Libertine's personal growth log.

[The Libertine]

So,I decided to start a journal in here that I'll keep up atleast untill the bootcamp's over. So let me introduce myself to the people who don't know me.

I'm from Bulgaria. I'm 15, grade 10. I am known throughout my school,as I'm social and I am a former child star, but I'm not really popular and I don't go to a lot of parties. But I've been improving my social situation since the start of this school year.

I've only kissed with 3 girls in my life and I still haven't had sex. So the story's pretty short-

The first one I met in October '10. We instantly liked each other, we went out like 20 times, we held hands and stuff but I still hadn't kissed her. Then one morning in the beginning of December we texted,she said she wanted to talk to me about something so I went to her school and sneaked in. Then we talked for a bit, I asked her what she wanted to talk about,she said nothing and got a little bit awkward so I thought to myself that it was as good of a moment as it could be so I kissed her. We madeout for a bit but her break was over so I went to school . Then we made it facebook official, I saw her the next day, then I didn't see her on Saturday and Sunday and I texted her a lot and then while texting on monday she dumped me.

After that I got pretty depressed as I was "inlove" with this girl and I gained weight,listened to depressing music and suffered like a lil *****. At that time I thought that it wasn't my fault - she just liked some other guy as he had abs and was popular. But two months later,I was almost over her and I found the pickup community. I searched for a teen forum and found teen-game. I read everything I could find there but didn't have progress. Then Prodigy registered there and linked to hspf and I found natural game and since then I've been learning.

In May of last year came my 2nd girl- I was on a 1 night camping trip with my two best friends (both girls- Kay and Eve), Kay's friends and Kay's cousin. It was one of the nights when I was in state- I just felt awesome as I was the one making all the food at the campfire, and I had set it up. I talked to Kay's cousin, we drank,I fed her and I isolated. I didn't really think of game that night- I just did everything right as I just entertained myself. So we walked up this hill,looked up to the stars and stuff and I thought about kissing her. Then she said "You really want to kiss me,don't you?" . So I go like "Well..I hadn't looked at it that way...Well..." and went in. We made out for 20 minutes. I escalated ,tried to take off her shirt but she said "I've a boyfriend, I shouldn't". We made out a bit more and then we went back to the others and we barely talked after that. Oh,and she was 18 and I was 15.

After that there were a couple of months that I ruined my friendships with people from my class as I did some pretty stupid ****, and lost most of my value in that social circle. And when it came to girls I escalated too fast and I was a creep. So no successes throughout the summer. But at the summer camp at the end of summer (it was mostly people from my grade) I made some friends but I didn't have any hookups and stuff as I was creepy.

Then the new school year started. I focused on improving my life and I made new friends,mainly on my school's parking lot, and I got invited to a couple of parties and started building a name for myself. At some point I realized that I shouldn't try to learn pickup tactics, but try and become a sex-worthy guy, mainly by talking to NorwegianDJ on facebook. (BTW thanks for everything man) .

Then there came the third girl.Let's call her Pam.
We met on my school's parking lot. She was a new girl in our school and was a friend of Ivy (a girl I talked to twice last year). But I knew barely anyone that smoked and because I had picked up that habit during the summer I saw them pretty often and we talked and eventually became friends. So one day I smoked weed with Ivy and then Pam learned and as she smoked just as much pot as me (at the time) and we started going some days after school and on weekends to smoke. Then one night after messaging on facebook and then talking on the phone for an hour I told her that she has to sneak out and I was going over to hers. I got some alcohol and went there. When I arived it was 2 AM. We chilled in her basement for 3 hours,talking and playfighting and drinking. I had to get my bus at 5.30 so I had a look at my phone's clock- it was 5:10. I couldn't do it. Some time passed. I did it. She stood up,asked me why the **** did I do that, and we went to the bus stop. Then there she initiated the makeout. Then my bus came. We made out again. I got on and texted her goodnight. I saw her the next day. She brought a friend on our meeting. It was awkward. Then one time we smoked I explained that I wanted to try a relationship. She didn't feel the same way. So now we're still friends but she's acting a bit weird now. And that was a month ago.

