Master of the Universe
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2002
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
- 12
Hello mi amigos,
As I'm sitting here in front of my computer, in more pain than I thought I would or could be, I thought that I would share some of the lessons that I have learned from my first LTR.
First of all, I don't care how much of a DJ that you think you are, when you are in a relationship with someone whom you are in love (or in infatuation) with, you WILL revert back to AFC status.
You might start out as a DJ (whatever that means to you), but once you develop strong feelings for a girl, you'll be back to square one.
There will be a difference though... In most cases, when you behave like an AFC, a little voice in your head will tell you that you're screwing up. Unfortunately, just because you know that what you're doing is not in your best interest does not mean that you'll be able to make the right decision.... Sometimes the emotions are more powerful than the logic. At least though your gut will let you know when you're going in the wrong direction.
Second, even though you'll behave like an AFC, you'll know why the girl is behaving the way she is. Whereas before you might be banging your head against the wall trying to figure out WHY things are going wrong, you'll already know the answer. Of course knowing the cause of the problem does not always mean that you will be able to behave appropriately. But at least you have OPTIONS and you have WISDOM to know why things are happening as they are.
Third, being in love with someone who also has feelings for you will at times take you to the height of ecstasy, and at other times to the depth of despair... sometimes in the same day.
Fourth, when you are in a relationship with someone that you have strong feelings for, all your insecurities will be brought to the surface. It doesn't matter how much you can fake it with girls that you don't give a shyt about... Once you're with someone that actually means something to you and to whom you have strong feelings, expect all your insecurities to surface. And you might be surprised to find out what those insecurities are.
Fifth, it takes WAY less skill to "DJ" a girl that you're in lust with than it does someone you're in love with. When there's little emotion involved, getting a girl to fall head over heels for you is relatively easy. The real test is how you can behave when you're with someone that you find yourself thinking about day and night.
Sixth, whether a girl likes you or not is up to her. Whether she respects you or not is up to you. And if she respects you then you can be the biggest AFC in the world, and she'll still desire you. If she doesn't respect you, then no matter how many games you play, she can never love you.
Seventh, the biggest obstacle in the relationship will be you, not the girl. If you have your act completely together, and you are in control of your emotions, then you don't need control over her or the relationship.
Eighth, it's a lot easier to give up and move on when you find yourself falling for a girl than it is to hang in there through the infatuation phase. But if you leave, you're only running away from a situation that you will eventually have to deal with.
Ninth, just like you're having your own hang ups and issues to deal with, the girl has her own hang ups and issues as well. Just deal with your own shyt... that's the only thing you have control over.
Tenth, using "tactic" or "strategies" will only get you so far. The attitude is WAY more important. If you've got the right attitude, you can behave as a Super AFC, and the girl will be more and more attracted to you. And if you don't have the right attitude, then no matter how many DJ techniques you use, you will only get so far.
It's really amazing... in a span of less than four months, I went from the most confident person I know, back to AFC status. Lately I've found myself cycling from a control freak to a whining boy. I started feeling like shyt about myself, and I couldn't figure out the reason until I told my gf that we need to take two weeks apart from each other.
Not only did the change in my behavior take my by surprise - I mean toward the last month I was definitely NOT my self, I was almost a different person, a person that I am ashamed of. But what also took me by surprise is the pain I'm experiencing in the breakup with my gf, even though I was the one that broke up and even though it is only temporary.
The first day I was sadder than I had been in a long time. And from there, the pain of missing her increased every day. You never feel this way for some random chick, but a chick that you have strong feelings for... well that's a different story.
I had no idea that I would miss her so much, or that the pain would be so strong. Unfortunately, I told her that we need to take two weeks apart, so no matter how much I want to call her, I won't. Once you say something, you have to follow through, no matter how much pain you have to experience.
Does this post even make sense? I have no idea. I'm just rambling. Sorry guys, have a good night.
MotU
As I'm sitting here in front of my computer, in more pain than I thought I would or could be, I thought that I would share some of the lessons that I have learned from my first LTR.
First of all, I don't care how much of a DJ that you think you are, when you are in a relationship with someone whom you are in love (or in infatuation) with, you WILL revert back to AFC status.
You might start out as a DJ (whatever that means to you), but once you develop strong feelings for a girl, you'll be back to square one.
There will be a difference though... In most cases, when you behave like an AFC, a little voice in your head will tell you that you're screwing up. Unfortunately, just because you know that what you're doing is not in your best interest does not mean that you'll be able to make the right decision.... Sometimes the emotions are more powerful than the logic. At least though your gut will let you know when you're going in the wrong direction.
Second, even though you'll behave like an AFC, you'll know why the girl is behaving the way she is. Whereas before you might be banging your head against the wall trying to figure out WHY things are going wrong, you'll already know the answer. Of course knowing the cause of the problem does not always mean that you will be able to behave appropriately. But at least you have OPTIONS and you have WISDOM to know why things are happening as they are.
Third, being in love with someone who also has feelings for you will at times take you to the height of ecstasy, and at other times to the depth of despair... sometimes in the same day.
Fourth, when you are in a relationship with someone that you have strong feelings for, all your insecurities will be brought to the surface. It doesn't matter how much you can fake it with girls that you don't give a shyt about... Once you're with someone that actually means something to you and to whom you have strong feelings, expect all your insecurities to surface. And you might be surprised to find out what those insecurities are.
Fifth, it takes WAY less skill to "DJ" a girl that you're in lust with than it does someone you're in love with. When there's little emotion involved, getting a girl to fall head over heels for you is relatively easy. The real test is how you can behave when you're with someone that you find yourself thinking about day and night.
Sixth, whether a girl likes you or not is up to her. Whether she respects you or not is up to you. And if she respects you then you can be the biggest AFC in the world, and she'll still desire you. If she doesn't respect you, then no matter how many games you play, she can never love you.
Seventh, the biggest obstacle in the relationship will be you, not the girl. If you have your act completely together, and you are in control of your emotions, then you don't need control over her or the relationship.
Eighth, it's a lot easier to give up and move on when you find yourself falling for a girl than it is to hang in there through the infatuation phase. But if you leave, you're only running away from a situation that you will eventually have to deal with.
Ninth, just like you're having your own hang ups and issues to deal with, the girl has her own hang ups and issues as well. Just deal with your own shyt... that's the only thing you have control over.
Tenth, using "tactic" or "strategies" will only get you so far. The attitude is WAY more important. If you've got the right attitude, you can behave as a Super AFC, and the girl will be more and more attracted to you. And if you don't have the right attitude, then no matter how many DJ techniques you use, you will only get so far.
It's really amazing... in a span of less than four months, I went from the most confident person I know, back to AFC status. Lately I've found myself cycling from a control freak to a whining boy. I started feeling like shyt about myself, and I couldn't figure out the reason until I told my gf that we need to take two weeks apart from each other.
Not only did the change in my behavior take my by surprise - I mean toward the last month I was definitely NOT my self, I was almost a different person, a person that I am ashamed of. But what also took me by surprise is the pain I'm experiencing in the breakup with my gf, even though I was the one that broke up and even though it is only temporary.
The first day I was sadder than I had been in a long time. And from there, the pain of missing her increased every day. You never feel this way for some random chick, but a chick that you have strong feelings for... well that's a different story.
I had no idea that I would miss her so much, or that the pain would be so strong. Unfortunately, I told her that we need to take two weeks apart, so no matter how much I want to call her, I won't. Once you say something, you have to follow through, no matter how much pain you have to experience.
Does this post even make sense? I have no idea. I'm just rambling. Sorry guys, have a good night.
MotU
