Looking for advice

[parkthebus]

Well the lesson to take is to trust your gut is instinct because you've obviously got a good one. I think everyone will agree you should finish things. Glad its not one of those where you get ****ed emotionally

 

[Bible_Belt]

WOW I totally called! I impress the hell out of myself.

Everyone is going to tell you to kick her ass to the curb. I can't tell you how to feel about her, but I can help you understand her.

Two things: #1 - You said she was in an abusive relationship in the past. #2 - She didn't have to tell you about anything that happened, but she did anyway. What do those two things have in common? I think she has self-esteem issues that keep her from viewing herself as being worthy of a happy relationship. Things were going well with you, and that's why she had to fvck it up. She was probably craving for that guy to be cruel to her, and he ended up being nice, so she had to go back and start sh!t with you. She could have just shut up, but she needs this conflict. She needs to be the bad one who isn't worthy.

A lot of women deal with their low self-image through sex; there are a lot of specific fetishes about it. I don't know if you're into anything like that, but if you ever felt like tying a girl up, beating her a little, and making her watch you have sex with other girls...now's your chance. I'm sure she'll be fantasizing about things like that even if you do kick her out. For women with issues like hers, I think bedroom role play is the only way they can ever deal with it and maintain a healthy long-term relationship.

Maybe you are done with this girl, but don't be surprised if the same sh!t pops up in your next relationship. Self-image issues are very common with women. Surprisingly, I think it is worse with hotter girls.

 

[Die Hard]

No, she was just gonna buy you Christmas presents and you were worrying about nothing...

Fvck that, you guys who said so!!!

I knew right away this sh!t wasn't right. Fvcking wh0re, put her with the trash... Even better, smash her face in with your boxing skills, the bytch likes that stuff anyway.

Scuse me, I drank whiskey and am not quitew myself righty now, lol. But bytches are sh!t man, fvcking disgusting, low life, scumbag dirty animals is wahat they are. And I know not all women are like that but FVCK that! Theyré all SCUM!!!!!~Fvck em in the azz till it bleeds and smash their fvcking face in afterwards, is all they good for...

 

[channingtatum]

You tell her she has the weekend to figure out where she will live and then she must leave your house. After a whole year of being with you, she still wants another man who slapped her around and gave her an STD. If you keep her around, you're a bigger nut job than she is.

 

[zekko]

I had said that it didn't sound suspicious. But you didn't mention that this chick had a history of being attracted to dirtbags. That's about the biggest red flag I can think of - dealbreaker in my book.

 

[Julian]

herpes is for life dude are you saying your girl has herpes and you been banging that? fukin ay...


also bible_belt KILLED this thread. Good work mate. LOL @ all the drones who thought nothing of it. When your in a relationship and living with a chick she doesnt go out of town solo to shop blablabla. nah man..

 

[zekko]

LOL @ all the drones who thought nothing of it. When your in a relationship and living with a chick she doesnt go out of town solo to shop blablabla. nah man..

Let me say on behalf of the "drones" that some of us are dating trustworthy chicks, and if that is the case shopping on her own is far from suspicious, especially around the holidays. Are you guys really telling me you accompany your girlfriends EVERY time they go shopping? Sounds pretty dull to me.

 

[G_Govan]

This is why you have to ask questions about "context."

He had a gut feeling that something was off. On the surface, sure, it sounds harmless but we don't know these people personally, only what information they disclose, which is subject to certain biases.

I'd have her move out asap. You don't let someone like this into your castle. She's a pump & dump. Any woman who tells me she has an incurrable STD (which I appreciate) that I don't have is automatically disqualified.

 

[grayclif]

Let me say on behalf of the "drones" that some of us are dating trustworthy chicks, and if that is the case shopping on her own is far from suspicious, especially around the holidays. Are you guys really telling me you accompany your girlfriends EVERY time they go shopping? Sounds pretty dull to me.

Personally, I hate shopping. If she elects to go alone I'll pay for her gas. But like somebody said above the OP left out important information. Though each of us knows that feeling deep down in your gutt. I know to trust it.

 

[dustmuffin]

Update: Firstly, I want to thank all my bros on here who agreed with me that there was something suspicious about this. I took your advice and told her to "have fun", and left it at that. So today, (Saturday), she comes home early and starts crying. I asked what the problem was and she admitted that she met with an ex boyfriend and felt horrible about lying to me. She literally got on her knees begging me to forgive her for this mistake. Mind you, this "boyfriend" used to slap the **** out of her on a regular basis, gave her herpes and used to disappear on her for weeks at a time. She lives in my house, that I own. I didn't really react to her, I just told her it was a lot to process and we can talk in the morning.

So I figure my only option is to tell her to leave. I honestly have NO ATTRACTION for her anymore. She looked so pathetic when she came home and I figure if she wants to be with a scumbag like that, go live with him.

So, again, thanks bros. You gave some good advice. If anyone has anymore advice, please let me know.

