Living the "plate mentality"

[STR8UP]

We have had some interesting discussions recently about Rollo's Plate Theory.

I, for one, don't subscribe to the idea that a guy MUST have multiple women on the go at any given time in order to keep his head on straight and be able to deal with women from a position of power.

But from what I understand, and Rollo has yet to clarify this, but what he is saying is that it's more of a state of mind, a "mentality".

If this is the case, I agree 100%. As long as you have the right frame of mind, you can have ZERO women or a dozen.....the effect is still the same because you don't fall into that trap where you have plugged in to the IV of ONE woman who provides you with that constant drip of things a man THINKS he needs in his life.

So it's interesting that I have taken a step back and observed my own actions as of late, and I feel as though I am getting VERY close to that state of independence where I can walk with my head up high KNOWING that I can take or leave ANY woman at any time.

It's been a steady progression over the years that has brought me to this point, but many of the recent discussions we have had on the MM have pushed me that much closer.

Over the weekend i hooked up with a new chick, and although this is the only true "plate" that I see potential with at the moment, I find that I have a completely different outlook on the future with this one particular woman. It's as if I can truly "take it or leave it".

She has displayed signs of high interest, and honestly this is one of the very few women i have met over the past year that has even made it past the audition stage. But I'm acting and reacting differently with this one.

In the AFC days, unless the chick was absolutely SMITTEN with me (and it did happen despite my high rank in the AFC army), I would have gotten excited about an attractive chick showing interest, showed WAY too much interest MYSELF, and fukked it up in about a week.

Then came the ASSD's (After SoSuave Days). For the longest time I KNEW what I should be doing, but it was a constant battle to "keep myself in check". I still had most of the urges of an AFC (as in I WANTED to call too soon, hang out too much) but I knew that I SHOULDN'T so I made sure i fought off the urges.

Which brings us to the present.

I'm now at a point where I feel "wise" as opposed to simply "knowledgable". Now I don't even find myself thinking so much about a woman, even if she displays high interest and I am attracted to her. Actually I DO think about her, but I have lost the urge to jump the gun with everything. It's like everything has finally sunken in and it's now a part of me as opposed to something I had to force myself into.

This new chick has already invited me to go out again this week. I had the opportunity to blow off the question so I didn't give her a yes or a no answer, but if she does call me up to go I'm gonna turn her down. And it isn't because I'm trying to make sure I'm not around too much, it's because I don't really care for the place she is going.

Long ago it would have been an enthusiastic "yes". More recently I would have stepped back and analyzed whether or not enough days had passed to determine whether or not i would go, and if I determined there had been enough days passed, I would have gone despite the fact that I don't like the place.

It's a great feeling to finally be at this stage, because you can know ALL of this stuff by heart, and you can manipulate the situation despite your emotions, but to truly stand on your own regardless of how many women you have around is a very liberating feeling.

 

[KontrollerX]

Good post.

Doing what you want to do is almost always the best course of action.

This site helps us and tells us to have that mindset but it can take a long time to internalize.

Good to see that you are at the point of full internalization Str8up.

 

[STR8UP]

This site helps us and tells us to have that mindset but it can take a long time to internalize.

It's like with anything......there's a big difference between knowing or thinking something, and actually living it.

For the longest time I thought I was doing great, and I was, but there was still an internal conflict that I had not resolved. With the past several women I have dealt with it has gotten progressively better, and it was just the other day that I stopped to think about it and realized "Hey, I'm different today than I was a few years ago".

Following the rules of being a DJ in the beginning is like taking medication that alleviates symptoms. When you progress far enough you get to the point where the medication actually starts to "heal" you, to the point where you will no longer NEED help that is outside yourself.

 

[Ever onward]

Hey man I got a question for you. In your AW thread you simply said that she stayed the night at your house. Maybe I'm naive but I thought you meant she just slept over as before you've mentioned that you've had girls sleep over platonically. However, now you are saying that you "hooked up with her" this weekend so I'm confused. Did you have sex with her?

 

[Ever onward]

Alright I reread your AW post. I see that you "didn't get the cookie"

 

[BLebowski]

I'm pretty much a newbie to the site but I always like reading your posts StraightUp. Not quite there yet myself regarding the battle, but I'm improving each and every day. :box:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

I, for one, don't subscribe to the idea that a guy MUST have multiple women on the go at any given time in order to keep his head on straight and be able to deal with women from a position of power.

Yes. :yes:

This is ONE of the messages that I have been constantly driving home in the majority of my threads over the past year. Biologically, it would seem that the greatest power a female has over a male is her ability to manipulate him through his more aggressively urgent sex drive.

