Living with the woman of my dreams?

[Knuckles]

I am in a situation that requires tact.

I live with my best friends family, brothers sisters parents and all. Originally i was to reside for just a few weeks, but time has passed and the symbiosis that exists has not lended itself ot my prompt departure.

During my time here I have developed an attraction to my buddys sister, A beautiful young woman of 18 years old whose age and flirty personality initially turned me off. She would light up as soon as I entered the room, she would try to touch me every chance she got, she would watch me when I was'nt looking, etc.. I assumed that her flirtation was universal to all guys, which made me discourage her every time she would initiate. Other than this she was very desireable in my eyes. She has a wonderful figure, Keen mind, lots of potential and great personality. Someone I could see myself with. I just felt she needed some maturity.

But for various reasons, one being my residence. I rejected that idea and focused on girls outside of my household. Realistically, I am looking for marriage and any woman found lacking I drop. The down side to this is that I could never really find someone quite as desireable to me like her. I just did not feel marriage was her thing at her maturity level. There were times when she would ask me about a relationship of mine that failed, usually I would just sum it up as too young/immature. .Usually she would get upset becasue she felt that 25-18 is not a major age gap and that it was not a real reason for me to end a relationship. I assumed that it was becasue she did'nt like me "playing " girls, but it was something else...

About a month ago while I was between relationships, I picked her up from work. She was acting very strange, I jokingly asked her If she was on her peiod to which she responded with a peculiar look as if to say "would'nt you like it to be no!" Then she proceeded to tell me how she felt.

She told me that for at least a year she had hoped that I would notice her trying to get my attention. She would try to make me jealous by talking about guys who she had no intrest to try to make me act, but I would respond with my blessings. She said that she knew what kind of man I was, and that she liked me a lot, that she could see herself with me, Among other things she told me she said that she understood why i rejected her. But she was serious, and the more she was around me the more she wanted to be with me.

I asked her a round of questions to gage her truthfulness wich revealed nothing negative. She told me she had given in a lot of thought and knew why I may not have acted in the past. the fact that we live together, and her parents are old fashioned, she knew i would have to move if I was to begin a relationship with her etc.

This was a lot at once and I could not figure what the best course was so I told her to give it a month and revisit her feelings to see if they are the same, she told me that it was not nessesary because they would be, but she would humor me anyway.



I am making plans to purchase my own residence in a month or so. This would be a prime time to act on my long held feelings. No on would have a problem with it. But the thing that nags at me it the timing. All this time she was trying to show me who she was and how she felt , and all this time I shunted her and went elsewhere. I feel that by the time I am ready to act, the Boat will be long gone. I would have missed my Chance. I dont want that to happen. so I am asking for advice on what to do.

Act now?
Later?
Forget it , its too late?
You be my Judges and couselors.

once upon a dream you were a man, now that you awake that dream fades
was the dream what you wanted to be, if so, reality is a nightmare that forces you to stay awake and bear.~ unknown

 

[Desdinova]

If you KNOW that you're moving out in a month, why not go for it? If the two of you don't work out, no big whoop since you're moving out anyway.

If you are unsure of where you're moving out, or if you decide to stay for a lengthy period of time, turn her down, but keep her on the backburner. Having a roof over your head is more important than having a woman.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The dynamic is right. She is acting AFC, and you are screening her. Well done so far.

But keep in mind that women from ages 18-22 are almost never ready for marriage and settling down. Her wanting you does not mean that she will make a great wife. Women at this age are very fickle. They often think they want something or someone, and then change their minds when they later get what they think they wanted.

 

[CraigMack]

That is trashy to go after your friends sister if you are trying to be a player. It will ruin your friendship with your pal real quick. Just think you and her get into a fight. Which side does your friend and his family take? Her side of course. Then you become the bad guy.

Not to mention this is like trailer park type of behavior.

I would say with a world full of beautiful women out there leave what is now or should be your little sister alone!

