LJBF? What a fantastic idea!

[bugsquish]

This might seem pretty obvious but it's a pretty nifty concept. Say you're trying to DJ a girl for however long, and she hits you with LJBF. Any self respecting DJ is gonna NEXT her. Right? Guys?? Of course you are.

But the mistake I think is to next her completely out of your life. I see plenty of posts and articles (some even in the DJ bible) stating "we don't need/want a female friend". But why? A true DJ isn't going to take it personally, so isn't going to have any self esteem issues in hanging with her. Right? Guys??? Am I right? Why not call her on her proposal and actually accept her as a friend. Drop any concept of you guys getting together. Drop any flirting, or innuendo. Have a laugh. Hang out. Be there for each other. Be true, platonic friends.

The beauty of it is in the social proof. I'm not saying use her for this. If she's a freak then forget it, but if she is seriously girlfriend material then she's also gonna be friend material. And again, hanging with her is gonna get you interest from other babes. You're a DJ. I'm assuming your LJBFer is a HB. I'm also assuming that you are DJing numerous women. Noone has a 100% success rate. Soon you can have an army of hot female friends. Isn't this just a GOLDMINE of social proof? All you have to do is be mature enough to deal with a little LJBF-type-rejection and use it to your advantage.

I have field tested this with my ex of 4 years, Emma. I spent a year pursuing her after we broke up. She wanted friends, I wanted more. We hung out all the time and I never noticed any chicks except her. Ugh I hate to think of myself so AFC-like. Since I found this site I have realised that (A)I don't need any ONE chick, and (B)She is FANTASTIC social proof! I have decent success when I go clubbing alone. I have excellent success when I go clubbing with Emma. Also, chicks that I have nexted for whatever reason I still talk to when I'm out. Any prospects who you're trying to DJ are going to notice you networking. Trust me on this. It all works in your favour.

Take heed fellow DJs

 

[Ronin I]

The problem lies in COMPLETELY accepting the LJBF idea. When you pursue someone romantically at the outset and then are handed the LJBF card it can be very difficult to just accept it.

The reason to NEXT is to not put yourself through any unnecessary pain. So you want to be friends with some girl who has LJBFed you? Why? So she can complain to you about her new jerk boyfriend? Hell no. Personally, I don't need to hear that sh!t. Besides, it's a constant reminder that YOU weren't good enough.

I'm not saying that I won't have women for friends. But it will be on MY terms.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted bt Ronin I
The problem lies in COMPLETELY accepting the LJBF idea. When you pursue someone romantically at the outset and then are handed the LJBF card it can be very difficult to just accept it.

The reason to NEXT is to not put yourself through any unnecessary pain. So you want to be friends with some girl who has LJBFed you? Why? So she can complain to you about her new jerk boyfriend? Hell no. Personally, I don't need to hear that sh!t. Besides, it's a constant reminder that YOU weren't good enough.

I'm not saying that I won't have women for friends. But it will be on MY terms.

I hear you, but as DJs shouldn't we be well equipped to accept it? Of course you were good enough, she just didn't realise in time. It's her loss remember? And you can tell her "if he's such a jerk then get rid of him and stop whining to me about it ".

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by bugsquish
I hear you, but as DJs shouldn't we be well equipped to accept it? Of course you were good enough, she just didn't realise in time. It's her loss remember? And you can tell her "if he's such a jerk then get rid of him and stop whining to me about it ".

Yeah, I do agree with you to an extent. I guess I'm not really a full-fledged DJ.
I get frustrated and annoyed by the LJBF sometimes. It depends on the circumstances. I can be very stubborn sometimes and do not like giving up on something I want.
While stubbornness and perseverence can pay dividends in other endeavors - when it comes to women all too often those traits usually just cause me to get hurt - or at least cause me to put up with more bullsh!t than I probably should.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by Ronin I
Yeah, I do agree with you to an extent. I guess I'm not really a full-fledged DJ.
I get frustrated and annoyed by the LJBF sometimes. It depends on the circumstances. I can be very stubborn sometimes and do not like giving up on something I want.
While stubbornness and perseverence can pay dividends in other endeavors - when it comes to women all too often those traits usually just cause me to get hurt - or at least cause me to put up with more bullsh!t than I probably should.

Don't think I'm anywhere near the DJ status I would like either. But perseverence pays off! If you're committed nothing's going to stop you - and everything starts to get easier over time. One thing I have picked up from sosuave is to turn every experience into a positive one. Once I realised that you don't just learn from LJBF but it has a material value to your future endevours - I just had to share it on here. Oh yea, and I forgot to mention. If she is sincere about the LJBF request, she has probably got lots of hot friends to introduce you to

 

[Slickster]

Its a good idea.

However alot of guy's egos around here may be too fragile for that.

