Life philosophy, and women.

[Colossus]

Again, that doesn't mean that every woman who isn't that "special someone" is worthless to me. Some make good friends, but aren't qualified to be good lovers. Some are great sex, but you can't count on them for crap. Some make great companions for activities, but you don't really connect with them on that deep level...and others you will share a deep philosophical connection with, but when you want to go DO stuff, the will bore the sh!t out of you.

Don't expect EVERY woman to be EVERYTHING you need. Most are not fit to be objects of devotion. Many have potential, but if you enable them to live without realizing it, you're not HELPING them, you're holding them down.

This is the way things are flowing these days. The sky isnt falling on the sexes and the quality women arent all gone. But it seems to me like all everyone wants is their own---everything they want met in one convenient little package. Men want their freedom and a woman who doesnt add headaches to their life, and women want a man who meets all their needs and is there for them 24/7 without smothering her. No one wants to coexist...it's all become an adversarial, subversive battle. Even relationships. They all start out great, but then inevitably degrade into constant bickering and blaming each other for everything.

I can empathize with you Mr. Positive; after a while you come to the conclusion that they are a homogeneous lot. Dressed differently, different flavors, but same agenda. They're never satisfied. If you are there for them 364 days out of the year, they will only acknowledge and lament the one day you are gone.

Maybe I'm just projecting. My LTR has been going on for about a year now, and half of our time together is spent bickering and defending ourselves. And she's not "low quality". She's not a hoe, she's not American, she has no real desire for marriage or children. She cooks, cleans, is up for anything, always sexual; would easily meet a SS checklist for LTR material. So what the hell??? Is it always just as simple as "she's not the right one" or "he's not the right one?" Or are we all just selfish as$holes only out for ourselves? Stuff like this really makes you reevaluate your philosophy.

 

[DMSR76]

Great responses, guys... Especially some of the posts by romangod and squirrels. This is good stuff.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This is the way things are flowing these days. The sky isnt falling on the sexes and the quality women arent all gone. But it seems to me like all everyone wants is their own---everything they want met in one convenient little package. Men want their freedom and a woman who doesnt add headaches to their life, and women want a man who meets all their needs and is there for them 24/7 without smothering her. No one wants to coexist...it's all become an adversarial, subversive battle. Even relationships. They all start out great, but then inevitably degrade into constant bickering and blaming each other for everything.

I can empathize with you Mr. Positive; after a while you come to the conclusion that they are a homogeneous lot. Dressed differently, different flavors, but same agenda. They're never satisfied. If you are there for them 364 days out of the year, they will only acknowledge and lament the one day you are gone.

Maybe I'm just projecting. My LTR has been going on for about a year now, and half of our time together is spent bickering and defending ourselves. And she's not "low quality". She's not a hoe, she's not American, she has no real desire for marriage or children. She cooks, cleans, is up for anything, always sexual; would easily meet a SS checklist for LTR material. So what the hell??? Is it always just as simple as "she's not the right one" or "he's not the right one?" Or are we all just selfish as$holes only out for ourselves? Stuff like this really makes you reevaluate your philosophy.

I think you are onto something there Colossus, and I think my situation is an extreme example of this. Tending to see things in a black/white manner, yet ignoring the vast shades of gray.

I think I've passed on some opportunities lately, easily writing off possibly quality gals as simply 'she's not the right one'.

The last few months, I've made some very lofty goals for myself. I've decided, hopefully next year, I'm going to take a year off of my career, and sail the world. See as much of it as I can. Just be a free man, enjoying life to the fullest.

But I've got tons of things to do to prepare..and with each small challenge I overcome, I get even more focused. Each thing I do to get more prepared for this adventure, the more excited about life I get. However, it's to the point now where all women are distractions, trying to hold me back from this. Black and white thinking...

Somehow I've convinced myself that all women, if I get close to them, will try and hold me back.

But there's gray that I need to start seeing now. It makes sense. I'm going to allow more people, good people, into my life that possibly have the same goals, or at least can enjoy helping me achieve mine.

 

[squirrels]

No two people are going to get along 100%, Col.

The key is being able to keep those incompatible areas of life separate, while still having enough common/compatible ground to keep a relationship worth sustaining.

I like to break it down into two things that would give a woman value in my life...1) what can we SHARE and 2) what things can we not share, but I can APPRECIATE about her nonetheless.

I mean, the "Don Juan red-flag checklist" is imperative, but just because a woman doesn't bring your life down doesn't mean it's worth giving up some of your time/energy/freedom to get into a relationship with her if she really isn't doing anything FOR you, either.

It's selfish, yes. But leave it to HER to worry about what SHE needs in her life.

