Letting girls know you're interested

[becker]

One thing about this site that I've learned is that sometimes it can make a guy a little self-conscious about letting a girl know that he likes her.

I've never been one who subscribed to the whole "being a challenge" thing. The bottom line is, if a girl is interested in you and you are interested in her, there is not a lot you can do wrong. You can probably even get away with acting a little dorky once in a while (just not too much).

I think it's important that if it's clear that you both are into each other, you need to give the girl total attention every time you're with her, and it has to be very sincere. If she feels at all that you're not totally into her, up comes the whole pulling away thing to make herself more of a challenge.

Anyways, who here has been successful in this, or are in good relationships right now where it began with you both being into each other and not playing many games?

 

[Chewy Bagel]

My current girlfriend asked me out on a Friday and we went out that evening. We went to a bar, I bought her a drink, danced for 1/2 of a song and started to make out with her on the dance floor. Then, I said, "lets go back to your place." We f*ucked and have been together since (almost 5 years).

I have never played hard to get or any other games - I always blew off girls who played them with me. If a girl wants to play games, then I let them go.

 

[violator]

There was this girl (7.5) who I hooked up with about a year ago who demonstrated total interest. There was no game playing whatsoever on her part. Obviously her IL was way up there and within a couple of months she was already in love and wanting a serious commitment from me. I was not ready and I broke things off early this year. I just did not feel the same even though she was a really good LTR material girl and the sex was also great.

The girls I have been seeing since then have for the most part been game players. In other words, I would ask them out for dates, and it is either "I can't I have things to do" or "maybe next week" ( low IL) and then when I cut contact with them, they would call me wanting to see me (WTF). Welcome to the world of attention wh0res.

What I am trying to say is it is difficult to find a girl who is not into games. This is especially true with the hot ones. They know they are sought after so they see no reason not to play games.

I believe it is really comes down to the level of a woman's IL. I have read AntiDump's old posts and I agree with him 100%. Game playing women, are not worth the effort, in the end. To me she has to demonstrate high IL from the start, if she has a shot at a long term commitement with me. That means constistently good behavior from the start. I have grown tired of the games. Yes, the challenge is good and I don't want a chick who is all needy and always available, but there comes a time when the games need to stop, otherwise I immediately lose interest.

 

[Satan Psycho]

Originally posted by becker
The bottom line is, if a girl is interested in you and you are interested in her, there is not a lot you can do wrong.

Tell that to my last oneitis of my AFC days. I think I sent her IL from about 90% to 3% in a matter of days, and she was way into me.

Anyways, who here has been successful in this, or are in good relationships right now where it began with you both being into each other and not playing many games?

The only success I ever had with girls in the first 25 years of my life were when, miraculously, I accidently did everything right, and that was... Are you ready for this? Twice. 2 girls, maybe a 6 and a 7.5.

No shyt. Don't ever believe that playing games is somehow wrong or hurtful to our objective. I'm getting sick of of people giving AFC advise and I hope newbies don't follow it. If you don't play games you don't have game and you get no poontang. It's just that simple. We were all lucky enough to find this amazing Web site and if you choose to dismiss what you learned here then more power to ya.

 

[becker]

The thing is, you did something right with a 6 and 7 girl. To me, that's a situation where you can't do much wrong because they're 6s and 7s. The key is HOW you show interest, not whether you show it. You can't get anywhere if you don't show ANY interest.

I think that the thing about games is that people tend to play them too much and go too far with them, and also that they don't play them correctly. People seem to associate showing interest in a girl with all this spineless grovelling AFC behavior, but they don't realize that they don't have to go together.

I think that the guys who do this stuff correctly tend to demonstrate that they are secure enough to show the girl how much they're into them but at the same time making sure she knows that he's not a pushover. It's not something that's easy to pull off, but you need to strike that balance for it to work.

 

[OzzyBoy]

I agree its okay to show lots of interest in someone if they are really into you as well. I have done this despite what lots of the stuff on this site says and i have done very well however i would not go overboard with it because too much might make you look like a afc and possibly make you less of a challenge.

 

[becker]

I think I've finally sort of figured this out. Ok, bottom line is that you need to show interest but not appear AFC. One way to do this is to do something that I've done very often with women who I have not been that interested in, but have flirted with. In the end, this all boils down to making sure that you flirt with her.

Anyways, you want to say things like "Hey sweetie" when you see her, and sometimes ask her sort of innocently and in passing if she'd like to go out to lunch, and if she agrees, then tell her playfully "I'll be counting the minutes". Do this with sort of a smirk, like you don't mean it, but you actually do. The key is that the words are there but they are lighthearted so as to not create too much awkward tension. This of course is difficult unless you have the right personality for it. If you're shy and can't bring yourself to act in that manner, then that may be the block that separates you from being a DJ.

