Lost girl after sex on 1st date. Buyer's Remorse, Auto Rejection, or Something Else?

[JST8828]

I'm not sure what the mystery is all about or why everyone is giving their own thoughts on what may have happened. This is a rare case where the woman came out with all of it, seemingly word for word. She was bothered by what happened during the sex, and that is basically that. Only thing you can do is offer her your support and understanding, and probably apologizing to a degree (though from what I read this was sort of a two way street. She had the ability to stop and tell you to put a condom on). If she can't manage to get over what happened, then that's the end of it. Not meant to be. But I wouldn't beat yourself up over this. I don't think you did anything "wrong".

 

[Hamurabimbi]

"long, slow lovemaking"

She wanted to get fvcked senseless not some old married couple bullsh!t.

Essentially she wasn't impressed with your skills in the bedroom.

This. The vast majority of girls I’ve been with want to be jackhammered.
As my ex-wife said: ‘I like it rough and tough!’

 

[ruins]

I'm not sure what the mystery is all about or why everyone is giving their own thoughts on what may have happened. This is a rare case where the woman came out with all of it, seemingly word for word. She was bothered by what happened during the sex, and that is basically that. Only thing you can do is offer her your support and understanding, and probably apologizing to a degree (though from what I read this was sort of a two way street. She had the ability to stop and tell you to put a condom on). If she can't manage to get over what happened, then that's the end of it. Not meant to be. But I wouldn't beat yourself up over this. I don't think you did anything "wrong".

Thank you! Yeah, been a few weeks now since I posted this thread, and am starting to realize that this is probably the major factor.
Granted, there were things I could have done better: post-sex aftercare, cuddling after, disqualifying myself too soon about not wanting a relationship after she sent her text a few days after, insisting on wearing the condom despite her initiating.

I did offer her understanding. And she said she's going to take this time to work on her ability to hold boundaries. Likely there's an ex in the background that's still on her mind, but I can't spend time ruminating on that.

I responded to her as if I took what she said at face value (and no way for me to know, so I did). Gave my respects and understanding. And am now moving on. It didn't end with either of us blaming the other so it leaves the door open in the future, but I'm not waiting for it.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

My guess would be:
- she has high sexual needs that she tends to repress/feels some guilt about it
- sex was ok for her but she had it better with her former LTR partner(s), she "O"-ed mostly because she was thirsty for sex and went no condom because she gets off on feelings of shame and guilt mixed with lust the most (which indicates she is looking for dominant man, but not necessarily in physical aspect of lovemaking only);
- going no condom in ONS screams "issues"
- she does not look for a relationship with OP (her former partner was probably more dominant and animalistic with women on various levels which would match the mormon part of the story)
- she wants to f*** around until she will find an appropriate replacement while OP has indicated "LTR needs" already (btw.multiply 6 at least by 1.67, she is already on c*ck carousel)
- she was probably not overly impressed by your status and money (otherwise, perhaps she would qualify you for STR);
- in overall, she qualified OP as ok enough for ONS with slight chance for STR and minimal for LTR before going to bed with OP, the result was ONS
- the result is actually optimal for OP, however I would suggest getting tested for STD's as her low body count part of the story is dubious

Granted, there were things I could have done better: post-sex aftercare, cuddling after, disqualifying myself too soon about not wanting a relationship after she sent her text a few days after, insisting on wearing the condom despite her initiating.

I think it would not change the overall result. I think you pulled off everything you reastically could with this female. As men, we like to think that if we would do this or that differently in particular situation, then a success would come around and IT was achievable. It is our biological and social conditioning to struggle and despite this seek success. In this case it was not achievable for you but its good for you that it wasn't. The fact that it wasn't is also your success because you need other type of female (more interested in your fortes) than her, so effect of her screening is positive for you.

 

[ruins]

My guess would be:
- she has high sexual needs that she tends to repress/feels some guilt about it
- sex was ok for her but she had it better with her former LTR partner(s), she "O"-ed mostly because she was thirsty for sex and went no condom because she gets off on feelings of shame and guilt mixed with lust the most (which indicates she is looking for dominant man, but not necessarily in physical aspect of lovemaking only);
- going no condom in ONS screams "issues"
- she does not look for a relationship with OP (her former partner was probably more dominant and animalistic with women on various levels which would match the mormon part of the story)
- she wants to f*** around until she will find an appropriate replacement while OP has indicated "LTR needs" already (btw.multiply 6 at least by 1.67, she is already on c*ck carousel)
- she was probably not overly impressed by your status and money (otherwise, perhaps she would qualify you for STR);
- in overall, she qualified OP as ok enough for ONS with slight chance for STR and minimal for LTR before going to bed with OP, the result was ONS
- the result is actually optimal for OP, however I would suggest getting tested for STD's as her low body count part of the story is dubious



I think it would not change the overall result. I think you pulled off everything you reastically could with this female. As men, we like to think that if we would do this or that differently in particular situation, then a success would come around and IT was achievable. It is our biological and social conditioning to struggle and despite this seek success. In this case it was not achievable for you but its good for you that it wasn't. The fact that it wasn't is also your success because you need other type of female (more interested in your fortes) than her, so effect of her screening is positive for you.

Thank you for the great write-up. It's reassuring that I at least probably got an "A" on the report card, and that I didn't really fumble as badly as I was beating myself up over. Yeah, I could be better on the money and status part.

Her high sexual needs and the shame and guilt aspect of it is so ****ing hot, though. I kind of believe her about the number of partners, since she only divorced less than three years ago. And she gave me details on each of them. But you're right, I'll never really know.

I just wish we could have stayed friends after that whole thing. Maybe after a few months when this whole thing has blown over?