Learning to become Alpha after being cheated on (long story)

[HyenaPrince]

Second Tier Advice(covertly lawyering up is Tier One) in no particular order:

1) Do NOT have a threesome with her, of ANY kind...not with another woman, and certainly not with another man. Why are you even considering that?

2) Being "Alpha"(first thing you should do is stop nerding up masculinity with incel lingo) isn't just about getting in shape. If you want to be the dominant man in any woman's life, the last thing you should do is to signal to her that there aren't any consequences for disloyalty. All you've accomplished, so far, is demonstrating to your wife that you want to fight to keep her, at all costs, instead of kicking her to the curb, as she probably expected you to do. If you ask me, she had more respect for you, six months ago, when she feared your discovery of her infidelities might lead to her becoming a mid-thirties single mother of four, playing the back nine of her milfdom. Now, she feels comfortable roping you into a threesome with another D U D E. Getting in shape is a nice start, but the point, for a man, should be to become stronger than other men, not just to look better in a swimsuit; get those female concepts of vanity out of your head. A man's most important strength is between his ears. Physical strength without mental strength only qualifies a man to be a highly prized slave. Right now, you're just competing to be your own wife's favorite houseboy.

3) if you have a guest bedroom, move her into it. Don't give up the master bedroom to her. Put her out of your bed. Tell her you need space to figure things out, but you aren't going to share a bed with a woman you can't trust. Get her out of the house with the kids, and move all her stuff into the guestroom, garage, basement, attic, whatever, while she's gone.

4) She needs to be trying to win YOU over, not vice versa. Is it okay that a woman you're sleeping with is sleeping with other men? It can be, as long as that woman isn't sharing YOUR bed, living under YOUR roof, and isn't walking around calling herself "Mrs. [Yourlastnamehere]."

5) Stop acting like a SIMP.

6) A G A I N, get a lawyer, and don't tell the wh0re.

Killer advice. Nuff said.

 

[death_wish. .]

I understand your position completely. The problem is as OP has realized is that he & his wife never got all the sexuality issues on the table until recently. It takes tremendous trust to do this and frankly to discuss the cheating and the “Why” behind it openly.

Now what OP must is be EXTREMELY honest with himself. How does HE want the marital sexual relationship to look? If he REALLY wants her sexually loyal to just him (which in my opinion is best) then he needs to REQUIRE that of her and she needs to COMPLY. And he needs to be willing to walk away and destroy her life and her appearances of the storybook marriage if she balks.

He must embalm his balls in steel. If she tosses him attitude, he can tell her fine. I’ll replace you with a younger, hotter woman. Period. Say it with a stone cold straight face. He’s too trepidatious about asserting himself. Assert yourself. Be an ass hole. Let her complain a little about it.

More later.

its too late now, she already cheated ... she is already not being sexually loyal so why would she comply now??
they are married with kids and she is matured ...now that she confessed , she feels confident enough to ask for a trey-way?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@lostintime: Yes. The pic shows me in the gym last week. I better don't show you a pic from February...

@BeExcellent:
1. What are the ages and genders of the children?
Three girls (2/7/9 years old), one boy (5 years old).

2. Setting aside the cheating etc. how is the friendship and companionship that underlies the relationship?
Good. We support and take care about each other (at least with regard to family life...). Feels like there is/was a clear separation of roles: The wife/mother/family persona is as great in that role as you can imagine. She invests a lot of time and effort in family life. We are good parents that complement each other.

Friendship and companionship in other aspects of life is hard to answer, because with four kids you don’t really have a life other than family… I think that's a big reason of her current eat-pray-love trip: She desperately wanted to be a mother and have a family to overcome an old trauma. Now she has husband and children. But it's very demanding and other aspects of her life are neglected. Is this really what I want?