Because honestly, you'll be able to tell if SHE isn't getting what she needs, even if she doesn't KNOW what she needs, because it'll end up causing heartache for YOU as she starts playing bipolar push-pull nonsense.

It's really a feel-thing. Even people who get into "bad relationships"...they feel things being out-of-whack when they get into them. They choose to ignore it as some "immature human emotional BS" and instead commit to the codependent philosophy foisted on them. They're afraid for that reason to admit that they were wrong, instead insisting on trying to force a square peg into a round hole to prove a point.

 

[Colossus]

No two people are going to get along 100%, Col.

The key is being able to keep those incompatible areas of life separate, while still having enough common/compatible ground to keep a relationship worth sustaining.

I like to break it down into two things that would give a woman value in my life...1) what can we SHARE and 2) what things can we not share, but I can APPRECIATE about her nonetheless.

I mean, the "Don Juan red-flag checklist" is imperative, but just because a woman doesn't bring your life down doesn't mean it's worth giving up some of your time/energy/freedom to get into a relationship with her if she really isn't doing anything FOR you, either.

Yeah that's a good perspective. What I'm learning is that women tend to want to share much more of life than I do (or at least they pine for it).

I mean, I like to share some activities, a few nights a week at home and the occasional trip. But I'm not looking for a wife. They want a lifemate. Like she'll make little side comments about how I "never" hang out with her friends; but they all speak f*cking Portuguese!! You cant just jump into someone else's crowd and fit right into the crew.

Anyways, dating and LTR's are so different. Game fundamentals apply to both, but like Mr. Pos said, women tend to want more and more of you. Men (the non-chump variety) just want a cool, bangable chick who isn't harping his nuts all day long.

 

[squirrels]

Like she'll make little side comments about how I "never" hang out with her friends; but they all speak f*cking Portuguese!! You cant just jump into someone else's crowd and fit right into the crew.

Brazilian chicks??

The only three Portuguese words I know are "Fogo de Chao". And they may be ALL any real man needs to know.

 

[Colossus]

Hah, yeah it's such a nice language I dont really mind listening to them. Some of these girls are so slammin' man you have no idea. And when they start talking in Portuguese I just want to hammer them!!

 

[wait_out]

You know how everybody gets hung up on 'all my friends are getting married' and feels the peer pressure to do the same?

Well, I just got news of the first divorce in my circle of friends. Another one of my friends is having trouble advancing in his career because he's too busy balancing his wife and kid. I've got single friends hitting 30 who haven't really managed to put it together, but at least they still have the time and energy that they theoretically could.

I re-devoted myself lately to music and I put out 53-minute mix using serato that I'm really proud of (PM me if you want the link to DL). I organized one show where I'm living, I'm planning the next, and I've been toying with the idea of running a weekly. I just finished 3 weeks in the desert for specialized training, and I scored a really interesting job which I'll be doing overseas this winter.

Meeting women is an issue (I keep bouncing around the country like a pinball) but interesting them in me is not. I've got no intention of abandoning all the good things going for me just to fit into somebody else's idea of where I should be. When I think of who would be a good partner for me -- what I need are a bunch of sincere casual people, who are also living devoted, meaningful lives and need human connection to keep things even. I'm not made to be some 9-5 drone.

I don't feel like a bad person for that.

 

[jophil28]

I don't understand why people create struggles for themselves. People are often their own worst enemy.

Perhaps because men are programmed to fight and hunt.

The desired result of either of these activities is VICTORY. The state of having prevailed over an adversary.
However , a struggle is a necessary precedent to a victory.
Without one we can neither claim victory, nor feel that we have achieved mastery , prevailed, or subdued our quarry.

It ain't no fun if it ain't no fight .

 

[Reyaj]

No woman is perfect and despite it's trite use, the word "Compromise" is the key.

That being said, as a man you should really have the final say

 

[squirrels]

For years I went without a serious girlfriend. Early on it was because I still had AFC-isms to work through, but after that it was because I didn't really want one.

The past year I've had a serious girlfriend, and she's been pretty amazing. I'm not writing this to brag, just to make some observations. She's always very respectful of me, and although she has her own personal and professional ambitions, she really supports me in mine and finds ways to help. She doesn't get caught up in celebrity culture and her vanity is at a healthy level. My friends all think she's great. Sure, we have our arguments, but no objects have been thrown, no insults hurled, really no voices raised. For a long time, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of what any woman is capable of, but over the past 12 months, the frame has been solid and the time spent has been a lot of fun.

Like I said, I'm not aiming to brag. The difference is that this girl is not from the US. She's from Brazil. She grew up in a middle-class environment, but I've come to believe (as has been repeated ad nauseum) that girls in other countries are just different. The sh-- tests, the tantrums, the flakiness, the shrill masculinity, the cattiness - I just don't see these things. What I get instead is someone who actually pours her energies into making me happy, which I am more than willing to reciprocate (without going AFC of course).

