Just got dumped by a 10/10 borderline and Im ready to redpill

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

So you're saying to set that boundary from the start then? Sometimes people bring up their exes but it can sometimes be used in the positive as in if she mentions how much better it is with you than a former lover but I agree that reaching out in any way from my experience is a litmus test for bull****.

You MUST set boundaries and limits in the beginning, communication is key.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Foe,
Yes initially closing off contact is a good idea,but no venom...This Girl was a lot of fun initially and one never knows where life is taking us,maybe in five years time you will be going through a relationship drought and be glad to contact her,you will find her just as stimulating second time around,you will know that things are going nowhere and that gives you power!...During our lock down I was desperate for a touch of variety and contacted an "Old Flame"from nine years ago....We had both enjoyed the company of a mutual Dancing Friend who had just disappeared from the scene,I wrote to her of meeting him,and that he asked to be remembered to her...Sure enough she swallowed the bait and for a few enjoyable weeks we had a few laughs together.

 

[derby1]

Hi Foe,
Yes initially closing off contact is a good idea,but no venom...This Girl was a lot of fun initially and one never knows where life is taking us,maybe in five years time you will be going through a relationship drought and be glad to contact her,you will find her just as stimulating second time around,you will know that things are going nowhere and that gives you power!...During our lock down I was desperate for a touch of variety and contacted an "Old Flame"from nine years ago....We had both enjoyed the company of a mutual Dancing Friend who had just disappeared from the scene,I wrote to her of meeting him,and that he asked to be remembered to her...Sure enough she swallowed the bait and for a few enjoyable weeks we had a few laughs together.

we advocate self respect and a strong frame on this website, not the hopes of contacting her in 5 years time, its her loss, she has missed the opportunity of a lifetime. She will only rinse him of attention again and go wishy washy, meanwhile his BP and drinking will skyrocket due to women and blue pill behaviour........No thanks

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Darby,
"We advocate self respect and a strong frame on this website, not the hopes of contacting her in 5 years time, its her loss, she has missed the opportunity of a lifetime. She will only rinse him of attention again and go wishy washy, meanwhile his BP and drinking will skyrocket due to women and blue pill behaviour "...
Firstly who exactly are "We"?...I don't remember being asked to give you a Charter to speak on my behalf...As a first exercise in "Self Respect" try talking for yourself...Your post reeks of Hubris and Machismo something which only the Clint Eastwood lookalikes of this World can afford...Like many of the fellows here I am an average Joe Blow,I have known the bitterness of being lonely ,that certainly causes the "BP and Drinking"you would cure with your Pride,something that makes a poor Breakfast and eaten cold an even worse Supper!

 

[deadmasterx]

She broke up with me, I went no contact, she got back with me for a week, she broke up with me again, I went no contact, she attempted to force me into her frame on the weekend (asking me to apologise etc) I held strong, she started saying "I love you" and then I broke today, sent her a picture of a sick rainbow *we had one on the day we met* and her reply? "I have a boyfriend please don't message again".

That's funny as ****. I'm sorry. The thing here, main mistake, getting back with an ex right after breaking up. The second one is keeping contact after breaking up. Some things you do right, but you can't keep on. I have the feeling that your heart tells you what to do but something forces you the other way.

Now the way to go? Block her contacts, delete her and life goes on. But now that you want to rebuild your life, I must tell you some things:

1) Focus on yourself
To get the girls you want, first you gotta get yourself where you want. The number one priority is you, which is obvious, and girls will come after you as a consequence. A man focused in his mission has this aura that attracts women, both for joining your way or trying to get you out of it, so be careful.

2) Girls come and go, let her go
Women will naturally play hot and cold no matter what you're doing. It's not always about you, but when it is, you need to realize what's wrong. If you have been cheated on, first it's because you were with an untrustable woman, second because you lost your frame with them at some point. It's alright, we have all been in similar positions, but the idea is that you must be able to choose the best women you can get for dating, the other ones for "fvcking". It's not a smart thing to try to turn a wh0re into a housewife.

3) It's your way, where you go
You need to, first, find your way to act. I'm in a relationship, and I consider myself a loving man, attentive, caring and funny. That's my way, so no matter what my girl is doing, I won't change myself because of her. I won't stop being who I am because she's trying to act bitchy or get in a fight. I won't get out of my way because of her.