We just started doing things together without the kids during the last weeks. They can now - up to a certain point - take care of each other, so that we can do something only for us. Tonight, we’ll go to a restaurant (her idea) for the first time in like 10 years…
I think there is a lot of oxytocin flowing between us. The hormone that makes us want to cuddle the other one and feel secure with him/her. Testosterone and adrenaline obviously not so much... In June she said that this has been there when we met. But after 12 years, everything is so predictable and ...boring.

3. Do you realize you both came into the marriage with false facades? You seem to see that one but it is of particular importance.
Why do you think, that I had a facade? I’d say that I was a chump. A kidult without experience with real women. A rational nerd with zero emotional intelligence. But facade?

With regard to her: Yes, definitely facade. And we were both aware of this. I learned very early that she always says and does what makes others happy (so that she brings positive emotions to them). She wants to be liked and treats everybody this way. She always smiles regardless of her real inner feelings. She’s proud of that control. I guess she sensed right from the start how blue-pill I was and that I couldn’t handle the truth about her inner slut. In Rollo’s words ‚I just didn’t get it‘ so she reduced me to a role that she thought I was capable of.

And I have to admit that I understand it: Was I a good soul mate? Not really. Inexperienced and zero emotional intelligence. I definitely couldn’t mentor her, albeit 8 years older. Very early, she told about her biggest trauma and I absolutely blew it (Oh. I feel sorry for you. Can we talk about that tomorrow? I’m really tired now.).

Have I been a good sex partner? No. I won’t go into details, but: no. And with regard to the rest of my life / our relationship, I was in no way Alpha. So, there have probably been only two options for her: Leave him or keep him with all his flaws (=beta). She opted for the latter and obviously took what I couldn’t deliver from other ’sources’.

That’s at least my interpretation and I want to see how life is when I develop better emotional intelligence, game, dread and being more Alpha (in life and in bed). I need those qualities regardless of her. So, at the very least I have a good training partner while I improve ;-)

4. What do YOU want the future if you could choose all parameters of the outcome?
Being emotionally intelligent. Being Alpha with regard to all aspects of my life. Being able to f.ck her (or other women) so that she/they can’t get enough of me. Being honest to each other about our desires and expectations. Not being lied to. Either we have no sexual or emotional relationships to other persons or we do this on an equal level. I don’t want to totally rule this out yet. To some degree, I like the idea of having a threesome with someone she’s hot for and someone I find hot at another time. I think, she would do it. Actually, I am the one who is inhibited. No sex with a different person for more than 12 years. Perhaps, I should start with an escort to lower my embarrassment threshold and gain confidence that I can be sexual outside of a monogamous relationship (I never was…).

I want to be desired. I want to be the more powerful partner in this relationship (or at least equally powerful). The good thing is, that time is on my side. Part of what constitutes my SMV does not really decline (status, money, intelligence). My looks doesn’t seem to decline that fast. I have full hair and look at least 5 years younger than I am. For her, SMV is mostly based on looks and she already photoshops her eyes etc. for social media… ;-) Of course, she is very intelligent. But I don't think that a potential partner will care about that... So, it will be interesting to see where we compare SMV-wise in 5 years from now.

I don't want my kids to take damage. I want to keep the social appearance with an intact marriage alive (albeit not at all costs). I want a more intense and less boring life. I want to be respected by my partner. I want to be less of a control freak that I am right now (out of fear?). I don't want to leave, but I want to have the confidence that I know I could. I want to have options and I want her to know it. I want her to be afraid of losing me. I want to control the frame.

I want to remain calm when my kids cry and argue (like 10 times a day). I want to be able to start conversations with random people (just as she can).

To be honest, I don’t fear a scenario in which she has another f.ck buddy as long as I have one myself and this life turns both of us on and spices it up. Not my dream scenario, but somehow charming… It just must not be lopsided. What I really don’t want to have back is scheduled s.x. Now that I know what she is capable of and what s.xual energy she has, I want to be the one to ignite that as well. So it’s more about making me better than about making her into something. Then, the rest will follow in one direction or the other.how
Thus: Looks, dread, game, bedroom skills and first and foremost Alpha skills. Then, I will have better options and will be able to execute the best one.

