Losing faith in humanity

[STR8UP]

I hate to be such a cynical ba$tard, but I am rapidly losing faith in humanity.

You see, although I might come off at times as being a selfish type person who is out for himself (which is true to a point) I am one of the most loyal, trustworthy, and faithful friends anyone could have. Never screwed over a friend, never cheated on a girlfriend. I'm sure there might be one or two people out there who would have a slightly different opinion about me, but I think for the most part I am a good person.

It really pisses me off that other people don't hold themselves to a higher standard. Lately I feel like I constantly have to watch my back.

I don't trust women as far as I can throw them. I can count on only a few fingers the number of men I know who are happy with their relationships. I have had several myself, and they always tend to end badly, usually with some kind of violation of trust. What makes me think that I'm any better than the rest of the guys out there, that I would be able to find a woman who would stand by my side through thick and thin?

Recently I learned some hard lessons about friends. I learned that you can know someone for 20 years and not really know them. I have learned that even after 20 years of friendship, your best buddy can turn out to be a piece of sh!t that steals you blind. I have learned that when you introduce money into a friendship, you will see an ENTIRELY different side of your friend.

I really want to get myself past this. But how do you have faith in something that has proven itself time and time again to be totally unworthy?

 

[6-heads lewis]

board up your windows like i did. being a shut-in has proved mostly positive, tho im tired of the local teens pelting me with garbage all the time.

 

[Roly]

Make A couple of Buddhist friends

Get your @ss to your nearest Yoga and transcendental meditation center and make some Buddhist friends. You'll get along with them just fine believe me. They're introspective and the least most materialistic ppl on earth since they dont rely on money for their personal happiness. Try it out.

Better yet, meet a couple of Buddhist women...hehehe

 

[KarmaSutra]

The Buddhist angle is a good idea. You see yourself as cynical, I view it as self preservation. Especially once money is mixed into the friendship. You think it's a mistake the old addage: "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." That's no mistake, it's completely true. Your enemies are not going to surrepticiously steal from behind your back. They'll come at you head on with an agenda.

I have a very small inner core of friends. It'll stay that way. Trust is more precious than gold.

 

[thissucks003]

I hate to be such a cynical ba$tard, but I am rapidly losing faith in humanity.

You see, although I might come off at times as being a selfish type person who is out for himself (which is true to a point) I am one of the most loyal, trustworthy, and faithful friends anyone could have. Never screwed over a friend, never cheated on a girlfriend. I'm sure there might be one or two people out there who would have a slightly different opinion about me, but I think for the most part I am a good person.

It really pisses me off that other people don't hold themselves to a higher standard. Lately I feel like I constantly have to watch my back.

I don't trust women as far as I can throw them. I can count on only a few fingers the number of men I know who are happy with their relationships. I have had several myself, and they always tend to end badly, usually with some kind of violation of trust. What makes me think that I'm any better than the rest of the guys out there, that I would be able to find a woman who would stand by my side through thick and thin?

Recently I learned some hard lessons about friends. I learned that you can know someone for 20 years and not really know them. I have learned that even after 20 years of friendship, your best buddy can turn out to be a piece of sh!t that steals you blind. I have learned that when you introduce money into a friendship, you will see an ENTIRELY different side of your friend.

I really want to get myself past this. But how do you have faith in something that has proven itself time and time again to be totally unworthy?

I went through the same thing you are going through, but about 4-5 years ago. Maybe not the same exact details but very similar.

I was very good friends with a guy I became friends during highschool. We were inseperable. I always had my friend's back. I always prided myself that I am very loyal and be there through thick and thin. I helped him whenever he went through some difficult times and got him on his feet. Being loyal meant to me that I seemed to overlook his shiity character he was to other people. His other so called friends seemed to leave him in droves. I never noticed how bad he was treating other's because it was "ME" he was shiiting over, but other's. Then as time went on he started doing the same craapy things to me as he did to other's. I am the type of person to give someone the benefit of doubt. He finally hit my last straw, when I found out he was spreading lies about me to my family. I heard rumors that someone was bad mouthing me to my family, but my family never told who. Then I found out, it was him.

I seperated myself from the situation little by little. I became less available and became friends with other's that were loyal and trustworthy.

One of the things I have learned was to watch someone character with other people. See how they treat other's will be a great teacher of how they will treat you. I know that last sentence seems very obvious but when you are in the middle of things and it doesn't pertain to you, you seem to overlook things. That is what I did. I overlooked the way he treated other's.

