Just Played My Top Card With The GF

[EyeOnThePrize]

@logicallefty
On the surface sure problem solved*. Big asterisk because her behavior is a red flag. After 18 months if I call my gf out for something like this and she playfully teases me then reassures me that I'm her king and even asks permission to talk to him, or otherwise talks to me rationally about it, then things are well. If she responds how you've explained(irrational immediate blow up, slamming doors) then she has legit been caught and her intentions are to fuuck me over. Her blow up was to see if you'd cuck, that way she could have her cake and eat it too. When you didn't she apologized, but the behavior is what's important, it's not congruent with her words. You know all this.

Imo there's no reason to even call her out for crap like this. When you notice it take a mental note and start hitting the gym, start talking to women(platonically), get some new clothes, focus on hobbies and passions. Either you'll inspire her to get her head out of her a$$ or you'll dump her because it's not fun anymore.

Even if she starts asking questions I wouldn't mention it. I'd keep my answers vague to keep her on her toes. Let her wonder what's wrong and see if her behavior is to try and fix/improve the relationship or neglect/sabotage it further. Give her enough rope and see if she hangs herself.

When she backs up, you back up. Anything else is cuck.

 

[logicallefty]

I honestly have no problem with a girl talking to a guy unless it becomes excessive. It's not that surprising that the guy contacted her after a breakup, he probably wanted to vent. The lying is the issue.

Although maybe she wasn't lying, maybe she hadn't been talking to him. But then he had the breakup and reached out.

From what I got from the GF, the guy posted on FB about his breakup and she reached out to him first. She did tell me without me asking that she never dated him, he was one of her old karaoke friends from an old group back in her CC riding days, but she never did anything with him specifically. There were some others she did do stuff with from the same group, but not him.

I'm not super worried about it really. Girlfriends to me are 100% temporary. I don’t go all in with any of them anymore emotionally or in any other way.

 

[zekko]

Girlfriends to me are 100% temporary. I don’t go all in with any of them anymore emotionally or in any other way.

Whether they are temporary or not, it's best to keep that mindset with them. Keeps you from getting blindsided - too badly, anyway.

as if being single is a bad thing.

There are advantages to being single, there's a sense of freedom and potential involved, but I don't have to point that out on this forum. The main thing IMO, is that whether you are single or not, that shouldn't define who you are or what you do.

 

[17 shots]

2nd time she said she'd stop...sounds like the type of woman who only responds to being slapped upside her head. Some women can't behave without discipline, some of them crave it

I'm with stormrider... plate status

 

[AttackFormation]

In fact, now it's more fun for her to do (forbidden fruit)

Is it at all possible to preventatively defuse the sensation of "forbidden fruit" from infidelity without actually turning it into an open relationship?

 

[bcude]

Spot on ^
When I try to explain this point to friends or on other forums, it's like talking to the wall.

When I explain my approach on this point to a girl I'm dating, their attraction level toward me almost always spike up, due to my covertly expression of my confidence.

In my book, she can talk to whoever she wants, but if she crosses the lines (boundary) I outlined to her in our first few interactions, she will lose me.
Obviously, if she does cross the lines, she doesn't care enough about you, so then you should move on without too much drama.

Isolating your girl from her social circle, including male friends, IS a demonstration of insecurity, scarcity, and fear.

Out of curiosity. What exactly are your boundaries? Where do you draw the line?

 

[AttackFormation]

hand grenade at her abandonment issues

Hahahahahaha, man I love this stuff. I feel so good right now reading this with some upbeat music. This world is surreal.

"throwing a hand grenade at her abandonment issues" even you have developed abandonment issues from the game too, hahahahahahaha.

 

[Clamslammer]

Cola nails it. The line only manifests when you pull the trigger and dismiss. Anything outside of this is pure speculative.
I know guys do it but im not a proponent of the demotion to plate.
To me it screams needy but it works at times. But the ultimate goal is to be fine without any girl if need arises.