However, in my branch of the Sosuave Army we have constantly waged a war to liberate ourselves from the oppression of an overwhelmingly rampant sexual appetite. As MEN, we have recognized that our sexual appetites are only a PART of what makes us "male", while there are many other components that contribute to the integrity of the WHOLE of us. And as a result, we have adjusted our focus so that it has become more all-encompassing-------evaluating all women on the many other things that make up who THEY are as well.

This change in our filtering mechanism ALONE is often enough for most of us to NOT develop Oneitis over any particular woman. Simply because she NOW has to really "come with it" in order to just HOLD our attention in the first place.

The wiser you get, and the more experience you have, the more you tend to recognize the SAMENESS of sex to the extent where you KNOW that the possession of a warm, wet, and HOPEFULLY TIGHT, hole alone does NOT a unique woman make----so therefore, the NECESSITY to feel like you have to physically always have another woman waiting in the wings becomes unnecessary. You see, ONLY the other more abstract aspects of any woman is what separates her from the parade of pusssy that marches by MEN daily as they live their lives.

Those who have broken free from the TOTAL control of their hormones often have exhibited an internal fortitude that MANY men still refuse to do the work to discover wiithin themselves.

But those who HAVE, have discovered that no matter what woman they're dealing with, hers is NOT a "special" vagina. Because if that's all she has to offer, then she can be easily replaced. And once a MAN reaches this level of mastery, neither his, nor any particular woman's sexual desire will rule his actions anymore. And once the men that I "serve" with finally grasp this foundational truth, they ALWAYS discover this revelation on their long march from malehood to MANHOOD.

"ANYTHING that you can't say NO to, is your MASTER. And YOU are it's SLAVE."

And I know that I've said this before, but since repetition is the mother of skill, I'm sayin' this shyt ONE MORE MUTHERFUKKIN' time for "new" ears to hear.


March on.

 

[STR8UP]

Hey man I got a question for you. In your AW thread you simply said that she stayed the night at your house. Maybe I'm naive but I thought you meant she just slept over as before you've mentioned that you've had girls sleep over platonically. However, now you are saying that you "hooked up with her" this weekend so I'm confused. Did you have sex with her?

Maybe "hooked up" was the wrong word.

Definitely not platonic with this one. I worked it a little and it got as far as some heavy petting, but she's Muslim and although she definitely isn't a prude, I think the ASD is a little stronger due to that.

The only other middle eastern chick i know was supposedly the same way. She likes to party but doesn't really "get around". Maybe I just didn't work it hard enough or didn't push the right buttons...who knows. But from what I did gather she's probably looking for a relationship (aren't they all) which would make her ASD increase that much more.

If I remember correctly (and I might not be...it was my b-day and my friends kept buying me drinks!) she was apologizing and saying she would "make it up to me later". She might have even said it was her time of the month which would explain why I couldn't QUITE get down to the cl!t and all that is below, hehe.

Chick even went to her purse and got some lotion and gave me a back rub at 3am. Bonus points, for sure.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm pretty much a newbie to the site but I always like reading your posts StraightUp. Not quite there yet myself regarding the battle, but I'm improving each and every day. :box:

Thanks.

A little while back i said i was going to stop posting so much about my personal life, but it seems that it amuses quite a few people, so I'm still around.

I have been studying and practicing this stuff for many years now. You can "de-matrix" yourself rather quickly. One good night of soaking up the DJ bible and such is enough to give you a new perspective on life, but 30 some odd years of programming aren't going to go away with one night of reading.

Like I said, I have learned a LOT recently on the MM board. Some amazingly insightful discussions with some amazingly insightful posters have REALLY helped me to polish up my own views and put a few of the remaining pieces of the puzzle in place.

Thanks homies

 

[STR8UP]

However, in my branch of the Sosuave Army we have constantly waged a war to liberate ourselves from the oppression of an overwhelmingly rampant sexual appetite. As MEN, we have recognized that our sexual appetites are only a PART of what makes us "male", while there are many other components that contribute to the integrity of the WHOLE of us. And as a result, we have adjusted our focus so that it has become more all-encompassing-------evaluating all women on the many other things that make up who THEY are as well.

Glad you brought this up VU.

90% of it really does come down to pu$$y. If you can break yourself free of the thought that you must measure up to some sort of yardstick when it comes to getting laid, the battle is halfway won.

Don't get me wrong......laying up next to a chick wearing nothing but my t-shirt and a g-string gets my d!ck hard just like the next guy, but I don't see it as a failure if I don't get laid. Usually it happens when it happens anyway, so why get all worked up about it?

