"James Bond Style" Alpha Male=Impossible?

[Sunshine71]

Hi everyone,

I have a question to all/any readers regarding what I percieve to be a contradiction in advice for new and budding DJs.


First, a quick definition of what I mean by the "James Bond" alpha approach. As David DeAngelo explains, Bond rarely smiles beyond his knowing self-assured smirk. Furthermore, I don't think I've _ever_ heard James Bond laugh. Bond never raises his voice in a conversation. Bond is highly sophisticated, calm, collected, witty, casually playful, cool, controlled, etc. etc.

Now, how can one adopt the "James Bond" alpha attitude and at the same time interact with the young age group of today? (I mean mainly those in their early 20's, the college years.) Let me explain the problems as I see them.

1). First and foremost, people usually forget that James Bond is in his forties. This age group actually has social functions centered around something other than alchohol as the main/sole means of entertainment, and this age group actually cares about personality.

The prime attribute of an alpha male is confidence, with the corollary qualities of control and competence. (Things Bond drips with.) Yet, when social status is the end here, what do these things matter if they ARE NOT NOTICED? Yeah yeah yeah, some of you might be tempted to say "it's what _you_ think that counts" etc etc...uh, no. If that were true you'd be content to never talk to anyone, ever. So how would/could Bond persevere in today's young society?

Imagine Bond in a house party. Heh...exactly, you have to stretch your imagination. In an environment like that, (which, if you're a college student, is pretty much unavoidable if you plan on being social) how could Bond succeed? You can't be suave when you have the screaming alpha's, with nothing to lose in regards to dignity, running about groping women (with them oohing and cooing, loving every second of it)?

My point is, in reality, college age guys cannot do the James Bond thing. Girls at this age group just do not care about intelligence or sophistication, bottom line, because they are not really sophisticated themselves. They don't value it. They just want confidence in its most crude form: the observable quality of not caring how you look, just so long as you get noticed.



2). James Bond is also a fictional character. Freak accidents and Seinfeld situations don't happen to him. This is just a minor objection to the "Bond approach" but it's real nonetheless. Does Bond ever get randomly defecated on by a bird when out for a walk? (This actually happened to me when I was with a girl, if you'll believe that. ) Does Bond ever have to deal with overweight obnoxious fast-food cashiers who can't really be understood because of their ghetto accent? etc etc. These things happen to all of us, only they would pretty much destroy Bond. I know this point seems a bit random, but I mean that sometimes it's hard to be suave and maintain the appearance of control when things like that happen to you.


Let me summarize my argument.

1.) Young women don't care for sophistication (in any form) because they themselves are not sophisticated. They don't value it (Yet.) <--They possibly never will.
2.) Therefore, in the social functions that this age group finds itself in (parties, dance clubs, football games etc.) Bond would not be anything special. James Bond would be invisible, while the girls fawn over guys like Stifler from American Pie.
3. Bond would be destroyed by freak accidents.
4. I suggest a revised outlook on the "DJ options" open to the young guys. Meaning, as an option, subtle is nonexistent.



To address possible arguments/opposition beforehand:
-As I said, I don't want to hear the "screw what other people think" speech. Read the "Why Not Just Be Yourself" post for God's sake.
-"Just avoid those situations." Well, to tell you the truth, I do my best to. I simply try as hard as I can to isolate the girl, one on one, and get her in environments conducive to actual conversation etc. Bottom line though, sooner or later you have to hang out with more than just you and her...and where there is at least three, there is a crowd. Where there is a crowd, whoever stands out wins. Proceed with above arguments.
-Choose different girls. Nice and simple. Ideal right? Wrong. 9 times out of 10, the best girls as far as BOTH looks and personality wind up at these kind of functions, because it's the normal, accepted thing to do at that age. These girls can be perfectly civilized, congenial, intelligent, nice, funny, charming, etc etc, AND VALUE THESE THINGS....and then turn right around and be strip teasing to deafening rap on a table in front of a dozen or so screaming guys. (Whether or not them doing something like that is ideal is debatable, whether the "Bond approach" would work in that situation, the goal being attaining the girl, is not.)
-Abandon the "James Bond" approach entirely? I know some people here are all for the "Stifler approach," and that's just fine for them. However I believe that it is possible to have refined fun, not simply mindless, animalistic, barbaric motions of celebration, or what have you. Save the "lighten up motha fvcka"' for the goths etc. who deserve that kind of advice, and give me a real solution. _If_ one exists, and _if_ you see it.

