Jack Wealthy's Journal of Beasting

[RiceandChicken]

Wow. Pretty amazing analysis of your se* life. I'm not there yet. Gotta progress.
Great stuff man.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I wrote all of this in one go without editing, so let me know if you like my rapping

RandC, I don't think you want to be. I may have made it sound easy but the irony is that although it is easy it is shallow and empty. I haven't had a connection except one, the rest I just jam on my erection till I shoot off like a gun. I root a lot, but I can't do it for fun, I wish I could be besot, settle down with someone... But I'm too dark too breed and my soul is stark except for a need to gobble people up whole, I'm nothing but feed like I'm some sort of *******. Am I getting better or worse? You'd know if you followed a letter of this verse, you with me bro?

I've got my personal training website 80% complete. It needs some pictures and then I just pay for premium membership and... done. After that, I've got to use it to get some clients- I've been messaging all my high-placing sports friends for testimonials so they should all be athletes- work for a bit, then I will have both capital and interest to start my other site up. While I'm getting that up I'll probably get other trainers under my banner, then it's a no-brainer: Find a manager. All money no work, then get the second one running, same thing.

So I'm sure you guys would prefer a lay report. Here goes:

NYE

I'll skip the lead up of getting to the party. Hilarious, but I can't be ****ed right now.

So, at the party. Supposed to be stop #1 of 4. I agreed to drink for $10. I figure, easy money, should be funny. So I take a shot of tequila with this really hot sheila I hooked up with on Leavers. She was there. I came with another girl I hooked up with on Leavers, in the sand, while freezing cold. We reminisced but that grew old so I was with a new girl, liking salt, sucking lime, then she gets picked up by a drunk dolt and...

Bang. Smashes her head to the brick. Nearly knocked out by the jolt, disappeared the prick. So a bunch of drunk idiots try and administer CPR, I push the apart and actually help her recover. I yell for icepacks. Put them on her head. Her best friend comes over and says the guy is dead.

The girl who invited me, I ****ed her a while ago, she's being a *****. Sitting in the corner the only thing she's enjoyed all night is this show.

I fill best friend in on the sitch, then I go to play some table tennis which I win, because I'm a goddamn champion.

I go into the laundry and there's a guy named Lockie and another guy says its a free drinks fridge so I take one sip of each. Then put them back. Then Lockie grabs a beer and I slap that, trying to make it foam but it's slippery, he drops it and barely misses me.

Glass sprays everywhere. I don't care. I life my ****ing ass off, which I guess isn't fair to the host but at the moment I care less than I should. I go find the girl I hooked up with on Leavers on the beach, feed her my wood, but I end up having to teach because it isn't very good.

I'm drunk off rum. I can't ***. I zip up and tell her I'm done. On the verge of tears, I've triggered her fears, ****ing insecure and I know what for. All models are. The hotter the *****, the more they baa like sheeple and look for applause. Except me of course...

So every guy at this party is ripped and shirtless. Most more than me. I don't feel worthless because I don't give a **** see. Girls see that and I'm star of a show. The head-hit-***** has a go (drunk as a skunk) and then her boyfriend lets her know she's being an idiot, takes her to bed, I assume he ****ed her, despite her head.

Also she tried to grab my **** earlier, and stroked my abs, tickled my back... I think her boyfriend saw but didn't do jack. He comes out and we talk about art, he goes to an art school, I show him my heart and make him feel cool. Writer primarily, fighter secondarily, hey he's into adrenaline just like me... A coincidence I rarely see.

Next act and I'm attacked by a black
"I could fight you!"
"You mean get face ****ed by me?" it's true.
"What's face-****ed?" Wow, silly.
Oh right she's actually Asian, legitimately got confused "It's when I grab you by the back of your head and ram my **** in your mouth."

I'm the most inappropriate guy by far, but I'm super nice. At first some people I jar, but they have to think twice, because I don't stop and then I cop and insult but don't give a **** and the result is a compliment without being a suck ***. The guys are mostly suckers, mostly chodes, but it's NYE eve so everyone is getting a kiss bro!

I set up the Asian girl by stealing her glasses, make her hook up with Lockie because he was giving her passes. Don't let him know. "You've got mad game bro, that's fo sho!" Ha he's on a roll, she calls me ******* "I didn't want to do that!" Yeah ****ing right, as soon as she thinks she's out of sight they go around the corner and he fingerbangs her all night.

Note: You may be confused by what I just wrote. Remember at this point it's 11.52, then you won't. I get passed a joint. I pass up. I get passed a cup. I drink up. Tastes like ****, just take one sip, then I quit and go and quip.