You already know she is no good from her past. You already claimed she has been ran through, why would you ever turn her into a gf. Guys need to learn how to filter through these types of chicks because there are plenty of them out there. But the puss must be really good. Loyalty is the most important thing in a relationship and from the sounds of it she broke it with you or else you wouldnt be here.

She reached out to him...what is she his therapist. Okay if they were friends and she just checked to see how he was doing that is fine. We have not seen her text convo with him to make a judgement on it. Only you have seen it and know what the communication was like, always trust your gut with women.

 

[mikey2012]

My 2 cents . The fact that you are even posting this means your gut is telling you there's trouble . Women who are into you won't confuse you or won't want to lose you. She shouldn't have even responded to Bob if she was afraid of losing you or is 100% into you.
You know this is the beginning of the end but your emotions are getting in the way. Spin plates . This one is done .

 

[logicallefty]

My 2 cents . The fact that you are even posting this means your gut is telling you there's trouble . Women who are into you won't confuse you or won't want to lose you. She shouldn't have even responded to Bob if she was afraid of losing you or is 100% into you.
You know this is the beginning of the end but your emotions are getting in the way. Spin plates . This one is done .

You actually got it wrong. You and several others. I didn’t post this seeking advice. I posted it to show an example of how to boldly put a woman in her place when she steps out of your boundaries. For those of you guys thinking I posted it for advice that’s fine. No harm no fowell. Your advice is taken as genuine from each guy’s perspective. But no I already have a handle on the situation this was more of a field report than anything. Not everyone on this site wants to make a life out of spinning plates. For me I fall In the middle. I don’t want to spin plates the rest if my life, and nor do I want to marry. I prefer a LTR knowing each one isn’t ever permanent.

 

[jaymbrs]

If I've learned 1 thing from SS, it's which ever way you handle a situation with your woman, it is incorrect.

 

[mikey2012]

You actually got it wrong. You and several others. I didn’t post this seeking advice. I posted it to show an example of how to boldly put a woman in her place when she steps out of your boundaries. For those of you guys thinking I posted it for advice that’s fine. No harm no fowell. Your advice is taken as genuine from each guy’s perspective. But no I already have a handle on the situation this was more of a field report than anything. Not everyone on this site wants to make a life out of spinning plates. For me I fall In the middle. I don’t want to spin plates the rest if my life, and nor do I want to marry. I prefer a LTR knowing each one isn’t ever permanent. Ok

In my opinion once she starts "stepping out" of your boundaries, this is beginning of the end. You have to ask yourself why she did so in the first place. Sure you did an admirable job of drawing the line and making sure she understood that and hopefully this is an isolated incident and won't happen again. But then again why did you have to do this ? Shouldn't she just have not replied to Bob? I would have expected this from my women.
This is no reason to entertain another man if she is with you.

 

[Clamslammer]

There is nothing wrong with a girl texting one of her guy friends. But if she is doing it all the time that is not a good sign, or if she is doing it behind your back without telling you that is not a good sign, or if she is starting conversation with random dudes or flirting with random dudes that is not a good sign.

Have you seen what the text conversation content was like? That will tell you the whole story.

 

[mikey2012]

GF and I have been together for 18 x months now. Lately she has been going through some stuff in her personal life unrelated to me which I get. But she also thinks it gives her the rights to push the envelope with me. I've caught her in a couple lies lately and this morning I proved to her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have limits and am willing to walk.