Some may argue why waste an ounce of time with a chick whose not interested in f*cking.

I fully believe in having women friends. I don't call them all the time or spend a lot of time with them. But they are more like acquaintances I use as social proof like you said.

Some say once you're in the friendzone you can't get out. I've proven that to be false more than once.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by Slickster
Its a good idea.

However alot of guy's egos around here may be too fragile for that.

Some may argue why waste an ounce of time with a chick whose not interested in f*cking.

I fully believe in having women friends. I don't call them all the time or spend a lot of time with them. But they are more like acquaintances I use as social proof like you said.

Some say once you're in the friendzone you can't get out. I've proven that to be false more than once.

Yea, maybe not recommended for everyone... But for anyone who is relatively comfortable with their ability to find another HB, it will help a lot. People who truly incorporate the ideas on this site into their personality will deal with it. Why waste time on that chick, even though she doesn't wanna f*ck? Cuz every chick who doesn't wanna f*ck has the potential to deliver unto you 5 more who will. You see my reasoning?

You're right about not calling all the time etc. but it helps to stay in touch. As for getting out of the friendzone, these chicks who are getting used for social proof will see you at work, and may want a piece of the action right?

 

[Jay26]

But the mistake I think is to next her completely out of your life. I see plenty of posts and articles (some even in the DJ bible) stating "we don't need/want a female friend". But why? A true DJ isn't going to take it personally, so isn't going to have any self esteem issues in hanging with her. Right? Guys??? Am I right? Why not call her on her proposal and actually accept her as a friend. Drop any concept of you guys getting together. Drop any flirting, or innuendo. Have a laugh. Hang out. Be there for each other. Be true, platonic friends.

Hahahaha, I'm sorry but c'mon dude! Be realistic! What guy can do that? You're always going to want to hit it unless your some kind of asexual freak, so hanging around as her friend is just asking for trouble, I seriously doubt anyone but the most hardcore DJ could do it, why the fark would you want to anyway? Just for her friendship, is she THAT good a friend, I highly doubt it.

This only works if you really have ZERO interest in her, but since you didnt' b4 why would you now or in the future, I can just see a situation where the guy would fall for the girl 'friend'.

As for social proof, yes, it's good but your overrating it completely, it's not worth the little bit of social proof you'd get from this girl for the potential headache/heartache she's going to be.

So while nice in theory let's face it in real life, emotions, ego, feeling all these things will combine to fark it up. Harry meets Sally was right, men and women can't be friends if one of them is attracted to the other, it's never a true platonic friendship! It's what all the chumps need to realise!!! Don't act like a friend, be a man, get what you want or move on! Fark settling for a friendship if it's not what you want, if she rejects you why the hell would you want to hang around her anyway.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Jay26
Hahahaha, I'm sorry but c'mon dude! Be realistic! What guy can do that? You're always going to want to hit it unless your some kind of asexual freak, so hanging around as her friend is just asking for trouble, I seriously doubt anyone but the most hardcore DJ could do it, why the fark would you want to anyway? Just for her friendship, is she THAT good a friend, I highly doubt it.

This only works if you really have ZERO interest in her, but since you didnt' b4 why would you now or in the future, I can just see a situation where the guy would fall for the girl 'friend'.

As for social proof, yes, it's good but your overrating it completely, it's not worth the little bit of social proof you'd get from this girl for the potential headache/heartache she's going to be.

So while nice in theory let's face it in real life, emotions, ego, feeling all these things will combine to fark it up. Harry meets Sally was right, men and women can't be friends if one of them is attracted to the other, it's never a true platonic friendship! It's what all the chumps need to realise!!! Don't act like a friend, be a man, get what you want or move on! Fark settling for a friendship if it's not what you want, if she rejects you why the hell would you want to hang around her anyway.

Very well stated. Besides, I have enough friends. Plus, I've never really cared all that much for having women as friends. The social proof is overrated and not worth the general headaches.
If I decide to keep a girl as a "friend" it is because I believe that there is a chance that I might be able to turn her.
This is where not ever calling but sending the occassional group email comes in handy.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Well, you have to assume the girl is being honest when she says ljbf. It may just be her "kind" way of saying, "get lost creep."

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by bugsquish
I hear you, but as DJs shouldn't we be well equipped to accept it? Of course you were good enough, she just didn't realise in time. It's her loss remember? And you can tell her "if he's such a jerk then get rid of him and stop whining to me about it ".

But isn't this the kind of things Friends talk about?

 

[Baphomet]

Originally posted by Ronin I
The social proof is overrated and not worth the general headaches.

Friendships are overrated. You don't have friends, you have acquaintances, and a person cannot be your friend if they are not a quid pro quo deal.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Women are less timid to get with their "friends" unless there were an intimate moment between both indivduals. All my friends at one point in time wanted to get fresh with me when I "flirted" with them. But I kick myself for staying in that "friendszone" because I miss out on a lot of nookie that was offered.