How do you know about her sexual energy? What was it about the guys that ignited her?

 

[death_wish. .]

Sometimes if you cheat hard enough on them they will be drawn back into you. You really gotta ignore them and being focused on the puzzy that's paying off. Her competition mode will get triggered where she wants to win you over the other ladie(s). Ontop of them, all the personal growth, fitness and financial portions should be getting made more prominent and well taken care of.

yeah that CAN happen ,however at this point the marriage has already been in the ground for too long

 

[death_wish. .]

@lostintime: Yes. The pic shows me in the gym last week. I better don't show you a pic from February...

@BeExcellent:
1. What are the ages and genders of the children?
Three girls (2/7/9 years old), one boy (5 years old).

2. Setting aside the cheating etc. how is the friendship and companionship that underlies the relationship?
Good. We support and take care about each other (at least with regard to family life...). Feels like there is/was a clear separation of roles: The wife/mother/family persona is as great in that role as you can imagine. She invests a lot of time and effort in family life. We are good parents that complement each other.

Friendship and companionship in other aspects of life is hard to answer, because with four kids you don’t really have a life other than family… I think that's a big reason of her current eat-pray-love trip: She desperately wanted to be a mother and have a family to overcome an old trauma. Now she has husband and children. But it's very demanding and other aspects of her life are neglected. Is this really what I want?

We just started doing things together without the kids during the last weeks. They can now - up to a certain point - take care of each other, so that we can do something only for us. Tonight, we’ll go to a restaurant (her idea) for the first time in like 10 years…
I think there is a lot of oxytocin flowing between us. The hormone that makes us want to cuddle the other one and feel secure with him/her. Testosterone and adrenaline obviously not so much... In June she said that this has been there when we met. But after 12 years, everything is so predictable and ...boring.

3. Do you realize you both came into the marriage with false facades? You seem to see that one but it is of particular importance.
Why do you think, that I had a facade? I’d say that I was a chump. A kidult without experience with real women. A rational nerd with zero emotional intelligence. But facade?

With regard to her: Yes, definitely facade. And we were both aware of this. I learned very early that she always says and does what makes others happy (so that she brings positive emotions to them). She wants to be liked and treats everybody this way. She always smiles regardless of her real inner feelings. She’s proud of that control. I guess she sensed right from the start how blue-pill I was and that I couldn’t handle the truth about her inner slut. In Rollo’s words ‚I just didn’t get it‘ so she reduced me to a role that she thought I was capable of.

And I have to admit that I understand it: Was I a good soul mate? Not really. Inexperienced and zero emotional intelligence. I definitely couldn’t mentor her, albeit 8 years older. Very early, she told about her biggest trauma and I absolutely blew it (Oh. I feel sorry for you. Can we talk about that tomorrow? I’m really tired now.).

Have I been a good sex partner? No. I won’t go into details, but: no. And with regard to the rest of my life / our relationship, I was in no way Alpha. So, there have probably been only two options for her: Leave him or keep him with all his flaws (=beta). She opted for the latter and obviously took what I couldn’t deliver from other ’sources’.

That’s at least my interpretation and I want to see how life is when I develop better emotional intelligence, game, dread and being more Alpha (in life and in bed). I need those qualities regardless of her. So, at the very least I have a good training partner while I improve ;-)

4. What do YOU want the future if you could choose all parameters of the outcome?
Being emotionally intelligent. Being Alpha with regard to all aspects of my life. Being able to f.ck her (or other women) so that she/they can’t get enough of me. Being honest to each other about our desires and expectations. Not being lied to. Either we have no sexual or emotional relationships to other persons or we do this on an equal level. I don’t want to totally rule this out yet. To some degree, I like the idea of having a threesome with someone she’s hot for and someone I find hot at another time. I think, she would do it. Actually, I am the one who is inhibited. No sex with a different person for more than 12 years. Perhaps, I should start with an escort to lower my embarrassment threshold and gain confidence that I can be sexual outside of a monogamous relationship (I never was…).