I don't know, man...it's opened my eyes. And if we ever break up, though I'll still bang American girls, I will probably stick to foreign or off-the-boat women from non-European countries if I ever want something serious. The one "negative" is that she gets jealous, and even THAT is at an acceptable level; in fact it's refreshing compared with the shoddy pokerfaces of American girls.

One of the biggest reasons for the degradation of "western women" is because "western men" PUT UP with the crap.

Some of those Brazilian towns like Rio are tough towns. You HAVE to bust arse and be a man to get what you want. You don't have TIME to deal with a woman who's gonna bring you down.

Men in America, on the other hand, are soft. They don't have ENOUGH struggle in their lives and they need a woman to "give them purpose". That overriding "need" that most men claim to have allows women to be as crummy as they want to be, since men will accept it and even give them affection JUST by virtue of them having a va-jay-jay.

If Western men stood up and reclaimed their right to the passion and tribulation of life, they would suddenly not have TIME to deal with these kind of women, beyond what they offer recreationally in small doses. Western women would have to shape up or, by natural selection, go extinct.

That is why I say DON'T worry about women. Have fun with them while they're fun...when they stop being fun, when they detract from your life experience instead of enhancing it, leave them be and find something FUN to do with your life.

Don't try to make drama for yourself by setting up these elaborate social structures called "relationships" or force yourself into situations where a woman has a stranglehold on you. Don't marry skanks and flakes. Don't move in with wh0res and b!tches. Don't commit to a woman just because everyone else is doing it. Don't commit because everyone else is JUDGING you...to HELL with them!! You live ONCE. ONLY ONCE.

As much as you'd think there's some rule or guideline that necessitates a "relationship", there's NOT. You are better off alone with a laptop masturbating every night than stuck in a BAD relationship with a BAD woman. Wait until you find one that REALLY enriches your life, THEN do something noble for her. THEN worry about integrating her into your life.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Perhaps because men are programmed to fight and hunt.

The desired result of either of these activities is VICTORY. The state of having prevailed over an adversary.
However , a struggle is a necessary precedent to a victory.
Without one we can neither claim victory, nor feel that we have achieved mastery , prevailed, or subdued our quarry.

It ain't no fun if it ain't no fight .

Interesting Jophil28, but I've got to disagree with you. A struggle isn't necessary for a victory. A struggle (by my definition) is something that holds you back in life. That struggle will keep you down, keep holding you back, until you turn that struggle into a challenge.

Men are programmed for challenges. Challenges we take on to overcome, we fight and hunt for the challenge.

Men these days, a lot of them, are just struggling. Struggling with AFCism, lack of confidence, with unhealthy women...A lot of posts on this board, are like that, and we post, to help those men turn those struggles into challenges.

 

[Colossus]

I don't know, man...it's opened my eyes. And if we ever break up, though I'll still bang American girls, I will probably stick to foreign or off-the-boat women from non-European countries if I ever want something serious. The one "negative" is that she gets jealous, and even THAT is at an acceptable level; in fact it's refreshing compared with the shoddy pokerfaces of American girls.

I know this is a bit off-topic, but I dont want to start another 'foreign women' thread.

I mostly concur with your observations.

I've been doing a bit of venting as of late, but here's a few things I've learned in the last year:

Brazilian women, as a total package, blow American chicks out of the water. BUT---it's not just the women who are different...the men are too. This is often overlooked in the foreign women discussions. These women have totally different expectations of how they should be treated, and they have a tendency to get VERY jealous. Jealousy is a double-edged sword.

They definitely require a different level of attention than our homeland cows. If you see the way Brazilian men treat their women, they do everything for them. Not really in a supplicating, pvssy way; these guys actually are natural DJs in many ways. They are just very attentive and gentle to them. Stuff that we often overlook.

So it's give and take. I think it's a simplistic fallacy to think that foreign women are the "answer", because with hyper-femininity comes a different level of attentiveness required of you. Not only that, but the neg-based gaming we use here doesn't exactly translate well to them! They are not turned on by insults. And sh!t-testing will come with any woman regardless of nationality. For me it's been a challenge, because I have never been the type to give a girl attention simply because she wants it. But all in all it has made me better, and I think just being with a girl of her caliber--if I may use that word--has raised my value as a man. Do you know how high my standards are now??? Lol.

So Mr. Positive--it may behoove you to look offshore for suitable women.

 

[Mr.Positive]

So Mr. Positive--it may behoove you to look offshore for suitable women.