While being friends, see how far she will let you go. You will never know unless you try.

 

[legolas]

There's nothing wrong with having women friends IMO, especially if you hope to turn some of them into lovers. Tell you the truth, hanging out only with guys all the time can get boring and girls sure offer a better alternative. You can watch them thwart away losers who hit on them or completely melt when a DJ works on them.

But anyway, when a girl LJBFS you it could be for several reasons. One is the obvious, "you don't turn me on" reason. I don't know who said it, but I think it was right on the money, that girls would do anything and go to great lengths to protect a guy's ego or not get a guy mad. That's why they have standard lines that in and of themselves can mean many things.

LJBF can also be used as an Anti-Sl*t defense mechanism with which a girl, tries to protect herself from looking too easy. And of course there's the literal meaning in which case she'd really like to become friends, but in this case she'd probably try to be more obvious.

How many times have you seen this line used in emails "I'm sorry to appear/sound too bold but I don't want you to think that my friendliness toward you is more than that. I'm in a relationship already. or I'm already romantically involved with someone, so if you still want to pursue friendship than by all means do so."

I'm curious as to what "friendship" means in ********

 

[Baphomet]

Originally posted by legolas
I'm curious as to what "friendship" means in ********

I thought it was strange a few years back a girl told me to become friends with another girl before I make my move. In that context, "friendship" means a "state of being where both parties are familiar with each other to the point where a strong attraction can develop."

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by legolas
I'm curious as to what "friendship" means in ********

"Friendship" == "Stick around long enough so I can evaluate whether you're better than my current prospects".

Osc.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

To women there are two types of friends:

Friend #1: listen her b***h about other men, take her out when she becomes bored, boost her ego with compliments and encouraging words (the guy she sexing said something hurtful), give her advice about a man she's dating, and other stupid things I care not to mention for it is too long of a list.


Friend #2: this guy is unavailable but recieves advances from the female, have sex with her when he is ready, take her out when he feel like F*****G, she can't have him due to him having a girlfriend/wife or if he's single and she's not his type but hope one day she will get with him.

 

[legolas]

Hi Eyecandie4ya, I have some questions below.

Originally posted by Eyecandie4ya
Women are less timid to get with their "friends" unless there were an intimate moment between both indivduals.

What's the difference IF there were an intimate moment before?

All my friends at one point in time wanted to get fresh with me when I "flirted" with them. But I kick myself for staying in that "friendszone" because I miss out on a lot of nookie that was offered.

What do you mean by "getting fresh"? Were they giving bying signals? Were they flirting back?

So you're saying that after flirting with them for a while, they suddenly became interested? Are you good looking by any chance? j/k

While being friends, see how far she will let you go. You will never know unless you try.

By far the most useful qoute of the day.

 

[myfriendblu]

This is only something ADVANCED, SOLID DJ's can get away with. Yep its good for all the reasons you have stated, social proof, ect. However newbies and even newly reformed DJ's will have trouble with this. they will let ego/feelings get in the way and may let the girl use them as an emotional tampon.
The only way to do this is to accept that she is here for social proof, she is just a LJBF and keep phone convos and relationship talk to a minimum.

 

[oskiano]

Women Friends can Rock

Women friends, even ones you began your time with by trying to bed them, can be great. They can also be a complete waste of time. It all depends on how you treat it.

I have four great women friends right now, for example, and I'm deciding about a fifth one. #1 began by me going all out for her and getting denied, #2 began by me thinking she was really cool and not knowing what I wanted from her.

#3 began totally as a sister-like friend with an awesome sense of humor.

#4 wants me but I'm not sure about.

#5 is an advisor to me professionally and we're enjoying our time together.

What do all of them have in common? They do not bother me with emotional tampon issues, rarely ask me for advice with their boyfriends, and all are interested in me as a man. They help me with wardrobe advice, deciphering female behaviors and games, and so on. More than once these women have enlightened me and saved my time and energy by showing me things about women. Pure gold.

They all make my life better in their own way, and vice versa, and that's what it is all about.

I have absolutely no need to sleep with these women whatsoever, and they all know it and respect me for it. They all know me as a sexual guy, but they don't get in my way. As a matter of fact, every time I go out with any one of them, chicks in general are all tuned in to me in a very obvious way. The social proof aspect of it is very real, and very tangible.

The bottom line is that I like their company, plain and simple. Maybe it is because of my age and because I had been in a 10 year LTR and all of that, but there are certain things I to do with my women friends that I don't do with my guy friends.

It's all about expectations, or rather the lack of them.

Be desire-less
Be excellent
Be gone