Play the you-look-like-(name) game, *****es are all the same, two try and act unimpressed but the one who looks best is practically getting undressed. I tell them they're antisocial, for sitting in the corner together. They don't get vocal but rather give me a look that could melt leather. I don't care. Really, could care less. I return the stare until they KNOW who is best.

She want's to walk off with me. Can't be ****ed. I just hooked up with a model see and got my **** sucked. My sex drive is all vacancy, she outta luck. She has red hair, only race I've never ******.

At this point I want to go. No more of this fake ass YOLO. No one has any class and half the guys are getting homo. I clean up while I wait for Clarissa to be ready, she's paying for the taxi. I end up saying this not to be heavy but just to relax me:

"Make a choice now: Go or stay."
"Ummmm..." Takes all day.
"go or stay?"
"Why do I have to decide now anyway?"
"Because I'm sick of this place, about to pass out." Fall flat on my face or make some ***** shout...

So finally we're ready to leave. I call up a cab. Eat some pizza, it's ****ing fab. Some dude tries to kick me out of the house, I tell him we're related. He acts like I'm his spouse, when seconds earlier I was hated. Feeds me biscotti. Tries to feed me a shot. I eat the biscotti, but I would rather not...

So he hands it to some chode. He doesn't want it but holds it. Five minutes, no one can convince him to do it.

"Let me tell you about this time I wanted to take a shot but I didn't and I regretted it and it was now." He takes the shot. Wow. "I can't believe that worked."

I'm the first but not the last to say that. He looks worse than plastered now he has drained that. I should have explained that: He was on E. Shouldn't be drinking. Whoopsee. He must not have been thinking, I'm not sorry, everyone knows drinking is your own responsibility.

Which reminds of Clarissa getting pissed, because I invited two girls. "I thought your friends would be guys!" I don't have any and she knows that. She nearly cries. I can see it like a bat (with my ears) and she denies it, while it's all I can hear. ****ing angry at me. Uho. She doesn't get me an invite... Well here we go.

She says theres another party. I cannot be ****ed. That one didn't go badly, it could have sucked, given there were only 30 people and I crashed... I just out-lucked, she was being rash and instead I got away like Scott.

Free.

Got me? Well now we're at my home and everyones talking loudly. Andrew doesn't want anyone in his room. He's all gloom. I say okay, help me move this matress. Soon. Okay I'm going to cook I'm ****ing hungry- punctuated by my stomach going vroom.

So he comes out while I'm making bruschetta. I say hang on a second. He goes back to bed and won't come out.

DETOUR: This is what I'm pissed for. I stayed up till 3am the previous night for his friends and him, tripping high as kites. Aldo yelled at me for 30 minutes because they woke him up. But oh-no, you can't help me for two minutes, you ****ing druggie. Two. ****ing. Hours. I stayed awake, just so they could walk the neighbourhoods and get baked. Well, never again. More help. We'll see how things work out then because:

-He has no money. I buy the food, all his limited cash goes to cigarettes and weed... Not good, he is filled with a need, when really him should, not be so ****ing greedy and do us both some good.
-He is an emotional ****ing faucet. He can't listen. He'll vent, vent about what caused it but I can see clearly then that it was really him. If I don't let him whinge to me at least twice a day, he'll go sooky and mopey the whole way.
-He can't cook. He doesn't clean. He can't read a book, I'm not saying that to be mean. He doesn't have a job. His rooms a pig-sty. He's a ****ing slob, self-centered, if a nice guy.

So that's the score card. ****ing ha ha. Let's see if anything is hard for me (no) or more likely, you brah? Yep he's already getting lonely. I can see it in his face. But this morning I woke up, still half in space, already ****ing a girl. Came in the condom. What a waste.


I stayed up til four doing work, woke up at 11 ****ing a girl. Kicked her out like a jerk, really because I'm not a churl. I finished my site today, except the pictures...

Now we're back at the start, but now with extra fixtures and I still don't have a heart despite the scriptures... So much for her being pissed. That won't be missed. I ****ed her like an animal, we never even kissed.

Ohh that title fits perfectly I love that: http://thingsfittingperfectlyintothings.tumblr.com/

 

[RiceandChicken]

Lol...can we say it enough? Crazy ass night. And I feel ya man.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

That was really hard to read

 

[BlackAnkle]

Didn't realize it was poetry until about halfway down. Once I read it with a doctor suess voice In my head it became easier to comprehend

 

[Watawata]

You could write a book about your travels.. that could help pay them a litle, and I would enjoy reading it. Ive heard of a guy who did that, is book is the naughty nomad.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You could write a book about your travels.. that could help pay them a litle, and I would enjoy reading it. Ive heard of a guy who did that, is book is the naughty nomad.