 

[legolas]

Becker, I like your style. I just recently came up with a non-awkward thing to say similar to your "hey sweety" I just say "hey cutie" I had thought before of saying "hey beautiful" but I kept thinking it was way too much to say and created a lot of weird vibes.

So what you're saying, is that to show interest, I would have to flirt with the girl? Which probably means that I have to initiate the flirting, and keep it going for some time. I also like the idea of "sorta asking her out" by asking her out to lunch or something like that. Yes, yes I know all about being direct and all that jazz, but we are not all the same, and what works for someone else, may not fit well with your personality.

Thanks for the ideas becker, keep it up.

 

[studmuffin15]

i never play games with girls, either. some guys may have time for that shyt, but i dont. i have way too much more important stuff going on in my life than to sit around all day and strategize how i am gonna play some broad.

if i am into her, she knows it. and i expect the same in return. if i dont get it, she's gone and i move on.

there's nothing "unmasculine" about letting a girl know that you;re interested. i laugh my azz off when people on this site come on and preach about how to cover up feelings and shyt like that. tell me, if two people are interested in each other, but each person is so interested in covering up their emotions and not letting the other person know whats up, where the hell does that lead? NOWHERE. this isnt poker >> its dating.

theres a difference between letting a girl know that ur interested and professing ur love to her. doing the former shows that ur secure with urself as a man. doing the latter shows ur AFC. choose ur actions wisely.

as far as girls playing games, i use this to definitely weed out the attention wh*res. if a chick REALLY digs u, she wont play games...i dont care what anybody says. if she does play games, she has other motives going on in her head besides her feelings for u....her IL in u isnt authentic, so move on.

 

[jakethasnake]

Guys, sometimes I don't even think any words or phrases are necessary when it comes to conveying your interest.

I think some guys are just born with it, but I have this natural look of mischieviousness in my face. It's playful, and sometimes devious-looking, even. All it takes is some prolonged eye-contact -- not too long that it's creepy, but just a second or two long than is necessary considering the circumstance -- and then a lop-sided George Clooney-ish smile. I'm not saying I'm as handsome as the man himself, but I can do Clooney's
'playful/mischievious rascal smile' well. Then a hello or a witty comment leads me into a conversation.

Basically, I think that people should pay even more attention to non-verbal communication before fretting over what to say.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by legolas
Becker, I like your style. I just recently came up with a non-awkward thing to say similar to your "hey sweety" I just say "hey cutie" I had thought before of saying "hey beautiful" but I kept thinking it was way too much to say and created a lot of weird vibes.

So what you're saying, is that to show interest, I would have to flirt with the girl? Which probably means that I have to initiate the flirting, and keep it going for some time. I also like the idea of "sorta asking her out" by asking her out to lunch or something like that. Yes, yes I know all about being direct and all that jazz, but we are not all the same, and what works for someone else, may not fit well with your personality.

Thanks for the ideas becker, keep it up.

Thanks legolas, I've found in my experience that the best line to use has been "hey sweetie". The reason is that the words "beautiful" and "cutie" both sort of point to physical features, which may give off a vibe that you're a little shallow. However, "sweetie" tends to show that you've gotten to know the girl a little and she is a sweet person. Anyways, that's my whole interpretation of it based on responses I've gotten. I've never said "hey beautiful" or "hey cutie" to any girl before, so I don't know how successful that has been for you.

To me, flirting is the key way to show attraction and some charisma at the same time. It should be in a playful tone, which to me is key. You have to be somewhat innocent about it, and not put yourself in a position where there might be a chance she will see you as deceptive. For example, you can't have this look of "hey, let's go out to lunch, but what I really want is you in bed", because women can see right through that. Heck, even I can see right through that stuff. If you look, talk, and act like a player, you can bet that she'll label you as one and will have her guard up. If you're going to be a player, it better be undercover and nobody should be able to spot that side of you except for you. I recommend that you don't even have that much, because it might come out when you don't want it to.

There are not many guys who can go up to a girl and say "hey sweetie", because it's something that you have to be pretty confident to do. If done correctly, it creates sort of a image that you are comfortable around women, which means that you're not too insecure and shy (to me, these can be kisses of death, although a strong shyness is ok, but be insecure and it's all over for you).

 

[Porky]

Saying things like "hey cutie" can work if they aren't used to it, and it's damn fun.

This girl, an HB9 who's stuck up and can get pretty much any guy she wants, rides my bus in the morning (when I don't get a ride with a friend). I'm very, very good friends with her best friend, so she and I are friendly. Anyway, she came up to me at the bus stop, said hey, and I responded with a smirk and said "hey baby." She did a double take, then instead of walking past me to talk to somebody else she struck up a conversation.