 

[ketostix]

We have had some interesting discussions recently about Rollo's Plate Theory.

I, for one, don't subscribe to the idea that a guy MUST have multiple women on the go at any given time in order to keep his head on straight and be able to deal with women from a position of power.

But from what I understand, and Rollo has yet to clarify this, but what he is saying is that it's more of a state of mind, a "mentality".

If this is the case, I agree 100%. As long as you have the right frame of mind, you can have ZERO women or a dozen.....the effect is still the same because you don't fall into that trap where you have plugged in to the IV of ONE woman who provides you with that constant drip of things a man THINKS he needs in his life.

So it's interesting that I have taken a step back and observed my own actions as of late, and I feel as though I am getting VERY close to that state of independence where I can walk with my head up high KNOWING that I can take or leave ANY woman at any time.

It's been a steady progression over the years that has brought me to this point, but many of the recent discussions we have had on the MM have pushed me that much closer.

Over the weekend i hooked up with a new chick, and although this is the only true "plate" that I see potential with at the moment, I find that I have a completely different outlook on the future with this one particular woman. It's as if I can truly "take it or leave it".

She has displayed signs of high interest, and honestly this is one of the very few women i have met over the past year that has even made it past the audition stage. But I'm acting and reacting differently with this one.

In the AFC days, unless the chick was absolutely SMITTEN with me (and it did happen despite my high rank in the AFC army), I would have gotten excited about an attractive chick showing interest, showed WAY too much interest MYSELF, and fukked it up in about a week.

Then came the ASSD's (After SoSuave Days). For the longest time I KNEW what I should be doing, but it was a constant battle to "keep myself in check". I still had most of the urges of an AFC (as in I WANTED to call too soon, hang out too much) but I knew that I SHOULDN'T so I made sure i fought off the urges.

Which brings us to the present.

I'm now at a point where I feel "wise" as opposed to simply "knowledgable". Now I don't even find myself thinking so much about a woman, even if she displays high interest and I am attracted to her. Actually I DO think about her, but I have lost the urge to jump the gun with everything. It's like everything has finally sunken in and it's now a part of me as opposed to something I had to force myself into.

Totally agree with all of this Str8up.

This new chick has already invited me to go out again this week. I had the opportunity to blow off the question so I didn't give her a yes or a no answer, but if she does call me up to go I'm gonna turn her down. And it isn't because I'm trying to make sure I'm not around too much, it's because I don't really care for the place she is going.

Long ago it would have been an enthusiastic "yes". More recently I would have stepped back and analyzed whether or not enough days had passed to determine whether or not i would go, and if I determined there had been enough days passed, I would have gone despite the fact that I don't like the place.

Why not just tell her you rather go or do xyz? I'm not saying it's a bad move to turn her offer down ocassionally without explanation or a counteroffer to keep her on her toes or guessing, but it seems like a still confident manly thing to do would just tell her basically, you don't want to go there but you would go some other place. Basically I'm saying lead her. You can't turn down every meetup with her because you don't like where she's going without her thinking you're not interested. I'm sure you know this of course, but I was just curious why you would play it that way.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have been living the plate mentality lately. This is the first time I have managed having sex with different women on consecutive nights.

It's like women can smell it, probably from me not calling and always being busy - except this time I'm not pretending to be busy to make her think I'm with other women, I really am. When a girl senses that she has to compete, then she is on her best behavior. She is not on a pedestal, and always wondering if you like her. You will get to see all of her tricks very quickly. Sometimes I think this must be how the kings in the Bible who had multiple wives had it - the girl saves herself up and is very happy to have her chance to impress the king.

 

[STR8UP]

Why not just tell her you rather go or do xyz? I'm not saying it's a bad move to turn her offer down ocassionally without explanation or a counteroffer to keep her on her toes or guessing, but it seems like a still confident manly thing to do would just tell her basically, you don't want to go there but you would go some other place. Basically I'm saying lead her. You can't turn down every meetup with her because you don't like where she's going without her thinking you're not interested. I'm sure you know this of course, but I was just curious why you would play it that way.

the problem is that I absolutely LOATHE the place she's going. It's an "upscale" martini bar in an "upscale" shopping mall. I've been turned away more than once for dress code. IT'S IN A MALL FOR CRISTSAKES! And it's mainly a bunch of high income older dudes and women of all ages who want some high income older dude to buy them drinks.

But I'm way ahead of you!

I'm probably going to a Halloween street party that night and I'm gonna counter by seeing if she wants to meet up later

 

[STR8UP]

I have been living the plate mentality lately. This is the first time I have managed having sex with different women on consecutive nights.

Haha, I've only pulled that off once in my life, sadly. Felt pretty good, I have to admit.