Used that site when I traveled to Budva. He's spot on.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

You could write a book about your travels.. that could help pay them a litle, and I would enjoy reading it. Ive heard of a guy who did that, is book is the naughty nomad.

That's a really good idea, thank you.

Ok so the ways I've devised to leave the country are:
1) Start up a personal training business in which I employ others to train clients for a percentage cut for advertising them on my site.
2) Leave for university, which I can definitely do next year OR this year if I get accepted into a specific program. If this year, it's 8 cities in four weeks BUT I have to do 200 credits a semester until then. Easy, I will do just that. I just have to convince uni to let me.

Spent a lot of time with Ella- she just got back. She got me amazing presents, loved the presents I got her. She's been incredibly affectionate. Cute.

Cut of Clarissa. She's at my house, buying Andrew and I dinner, but not keen on hanging with her because she is too needy.

Black chick from leavers wants to come over. To sex me. She said as much.

Another girl may be keen for a threeway, eight, amazing body and very bi. Would be nice. The other one got kind of weird and I want a good experience for Ella so she will defs do it again.

Switched a girl out of rotation essentially. Brought another one in, but she's somewhat needy so may or may not see again. BERRY hot. She is a girl I approached last year, she's a nine. Would make 4 which is sort of hard to maintain indefinitely. Plus since I've improved sexually each girl is sort of draining my vital fluids, they all want it 3-6 times and I can manage like 30 a week stretching it. My sex drive has gone down lots, now that I'm less needy (from good sex) and more goal focused. So I'm struggling to say the least. Plus it chews up a lot of time. I have other things to do.

First world problems.

Speaking of other things to do:
-Learning Spanish guitar, so sexy.
-Have a beard, so sexy.
-I've been sober 30 days, confidence and sincerity goddam. Ha, I can just deliver lines like it's a job, delivery man. Combined with not being invested in girls it's made getting them crazy easy. So sexy.

Girl related story: Caught a bus today. Girl sat down next to me. Wanted me to talk to her. Could tell from the vibe. I said "No." She said "Why not?" I said "Because I'm depleted.' She asked me what that meant. "That's another reason."

I'm really tired. It was 44 degrees today. That's 111 for you Yanks. I suffer low blood pressure (40/60) and the weather makes it so much worse. Dehydration. Nearly fainted today and probably will when I stand up to go work out. It's 7pm, suns still scorching and it's 42 outside. Wow, wait a while.

Spanish guitar to the girl outside my room.

PS: Learn to speak another language. Girls in your country that are tourists will be fifty times more receptive, girls who live there from that country- especially exchange students- will be 200 times more receptive. Not joking. The amount of Italian tourists... But the students are the best. They will be your friend no problem, from there all their friends are easy. I don't even bother with parties anymore because stuff like this is guaranteed. Why bother with possible leads if I don't drink? Pareto. Screw day game, night game and internet. Social circle is where it's at.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Is it breaking no MB if you jack off on a girl?

I wash my hair with olive oil. My hair is lovely.

So some of my friends felt the need to ***** about me. It all started when I was going to cook everyone dinner and they would pay for a little bit of it. They went down to Maccas to meet another girl, who gave me an STI. I said no, I'd prefer to work out. Meet you back at the house in 30 Jack. Awesome.

90 minutes later I'm freaking starving and haven't heard anything from them. So Ella calls and they've already eaten and thus don't want anything to eat. Awesome, could have let me know. We walk past them and I ask them why.

"Oh, we were busy."
"Doing what?"
"We were trying to decide whether or not to buy alcohol. but by the time we had-"
"The bottleshop had closed because it's a Sunday?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah it was shut when you left."
"Oh."
"So we're going to go grab a stick."
"I don't think you should. You're trying to quit."
"It's only one night, it doesn't matter."
"If you don't start now you just won't start. You're much more motivated sober. You finally did your (government paper work) after putting it off for a month. You wouldn't have done that high."
"Yeah I would of."
"You didn't for more than a month because you were high."
"I could of."
"(But you didn't...) Yeah, I'm really ****ing hungry, I'm just going to go get food."