CraigMack,

 

[Knuckles]

Ouch CraigMack!!
I am often stuck being the brother to many for my mature swing on life. Thats my curse. I do not reject it.
But I am not mistaken to question wether I run the chance of missing out on a good thing.
To clear the matter up. I am no player. But I am very selective. Looking for a mate is not fly by night.
Though what you said stings, you have a lot of insight and 25% of what you said is in the vicinity of being right, so I must apreciate.
Thanks

Biblebelt, you spoken like a true master dj.
I have screened mature women just for their POV alone and found this point of fickleness to be true 90% of the time. In their younger years If they had time to stop and smell the roses they would have decided diffrently.

Thats why my stand is to avoid the young ones, unless exceptional.
My problem has been that I attract a lot of them, but they are just into what they see for the moment, not ready to build on substance mentally, so i leave them alone. I could be a playa, just that it is not my focus. I would rather practice at preparing for a family than for a good night 3x out of the week
thanks for the replies

 

[Hitman10000]

Depends. Introverted girls tend to be ready for serious relationships leading to marriage in their early 20s, while Extroverted girls (ie. Party/Loud mouth types) which I avoid tend to be ready in their late 20s..or 30s. +3-5 years for guys.

 

[kyphan]

If your friend is okay with it, I see no reason not to at least give her a shot. Make sure he is okay with it first. Definitely continue to pursue other women for the time being as well. Maybe this will work out for you, and maybe not; you won't know until you try.

 

[NewMan]

I think in this situation being tactful and subtle is a must. You are after all living under her fathers roof - so I think you should go a long way to respect that in the first place.

I don't know what your relationship is like with her father - whether he sees you as just your buddies friend or whether he looks at you like a 2nd son??? if it's the latter then be very carefull.

Personnally, I think you should wait until you move out before trying to persue something with this girl. Banging her whilst living there seems very tacky to me - white trash behaviour almost.

 

[Charm]

Be careful not to ruin a friendship here with your friend. It can work and you dont need his permission.

 

[MacAvoy]

Be careful not to ruin a friendship here with your friend. It can work and you dont need his permission.

I would seek her brothers permission before you make a move. Give him a heads up. I would also wait until your out of the house to make your move.

Actually I wouldn't, I'd make the move, get busted by my buddy's dad givin it to his 18yr old daughter on his living room couch, then be homeless. Be smart about it.

 

[Charm]

The saying goes, "better to ask forgiveness than permission" - but you must weigh that carefully since forgiveness is not always granted

 

[MacAvoy]

Actually the saying is "its better to BEG for forgiveness than ask for permission" ahh words to live by, just don't tell the judge that :box:

 

[lee36044]

I am in a situation that requires tact.

I am making plans to purchase my own residence in a month or so. This would be a prime time to act on my long held feelings. No on would have a problem with it. But the thing that nags at me it the timing. All this time she was trying to show me who she was and how she felt , and all this time I shunted her and went elsewhere. I feel that by the time I am ready to act, the Boat will be long gone. I would have missed my Chance. I dont want that to happen. so I am asking for advice on what to do.

Act now?
Later?
Forget it , its too late?
You be my Judges and couselors.

once upon a dream you were a man, now that you awake that dream fades
was the dream what you wanted to be, if so, reality is a nightmare that forces you to stay awake and bear.~ unknown

It sounds like she knows what she wants and understands the dynamic created by your living in her fathers home. Since you plan on moving soon ... wait. Let her know how you feel though. Right away! Spend as much time withher as you can ... even "date". But nothing that would make dad want to load his shotgun. If she's mature enough to be a potential mate and really wants what she thinks she does now ... a month or two won't cause you to miss the boat. On the other hand ... if she can't wait another day and just has to have you now ... do the words immature or infatuation seem to fit?

In my experience, the best long term marriages start young ... late teens to early twenties, with the man a few years older. If both are sincere and mature enough to strive for what they want instead of taking the easy way out at the first obstacle ... they seem to last forever.

Regards

 

[lee36044]

Actually the saying is "its better to BEG for forgiveness than ask for permission" ahh words to live by, just don't tell the judge that :box:

Actually you both have it wrong! "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission"!

 

[lee36044]

I sure don't find that to be true.

Only in the military and business worlds. Women rarely forgive ... never forget, and damn sure don't want to permit most anything that you really want to do!

 

[penkitten]

dude, life is short. live with no regrets.