To answer your final question:

You don't. If someone shiits on you over and over, there is a reason why. He doesn't value you as a friend. Walk away from toxic people in your life. Unless you like to be taken advantage of, walk away.

TS

 

[Vypros]

Time and time again I find myself coming back to this quote. It's one of those quotes that changed my focus on life. That helped me overcome the negative attitudes I was carrying and push me to become more than I thought I could be. Read it, learn it, and live it:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

You're going to make mistakes. More importantly you're going to make mistakes in JUDGEMENT. Judgement of character. Judgement of personality. Other times you are going to find people who are what you think they are, but then they CHANGE. Time and time again people are going to let you down. Time and time again you're going to find yourself betrayed by someone you love. This won't be the first time and it won't be the last.

But the beautiful thing about it is, that without those times of betrayal, without making a few mistakes, without falling down, you'll never learn how to get back up!

In fact, I've written an article about it and you should check it out:

http://soulsasylum.com/soulsasylum/depression/getbackup/

You're going to fall, time and time again. You're going to be betrayed time and time again. But you know what? It's all part of life! Take that failure and use it to become something better. Learn from it and move on.

You'll come through it eventually, but the more you pull away, the more cynical you get, the more you allow that failure to define you! Don't let that happen. Learn to look at things positively and realize that you are going to get hurt.

But you know what? It'll heal. It always does.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Recently I learned some hard lessons about friends. I learned that you can know someone for 20 years and not really know them. I have learned that even after 20 years of friendship, your best buddy can turn out to be a piece of sh!t that steals you blind. I have learned that when you introduce money into a friendship, you will see an ENTIRELY different side of your friend...

It doesn't sound as if this person should merit the responsibility of representing all humanity.

 

[Kevin G Jr]

I hate to be such a cynical ba$tard, but I am rapidly losing faith in humanity.

You see, although I might come off at times as being a selfish type person who is out for himself (which is true to a point) I am one of the most loyal, trustworthy, and faithful friends anyone could have. Never screwed over a friend, never cheated on a girlfriend. I'm sure there might be one or two people out there who would have a slightly different opinion about me, but I think for the most part I am a good person.

It really pisses me off that other people don't hold themselves to a higher standard. Lately I feel like I constantly have to watch my back.

I don't trust women as far as I can throw them. I can count on only a few fingers the number of men I know who are happy with their relationships. I have had several myself, and they always tend to end badly, usually with some kind of violation of trust. What makes me think that I'm any better than the rest of the guys out there, that I would be able to find a woman who would stand by my side through thick and thin?

Recently I learned some hard lessons about friends. I learned that you can know someone for 20 years and not really know them. I have learned that even after 20 years of friendship, your best buddy can turn out to be a piece of sh!t that steals you blind. I have learned that when you introduce money into a friendship, you will see an ENTIRELY different side of your friend.

I really want to get myself past this. But how do you have faith in something that has proven itself time and time again to be totally unworthy?

Don't let people put you down for being selfish. We are all selfish. It's our nature. We are out for our own good. Everyone is. When people donate to charities, they do it because their brain starts pumping a chemical that makes them feel good. When Donald Trump makes millions of dollars, his brain starts pumping a chemical that makes him feel good. Be selfish. Accept it.

 

[Rudra]

Str8UP, getting f0cked over by a friend over money hurts... I always made it a rule never to lend friends money. If they really are in need and I can help, then I just give the money. But lending money almost inevitably leads to trouble, dont do it with friends.

Secondly, it helps enormously to realize that we only from the outside see other people as one whole, because their physicality is one whole being. We see one nose, two eyes, one body, one way of moving and therefore by analogy suppose one straight way of thinking, one opinion to everything, one whole in the head as well. But inside the head everybody of us consists of countless voices, thoughts, emotions all mixed together, like one giant circus, one mad theater, one endless debating society, much of what never ever should me made public, and its only for communication with the outside world that we like pick one of those guys from that mental theater to herald what we chose as our opinion for the outside world. We suppose one straight mental line, and we dont see the inner struggle, the contradictions, the chaos that makes up the human mind. We are not supposed to see it, but we need to know that it is there.

Whatsmore, we have to realize that most peoples biographies are in big parts chaotic and only in hindsight everybody constructs straight lines leading through our lives. Rare is the man that by strenght of will is master of his destiny, if that is possible at all... I do believe in the freedom of will inside of karmatic predestinations, but freedom of will is a tough thing.