I want to be desired. I want to be the more powerful partner in this relationship (or at least equally powerful). The good thing is, that time is on my side. Part of what constitutes my SMV does not really decline (status, money, intelligence). My looks doesn’t seem to decline that fast. I have full hair and look at least 5 years younger than I am. For her, SMV is mostly based on looks and she already photoshops her eyes etc. for social media… ;-) Of course, she is very intelligent. But I don't think that a potential partner will care about that... So, it will be interesting to see where we compare SMV-wise in 5 years from now.

I don't want my kids to take damage. I want to keep the social appearance with an intact marriage alive (albeit not at all costs). I want a more intense and less boring life. I want to be respected by my partner. I want to be less of a control freak that I am right now (out of fear?). I don't want to leave, but I want to have the confidence that I know I could. I want to have options and I want her to know it. I want her to be afraid of losing me. I want to control the frame.

I want to remain calm when my kids cry and argue (like 10 times a day). I want to be able to start conversations with random people (just as she can).

To be honest, I don’t fear a scenario in which she has another f.ck buddy as long as I have one myself and this life turns both of us on and spices it up. Not my dream scenario, but somehow charming… It just must not be lopsided. What I really don’t want to have back is scheduled s.x. Now that I know what she is capable of and what s.xual energy she has, I want to be the one to ignite that as well. So it’s more about making me better than about making her into something. Then, the rest will follow in one direction or the other.

Thus: Looks, dread, game, bedroom skills and first and foremost Alpha skills. Then, I will have better options and will be able to execute the best one.

i want to give you my honest opinion because i want to help you, you have proved that you have what it takes, the heart of a warrior .. you are going to be an inspiration for your kids.

i think you've been in her frame for too long its not reaally healthy to put aside cheating and listen to her talk about how hot other men make her , you are her MAN she should be talking about you this way . dont try to fix things bro , if you are not enough you will never be enough no matter how hard you try , i know it sucks but i know you have what it takes... 25 pounds in 10 weeks is not bad at all , now apply the grind everywhere else in your life and you will be 'SOLID'

if you already close with your kids and they love you the kids should be fine just be sure to be there for them , and keep the same energy . dont start overcompensating and acting different , they will be able to sense the ''fakeness'' and it might make them feel uncomfortable

instead of sayin alpha we'll just say ''masculine'' ''im workin on my masculinity'' ''im workin on being more masculine''

this is just my opinion on how you should handle this but ultimately this is up to you , think this through for a minute and make your own decision

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The trouble in the husband-wife relationship is that people forget what those words mean, and the words define the relationship: husband means manager, and wife means woman. There's nothing mutual about the relationship, which is only a problem for men who expect it to be.

From children, a father expects only that they behave respectfully, and in a manner that demonstrates that they honor and value the family.

A wife isn't expected to defend her husband against intruders(it's a nice thought and sweet gesture, but unless she has a gun, and knows how to use it, might actually cause him more trouble, if she doesn't run away, on cue), to bring home the bacon, or to know what the best long-range decisions are for the family or each child, but she should be able to be counted on to demonstrate to the outside world that she honors, respects, and values her family, husband and children, above all others/else.

A wife who cucks her husband makes a mockery of their marriage, and subjects her husband to public ridicule. That's the ultimate personal betrayal.

You wouldn't remain friends with a woman you knew began mocking you, as soon as you left the room, right? Then, why should a man tolerate a wife who makes a fool of him? He shouldn't. Neither should he surrendered to her his home and children.

That the OP would actually contemplate becoming his wife's willing accomplice, in her shaming of him, is just inconceivable.

When they do that to a man it really kills any swag. The energy lets you look crappy.

