The Bat said:
I have a story to relate to this topic.
I have a friend who we will call Jimmy. Jimmy is a smart guy who was going to school to study chemistry and working in a lab on the side to make money and get experience. His dream was to work as a chemist, eventually get his PhD, and maybe start up a business of chemistry of some kind. Ambitious guy and he was well on his way since his grades were top notch and colleagues at the lab always had good things to say about him and his future.
Jimmy met Jenny along the way. Jenny is what some guys on here would call high quality because she came from a stable family, always coy and quiet, very friendly and always nice, and not a girl that you would think is a crazy party girl or promiscuous girl. Needless to say, Jimmy married Jenny and they lived happily ever after, right?
See, one of Jimmy's hobbies was drawing and call it a "change of heart" but he decided that he would rather draw as an animator or graphic artist or whatever than study chemistry for the rest of his life. He was chasing his dream instead of chasing something that he thought was his dream.
Jimmy wanted to move to Cali to pursue his drawing hobby. That meant that he would have to leave behind his job, school, and the house to go live in some studio apartment working minimum wage jobs while trying to land a nice gig. His wife didn't agree. She thought he should just stick it out with chemistry pathway and this "phase" of him wanting to pursue drawing will be eventually over.
Jimmy wasn't having it. He was depressed that his wife wouldn't support him and would hold him back. Fights ensued. And they separated. She took his car because she needs it to go to her job. While he is left by himself bumming rides from his friends. He moved out to Cali but he couldn't sell the house since it was under his wife's name too and she didn't want him to sell it. He has started accumulating massive debts because he can't afford to live out there. Struggling artist, really.
Last I talked to Jimmy, he still sounded depressed and worried about his current predicament. He still "loved" his wife and couldn't understand why such a "nice, quality" girl like her would not support him and move out there with him.
Last I talked to Jenny, she was upset that he left but wasn't "killing" herself because he made a "bad" decision. As I type this, she is in the process of filing for divorce. Jimmy is fvcked even more now. Meanwhile, Jenny is dating around other men with good jobs and a good future (or so I've heard...obviously she is not confirming it otherwise Jimmy could nail her for cheating in divorce court).
The point of the story is that what "seems" like "quality" might not be quality after all. Besides, quality is relative. What may be low quality to me might be high quality to others.
Guys on this forum might be perceptive enough and strong enough to not let the chicks see them sweat at the first sign of trouble. But guys like us are far and few in between. I know countless chumps in real life who perspire beyond reason when that first rain cloud appears. I always wonder how they are going to survive the coming storm and not to mention the reaction by their girlfriend/wife.
Bat asked me by email to give my 2 cents on this:
I agree with most all of the others on this one; I'm all for the man being the primary leader and decision-maker in a family, but I also agree that the "leader" is obligated to make reasonably wise decisions when they're going to dramatically affect everyone involved.
I've asked my wife to move across state lines on 3 different occasions, and all 3 times she complied. However, in every instance, I was moving to a professional job that I had already secured, and in 2 out of 3 times, the move was completely funded by my employer. In the first instance, it was to a job in my specific degree field, and in the last 2 instances, it was for a significant raise, with more promotion potential.
I also think there's some inherent dishonesty in a woman marrying a potentially successful man finishing off his PhD in chemistry only to see him say, "forget all of that I'm going to be an artist instead", after she's now "locked down" in a marriage. You know, a significant display of dishonesty and deceit by the man is potentially a valid reason to let go of a marriage. I believe a woman - especially a high quality woman - has every right to access the man's she's marrying and his potential, and has an inherent right to reassess him if he does a virtual 180 after she marries him. Philosophically, I always put logic/reason above arbitrary, and anthropogenic morals/ethics, so it would only be fair to expect women to work the same way.
The proper way to leave your current career for a new one, is to get the new job first, THEN leave the old job second. I've had lots of people very close to me confuse this logical order and sequence of events. Given that we live in an INTERNATIONAL world now, you don't necessarily HAVE to be living in the exact place where you want a job. Case-and-point, my first job as an aquatic biologist I got was work in a city along "coastal U.S." somewhere. Where did I secure this job? In Arkansas using what they call letters, applications, resumes, the internet, and a telephone.
I think she was right to bail if he failed to listen to reason. Sorry Bat, but I think your friend made a very poor decision. The bright side of things is that it's never too late for him to start doing the right thing.
One more thing. There's the word "job" or "occupation", and there's a completely different word called "hobby". It's unusually rare for these two words to be one in the same. Tell your friend it's possible to have both at the same time. Also tell him to please consider the reason one is "paid" to do a "job" or "occupation" is because most people in their right mind wouldn't do it for free.