I blew her off to talk to my ex =)

 

[chlywly]

You guys are totaly right; you HAVE to show interest, girls are very insecure inside most of the time.. They truly do have a daddys little girl syndrome...

Look we're always talking about being men right? Well a "MAN" is straight forward and honest, men; unlike women, don't play mind games and don't take you on emotional roller-coasters...

If you hide your feelings and play games of pretend then your relationship with that woman will be "pretend" and surely nothing good will come from it. It's that simple.

Show interest, flirt, tell her little things that you like about her; (yes compliments) and not necessarily about her looks. You don't want to shower them with this stuff, but you do want to be very flirty.

My 3 1/2 year and 1 1/2 year LTR's worked out with HB8/8.5's because im straight foward.. I don't try to mask things, but I don't necessarily say things right away either.. Thats where the mystery comes in. Just do what feels natural to ya.

Anyways bottom line a man does not play "GAMES"! if you do, you're not a man.

 

[Ricky]

Damn this is another good post.

I think I'm having an epiphany of sorts. There are definitely things you can do to raise a girls interest level.

HOWEVER, a caveat is. If you can show a women you are in control and yes, sometimes this means showing your interest in her and above all being DECISIVE and going for what you want congruently, you will succeed.

Sometimes it is fun to make a girl wonder if you are interested or not. Then go for the kill.

Seems alot of things are a matter of timing for a girls interest level.

 

[becker]

I'd like to say another thing about this, and that is, make sure you establish at least a social relationship with any girl that you're going to be pretty up front with as far as the "hey sweetie" thing goes, otherwise it will look like you're just a player and the comment will seem less sincere since you'd just throw it out to any girl you see. It works best if she's one of the few that you say it to, and she knows it.

I think that if you're not good at this, you're going to have to put in some time practicing it on other women (preferably ones you aren't interested in so that there won't be any loss from doing it).

In the end though, I guess what it can boil down to is that you can show as much interest in a girl as you want, as long as you don't show it in a pathetic way. That to me about sums it up. I think that too much of the media that we see show this side of a guy and show it working, so many guys automatically relate expressing interest with being pathetic and wimpy and can't see it another way, which is definitely wrong.

 

[Frank Zappa]

I use toots as the affectionate pronoun of my choice because girls find it humorous and endearing... Then I endear in their face. ~Zappa

 

[squirrels]

"Being a challenge" only works when the woman is already interested. I sat in the club all last night being a challenge to this one really hot chick...she never even looked at me. Why? Because I didn't project my masculinity, didn't approach her, and didn't demonstrate sexual worthiness to her.

Being a challenge is just a way to remind a woman that you DON'T NEED her any more than she needs you and that you're willing to walk (and take away the source of her excitement and object of her affection) if she doesn't play the game on your terms.

She will test you on this, to see if she can control you through your desires. If she can, you're not a dominant, masculine figure after all and she needn't waste her time.

Being a challenge isn't always walking away...it can also be an act of persistence.

But you MUST show her that the prize is worth winning. Would you accept a challenge if the reward wasn't worth it?

Tao of Steve:

- Eliminate desire (don't let her feminine presence control you)
- Be excellent in her presence (be a MAN, demonstrating your worthiness to mate)
- Be gone (challenge her to be a WOMAN in response to your being a MAN)

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Frank Zappa
I use toots as the affectionate pronoun of my choice because girls find it humorous and endearing... Then I endear in their face. ~Zappa

That's a good one. I'd maybe reserve it for when they know you a little better at least though, so that you don't come off as too much of a womanizer or anything like that.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Yes, this is something I am very bad at. While I get a fair bit of female attention, when it comes to showing I am interested, I am hopeless. I think I have gone too far in the other direction from my AFC days and now have learnt to totally hide my feelings from women.


I do think though that it should be a case of show them you are interested rather than telling them ("I really like you, and was wondering if you would like to go to the movies with me" used to be the sort of thing I used to say to girls, and never once did they say yes.)

For example, I like the Antidump thing of asking for their phone number as soon as possible, by which time your interest as a man is obvious without the need to proclaim it. Another one is touching her subtly, and deep eye contact. Finally smiling a lot at her should make her get the message.

I have found though that if you act as a challenge too early on, that girls think you aren't interested and even if they are, they get shy and think they have no chance with you, and want to protect their heart. I think girls hate taking risks a lot more than men do, and they themselves do not show interest on occasion unless you show initial interest.

 

[cyo72]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel
I have never played hard to get or any other games - I always blew off girls who played them with me. If a girl wants to play games, then I let them go.

Amen dude.. I share the same philosophy.. Life is TOO short to waste on girls like that. I felt like all the real catches played games, but its far from the truth. The only advantage of their games is that it quickly reveals their true personality. As a result, I have become much more particular and have received many dividents.. i.e. much more mature and "real" women.