It may very well work out that way Colossus...I think I'm in a win-win situation. For the next year, I'll just have fun meeting women here, take them sailing, but make sure they don't distract me from my sailing adventure goal.

Next year, when I leave, I may just have to make Brazil one of my stops now. The thought of meeting exotic foreign women as I sail really sounds great. I'll keep your advise, and samspade's, in mind.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Guys, thanks again for the advise. I think just focusing on women interested in sailing is really going to work for me.

I started playing around online looking for sailing partners, and just swapped pics with a gal who seems very interested. I was very pleasantly surprised, she sent a pic of herself in a bikini. She's got the body of a model. 28 years old, a phd student...I'm going to have to meet this gal.

 

[Reyaj]

Colossus & Samspade

Brazilian women are in general pump & dumps! Maybe you two found exceptions but in my experiences the only upside they have is that they usually have nice bodies and are very sexual. Other than that their moral foundation generally is corrupted. You'd be hard pressed to find 1 that is a virgin over the age of 18 and they are generally gold diggers. The ones that aren't gold diggers are usually so wacked out in the head they make you wish you'd never met them.

Look at a few recent examples: Arturo Gatti's wife killing him and the woman that got pregnant and went back to Brazil to raise the child unexpectedily....

I have hooked up with countless Brazilian women.... so my words above are not just distorted stereotype jibberish... hell most of the women who dance at gentleman's club are Brazilian.. and they are the ones that generally do extras

So my point in that rant is not to diss the women you are in LTR's with as certainly not all stereotypes are true... But to debunk your words about Brazilian women being more of a feasible LTR play. Cause they sure as hell suck!

 

[Colossus]

Colossus & Samspade

Brazilian women are in general pump & dumps! Maybe you two found exceptions but in my experiences the only upside they have is that they usually have nice bodies and are very sexual. Other than that their moral foundation generally is corrupted. You'd be hard pressed to find 1 that is a virgin over the age of 18 and they are generally gold diggers. The ones that aren't gold diggers are usually so wacked out in the head they make you wish you'd never met them.

Look at a few recent examples: Arturo Gatti's wife killing him and the woman that got pregnant and went back to Brazil to raise the child unexpectedily....

I have hooked up with countless Brazilian women.... so my words above are not just distorted stereotype jibberish... hell most of the women who dance at gentleman's club are Brazilian.. and they are the ones that generally do extras

So my point in that rant is not to diss the women you are in LTR's with as certainly not all stereotypes are true... But to debunk your words about Brazilian women being more of a feasible LTR play. Cause they sure as hell suck!

I guess regional experiences vary. Brazil is the 5th most populous country on earth; it would be egregious to generalize an entire nation of women!! (Even though we do it for discussion)

It's a fair assumption that women from large metropolitan cities anywhere in the modern world would share some of the same attributes. Lady tells me women from the south of Brazil are more like our women. Go figure.

At any rate, the take-home message is that it's good for a man to experience cultural variety. I like to sample ALL the flavors of the world

 

[wjh]

The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an expression of a man’s sense of his own value . . .

The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice or code of values. They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad rails of its own volition. Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—and can be nothing else.

“The Meaning of Sex,” For the New Intellectual

 

[jophil28]

Men are programmed for challenges. Challenges we take on to overcome, we fight and hunt for the challenge.

Not quite. We fight and hunt because those two activities were ancient methods to ensure survival. Fighting prowess guaranteed survival in battle. Hunting brought food back into the cave.

Challenges, for ego's sake or for "self fulfilment' were unknown back then. Challenges 'for their own sake' only emerged when physical survival was assured Maslow says so.
Your planned sailboat adventure would never even enter your thoughts unless you could plan and provide for your survival in rough weather. Take spare batteries for the GPS and your Laptop too.

BTW, we presently have a local chick on the home stretch across the Indian Ocean after sailing solo around the world. She is 16 years old and sails a pink sailboat . Google Jessica Watson
Bon Voyage, Mr P.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Not quite. We fight and hunt because those two activities were ancient methods to ensure survival. Fighting prowess guaranteed survival in battle. Hunting brought food back into the cave.

Challenges, for ego's sake or for "self fulfilment' were unknown back then. Challenges 'for their own sake' only emerged when physical survival was assured Maslow says so.
Your planned sailboat adventure would never even enter your thoughts unless you could plan and provide for your survival in rough weather. Take spare batteries for the GPS and your Laptop too.

BTW, we presently have a local chick on the home stretch across the Indian Ocean after sailing solo around the world. She is 16 years old and sails a pink sailboat . Google Jessica Watson
Bon Voyage, Mr P.

Jophil, I completely disagree with everything you are trying to insinuate with this post.

But your opinion is heard, and I've heard it many times before as well.

I too, bid you farewell.