This morning I caught her chatting with a guy on FB who she told me a while back she didn't talk to anymore. The guy isn't so much the issue, it was the lie that frosted me. So the convo went like this:

(I saw his name on her phone, and she knew I saw it)
LL: Oh what you doing over there?
GF: Just talking to Bob Smith, he just went through a really bad breakup and his GF really kicked him hard
LL: Oh yeah, women will do that.. Hmm. I think I remember you talking about him, you met him at a bar before you were with me, correct?
GF: yeah, we are just friends
LL: I may be mistaken and I apologize if I am, but didn't you tell me at one time you didn't talk to him anymore??
GF: I am not doing anything with him, you always get so jealous!!
LL: But you did tell me you no longer talked to him though right?
GF: Yeah but we are not doing anything
LL: Oh I didn't say you were. And i'm not jealous at all. In fact, if you would like to go out with him tonight I would be willing to do an open relationship with you so you can.
GF: WTF is that supposed to mean!!!!!
LL: I means I caught you in a lie and am giving you the opportunity to not get caught in another one. Want to go out with him, go ahead. Just let me know. We can do the open thing if that works better for you.
GF: WTF so you can go out with other women??!!!!!
LL: Well yeah, duhh, that's what an open relationship is.

She went in the other room, started crying, slaming doors. Not happy..

Any questions on if I am willing to walk and not put up with her collective female BS behavior?????? No, not from her.

Just reading your text again , it seems like you are playing devil's advocate with the open relationship thing. You don't really want it but you are testing her reaction to it. And from the sounds of it you got what you wanted because she doesn't want an open relationship and from my feeling nor do you.
If she said yeah let's have an open relationship I think your heart would have sank. I think you are too emotionally invested in her and you like her a lot since you want to continue an already overdue 18 months relationship.
I think you did the right thing setting the boundaries but from my experience these are usually warning signs of the impending death of the relationship.
You may get another six months out of it but it won't be worth it because your guard is up and you be sensitive to any similar incidents in the future. I've been in this situation and usually the best thing to do is to bite the bullet and go out with a new girl.

 

[mikey2012]

He has multiple threads about this same woman and her guy friends.
[/QUOTE

I wouldn't let my chick have guy friends .

 

[lamath]

I wouldn't let my chick have guy friends .

Me either.
I think that dealing with it in a overt manner is counter-productive.
If she stop because of what you said she will resent you, and if she want to continue she will hide it from you.

From experience women stop it by themselves when they have high IL with the guy they are with, i would make her know in a cpvert manner that i dont like it and keep a eye open, if she continues i would give her a NEXT.

IMO If things like this need to be dealt in a overt way, its already lost......
Not that LL handle it very badly but now its harder for him to know where he stand towards her.

Letting her continue and keeping an eye on her is imo best way to see her real character

 

[synecdoche]

Me either.
I think that dealing with it in a overt manner is counter-productive.
If she stop because of what you said she will resent you, and if she want to continue she will hide it from you.

From experience women stop it by themselves when they have high IL with the guy they are with, i would make her know in a cpvert manner that i dont like it and keep a eye open, if she continues i would give her a NEXT.

IMO If things like this need to be dealt in a overt way, its already lost......
Not that LL handle it very badly but now its harder for him to know where he stand towards her.

Letting her continue and keeping an eye on her is imo best way to see her real character

I agree, I think by dealing with it in an overt manner he just bought himself some extra time with her. However the end result will still be the same.

lamath, how would you deal with this covertly?

 

[lamath]

I agree, I think by dealing with it in an overt manner he just bought himself some extra time with her. However the end result will still be the same.

lamath, how would you deal with this covertly?

A random observation on who is txting her then S and D....

Personnaly i would have done nothing but kept and eye open if it continues
then act with a next.
If i have to say something to make her rectify bad behavior i dont think she is a keeper

 

[ubercat]

You can do way better Lefty. I think this one has too much baggage.

 

[The Diver]

Out of curiosity. What exactly are your boundaries? Where do you draw the line?

My boundaries are sexually touching other men or flirting sexually over text with other men.
I'm ok with it as long the interaction with other men/friends are on a friendly level, like having a friendly chat with men in a pub, party, work colleagues, hobbies friends, and as such.
I don't care if other men heating on her,(I called them "puppies" ) as long as she's not actively corroborating and knows I'm the ONLY ONE.