So Andrew starts texting Ella to say I'm being a ****, don't bother getting him food, ect. Yeah I wasn't going to. I buy all the food myself and 90 minutes later I'm back home cooking. Not in a very good mood because it's 10 and I wanted to be cooking by 8.30. I easily could have done that if they'd stuck to plan, or at least let me know. Aldo complains about how late I'm cooking. I try and explain to him, he says I should just not bother with them.

I can hear them *****ing outside about how much of a **** I am.

So, I'm cooking and Clara comes in asking for a bottle opener. Where is it? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? I don't drink so I don't know where it is. Oh. She finds it straight away and storms out, slamming the door.

"He's such a prick, he wouldn't even tell me where the bottle opener was."

I should probably mention at this stage I'm cooking three separate elements of a lasagna myself. It's a difficult thing to coordinate. I rush (so as to not leave the cooking unattended, the recipe book is in Italian so I need all the spare time I can get to read it) to the fridge. Andrew comes in and tries to barge his way into the fridge. I don't budge. I have to get out three kinds of cheese for the dish. I do so and leave, he's red with rage. He pulls out beers and smashes the fridge door shut.

He goes out and whinges about me being inconsiderate. They all agree. I never think of anyone but myself. Can you believe I won't even go outside to hang out with them? I'm incredibly hungry but blood will be spilled because God help me, I won't sit outside with a bunch of drunk and high stoners to bad mouth myself. Damn.

Two hours later I've finished the lasagna and it's in the oven. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically. I have to get up in five hours. I ask Ella to please watch the lasagna in the oven. I'm starving but need sleep more. Andrew and Ella go out for a walk after I'm asleep for about twenty minutes. I wake up from a nightmare to the door slamming and the image of someone eye ball being sliced open is vivid in my minds... urgh. I'm disturbed, frayed, emotional. I'm not an emotional person but occasionally I become incredibly... Raw.

Usually there's this sheet of (glass) between me and the world, so it doesn't affect me. My feelings are my own, you cannot project yours upon me. I feel very little myself so confidence isn't much of an issue and others qualms are even less of one. But when I have emotions to this extent, they press against the glass and pressure it. Glass can crack. Even if it's bulletproof.

So, I'm hungry. Not homeless level, but I worked out earlier so I'm hungry. I make myself some eggs. I eat the eggs. I'm still unsettled. I can't sleep. I check on the lasagna. Ten minutes.

I decide to confront STI girl on having an untreated STI and finally have the talk to Clara.

So I go out and say I need to talk to both of them. STI girl wants to go first.

"You have clamydia, you need to get that treated."
"I have."
"Awesome. That's all."
"That's incredibly rude of you I can't believe you'd say that."
"I said it because you can go infertile from that ****... Besides, it's a little (a little) ruder to give it to someone."
"I didn't give it to you Jasper."
"Yeah, you did."
"No I didn't! Blake brought it back from Europe. We never had sex after Blake got back from Europe."
"We did one time."
"No we didn't! I wouldn't have sex with you!"
"Well let's just agree to disagree then. So long as you've got it treated."
" I did after two weeks! (not true, she gave it to another guy and boasts about still having it) When was this?"
"I don't know exactly when because I was super high that whole period, but it was after your dance."
"No it wasn't! I wouldn't have because you and Ella were already hooking up."
"No we weren't-"
"Blake saw you." Blake is a massive **** stirrer and says stuff like this to get a bite.
"She was asleep... Look, ask Rad, as me, ask Ella- all people who were actually there- and we all say it didn't happen."
"Don't lie to me! She said you were!"
I laugh in her face. "No, she didn't... IF she did she'd be lying to you."
"Umm well yeah, she did! And Ella would never lie to me."
"Ok. Anyway, I wear condoms with every other girl except you once and Ella. She doesn't have it, I was treated by then, so obviously you gave it to me."
"I didn't you just forgot about a girl obviously!"
"Even though I wear a condom I warned every girl I've slept with this year. They're all clean. I had to have gotten it off you."
"I got it off Blake!"
"I didn't have sex with him though."

She keeps arguing and lying to me, I just laugh it off. She says I'm not funny. In a very witty manner I say only intellectuals understand irony. It goes straight over her head. The irony of my ironic comment going over her head makes me laugh.

She is staring at me with absolute malice. Wants to hit my face. The glass is up nice and strong against such an attack. I tell her the talk is over, laughing inside at her idiocy.

Next up: Clara.
"I already know what you're going to say?"
"What?" I can tell she has no idea and just wants to pull her whole "Im very emotionally intelligent and a future psychologist" act. She can read me like a book. Written in Latin.
"No, I want to hear it from you."
"Well, I'm not going to tell you until you explain that comment."
"No."
"Ok, well this talk was for your benefit not mine so I don't need to have it." I go to walk off and she accuses me of playing games and begs me to tell her. Argh.