I would really, _really_ like some input here. This is my main problem. I have confidence, I am quite intelligent, habitually combine these traits to produce contagious humor, etc, yet in certain situations (which are pretty much unavoidable) they mean nothing.

Am I (and other like myself) doomed to either give up sophistication entirely to succeed with women, until their values evolve, or wack off for a couple of years, or what?

Agree? Disagree? Questions/Comments? I think we could all benefit from a collective response.


Sunshine

 

[EpsilonArmati]

If you say so.

 

[toot86]

GREAT

This is what Also boggles me .. This is probally one of the questions that still keeps me up at night .. How would bond grind with the girls at the clubs and stuff like that .. Its confusing to try to potray a image of bond but having conflicting matters towards it..

 

[Sunshine71]

Come on people...

I wouldn't mind hearing some real input guys.

Addressing replies:

Epsilon: "If you say so?" Right, thanks for the contribution. Nevermind that I wasn't "saying" anything, but rather trying to articulate a rather complex question. Are you always this helpful?

Toot: I couldn't tell if your comment was serious. If it was, I'm glad I'm not alone here. If, on the other hand, you were attempting to ridicule my question, I think you could have at least done a better job of it.


Sunshine

 

[Chemistry]

It's a look and an aura...

I've been to clubs and watched guys dance and try their hardest to get with some girl...

On the other hand, I've chilled out laid back on the couch in VIP or wherever... walked around the club a couple of times, just checkin girls who I'm feelin' in the eye and havin' them respond like what... to the point that they initiate conversation with me.. I stay laid back, don't give much up at all and just do my thing...

It can be done, but you need to be one of the best lookin' guys in there... have some style in your dress... and walk with that confidence...

 

[DarkSideOfTheMind]

I think your aiming to much at actually trying to imitate what Bond does. Just with any of the advice on this board, you need to adapt to your situation. Rarely are you gonna find cookie cutter recipes to make something happen. You want to illicit the same response Bond illicted from women, not imitate how he did it. Everyone's got their own angle at the game. It's like every other enviornment on this planet, you gotta find a nich. In the wild, you don't find it, your species goes extinct. Same here, but not as drastic, you don't find one, you are just passing by in the house party, or club or whatever. Start a debate with one of those alpha males who yells some sweeping generalization at the top of his lungs in the house party. Work him ove rintellectually, then you'll watch a alpha male fall to the size of a dime. It's hillarious, and if your early 20's in a crowded house party, he would lose even more face if he were to fight you cause you thrashed him intellectually and vertbally. If he does, all the better you can take his physical aura too, sort of like a bonus. At a club, i agree, chill, be yourself, and just have a good time, people gravitate to where theres fun, or where they see fun. Most clubs are loud, thats why people head to the dancefloor. Its fun to dance. Have a good time, then you will see those eyes a gleamin'. Oh and if the house party's loud, dont say your witty retort, yell it. Use their tactics, but dont sink to their level. That was enough rambling for now-

"Welcome my son, Welcome to the machine."

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Sunshine71
Hi everyone,

I 1.) Young women don't care for sophistication (in any form) because they themselves are not sophisticated. They don't value it (Yet.) <--They possibly never will.
2.) Therefore, in the social functions that this age group finds itself in (parties, dance clubs, football games etc.) Bond would not be anything special. James Bond would be invisible, while the girls fawn over guys like Stifler from American Pie.

Sunshine

That pretty much answers your question right there, case closed. You pretty much answered your own question.

 

[Sunshine71]

Some good input, but I have some more questions...

Hi guys, let me address the replies. Some were indeed helpful, but they triggered more questions.

Ashley Chuckles: Your post was good, and your point about the significance of looks in the Bond Approach a helpful reminder. (For the record I happen to be pretty good looking, or so people say, so my lack of success doesn't stem from that.) Also, the walk and general appearance of confidence is something I have a good grasp on as well. But you made a comment that I didn't account for entirely: what one wears. You say wear "something fashionable," but my question is, how would someone going for the Bond Approach dress in such a situation? (Club, party, whatever.) What would _you_ wear? Remember, it has to be context appropriate, keeping in mind age group, situation etc. So, I doubt that A&F would be ideal, but I don't really think a tux would be the best thing either .

