Lorekeeper's building of a better beast. Journal with pics.

[lorekeeper]

going to try upping my regiment by a few pounds today, go for a heavy upperbody session. i've been eating more carbs then usual today (oats and brown rice) hopefully will be able to do more.

this weekend was aprticularly bad with food, was eating pretty bad (albeit better then i have been before dieting) I expected to be around 202-203 but weighed in at 198 this morning.

 

[lorekeeper]

Haven't Given up, just been having a very hard couple of weeks. weekend before last my brother went camping with his friends. they ditched him and he dissapeared. I spent sunday and monday searching the woods and swamps for him. The police pulled his body from the lake monday evening. (please no condolences, none of you know him or me, and I've been getting nothing but "im so sorry" and "anything you need, just ask", and it's really been bothering me; I'm not doing it for attention, I'm keeping a journal) I havn't had the motivation to go to the gym, I did for 2 days but lately havn't been feeling anything. I've been eating like **** and expected to be around 200-205 but only gained 0.6 lbs to 195.6

mentally, I get very distracted. I started dating hb8lawyer, and w've become "facebook official" and she keeps me preoccupied most of the time. I still haven't cried. I don't know if it's hit me yet. Mostly I'm pissed in his quality of friends. how the **** do a group of friends ditch someone in the woods in the middle of the night?

I'm going to focus on cardio for a bit. I've been getting very sore lately.

 

[Kailex]

I won't lie.
When I posted this morning, I looked into this thread and didn't see an update and I was worried. Reading this thread has been very motivating for me to keep on track.

Just keep it going, you're doing great and I think hitting the gym will help you deal with everything. Great stress burner that cardio is!

Looking forward to more routinely updates from you.

 

[lorekeeper]

Here's the thing. I thought I would still be motivated, even if it was hard to continue on with the gym and eating healthier.

My little brother was primarily the one that got my ass on track, Yes, I did it for a girl too, but he was the one that pushed me by doing it himself. after seeing his changes I figured I could do it to, and it became the main conversation we would have every time we would meet. What we were doing, what supplements were good, trading protein, just usually shooting the **** about that stuff.

Ever since he died I just cant get the motivation to head there. I thought it would make me super motivated and make me throw everything into it, but it hasn't.

Excuse the lack of updates in this thread, I'll repost once i get a solid 3 days going just to feel like I'm getting back into it.

 

[lorekeeper]

I haven't really hit the gym in the past couple of months, and it's taken a rough hit on my body. I've re-pulled my groin which has been hurting for the past 2 months, have shoulder pain, and pain under the shoulder blade.

last night i hit the gym for the first time in a long time. the trainers at the gym were glad to see me, they were wondering what was wrong.

I know I should have been inspired to keep going to the gym, but everytime i went i would just feel bad and think about my brother, so i stopped going. yesterday driving home I said to myself "no seriously, you have to get back into it, you're just killing yourself now with all this extra crap, do it even if it takes time away from the GF"

going again tonight, but cannot run (pulls my groin muscle) will do light walks and jumprope. will do light weights too.

yesterday I went to a max of 155bp, that's how slow down i've gotten.