 

[TB24]

It‘s awkward to defend my wife, but it‘s not that I was a great husband. Since we got kids almost 10 years ago, she often complained that she has to carry the whole mental load for the family. Also, that she can‘t rely on me. I did not lead this family in any way. Often, I was more like her fifth child, who asks for approval or validation. Who she has to take care of so that he doesn‘t forget his lunch box. Who was whiny, grumpy and needy.

After the last pregnancy, almost three years ago, she slowly but consistently got in great shape over the next two years. Whereas I slowly but constantly got more lazy and fat. My SMV clearly was way below hers. Add zero emotional intelligence and bad sexual performance to that and think how ‚happy‘ she was in the relationship.

To be honest: What did I expect..? In June she said: When I started the affair, I thought it‘s finally over with the two of us. I wasn‘t happy living with you.

So, This is Not a story about a Woman cheating on her wonderful husband. It‘s more about a Woman That worked her ass of for this Family and to stay in shape while having to lead the family as well. While he became more and more Homer Simpson.

You have to take this into account. It‘s not bad girl cheats on good man. I really can‘t blame her for not being attracted by the former version of me.
To be clear: I can imagine a life without her. But at least for the sake of our kids, I fell the obligation not to give up on this marriage too soon. She had 12 years of leadership-less relationship. Let‘s see what a year of leadership and masculinity brings. But I have to perform and for this, I‘m reaching out to you.

Thus, any leadership advices that do not start with ‚leave her‘ (I got that most of you recommend this) are highly appreciated.

@BeExcellent Thank you for your support and understanding! The book is now on my kindle reader.

 

[TB24]

To add to this threesome thing: It‘s far from becoming reality. Yes, she told me that it‘s a fantasy of her‘s. In the same talk I said that I fantasize about f.cking her sister for years... I don‘t find her particularly attractive, but that constellation turns me on...

 

[Baibars]

It‘s awkward to defend my wife, but it‘s not that I was a great husband. Since we got kids almost 10 years ago, she often complained that she has to carry the whole mental load for the family. Also, that she can‘t rely on me. I did not lead this family in any way. Often, I was more like her fifth child, who asks for approval or validation. Who she has to take care of so that he doesn‘t forget his lunch box. Who was whiny, grumpy and needy.

After the last pregnancy, almost three years ago, she slowly but consistently got in great shape over the next two years. Whereas I slowly but constantly got more lazy and fat. My SMV clearly was way below hers. Add zero emotional intelligence and bad sexual performance to that and think how ‚happy‘ she was in the relationship.

To be honest: What did I expect..? In June she said: When I started the affair, I thought it‘s finally over with the two of us. I wasn‘t happy living with you.

So, This is Not a story about a Woman cheating on her wonderful husband. It‘s more about a Woman That worked her ass of for this Family and to stay in shape while having to lead the family as well. While he became more and more Homer Simpson.

You have to take this into account. It‘s not bad girl cheats on good man. I really can‘t blame her for not being attracted by the former version of me.
To be clear: I can imagine a life without her. But at least for the sake of our kids, I fell the obligation not to give up on this marriage too soon. She had 12 years of leadership-less relationship. Let‘s see what a year of leadership and masculinity brings. But I have to perform and for this, I‘m reaching out to you.

Thus, any leadership advices that do not start with ‚leave her‘ (I got that most of you recommend this) are highly appreciated.

@BeExcellent Thank you for your support and understanding! The book is now on my kindle reader.

I took every single thing you mentioned into account and still tell you to leave her.
You're just ignorant. Then take the advice from the woman who tells you what you want to hear.
This is not about who is right or wrong. It's just not salvageable anymore and it's over. It's not even under your control. If you continue trying to salvage that dead relationship you gonna get fcked.
I can't provide you the perfect exit plan or if it's better to staying married with her on paper and not sleeping in one bed etc.

 

[Exil]

She wants to invite another d1ck into the bedroom. A married man? One she has likely cheated with?