We go into my room. Her emotions are able to communicate with my heightened empathy and I cry a little. Then we talk.

I feel like we should preserve a friendship instead of sleeping together. You don't want to have a friendship, I knew last time we had sex we'd never talk again. Well, we are right now so obviously you're wrong. Silence. People said you don't like me. (thanks a lot guys, I said I didn't want to talk to her again because No, I just thought I'd hurt you. That's not what they said. Well, they're wrong.

She lies down and starts crying. Fast forward, Clamydia tells Ella I'm having sex with Clara. I'm not. We're talking. And crying. So clamydia can go... oh wait. Ha.

Clara walks out. I go out and ask if she wants to be alone... She says she doesn't know... I'm busting for the toilet, I tell her so and say to make up her mind while I do that. Andrew comforts her while she keeps crying by saying I'm a **** and he will punch me in the face. I can hear them but could give less of a ****. If I were autistic. But I'm not, so 0.000001 ****s will have to do as a minimum reagent. I hug them both goodnight when I come back in because I'm just sick of their *****ing and moaning like little... too easy. Clara clutches me like she's dying.

I fall asleep straight away and Ella wakes me up two hours later to get into bed. Two more hours and I'm up for cricket. In the morning Ella says they kept talking about me until five, when they all went to bed. The last topic was literally just "How much we all hate Jasper." Other topics of note were how self centred I am (ironic), how much of a controlling bad influence I am on Ella (I asked her to quit smoking and she chose to quit weed with me, they try and pressure her back into both so I'm a bad influence for not making her pick either way...) and how I'm no longer part of the group. Note: The group is MY group. I'm the bridge. I introduced 9/10 members of said "group." Only Andrew and Ella are allowed in said group, because I dislike Clamydia and lack respect for Clara. They said earlier I'm too controlling of the group... I don't try and be. I have the most loyalty so it just tends to do what I want.

So, they talked about cutting me out of the group. I've already chosen to do so. They're much too late. I have zero desire to sit in a circle and (not) talk to a bunch of people as they smoke weed. 80-90% of the time the topic is x, y or z time they got high, nothing new is said and it's as boring as rye.

Also, two of those people aren't even CLOSE to accepted in the group. They are disliked. That's like the Bin Laden going "We've really gotta get that Obama fellow out of the UN..." Umm...

 

[Jack Wealthy]

So yeah. I was pissed off about this to say the least. The next day was apparently spent doing the same, while I worked in the hottest day of Summer. I came back and showered in freezing water, listening to Andrew continue to ramble on about me to Ella. He cut off all talking when he realized I was home. I shared my lasagna with him and he acted all jovial. I also gave him some pasta. He acted like a bro to say the least. I really don't give a ****. I don't see the point in raising the issue because:


A) I have nothing to gain from his friendship. I don't suffer from sentiment and he has no value. ****y but: There is nothing he is better than me at. Except complaining about me.
B) I have nothing to gain from the group. I don't go out to parties anymore because I don't drink and get laid through MY OWN social circleS. I don't need them for any reason, I'm the main entertainer, I'm the most well-rounded and I'm THE ONLY person who consistently expands the circle. Without me it will disintegrate and the more socially intelligent members- Jez, Sam and Jesse- realize this. Jesse doesn't want me in the group because he is next in line to be alpha and has his own circles anyway. He could repair the cracks in the surface easily. No other member could.
C) I've helped out every member of this group immensely. I gave Andrew a home, Jez the best time of his life (leavers), Damian a taxi, I'm the best cook, I'm the one who hosted all the early events and I'm the one who brought them all together. I have too much loyalty to not be able to re-integrate myself at some point.
D) Every girl in the group has 100% loyalty to me above the group. Even Clara told me she'd prefer my friendship to Andrews. His girlfriend told HIM she wanted to **** me. He called her to ***** about me after everyone was asleep. She defended me all out. I woke up for a piss and heard the Skype call. Basically the 'group' would turn into seven guys. Jesse has one girl in his circle besides his girlfriend. Thus it would be seven dudes, a boring needy girl and an interesting girl. My social circle would be five hot, two popular girls I can bang. Plus their friends. Who would by default either be hot or cool.
E) I'm going somewhere. Overseas. Jez is leaving in two weeks, after giving me a tab for free- loyalty. Everyone else in the group is stuck in Perth, working. We are by far the most talkative members of the group- besides Andrew, who talks about his emotions and life on a 48 hour loop. Without us, the group will talk about other times they got high and listen to Andrew ramble. Le enjoy.
F) The other alpha, Jesse, has to work full-time, focus on his training and try to get his music career off the ground. He won't have time to lead a group. There are no other alphas. The group is destroyed with or without hate for me to make it an explosion.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Definitely making the right choice there.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