What I am aiming at is that you have to separate two levels - the operational level of how people interact, how they should interact with you, how they act according to the rules of interacting in a society or a closer circle. According to those rules, send that friend to the moon, he violated the rules in an intolerable way, you dont need him around anymore. But you have to see the second level as well, the person behind that, try to look at the roots, why did he do what he did? Was he in a situation of crisis, desperation, lost in life? Is he at the core a troubled person?

If you only see the first level, you easily may lose hope in humanity. Act according to the rules of the first level, but always see the second level, see the person, try to get to the core, dont let the first level with its formalities force you into formal thinking.. then it becomes a lot easier to become more forgiving and put up with the many flaws of the human condition. We all suffer, we all fight, we all are stumbling through the fog with more or less of an idea about the direction..

 

[6-heads lewis]

Let's be real here you dont really NEED friends, Ive been a loner most of my life and got by just fine, so have many others. More ppl are anti-social than you think, they socailize mostly for some direct purpose, not because they want to.

If you can acquire the following you'll be fine by yourself:

1) A girlfriend, or if you're ugly (I am), prostitutes or your own pornography business. Real Dolls work well too, just any satisfactory sexual outlet.

2) Guns, or weapons you feel confident using, it helps to have a background in combat sports or even better yet just plain street fighting. You have to be a capable combatant, because you dont have backup (backup is usually useless and cowardly anyway).

3) Some kind of hobby that improves you physically or financially without the need of company - for me its boxing, weightlifting and books.

4) Practical intelligence, basic wit. Knowing how to create an atomic bomb will not do you any good, just understand basic social norms, know how to file your taxes, look after your car, cook, etc.

5) A reasonable source of income, since you can't ask ppl for help.

Although Im not a criminal myself, loners typically make the best criminals. You can get away with a lot more if noone knows who the hell you are. People get caught often because they brag, because their accomplice 'cracks', or because their friend saw them at X place at Y time.

If noone knows who you are or where you live its much easier to stay out of jail. Watch crime documentary shows, its ALWAYS the obscure single white male with no social network and no criminal record that is hardest to catch.

 

[STR8UP]

I have a very small inner core of friends. It'll stay that way. Trust is more precious than gold.

I agree, trust counts for a LOT. Thats the thing though...when one of your inner circle turns around and screws you with a 2x4 (without lube) it makes you question if you can trust anyone.

 

[STR8UP]

It doesn't sound as if this person should merit the responsibility of representing all humanity.

I could write for hours about all the sh!t that people have done to me in the past ten years. I just gave the most recent highlight that put the icing on the cake.

It doesn't help that I have spent the past decade dealing with low income employees and low income tenants. Grated, there are a few of both who have proven to be exactly the opposite of what I am talking about here, but when the vast majority of people you come into contact with turn out to bring more harm than good to your life it takes a toll on you.

 

[Deep Dish]

STR8UP, even though I cannot directly relate to how people act around money except as the passive observer around someone who has money—I have millionaire relatives, I've worked around and worked for very wealthy people—I do think there is one universal insight. There are many people out there in the world who are just like you; honest, loyal, and whom treat others with a bright line of fairness and integrity.

I think have fared rather well in life and except for a few moments here and there—like two weekends ago when a friend c0ckblocked me big time from a sure thing—I cannot really say I've been screwed over by people I trusted. I'm not really someone people "use" and "take advantage of" because I don't have much to offer except good company, but I think regardless of socio-economics and materialism, on every level of existence there are good people and many more than it may seem while in the moments of despair.

I rummaged through some books and found a beloved quote by Carl Sagan...

It seems to me what is called for is an exquisite balance between two conflicting needs: the most skeptical scrutiny of all hypotheses that are served up to us and at the same time a great openness to new ideas. If you are only skeptical, then no new ideas make it through to you. You never learn anything new. You become a crotchety old person convinced that nonsense is ruling the world. (There is, of course, much data to support you.)

On the other hand, if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense in you, then you cannot distinguish useful ideas from the worthless ones. If all ideas have equal validity then you are lost, because then it seems to me, no ideas have any validity at all.

—quote from "The Burden of Skepticism", Pasadena lecture, 1987

The quote appears in Sagan's The Demon Haunted World, a title of which aptly might parallel the atrocities and affronts to humanity which you describe, but the quote of which undoubtedly describes the proper attitude, I think, there is to have towards life. One can become convinced unfathomable greed and selfishness rules the world, and arguably be right, but then one would be missing out on a brighter viewpoint.

Peace, brotha.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I could write for hours about all the sh!t that people have done to me in the past ten years. I just gave the most recent highlight that put the icing on the cake.