When you're at these clubs doing your "laid back approach," do you actually dance? See, dancing is one of those things that's okay, but it doesn't exactly fit with the Bond theme. Let me clarify: ease and confidence are portrayed by "letting loose and having fun" (ie. Stiffler approach), and that's all good, but it doesn't coincide with calm and control. James Bond dancing? Waltz, tango, yes. Macerana? No. What are your thoughts?

DarkSideofTheMind: Your post was excellent, and your point about challenging the Stifflers on your own terms good. However, you're assuming that they're saying anything that can be attacked at all. I mean, most of the time they're not saying anything even remotely serious. Also, that seems like a limited angle, since attacking them like that would appear a little insecure. Do you really think intellectually bullying someone will get you the girls you're after? I've been there, done that, and it doesn't. (If they attack _you_ and you thrash them, that's a different matter entirely.) My question to Ashley Chuckles regarding dancing also goes out to you, Dark.

Addressing your advice as to "elicit the ends, but don't imitate the means," I can't say that makes sense. No offense, but eliciting the response you desire "somehow" isn't a lot of help. That's why were all here right? There _has_ to be some generally reliable method of eliciting attraction, that can be _imitated_, if you didn't believe that, you wouldn't be here. Yes, you're right that doing _exactly_ what others who are successful did will probably not bring you sucess, but imitating the general method_should_ increase your chances. Isn't that what learning through advice and role models is all about? I mean, it's not like I quote Bond flicks to these girls, but as I said, I do imitate the calm, collected, unruffled, confident, witty, etc. demeanor.

Myfriendblu: No, I didn't answering my own question with that conclusion. In my post, I was questioning whether or not that conclusion was indeed the final, inescapable fate of the Bond Approach. I take it then, that you believe it is. I dearly hope you're not correct...before I begin to resign myself to that, I hope that others will comment and contribute, so that a more focused perspective can be attained. But, if this is indeed the final consensus we all reach, so be it.


Thanks for the replies so far guys, but keep em' coming! Input is good!


Sunshine

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Do you wear Armani suits to college parties? (I wore a shirt at a college FORMAL dinner and got half a gallon of beer spilt on me)

Do you drink martinis while your friends chug down beer?

Do you sit quietly in the corner while everyone dances?


Are you 40 years old?

 

[USSOCOM]

Firstly you should'nt base you life on being like Bond beause that would'nt be much fun at college age. Secondly, Bond is sophisticated yes, but he is also very action oriented meaning that he doesn't say much he DOES much. Bond has a good time by doing fun, exciting things. He's the strong quite type, and that DOES NOT fit into college life... sorry sunshine

 

[Sunshine71]

Addressing More Replies

To Diplomatic_lies: The answer is "no" to all of your questions. I suppose by implication then, you mean to say "to hell with Bond at your age" too? I'm not saying that with any kind of emotional charge, don't worry, just trying to clarify. If so, I'm beginning to see that.

To USSOCOM: Thanks for the simplification, I'm going to use "strong silent type" to characterize what I mean from now on. (I know it's not exactly uncommon, but for some reason I missed that term completely when fishing for a way to explain my situation.)

I'm going to make a shorter, more to-the-point post regarding this. Thanks for the input here guys.

Sunshine

 

[Duke]

Sunshine, I can totally relate to your predicament. I too tend to be the "strong, silent type." I work best alone-- like Wolverine
Other people fvck everything up. In these big groups settings, I tend to find myself muddled in a lot of anxiety. It's like I want to approach a chick, BUT she is talking to a group of people and I don't want to obviously single her out.

Also, I go to a fairly large high school, and there's another high school down the street from us. When I go to parties and there are people from both schools, I don't know all of them, and their names don't stick with me after casual introductions.
In effect, it's difficult for me to get their attention in an environment that requires yelling.

I've been the "strong silent type" for years and in 1-1 settings it can create an interest. However, at parties it seems that everyone assumes that you're a dull halfwit with nothing to say.
The intrigue is gone. The social expectancy is that you go out and mingle and "mix with the animals." If you deviate, people figure you want to be left alone.

