dunno wtf to do really? Maybe its a **** test dunno. I need to get her damn IL back up but dont know really how?

THis is a classic situation of how "indifference and scarcity " can backfire in a relationship .
If I understand you -
YOu were indifferent and unavailable towards her for two weeks !!
WTF are you doing ? Women get unsettled by lunchtime if you are "distant" or go silent on them.
I have had women tell me that they "feel neglected " if they do not hear from me by 1pm the next day.. And I am talking about adult women -not dippy teenagers.
Being 'scarce' or distant or indiifferent inside an established relationship can be the worst thing that you can do. Women read this as lack of interest + falling interest level in her/ IN her mind this means that you are probably quietly trying to back out of the relationship; SHe then feels panicked, and on the verge of rejection, so SHE backs out first to try to protect her feelings.
. How do you think that your employer would react if you did not turn up for two weeks. Would not showing up, or not calling into the office, work for you or against you. ? Duh !

An attractive woman also has options/..However she did indicate her IL in you by calling you and asking why you were being distant. That was your signal to take charge and lead the relationship back to equilibrium.
You ignored the signal and now she is withdrawing out of self protection.

How do you fix this --Like this -- Act towards her in the way that first drew her to you .
Think back about what worked first time around. Be the guy whom she wanted and lusted after when you first met. Afterall, you are dealing with the SAME woman with the same emotional make-up.

 

[SteveSin]

Well she found me on myspace and contacted me first. She was interested in the places i liked to go to dance. I'm into the club scene and i loved and still love to dance. We exchanged numbers and met in person. Well i didn't really give into her too much. Again she was pretty but still chunky. well she persisted on seeing me a couple times a week and made an effort to. One time she even pushed back a dinner arrangement with a friend just to hang out. She did however say one thing that she found disinteresting about relationships a long time ago. We were listening to a radio show that dealt with women and men. Well she then went on to say that in her interest it is best to leave her to have some space at times she doesn't want to be smothered. So i made an effort not to hang out with her all the time to be kinda distant. She would ALWAYS CALL OR MSG ME as to why i didn't want to see her or hang out. But like i said this was all before her getting a job as a flight attendant. I want to email her tonight to get this **** off my chest and confront her but dunno what to say?

 

[Latinoman]

THis is a classic situation of how "indifference and scarcity " can backfire in a relationship .
If I understand you -
YOu were indifferent and unavailable towards her for two weeks !!
WTF are you doing ? Women get unsettled by lunchtime if you are "distant" or go silent on them.
I have had women tell me that they "feel neglected " if they do not hear from me by 1pm the next day.. And I am talking about adult women -not dippy teenagers.
Being 'scarce' or distant or indiifferent inside an established relationship can be the worst thing that you can do. Women read this as lack of interest + falling interest level in her/ IN her mind this means that you are probably quietly trying to back out of the relationship; SHe then feels panicked, and on the verge of rejection, so SHE backs out first to try to protect her feelings.
. How do you think that your employer would react if you did not turn up for two weeks. Would not showing up, or not calling into the office, work for you or against you. ? Duh !

An attractive woman also has options/..However she did indicate her IL in you by calling you and asking why you were being distant. That was your signal to take charge and lead the relationship back to equilibrium.
You ignored the signal and now she is withdrawing out of self protection.

How do you fix this --Like this -- Act towards her in the way that first drew her to you .
Think back about what worked first time around. Be the guy whom she wanted and lusted after when you first met. Afterall, you are dealing with the SAME woman with the same emotional make-up.

This is very good advice.

Many men think that being indiferent works in EVERY situation...so what do they do? They start being indiferent in LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS. BANG! Wrong Answer!

 

[Latinoman]

Well she found me on myspace and contacted me first. She was interested in the places i liked to go to dance. I'm into the club scene and i loved and still love to dance. We exchanged numbers and met in person. Well i didn't really give into her too much. Again she was pretty but still chunky. well she persisted on seeing me a couple times a week and made an effort to. One time she even pushed back a dinner arrangement with a friend just to hang out. She did however say one thing that she found disinteresting about relationships a long time ago. We were listening to a radio show that dealt with women and men. Well she then went on to say that in her interest it is best to leave her to have some space at times she doesn't want to be smothered. So i made an effort not to hang out with her all the time to be kinda distant. She would ALWAYS CALL OR MSG ME as to why i didn't want to see her or hang out.

Dude...that was like 1.5 years ago.

And I hope you TWO left the MySpace crap along once you started the serious relationship. How can you expect her to "miss" you when she is getting all that attention? And vice-versa?

I don't know how can you expect ANYONE in here to tell you what to tell her. You have been sleeping with her for 1.5 years. You should be able to answer that question better than anyone in here. I presume.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...how old are you and how old is she? Be honest now.

 

[SteveSin]

i'm 28 she is 26. I'm not sure if apologizing for not calling her for two weeks is a good idea? I would guess not.

 

[joekerr31]

if youve been together for 1.5 years and are experiencing this sh*t, something is really wrong.

after that long together this kind of thing should not be happening.

my money says that she's cheating on you. if shes an airline stewardess, she's probably hitting the clubs with her stewardess friends.

its way to easy in that vocation to have a fling while 'on the road'.

anyway, its clear her IL is pretty low right now. and IL doesn't just drop off for no reason. given circumstances i think either she has cheated OR she may simply be flirting with pilots nad what not and questioning whether she wants to stay in this relationship.

re-initiate contact and then reassess after talking to her. if she's screwing around on you, or thinking of it, your spidey senses will go off.

 

[SteveSin]

Got ya thanks for the help

 

[kingwilliam]

Yeah, I'd say she has met someone.