It doesn't help that I have spent the past decade dealing with low income employees and low income tenants. Grated, there are a few of both who have proven to be exactly the opposite of what I am talking about here, but when the vast majority of people you come into contact with turn out to bring more harm than good to your life it takes a toll on you.

Understandable, it's easy for people to become products of their environment when they don't realize that they don't have to be like everyone else. Isn't that why most of us are in this forum anyway?

When it comes down to it, people most basic need it that of survival. It can be obtained in countless ways. Where some people see no opportunity, others see countless opportunities. Of course they include surviving by your own personal achievements or taking advantage of the achievements of others. That's just the way it is. Just as you have a choice on how you secure your own survival, you have a choice on how you react to the manner that others choose how they secure their survival.

 

[Ricky]

Only comment about the friend who backstabbed you.

Don't think of the 20 years as bad, just know that people can change. This guy probably turned bad. And when people turn bad they normally hurt their friends and family first. Always hurt the ones you love.

 

[penkitten]

money is the root to all evil!!!

i cant believe no one else said that yet.

 

[STR8UP]

money is the root to all evil!!!

i cant believe no one else said that yet.

Although I don't at all believe this to be true, it's funny because when I wrote this post I really didn't have the issue of money on my mind, but when it comes down to it most of my conflicts with other men (and some women) revolve around money.

Francisco talks about survival. It would be more accurate to say that survival is the root of all evil.

Money in and of itself is nothing. It is the value that money brings to our lives that makes it the object of conflict. If it weren't money, it would be other resources that would be at the heart of what you refer to as "evil".

Same with male/female relationships. Again, it's about survival. A woman chooses the best man to fill her needs in one way, and goes out and gets a little on the side to fill her needs in other ways. If her mate gets hurt in the process...oh well! That's the way the world turns!

Why do I deny my nature? Maybe I shouldn't be so concerned with other people. But is it too much to expect your girl to be faithful to you? Is it too much to expect a friend of 20 years to not take advantage of the trust you have bestowed upon him?

To be perfectly honest, I doubt my values will change when it comes to money. There's nothing anyone can say that can justify stealing from someone, and I know for a fact that a cooperative effort with people who hold the same values as you do will produce a much greater result than the selfish actions of one.

With women, it might be a different story. Never cheated on a girl, but from now on I wouldn't feel bad about screwing around on a chick I don't plan to marry. Why? Cause in my experience you might as well do it to her before she does it to you, then you won't have to feel like such an a$$hole chump when you catch her one night whispering to someone else on the phone in the other room.

 

[DJDamage]

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."

I would personally change that quote to "Don't keep your friends too close".

I often wrestled with the question what is a true friend and each time I thought I made one, circumstances changes and we end up drifting apart or not even talking anymore. I always thought a friend should be someone you can grow up with and be there for each other like a brother would. I am begining to think just like society matrix lied about women the same message goes with friends. I remember reading something Mindovermatter wrote a couple of months ago that really struck a cord with me:

Male friends are there for watching sports, kicking back with beers, and gaming groups of broads. They're not therapists, and in my book, no matter how good of a buddy he is, if you show your depression around him each time you have it, and expect him to nurture you back to being normal, they will slowly lose respect for you and see it as a sign of weakness. It's an inner problem, deal with it from within and don't involve others in it. Because once you let other guys know your weaknesses, they do take advantage of you in small or big ways.

The only person you can and should rely on is yourself. Don't rely on friends to help you out or be there for you when things are going downhill (some might be but don't rely on it). Friends are good to shoot the sh1t, hanging out, playing sports and sarge but just like chicks there is no guarantee they will stick around for a long time and I think most of us can trust our women with sticking our d1ck in them or sleeping naked next to them but there is a limit to the trust especially when it comes to money. (don't believe me? how about go give your girlfriend your bank account pin number and your checking book,,,,, whats the matter? cant' do it??? heh I thought you said you trusted her.....).

 

[diplomatic_lies]

money is the root to all evil!!!

I disagree. First, money can't be evil because it's an inanimate object. Second, there is no such thing as universal "evil", because good/evil are different to everyone. One man's evil is another man's good.

I've noticed whenever you introduce something important - money, power, sex - people will tend to be bastards.

The solution is simple. Ban money, sex, and power.

 

[Holland]

Command respect and withdraw your attention, time and investment in a relationship with those who disrespect.
Some people just don't deserve much control in interactions, because they can't handle the various temptations.
Just accept that.