Last big party I went to was a pretty bad experience. There was a ton of people, and I made up my mind that I was not going to introduce myself to every one of them. At the end of the party as I waved goodbye to people, I heard a girl whisper, "Who's that guy?" followed by "I don't know." I did not establish an identity. I did not leave a mark on my territory. I was invisible.

This kind of thing is so frustrating. The loner mentality is deeply rooted within me; it isn't as if I can just suddenly sprout wings and become a social butterfly

Sunshine, thanks for creating this topic. Help us, kind sirs.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I'm not saying Bond is bad. I'm just saying that you should only have his calmness, but not try to imitiate him.

You shouldn't ever imitate anyone. Pick up their good traits, but don't try to be them. Bond is never defeated, never faces failure, and never gets into sticky situations.

Does Bond ever have too much to drink and hit on another girl in front of his girlfriend (without realising it)? Does Bond ever go on a trip with some friends and end up 50 miles heading in the wrong direction? Does he ever need to take a sh*t in the middle of formal dance dinner? (all this happened to me before)


Pick out his good traits and learn from him, but don't try to "be" Bond.

 

[DarkSideOfTheMind]

I realize its been a bit late in coming, finals, but here is the answer to your dancing dilemma. Bond danced the waltz and so forth, because they fit with those situations. If you were a apy in a party for some lord in England wearing a tux and everyone of the ladies was in an evening gown, you wouldn't be doing the macarena. No you'd be tangoing too. Like I said before, apply the overall personality strengths, but dont copy the situation. Is macarena calm and collected, no, but dancing to jungle is for me! Choose what songs you like and dance top them. Oh and good dance moves portray tons of calm strength, especially if you have a smile on. Oh and thrashing people won't win you points, I may have not explained myself entirely. Make intelligent rebuttles or comments particualrly aimed at them, but not everyone in the room will get, your not trying to let everyone know you think he is a moron, just a select group of people that agree with you. Remember some women actually like guys like that inately. I find those comments are best directed at the pretty girls that rarely have a smile on their face, but still seem like their having a good time, they usually agree and are looking to verbally thrash some of the people, and they usually are entertained when someone else shares their views. Hope that explains

 

[Slashco]

It's really quite simple. James Bond is not a real person. He's a movie character. He's successful with women because that's what the script says. The actor has a certain amount of charm, which helps, but mostly IT'S A MOVIE There is no way to tell how Bond would function in the real world.

Like diplomatic_lies said, as long as you try to imitate others you'll only be a wannabe. You have to find your own style.

 

[HuuBinh]

SunShine

I partially agree with you. I believe what really helps us DJs from James Bond is not about his outer techniques but his inner mindset on women. What I think your trying to say is that the Bonds' social behaviors in those movies and today's social gatherings such as parties, clubs, are not compatible or unfit for us to become an alpha Bond type. I think what you're missing is flexibility in your alphaness. An alpha male adjusts to different situations that fit the current conditìons and attract women at the same time. Bond certaintly knows how to adjust in order to attract women. If Bond were to go to a house party, I am sure that he will act wild and crazy, why? b/c that is appropriate for him in order to attract women. His party behaviors were not shown in those movies b/c there aren't any teenage parties, therefore they're not appropriate.

 

[lynx]

james bond approach

I think a good way to test the sophisticated approach of James Bond is to attend parties given by the international students club at your college or university. Many international students are well-travelled, know various foreign languages, are well-read, and know a lot about international politics and other issues that most drunken frat boys don't concern themselves with until later in life. At these parties, you can test your skills with hot Italian or Venezuelan women, and you can gain an interest in a foreign language or different cultures. It's like being at a young people's UN party. Being seen with a hot foreign chick, moreover, will make the other homegrown chicks take an added interest in you.

As for the homegrown girls, just imagine what it would be like for them to meet a twenty-year-old James Bond. I imagine that, at the age of twenty, James Bond must have been a bit shy but a fast learner about the ways of the world. He must have taken chances that his other colleagues were not willing to take. He probably didn't let rejection deter him from succeeding with other girls. Read Ian Fleming's James Bond novels to get a deeper glimpse of James Bond than the movies provide.