So I wrote Clara and Andrew a big ****-you letter, very professional. Bold notes are for context. It reads:

Blindly and without reproach this is a problem I can approach. I have my writing pants on, the ones I use to write letters. I just wrote a letter to Nexus Forum, this fundraising group that takes 50 uni students around the world every year. Well, around Europe, which is the world in my mind. The origins of Western civilization, where the seeds sprouted... 8 cities in one month.

A bit rushed if you ask me, but hell, I do things that way. I'm not the most considerate person to details when I'm staring at the big picture. The big picture for me is leaving, leaving, departing from Perth like some of my social circles. I've kind of cut myself off from "the group" not by any malicious intent but my conflict of interest. I'm very focused on this because one of the few things I feel is dread. I dread being stuck here like my parents were- until the grew too poor, the debt piled up and they had to move back to Albany.

So I've been motivated lately, as I'm sure you've both realized, a lot of things needed fixing. I've been open minded about what and been shocked, I've had to grow up a lot since I quit puffing papers. I was sort of in a haze, the fugue formed fake priorities that really revolved around inconsequential turns-of-time, **** that never mattered nor ever will. I had a lot of good times with all my friends, they mattered. But my personal time was so wasted now I've had to sort of ignore the friendships, as a recompense. Time burnt now time borrowed.

I've always been open, honest and loyal to you both. Not just to you, to my extended circle of friends, to my family, to strangers on the street. April 19th 2012 probably doesn't mean anything to either of you but that is the last time I told a lie I didn't later admit to. My mum asked me if I was high and I said "No."

Now it's time to turn theory to practice, because they're not the same thing, as Einstein so deftly phrased "In theory, theory and practice are the same but in practice, they are not."

I heard you both, with Amy, complaining about me. Clara, I felt like I really connected with you afterwards when we talked. Then I walked back out and heard the same conversations again and realized, no, you're just that manipulative. I hold vindication against everyone, don't take that personally, I just see immaturity as a turn off. Andrew, I'm really dissapointed. Not in you but because I felt like we had a friendship stronger than this. You knew you were inviting two people who made me incredibly uncomfortable under our roof, then not only did so but fueled the flame of their negative feelings towards me as much as possible.

Clara, one of those people was you. I knew you were playing games and I dislike that. I don't dislike you, you're a great person, you just need to realize I'm not a chess piece and consequently you know nothing about me besides what I've told you. Despite being a very accurate analist (anal sex reference) (sic) of people, you can't read me. That isn't arrogant, I've just been through a lot you, neither of you, could begin to fathom. To illustrate, that same night I had a dream. The last image I woke up to was someone having their eyeball sliced open feet from me. That was probably the most comforting part of that recollection.

Next, this is nearly last in case you're wondering. Penultimate if you... Close. I felt like I was closer to both of you, but I guess no so I'll rebut specific things I heard through a inch-thick plywood door. Both for my sake and Ella's. I'm not going to put her into this besides to say point A and point B.

A) You should have kept Ella out of whingeing about me. Not because I'm protective of her her, but because it's respectful. I seldom complain about others, it's selfish and I do it selfishly. The only exception I can think of is Amy, clap, clap, clap (clamydia reference) I ****ed up. Hey, I can admit it, even if she can't...
B) Not only would it have been awkward for her- I literally didn't hear her say a word- you have no right to tell us to define what we have. It's a relationship just as surely as dating, although the premise IS friendship. I can't believe it's ground breaking science for you, both of you being so emotionally intelligent, that two unpossessive, unemotional and uninvolved people would PREFER a friendship with sexual elements than a more attached couples approach. I've never had a relationship work out, trying to force this into one isn't for me. It would be completely for you.
C) If you didn't know I was arrogant when we became friends, then you didn't know a thing about me. In which case disregard this whole message.
D) I'm not possessive over anyone, only one thing, a cardigan I own. Actually, more than that one thing, a few items of clothing Ella brought back for me and my favourite book, which Aldo actually lost. Unlucky. Oh and my laptop and guitar. Of course. Neither for sentiment though, just for quality of life. My stories, my music...
E) I'm not inconsiderate towards other people, I'm just as considerate as they are. Sorry I'm very tic-for-tac, quid pro quo, etc. Clara, you lost close points you gained by manipulating me- or rather, trying to. That's the only reason I've been cold to you. Andrew, same thing, or more often a different problem involving me trying to open up to you and you telling me about yourself instead. I don't really mind if you want to vent or explain your life story to me, it's just the result is you really don't know much about me and thus occasionally felt as though I was being inconsiderate when you crossed a boundary you were no more aware of than a complete stranger.
F) I admit I am actually sometimes brash. The curse of... Nevermind, just in case you didn't realize, if you had brought it up with me I would have changed it. For friendship, for friends I function differently. The same goes with everything you mentioned. It's never been brought up to me, so how would I even know you had a problem with it?