I would like to know her reaction when you boot her. I know it wont be good. My only advice is that you dodged a bullet. Kick her out she will do it again.

 

[zekko]

Personally, I hate shopping. If she elects to go alone I'll pay for her gas. But like somebody said above the OP left out important information. Though each of us knows that feeling deep down in your gutt. I know to trust it.

I agree you should trust your gut. But damn, if alarm bells start ringing just because your girl went shopping, I'd say that's a pretty good indication you're dating a wh0re.

By the way, someone said it was unusual for a girl to go out of town to shop. I have to point out it depends on where you live. I live in a smaller town nearby a few larger cities. People who live here almost always go out of town to shop - you get a better selection, better deals, etc.

 

[Julian]

Let me say on behalf of the "drones" that some of us are dating trustworthy chicks, and if that is the case shopping on her own is far from suspicious, especially around the holidays. Are you guys really telling me you accompany your girlfriends EVERY time they go shopping? Sounds pretty dull to me.

zekko we are generations apart. every girl out here worships wh0res of babylon. trust is a joke. There is NO trust. give a inch they take a mile. Yeah you can "trust" but you should always verify. These hoes aint loyal. The game has changed my friend. Shopping on her own in town while still in contact with you with verifiable proof is one thing...leaving out of the city solo blatantly and unexpectedly...like I said nah man..something fishy going on.

 

[hithard]

I agree you should trust your gut. But damn, if alarm bells start ringing just because your girl went shopping, I'd say that's a pretty good indication you're dating a wh0re.

On the information that was given Zekko and others were in their rights to post what they did. The idea isn't to just jump to the worst conclusion in every thread when there is little information to go on (which is what has been happening a lot).
But basic rules state: You know your partner best. If your gut is saying something is off, then probably best to probe a little.

 

[raider87]

Its similar to how a girl cheated on me when I was 21. Went out of town for a week and said she was going to her Aunts. Also phone was turned off all week. I was very naïve.

 

[hithard]

It is never easy to accurately access somebody or somebody's situation via an Internet post.

OP initially stated as per quote above that the relationship was "going fine."

The truth is, however, you don't control anything in this life. People lie, cheat, and steal there's really nothing that you can do to prevent them from happening.

No matter how he chose to react to this, it wouldn't have stopped her intentions. The truth is, at least in my mind, relationships can be disempowering, especially for men. When you agree to exclusivity and cohabitate with a woman, your two greatest assets, which are your time and your attention, become greatly diminished and taken for granted.

Guys who spin plates and aren't concerned about being in an exclusive relationship rarely ever are affected with such concerns. Insecurity and jealousy are not part of the DJ mindset.

I personally applaud OP for looking her in the eye and telling her to have fun. That, in my opinion, was the best way to handle it.

Simple, powerful and insightful post. Guys could live their life following just what is laid out in the above and be successful.

 

[Julian]

^^^thats not always easy if you are living with someone who you care about and they betray you, something that happens to alot of guys on these boards. Trust is definitely a commodity in my life, im with you on that.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I personally applaud OP for looking her in the eye and telling her to have fun. That, in my opinion, was the best way to handle it.

This is the common advice given but I question it. I admit I'm not the most experienced with relationships and it's been mostly str for, but the few times I was in a relationship and the woman informed me she planned to do something suspect or that I didn't want her to do, I objected to her doing it and it worked out well. And other relationships that lasted that I know about the guy also objected to their girl going off and doing something suspect. If it was a str or the early stages I can sort of see the logic of acting non-concerned, but if a relationship has been established I think setting boundaries is good. I don't think I would've told a GF who was telling me she was going to do something suspect to "have fun".

 

[grayclif]

I don't think I would've told a GF who was telling me she was going to do something suspect to "have fun".

You just might if you had no problem walking away.

 

[Stagger Lee]

You just might if you had no problem walking away.

That's kind of my point, I'd only tell a girl in a relationship "have fun" if I was planning on walking away. But if I was planning on walking away then why not call it out and tell it like I see it? If you plan on walking away every time a GF test you or suggest something suspect or you don't like, you're going to be walking away a lot. One doesn't have to fly off the handle and appear jealous or accusatory, but I think cooly and calmly setting boundaries is good. It worked for me.

 

[dustmuffin]

That's kind of my point, I'd only tell a girl in a relationship "have fun" if I was planning on walking away. But if I was planning on walking away then why not call it out and tell it like I see it? If you plan on walking away every time a GF test you or suggest something suspect or you don't like, you're going to be walking away a lot. One doesn't have to fly off the handle and appear jealous or accusatory, but I think cooly and calmly setting boundaries is good. It worked for me.

Point is he has a reason that is validated to walk away. By saying have fun he planted a seed of guilt. She splilled when she got home expecting forgiveness. Instead she is getting the boot. If she hadn't he would have watched her for more signs in the future. Odd behavior does merit scrutiny.