This was pretty much the only thing that screamed at me. She wants to cuck your brains out and you're not sure if you're ready yet... Check your nuts are still intact. By all means, if she wants to fck this other guy, let her and next.

I went through something similar at the beginning of this year and the thought of leaving was scary and everyone here told me to go but I stayed for another month. I've been gone now for 2 months and seriously feel so much better. My kids are happier now too as they get quality time with me rather than the depressing environment myself and their mother had created, albeit unintentionally.

Leave, next, plate.

 

[Exil]

I appreciate your advice. I knew that separating would be more or less the first reaction to my post. And I understand that this is the natural response. Leaving her would be a strong Alpha move. You all are obviously way more Alpha than I am right now. And you don't have to care about the lives of 4 little children that would have to live with the consequences that their father was a chump and her mother was cheating. I feel the responsibility to get my sh.t together and make the best moves I can to turn around this ship. And as I said: We're far from being where I want us to be, but there clearly is an upward dynamic. Ironically, our days (and nights) are far more intense than they have been for years. I want to see how far I can take this. If it doesn't work out, then separation of course has to be an option.

But to perform such a strong Alpha move, I first have to become Alpha. A separation may be the exclamation mark at the end of a transition to Alpha, not the beginning. And for becoming Alpha, I need your help. Not giant steps, but actionable everyday routines. To be honest, I can't really blame her for not respecting me after being so whiny, needy and lazy throughout the years. But this is not how I want to end this.

I know, this is an uphill battle.

You put way too much emphasis on "being an alpha". The fact that you're striving to "be alpha", screams that you're a beta with abs trying to pose as alpha. Leaving is the path to becoming alpha. Staying makes you a beta cuck. I don't care what the circumstances are. You lost frame. You're still in her's. I do get it. The want to stay and work it out but she's shown you who she is and she'll do this sh1t again and again with her already talking about fantasies of a threesome with your neighbour.

Leave and plate

 

[TB24]

About that fantasy: In my head, I slept with probably 1.000 women and porn stars that are not her. Thought about ex girlfriends while sleeping with my wife. Because I liked their bo.bs or how they moved or (insert arbitrary reason). Would I like to have a threesome with them and my wife? Absolutely!

There are women that turn me on (and I talk to regularly) that I did not tell her about. I don‘t want to actually be together with these girls, it‘s just because (see above). I don‘t even want an affair with these women.

The only difference I see is that she has proven that she is capable of lying and cheating. Yes, this difference is a big one. But I don‘t worry about her having such fantasies. I am worried if she does things behind my back. Thus, I‘m glad we now talk about our fantasies (which we both have).

Hell, yesterday she came while I was choking her and pulling her hair. A few days ago, she scratched my back until I was bleeding (I told her so). We are experimenting with things and it‘s a whole new experience. We will do other things as well (doesn‘t mean that there will be threesomes or that I will sleep with her sister which is my fantasy).

I don‘t want to have my blue pill life back. In bed and in real life, we are more open to each other than we ever have been. My change a few months ago was a radical one. I don‘t want to go back. Leaving her may be a step on my journey, but - I repeat - it will not be the next one.

I‘m just too curious to see how this develops when I continue to improve.

 

[TB24]

How do you know about her sexual energy? What was it about the guys that ignited her?

Example: They drove to a parking lot and had sex in the car, because there was no bed available.

She said: It was not just about being f.cked. It was about being f.cked by somebody else. To change something. To break out of these day to day routines.

What ignited this spark? New and unpredictable experienced. Having to ‚earn‘ the attraction. Like a cat that needs to hunt the prey. A dead mouse or one that lies herself in the plate is not really that interesting for her, I guess.

 

[Exil]

The only difference I see is that she has proven that she is capable of lying and cheating. Yes, this difference is a big one. But I don‘t worry about her having such fantasies. I am worried if she does things behind my back. Thus, I‘m glad we now talk about our fantasies (which we both have).