It's like women can smell it

Oh, can they!

That's my edge. Even if I'm not fukking any of the chicks I know, there's enough of a sexual vibe with a lot of them that it serves the same purpose.

You don't have to be sexing other women, you just have to have a little tension there, at least on the woman's part. Chicks you have LJBF'ed.....that's icing on the cake.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Lets say you knew a professional football player who'd been a quarterback for years, and one day he called you and asked if you'd fill in for him for a game because he was injured. He clears it with the coach and it's all good, you can play if you want to. Would you do it? Would you fill in as the lead role for Mac Beth in a theatre production even though you never had time to memorize the lines? Would you step into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson even though you've never tied on a pair of gloves in your life? Why not?

Confidence. You wouldn't be confident enough to consider these opportunities because you have no prior experience with them. I've used this as an example before, but look at damn near any and every "wish list" women have for potentially acceptable men on the dating profiles of any online service you like. Everyone will say confidence (or something to the effect) is a premium. Women want it, men know they need it, but neither sex really understand it.

The single most common question I get from the High School Forum members in PMs is "Rollo, how do I build my confidence?", "How do I express my confidence once I have it?", and "How do I know I have it?" Let me start by stating that Confidence is a higher goal that pussie ever should be. Vagina is a by-product of Confidence. So if the sole reason you want to achieve a stronger state of self-confidence is to get laid, you need to unlearn this mentality. AFCs can get laid, and men can always pay a hooker, but they will never have confidence.

Confidence comes from options, and recognizing one's personal value in having these options. This is the psychological aspect of Plate Theory. As VICTORY is so fond of saying "anything you can't walk away from makes you it's slave." To which I'll add my own, once again, "a man without options becomes necessitous, and necessitous men are never free." If you do not have the option to walk away from something - for a preferable option or the potential of one - you are dependent upon the only one you immediately have. This is the Cardinal Rule of Relationships:

In any relationship the one with the most power is always the one who needs the other the least.

When you are not developing, exploring or even seeking out new options for yourself you become dependent upon the few or the one you have. Confidence comes from knowing you have concrete options and/or the self-reliance from prior experience that you have a proven ability to develop new options if you have none. This is the "I don't give a ƒuck" mentality I outlined in the original Plate Theory thread. It's far easier to have an "I don't give a ƒuck" attitude, when you posess the confidence to not actually give a ƒuck.

WESTCOASTER and STR8 have both explored the "walk away" principle in several threads. Plate Theory is the essence of this. You will generate more respectability both from any woman involved and yourself if you have the confidence in to completely abandon a situation that doesn't meet your standards. This confidence to walk away comes directly from spinning plates, literally and figuratively.

But the problem is most guys DON'T walk away. Why? Because they are necessitous and recognize consciously or unconsciously that they lack options and lack the confidence to develop more. This is where the practice of Plate Theory is helpful. They need to spin plates in order to generate this confidence. They need to know that they've done it before. They need to experience the success from having spun plates in order to KNOW they have options.

 

[guru1000]

Lets say you knew a professional football player who'd been a quarterback for years, and one day he called you and asked if you'd fill in for him for a game because he was injured. He clears it with the coach and it's all good, you can play if you want to. Would you do it? Would you fill in as the lead role for Mac Beth in a theatre production even though you never had time to memorize the lines? Would you step into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson even though you've never tied on a pair of gloves in your life? Why not?

Confidence. You wouldn't be confident enough to consider these opportunities because you have no prior experience with them. I've used this as an example before, but look at damn near any and every "wish list" women have for potentially acceptable men on the dating profiles of any online service you like. Everyone will say confidence (or something to the effect) is a premium. Women want it, men know they need it, but neither sex really understand it.

The single most common question I get from the High School Forum members in PMs is "Rollo, how do I build my confidence?", "How do I express my confidence once I have it?", and "How do I know I have it?" Let me start by stating that Confidence is a higher goal that pussie ever should be. Vagina is a by-product of Confidence. So if the sole reason you want to achieve a stronger state of self-confidence is to get laid, you need to unlearn this mentality. AFCs can get laid, and men can always pay a hooker, but they will never have confidence.

Confidence comes from options, and recognizing one's personal value in having these options. This is the psychological aspect of Plate Theory. As VICTORY is so fond of saying "anything you can't walk away from makes you it's slave." To which I'll add my own, once again, "a man without options becomes necessitous, and necessitous men are never free." If you do not have the option to walk away from something - for a preferable option or the potential of one - you are dependent upon the only one you immediately have. This is the Cardinal Rule of Relationships:

In any relationship the one with the most power is always the one who needs the other the least.