Lastly two things: If you have thought about why I've sent this to both of you I can put that straight to rest for you. Sorry if it made you anxious, I don't mean this to be offensive, hurtful or tactless in any way. I've tried to approach it so as to spare your feelings. Empathy isn't my strong point but taste can be and this is all in good (blank) (I left this blank as an intelligent joke I knew they wouldn't get. The obvious answer is in good taste, but I've been derisive throughout so humor, fun or jest would also work. .

That's reason one for putting you two together. The more important reason numero duo is to make sure it isn't private or personal because that's a privilege I definitely wasn't granted. You told each other things I have never shared with other people, only with you, which is of course trust shattering. I'm glad I'm not an open book and I'm glad you couldn't unstick pages seven on for that reason. Even if you hadn't, it still seems slightly rude to talk about me so brazenly in my backyard while I cooked dinner metres away. Vulgar, vain and not at all emulating empathy. I derive no pleasure from saying this, any of it.

Actually that's not true, I laughed at one of the lines. You'd know which Andrew. Ha ha ha it was pretty funny. Anyway off that tangent, onto the dessert: It's not that we're not friends anymore it's that I don't trust you anymore. You haven't treated me with respect, you have your reasons for it, but this is the consequence. I'm not saying they're invalid, rather that they may or may not be completely valid, but they are completely cruel and despite not being hurt- way too past that- I'm dissapointed. Just really, really dissapointed. Not upset, not sad, not angry- Clara please don't try and pin those emotions to me, I know you will, little ****ing Freud - just dissapointed. Andrew I know you'll understand. You know me well enough for that.

Sympathies, Jack Wealthy

---

A few days later, Andrew apologized profusely. Clara sent me a massive sorry message then ignored me in person, she owed me ten dollars she didn't want to pay so I transferred the debt to someone else. She now owes it to Jez in exchange for a tab for me.

Which I took last night with Ella. Great trip, sway, damn.

Might come back to elaborate, I'm sort of over writing right now.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I have a strange situation that's similar. I keep to myself in my dorm at school, except for one guy down the hall I've partied with and one girl the other direction I've hit on.

But because they can't control their voices, I know they've found my twitter and look at it. At least one girl has a crush on me and they tease her for it.

I don't really care, I like my twitter it has lots of art on it. But can these people recognize that they don't know me and it's shady to do that? Follow me online or come talk with me.

Living around people is a strange thing, especially for us with introverted streaks. Sometimes we steal the show, sometimes we just need our space.

I'm sure your honesty will lead to a happy outcome.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

^It did

All apoligies, much more than Nirvana ever received. They headlined the first Big Day Out in Australia. They got paid as an undercard, $2k, they made it big literally overnight weeks before the shows. Their next gig was had a few more zeros at the end. They didn't pressure the promoters to pay more, or threaten to pull out, they just did the show- now as the main attraction- for $2000.

the last BDO was a few weeks ago. I didn't have a ticket, or $180 to blow on one. So I would have been severely bummed if I wasn't me and didn't jump the fence.

I went with one friend, cannon fodder. Andrew. The letter. We met seven of my friends. We cased the place, bumped into forty derro's I got rapport with. Thank Jebus I used to be a derro. They all gathered in front of the fence, the security guard got tackled, one guy ripped the fence open and they all poured in. I tailed two black guys who jumped the fence. Now, I'm fast AND do parkour. This two guys literally vaulted a fence higher than my head. That's 6'3. By the time I got over that same fence they were long gone.

I ran into the festival and debated whether or not to walk the rest of the way. I slowed down, an illegitimate crowd behind sprinting towards the ticket-holding one in front of me. Just as I started walking, from out of nowhere, a tattoeed ex-con guard appeared. He spear tackled a ten year old fence jumper into me.

"Sorry sir." He gruffled, then dragged the boy off.
"That's ok." Stunned silence proceeded this for five seconds.