So that was my story so far. And now for my first entry:
SS Journal log 1. 28.1.12

I have been fat ever sincegrade 3.I made the decision to cut the fat a month ago. I started working out and keeping an eye on my diet on the 9th of this month. I'm currently more than 3 kgs down and I have noticeable strength gains. My goal is to get to 80 kg by 1 July.I'll post my weekly progress here.

For the past week I've been suffering from mood swings. Every now and again I get really angry and start hating everyone and everything. I have no idea why it's like that, and it isn't like that constantly,but I am starting to get worried.

This past week I was asked if I had hooked up with Lis. I haven't but two people say I have. I denied it as I don't want to lie. Still,she's cute so that's not a bad rumor. I've been getting better with girls and I'm on the right track. My biggest problem right now IMO is the lack of parties where I can hook up. So I have to really get a good social circle going.

 

[LearningSlowly]

We made out for 20 minutes. I escalated ,tried to take off her shirt but she said "I've a boyfriend, I shouldn't". We made out a bit more and then we went back to the others and we barely talked after that. Oh,and she was 18 and I was 15.

Next time take YOUR shirt off, if she won't take off hers. This'll be easier to do once you get fit. So keep working on it!

Your fitness and social skills are going to develop side-by-side. You're going to go from fat and friendless (lol sorry) to average to built and social. Good luck my man, it's a long path. Great to see another journal around.

 

[Amo]

I have been fat ever sincegrade 3.I made the decision to cut the fat a month ago. I started working out and keeping an eye on my diet on the 9th of this month. I'm currently more than 3 kgs down and I have noticeable strength gains. My goal is to get to 80 kg by 1 July.I'll post my weekly progress here.

What's your routine, man? How are you monitoring your diet?

For the past week I've been suffering from mood swings. Every now and again I get really angry and start hating everyone and everything. I have no idea why it's like that, and it isn't like that constantly,but I am starting to get worried.

At least you're aware of it. The next step is to catch yourself in a swing and tell your brain to cut that sh*t out.

Check your diet too - make sure it's balanced and you're getting all the carbs, fats, protein, micro-nutrients, and water you need. Check your sleep as well. A happy body is a happy mind.

This past week I was asked if I had hooked up with Lis. I haven't but two people say I have. I denied it as I don't want to lie. Still,she's cute so that's not a bad rumor. I've been getting better with girls and I'm on the right track. My biggest problem right now IMO is the lack of parties where I can hook up. So I have to really get a good social circle going.

My suggestion? Just smirk whenever anyone asks and faux-innocently say "no".

 

[The Libertine]

I'm doing Squats,Deadlifts and alternating Bench/Military press (simplest form of starting strength) on Mondays,Wednesdays and Fridays to minimize muscle loss , and I eat lots of tuna and pasta and keep myself at around 1800-2100 calories daily for losing fat .

Actually today I thought about my mood swings- they are always triggered by someone doing or saying something that agravates me. I have just been unreactive to bull**** for most of my life and now I'm getting fed up with it. Must be the weather.

 

[The Libertine]

Journal Log 2: 29.01
So something pretty strange happened today.
I went out on a coffee date with my school's newspaper editor today. While we were there I had a pretty strange interaction.
So,there were some girls on the couch next to ours. When they stood up I made eye contact with one of them. We starred at each other for like 10 seconds when she told me I looked familiar. I asked her where she studied - she was from my best friend's school. So I assumed I've seen her there. I introduced myself to her and her friend and she immediately remembered me as "Hey you were that kid on TV that was smarter than me". Anyway,that happens a lot. But then something strange occurred - she asked me if I had been at a party last week. I was. She said she knew some people that were there. Then she asked me when I was going by her school again,and told me to say hi to her. There's no way in hell I'd do that. She was waaay too creepy.

So anyway,at that time it didn't seem strange to me that she knew I was at that party,but I kinda got freaked out now when I wrote about that interaction in the bootcamp topic. How the **** did she know I was at that party. I found her facebook and the only mutual friend we had who was at the party was a girl to which I didn't even talk to that night.. I think I may have started doing something right , as the "hookup" people think I did was at that same party,and now some total stranger know's where I've been. I get the feeling that people are talking about me. Does anyone have any theories on why does it happen?

 

[ryanjevo]

She probably was at the party too.

 

[BPH]

You sound exactly like me when I was your age, except I think you've kissed one more girl than I had at the time.