This is the problem. She's proven to you she can't be faithful. She's a proven liar and has shown you who she is. The good sex is irrelevant in the face of hypergamy. You're bargaining.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Example: They drove to a parking lot and had sex in the car, because there was no bed available.

She said: It was not just about being f.cked. It was about being f.cked by somebody else. To change something. To break out of these day to day routines.

What ignited this spark? New and unpredictable experienced. Having to ‚earn‘ the attraction. Like a cat that needs to hunt the prey. A dead mouse or one that lies herself in the plate is not really that interesting for her, I guess.

this is abusing you. don't listen to these stories, she's already cucking you by meanly telling these hurtful, disloyal stories.

If you're curious about the the dominatrix thing then do that, encourage her to do that. Go all in with that.

But this is just abuse.
It's a form of violence.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Example: They drove to a parking lot and had sex in the car, because there was no bed available.

She said: It was not just about being f.cked. It was about being f.cked by somebody else. To change something. To break out of these day to day routines.

What ignited this spark? New and unpredictable experienced. Having to ‚earn‘ the attraction. Like a cat that needs to hunt the prey. A dead mouse or one that lies herself in the plate is not really that interesting for her, I guess.

Having sex in a car when with you it's planned and managed consistently done sex?

Them having to "earn" another males interest is due to the fact he has other options and he doesn't need her to do anything. His life provides him his natural resting position. He doesn't sweat any female.

Was it you that was a hurricane in the gym doing 3-5 hrs a day? Thats alot of drive, passion and focus.

As a married man it can be nearly impossible to fight society. You literally have to be better than the single game AND fun too. Which is nearly impossible. Those guys they get hooked on don't have to be responsible to anyone and are able to have a singular purpose of being and having fun.

You will have to have a good place in the game. And you can be all that and she still cheat with a scumbag.

Lets figure this out. How does a man whose married have an awesome life and an awesome sex life?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

this is abusing you. don't listen to these stories, she's already cucking you by meanly telling these hurtful, disloyal stories.

If you're curious about the the dominatrix thing then do that, encourage her to do that. Go all in with that.

But this is just abuse.
It's a form of violence.

It is abuse. It is bullying him into an agreeable servant position. She's tearing your mindset up.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

It is abuse. It is bullying him into an agreeable servant position. She's tearing your mindset up.

it used to happen to just women...now its happening to both genders. Some 'equality' movement hey?(being sarcastic) You'd think we'd evolve to elevate each other not wallow in misery all together.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

it used to happen to just women...now its happening to both genders. Some 'equality' movement hey?(being sarcastic) You'd think we'd evolve to elevate each other not wallow in misery all together.

True. Trust me i know it feels the same for a wife being cvcked, taken for granted and cheated on. It really is an azzkisser/azzwiper position.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

True. Trust me i know it feels the same for a wife being cvcked, taken for granted and cheated on. It really is an azzkisser/azzwiper position.

there's people that get curious about power switching.
But I maintain that if that's something the OP is curious about, then enter the dynamic on purpose with full cognition.

"She is my Dom I am her Sub"

From what I gathered there is a fantastic amount of mutual respect and intense care.....and its on purpose, with clear conscientiousness(is that a word?lol)


On the other hand, with what's currently happening,
this subliminal, covert and evil abuse is just attempted murder--yes I just wrote that.

If OP wanted a super quick way to become alpha that's effective until he internalises the alpha mindset....perhaps HE can make a quick study of being a Dom and make his bytch his Sub. At this point she's still his bytch.
Google becoming Dom. Google Daddy/L.ittle G.irl. Google website Fetlife. Go into the sex toy stores and ask for advice on learning how to be Dom.

Just ideas here.

I always think its touching that someone wants to save a marriage/family.

Blame your sudden personality change(becoming a male Dominant) to going to a hypnotist(go to a hypnotist so you're not lying)