 

[joekerr31]

this scenario is pathetic.
most of the responses are pretty sad also.

you're telling us you could see yourself marrying this girl based on who she is at 18?!!!! are you f*cking crazy? have you read anything on this forum?

if you hadn't framed the question that way then perhaps i'd have said go proceed with caution. but you aren't capable of proceeding with caution if you think some 18 year old pair of t*ts with a crush on you marriage material - and even if she is, you wouldn't really know that for 4-6 more years at minimum.

if you had some hot chic in your life right now you'd never be going down this road.

you are waist deep in AFC thinking. its only because you think so little of yourself that her attention is messing up your ability to reason in this situation.

or who knows, perhaps subconsciously you wish you had a sister that you could screw and this is the closest thing to satisfying that perversion.

anyway, despite the advice I or others give i predict theres a 95% chance here that once you move out you will screw her and within 6 months regret all of this. and its only after you've screwed her for a few months that you will know who this woman is. right nwo you know who she is as her brother's sister - TRUST ME, that is NOT who she will be after you've sodomized her.

im pretty tired tonight and in a slightly bad mood, so maybe im being harsh. but man it gets tiring watching guys come in here, put a gun to their head and ask "guys, am i about to shoot myself in the head?"

 

[WaterTiger]

I'm leaning with Joekerr31 on this one.

First of all, YOU are too FREAKING young to get married! Give yourself another 3 to 5 years at least!

Second of all, SHE is WAY too young to get married. She's just out of high school, still living at home! Is she going to college? Does she have a decent job? (No cashier at Wal-mart is not a decent job.) You going to take care of her when you aren't exactly doing so great yourself?

Thirdly, Do you have another place to live? Either Dad or big brother, or both can make it really dangerous for you to close your eyes at night.

And lastly, you wrote "The down side to this is that I could never really find someone quite as desireable to me like her." So what your saying is that if she gets kidnapped by space aliens that you're going to join a monestary and become a monk????? Talk about putting a girl on a pedestal! How do you know that no other woman would compare? Have you MET every other woman on the planet?

I really don't think this is a good idea on your part.

 

[MacAvoy]

once upon a dream you were a man, now that you awake that dream fades

this scenario is pathetic.

you're telling us you could see yourself marrying this girl based on who she is at 18?!!!! are you f*cking crazy? have you read anything on this forum?

if you had some hot chic in your life right now you'd never be going down this road.

you are waist deep in AFC thinking. its only because you think so little of yourself that her attention is messing up your ability to reason in this situation.

or who knows, perhaps subconsciously you wish you had a sister that you could screw and this is the closest thing to satisfying that perversion.

but man it gets tiring watching guys come in here, put a gun to their head and ask "guys, am i about to shoot myself in the head?"

Second of all, SHE is WAY too young to get married. She's just out of high school, still living at home! Is she going to college? Does she have a decent job? (No bein a cashier at Wal-mart is not a decent job.) You going to take care of her when you aren't exactly doing so great yourself?

Thirdly, Do you have another place to live? Either Dad or big brother, or both can make it really dangerous for you to close your eyes at night.

Talk about putting a girl on a pedestal! How do you know that no other woman would compare? Have you MET every other woman on the planet?

Cmon guys. Why does everyone have to be so harsh and negative around here? This is a beautiful young women and she's payin attention to HIM. We can't stand in the way of destiny, after all this women makes him dream that he is a man, you don't want to take that away do you?

 

[joekerr31]

Cmon guys. Why does everyone have to be so harsh and negative around here? This is a beautiful young women and she's payin attention to HIM. We can't stand in the way of destiny, after all this women makes him dream that he is a man, you don't want to take that away do you?

hahahaha:crackup:

"guys, i've got a gun to my head. am i going to blow my brains out?"

"why don't you pull the trigger and find out?"

hehe. i'm not trying to be negative here, honestly. the dude is about to mack on an 18 year old girl who he thinks might be 'the one' and who is his friends sister (friend who took him in).

this has disaster written all over it.

but who knows. maybe im wrong. just my opinion. last thing i'd ever want to do is shoot down some guys hopes just for fun.