Might I suggest a sport? Sophomore year was the first time I played football, and I really enjoyed it, gave me a ton of social proof as well.

Also feel free to ask me any questions you might have about fitness, it tends to be my specialty

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Trust me, Im paranoid about my journal too
Oh, try to drop the starch (pasta).
Did you drop any 'diet' (zero sugar) products?

 

[The Libertine]

She probably was at the party too.

Nah,she wasn't there. That's what makes it weird.

You sound exactly like me when I was your age, except I think you've kissed one more girl than I had at the time.

Might I suggest a sport? Sophomore year was the first time I played football, and I really enjoyed it, gave me a ton of social proof as well.

Also feel free to ask me any questions you might have about fitness, it tends to be my specialty

Thanks man,I'll keep that in mind.
I play football (soccer for you americans) occasionally, but in here sports aren't really what "cool kids" do. Except the football team but there's no way in hell they will take me- they are one of the best school teams in my city (1.5 milion citizens) and I'm a bad player.

Trust me, Im paranoid about my journal too
Oh, try to drop the starch (pasta).
Did you drop any 'diet' (zero sugar) products?

Why should I drop the pasta? Isn't it one of the healthiest sources of carbs? Oh, and in my family it's pretty much impossible not to eat it- that's what my mom cooks almost daily.
I don't drink diet cokes and stuff. I also don't eat anything that has "diet" in its name. I rarely drink anything other than water,coffee,milk and the occasional fresh orange juice. And if I ever crave anything sweet I eat a bit of chocolate or a candy bar- I just keep my calories down,and as you said individual foods don't matter that much- it's about the macros.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Pasta is starch. Starch is like.. 89 GI? It's like sugar. Huge insulin spike = huge fat gain. Just have less of it when you have it and mention that your diet suggests that you should lay off as much carbs as possible (simplified for try not to eat carbs and if you do, have them be slow carbs).

Diet anything is a scam.

I dont see the problem with the chocolate, just keep it in small, infrequent amounts

Oh and define 'healthy'. It's such a used up word. It doesnt even have a meaning anymore.

 

[BPH]

I'm not the greatest dietician in the world, but carbs=energy. If you aren't exerting yourself soon after having taken in several carbs...it's just gonna sit there.

Pasta before a workout is good, my coach would feed up spaghetti before football games, and it worked quite well. But carbs+no exercise=fat.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

It doesn't matter. Insulin spikes were a broscience theory invented when Dr. Atkins found a link between Americans, Australians, NZ's and British consuming carbohydrates and % of population above the healthy weight. We now know tnat link was actually due to the high kilojoule diets they had, even in that study the majority of countries were exceptions. For example, Japan, China, Israel.... The study supported the high-fat high-protein French diet. I support the Greek diet, look into those countries.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

It doesn't matter. Insulin spikes were a broscience theory invented when Dr. Atkins found a link between Americans, Australians, NZ's and British consuming carbohydrates and % of population above the healthy weight. We now know tnat link was actually due to the high kilojoule diets they had, even in that study the majority of countries were exceptions. For example, Japan, China, Israel.... The study supported the high-fat high-protein French diet. I support the Greek diet, look into those countries.

Then how would you explain the thousand of cases where people have gained significant amounts of muscle, while losing significant amounts of fat? Macros and heat count a lot. I agree that meal timing doesnt matter, atleast not until low bf% levels.

ex: The colorado experiment:
Performed over 28 days
Casey Viator increased his weight by 20.5kg
Lost 8.1kg body fat
Gained 28.7kg muscle mass.

Some other dude followed and gained 6.8kg in 22 days.

Their workouts averaged in 33.6 minutes, 3 times per week.

 

[BPH]

Then how would you explain the thousand of cases where people have gained significant amounts of muscle, while losing significant amounts of fat? Macros and heat count a lot. I agree that meal timing doesnt matter, atleast not until low bf% levels.

ex: The colorado experiment:
Performed over 28 days
Casey Viator increased his weight by 20.5kg
Lost 8.1kg body fat
Gained 28.7kg muscle mass.

Some other dude followed and gained 6.8kg in 22 days.

Their workouts averaged in 33.6 minutes, 3 times per week.

Show me pictures.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Show me pictures.