You need to find your way to act and that's it. You won't do any differently that that. There is, tho, a hard thing to realize, that is when she deserves your presence and she doesn't. If she's just pissing you off and you know it, you won't get angry at her and start quarreling. You, with a smile on your face, just look at her and say "Okay baby, I'm gonna do some stuff now and we can talk later. I love you." and go on. Naturally you won't say you love a girl that you just met, but that's the usual rule with women when she tries to piss you off. First you try to find out what's wrong (asking her good quality questions), and if you realize that it's nothing worth worrying about (women have mood swings, it's not always about you) you just get to play with her to take the seriousness away or get away. I like mocking my girl, maybe you're the "I'm outta here" kind of guy. It's your choice.

 

[derby1]

Firstly who exactly are "We"?...I don't remember being asked to give you a Charter to speak on my behalf...As a first exercise in "Self Respect" try talking for yourself...Your post reeks of Hubris and Machismo something which only the Clint Eastwood lookalikes of this World can afford...Like many of the fellows here I am an average Joe Blow,I have known the bitterness of being lonely ,that certainly causes the "BP and Drinking"you would cure with your Pride,something that makes a poor Breakfast and eaten cold an even worse Supper!

telling him to check in on someone 5 years later, who had zero respect for him LOL..........

Lonely or solitude, practice the latter

 

[PRW63]

Great that you got into reading The Rational Male. But you got a lot of interpretations wrong with your situations you described. It was way more normal and uncomplicated than you tried to make it sound.

• I don't see any indications of BPD. I just see normal female behavor. Women are emotion based, so if you trigger an emotion and she gets upset,...she isn't BPD,...she's just a woman. Maybe she was justified, maybe you were just really annoying.
• Hypergamy is not a verb. There is no such thing as a "round of hypergamy".
• "No Contact" is not a noun. If you are broke up, you have no reason to communicate, so you "just don't". It isn't a "thing",...a "noun".
• You were in the woman's frame the entire time with all of them. But I'll give you credit for at least considering it.
• You sounded infatuated with all of them right from the get-go.
• Your post is way way way heavy on the "lingo". Stop using the "lingo" and learn to describe it in other ways, in different words,...only then will the meanings become real. Until then,...they are just "buzzwords" that you are tossing around.

Keep reading. It takes time. My "journey" took about 3 years to figure it out and another 2 years to internalize it (5 years) to where I don't even have to think about it,...it is now a natural reaction to whatever situation I am in, no matter if it is women, family, work, friends, neighbors, or just sitting around the house.

 

[Foe]

Keep reading. It takes time.

Ok first up @derby1 - You are not going to like this

And to @Scaramouche - I follow this mentality of no venom regardless etc, with a bit of a win as described below.

And a update which I know Im going to cop some **** for. So here we go.

Started to spin plates, started around the 4/10 then moved up to the 8+ (my opinion) found that the higher I went the more squirrelly the girls where. They hotter girls just required better game, I could see where I needed to improve and within about 4 weeks was getting the ball rolling. Im probably a 7ish on the SMV but I have my **** together so maybe 8ish (good job, 6'2, decent looking, always fit and pretty built for natty). Going on dates and generally keeping myself busy absolutely helped so for anyone that's going through a breakup Id recommend this, even if you don't feel like it at times.

Had a dry spell and called the ex who spun plates knowing she'd be keen. She was and I dunno if it was the wall or the nostalgia or if she was just sick of sleeping around but man was she keen. I had zero interest in her and it did nothing but fuel her fire which is ironic because on the first round she gave me a similar discard as the rest except as I mentioned I next'd her first (though just in time Id say). This confirms the treat them mean keep them keen idea, at least for me.

Anyway who should call right around the time I was starting to get my **** together, but my 10/10 (my opinion). Now I realise I broke all the rules here but I set frame and we are going another round. So far the sex in on point (always was) and I have frame. She knows I slept around and she doesn't care adding to the idea that woman dont give a **** what you do as long as you have high SMV. She says she never slept with anyone and while I find that hard to believe I dont care. For me this is a experiment with my evolution to becoming more stoic, less emotive and holding frame which I know for a fact this girl will expect or I'll get next'd.

She's tried a few times to take the wheel but I can identify it easier now and tell her to back off (in so many ways) and she loves it. I mean she hates it but loves it at the same time, its interesting to see. I dont expect this to last but at the same time as long as I enjoy it for what it is and not get the one'itis it should be a win/win.

On another note I dunno if I didn't do it long enough but the one night stand thing for me is just not as good as someone you give a **** about.