When you are not developing, exploring or even seeking out new options for yourself you become dependent upon the few or the one you have. Confidence comes from knowing you have concrete options and/or the self-reliance from prior experience that you have a proven ability to develop new options if you have none. This is the "I don't give a ƒuck" mentality I outlined in the original Plate Theory thread. It's far easier to have an "I don't give a ƒuck" attitude, when you posess the confidence to not actually give a ƒuck.

WESTCOASTER and STR8 have both explored the "walk away" principle in several threads. Plate Theory is the essence of this. You will generate more respectability both from any woman involved and yourself if you have the confidence in to completely abandon a situation that doesn't meet your standards. This confidence to walk away comes directly from spinning plates, literally and figuratively.

But the problem is most guys DON'T walk away. Why? Because they are necessitous and recognize consciously or unconsciously that they lack options and lack the confidence to develop more. This is where the practice of Plate Theory is helpful. They need to spin plates in order to generate this confidence. They need to know that they've done it before. They need to experience the success from having spun plates in order to KNOW they have options.

I agree with you. Let's look at another perspective. Why is a Liquid guy more confident than an Illiquid? He has the freedom to move and act the way he desires because at any point in time he can walk away from any endeavor and not be slave to his bills. Most people being Illiquid live on a month to month and are slaves to their jobs. In this perspective, in relation to what you wrote above, it's clearly the AVAILABILITY OF OPTIONS that defines confidence. Great Perspective!

 

[STR8UP]

Would you step into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson even though you've never tied on a pair of gloves in your life? Why not?

haha, totally off topic, but I ran into mike Tyson in Amsterdam in the Red Light District.

Dude apparently has quite a fan club around the world, cause as soon as word got out that he was in this little hole in the wall bar it seemed like the entire red light district converged on the little alley we were in.

I'll never forget the little asian guy though. He sees the commotion and yells out "MIKE TYSON.....MIKE TYSON.....I RUV YOU MIKE TYSON!"

Priceless.

But the problem is most guys DON'T walk away. Why? Because they are necessitous and recognize consciously or unconsciously that they lack options and lack the confidence to develop more. This is where the practice of Plate Theory is helpful. They need to spin plates in order to generate this confidence. They need to know that they've done it before. They need to experience the success from having spun plates in order to KNOW they have options.

Ok, so now I am getting a better picture of what you are saying.

You don't have to spin plates to spin plates.

In the beginning it is the BEST way to get yourself in the frame of mind that you DO have options.

My point would be that the END goal would be to transcend the need for reassurance. To be able to know your value regardless of who is in your life at any given time.

And I will be honest.....I don't think it matters HOW much self worth you have, when you always know in the back of your mind that there are several women at any given time that are attracted to you (even if you don't care to explore your options with them) you carry yourself in a different way.

I think this has also served to help me get to the point I'm at now.

Not to brag but I have several circles of friends, and in all of them there are multiple women who I know I could hook up with at the drop of a hat. Most of them I have no interest in, but it serves almost the same purpose.

When I was in high school I might as well have been invisible to women. After that was over I became the serial boyfriend, riding the high of lots of sex and companionship. Then i would get dumped and sometimes go through months of self pity. Since I found Sosuave I changed my life for the better, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago when I got rid of my longest LTR that I really hit my stride.

I think that after the past couple of years of constantly being "validated" it has kind of sunk in that "Hey, I really AM a valuable commodity and any woman should feel lucky to have me". Who knows, maybe if I hadn't experienced that marked increase in "options", I might not have been strong enough to get myself to where I'm at today. All I know is that when you have three women ready to claw each other's eyes out at a party over you and several women carrying on about how they had the best sex of their life with you it changes the way you see yourself

 

[aliasguy]

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Danger----

I understand, but remember --- "all cats are gray in the dark."

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[ketostix]

The obvious problem I see here that popped up is a chicken and egg question,

Does confidence (or success) come from "spinning plates" or does spinning plates come from confidence? I would say it's both and one requires the other. It also brings up the question of, is confidence (or success) internally or externally derived. And I'd say it's binary thinking to say "you must spin plates". See the problem is there's an assumption that spinning plates only creates confidence and has no downsides. Maybe spinning plates for some guys results in a drop in confidence.

It just seems to me if you can spin plates, then that's proof that you're already confident and attractive and successful with women. So if you choose to spin plates or not, that doesn't prove causation. In other words, spining plates is an effect of confidence, spinning plates is not the cause of confidence.

 

[Interceptor]

All I know is that the more women I interact with and are involved in my life, the more other women know it, and want to know what's going on.