A simple google search which I had to do for you did the trick.

https://www.google.com/search?q=cas...Q&biw=1680&bih=949&sei=UPonT4y0J8aAhQfToK2_BQ

http://cdn.stronglifts.com/wp-content/uploads/casey-viator.jpg

They claim it was drug-free.

 

[The Libertine]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I feel like **** right now.

Where do I begin? Let's see.... For start I'll tell the backstory- there's this girl in my class that I have been a friend with since we started high school but she had a boyfriend for the past year and 7 months and we weren't very close... Then a couple of days after Christmas she broke up with him. When we got back from Christmas break (second monday of january) she sat next to me and we talked about stuff. We went out a couple of times,we talk a lot in school and I thought things were going great between us,even though she had an abundance of guys around her- one guy that she's gone out like 10 times and he escalated but didn't kiss her and yesterday told her he was inlove with her (what a total retard),another one that she made out with but is a good friend of her ex and is trying not to like her,and another guy that's a friend of the second one and she's seen once,they made out but she doesn't like him that much. BTW she says she loves me pretty often and we have a lot in common.

So, we went out a total of 6 times in the past three/four weeks-
The first time we got high and watched some ****ty movie but she was in a bad mood.

The second she came over after we finished school and we watched a pretty good horror movie.

The third time she called me while I was ending a coffee-date with some girl and we went to the mall where she tried on some sexy stuff I picked and I tried on a suit.That was last weekend.

The fourth time we went to the mall with her,my two best friends (both girls) and one the boyfriend of one of them.They tried on some lingerie and after that when we sat on some bench she sat in my lap for like 20 minutes.

The fifth we went to my place with her,one of my best friends and her boyfriend. While they were making out and doing some couple bull**** me and her were playfighting,watching music videos on tv and she was laying in me.

Then this week we played truth or dare and she had to kiss me and did it (although briefly). I don't think that's of any importance, but still.

Then today we went out,first to some bar where we got a beer and talked. Then we played some truth or dare, and there were two things that were of interest to the story- first,we kissed again (again very briefly) as a dare,and then when she had to answer the question "what would you like Libertine to do if he was your slave for a day" she answered she'd want to make out a bit and buy her stuff.
After that we went to my place,I put on Fight Club (which is my most favourite movie ever,and she loved it) and I kinoed throughout the whole movie ( hugging her around the waist,holding her thigh/knee,holding hands) and I thought it was all going perfectly smooth. So after the movie I walked her to the bus stop and we were walking just like couples do- hand in hand/hugged the whole time. Right then I decided that I've waited enough and she was keen on me (most of the times I wouldn't wait that long,but she's around me every day in school and we're friends). So as her bus came and she hugged me goodbye I tried to kiss her but she turned her head and said "No,Libertine."

So after that we chatted and everything seems normal and we didn't talk about what happened. I'm just wondering if it's a lost battle. I really want this girl (not oneitis, she's just an amazing person and looks a bit like olivia wilde and has a great body . I really feel like I ****ed up, and this is the first time I deal with rejection- most of the times I pussied out before trying to kiss the girl.

 

[LearningSlowly]

You missed your chance. Rather, many chances. Next time go for the make out sooner, when she's feeling a good vibe.

That one that's a good friend of her ex and is trying not to like her. Bet she's most attracted to him. They want what they can't have.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Yeah, you actually screwed it up by waiting. I would have kissed her then gone into some elaborate speech about how great I am.

Norway, I'm not saying macros aren't important. I'm saying the opposite, that eating protein to the exclusion of other macros is stupid. I think 30/30/40 P/F/C is healthy. We're designed to run on carbs. Just not stupid amounts. Again, look into the Mediterranean (thank you spell-check) diet, or better yet go Cave Man. I've been thinking about it.

 

[The Libertine]

So do you think I can still get her, or should I just move on to the next one? I really don't want to move on yet for reasons- she's the best girl I've been interested in in a while.

 

[Nino-Tk]

Attraction has windows in which you must take advantage and close. You missed alot, tell you what, this girl probably thinks she is ugly or disgusting because <cough> someone didn't make a move. You rejected her by not kissing her during the entire damn movie...haha, Remember that next time...you shoot first, and ask questions(or not) later.