I meet up with our friends, Andrew made it in two. Jez is pissed and being a whiny ***** because Ella and I didn't want to hang out with him one day. Also, Andrew cheated on his girlfriend with a girl Jez is banging. Which is inconsequential because a) she's a slut b) I was sleeping with her before any of them. So, Jez catches something off her and doesn't know and doesn't get told because he was being a prick. Andrew always wears protection. I wear mine for Ella's sake.

Speaking on that, we're semi-exclusive now. We "share" girls and make concessions for crazy attractive (emotionally) people. That is all she wrote.

Back to Jez being a prick. "You'll get dragged out soon."

He sees a ginger getting tackled. The guy is up like a rugby player and bolts... straight towards a fence. Slams into it so hard I hear bones crunch. I think the initial tackle concussed him. The fence didn't. The fence probably didn't even break bones. The Maori dragging him off caused the odd arm-angle.

"That will be you Jack."

Guards are BRUTAL from boredom.

Clara is there. Being a *****. No one likes her. We try and tell her so, with actions not words. Eventually Andrew- who "hates" her- leaves with her to hang out. They hook up, I assume.

I spend all my time drifting through the show. With or without friends. I lose Ella's money, but I pay her back a few days later when I find the exact same amount on the floor of a bus. Karma. I apologize profusely. She gets mad, admits it no sooner than a week later.

I see the following acts:
Random DJ- Ok.
Pez- I don't like Pez. He is a pop-rapper, from Australia, which cultivates contemptable talentless rappers. He was good though.
Mudhoney- Covered Nirvana. The whole album, Nevermind.
Primus- Were ****, left after forty seconds. Didn't play South Park theme.
Bliss and Eso- one of the best Australian rap groups. Jez was being a prick throughout their show, then I got separated* from the group. Didn't care. Felt up a girl I knew from school. Turns out the guy she was with was her boyfriend. He stared me in the eye. I grinned. He made a throat slitting gesture. I dropped the smile and he dropped his eyes.
Arcade Fire- Saw them for seconds, left to see Flume. Mediocre. Instruments way out of tune, played their lesser known stuff.
Flume- Usually terrible live. He just presses play and stands their. This time he was awesome, did live mixes and shouted out.
Pearl Jam- By far the best band there. Both in talent and performance. Eddie Veder shared wine with the audience, ran among us, sung songs I screamed at him and brought a cute couple on stage.

The guitarist tuned his B string to a C mid solo. He also let me learn three songs off him. Not on purpose, I just watched him play and used my ear.

The bass player thrashed so hard they replaced him halfway through form exhaustion.

The drummer had a genuine face.

I pissed off approx. 40% of the audience by plowing through the crowd until Ella and I were two rows back. One guy tried to elbow me in the face but I dropped the shoulder into him and walked through the clearing his tumbling created. He didn't have the ability to work a crowd I did and was stuck cursing me until I got too far ahead for him to see. Being 5'7 this wasn't far.

*On getting lost:

It was my friends who got lost, not me. I knew where I was and where they should be. They were just too drug-****ed to realize that. I walked off when Bliss ended, to go see the end of Arcade Fire before Flume played. They waited for a minute in the crowd instead of following me, got caught up in the mass stampede because they were too nervous to pre-empt it, then spent the next 20 minutes evading me.

Very irritating. My phone went dead. I texted them, meet me at X stand. The last thing I read before my phone died was no meet as at K stand. They were as close as Alaska and Hawaii. I walked back and forth, they were at neither. I'd had the foresight to take down Damo's number. The stranger I asked to do it for me turned out to be the event's commissioner. I loved the irony. We pay his salary... Oh wait no, I didn't...

Anyway, eventually all of my friends had walked off to go see Flume. They hadn't waited for me. Only Ella had. I yelled at her, then apologized. When I saw the rest of them they ignored the whole matter. I decided then and there we were no longer friends. I am friends with people, not sheep. If anything I'm a shark and it's a myth that sharks don't both have and appreciate consideration.

http://www.memecenter.com/fun/1051979/considerate-shark

When the show ended we went back to Ella's. I moved in the next day.

The next two weeks I shall sum up with the following:
-I am 11 books towards my goal of 52 this year. Mostly fiction, although a fair few Hunter S. Thompson.
-I've started Gonzo journalism, speaking of him. It's in my signature. Putting up an article later.
-Started a fitness website/blog for my personal training. Moderate success after only two posts.
-My skin is so much softer, eating so healthily. Money is no issue for her parents so the food is very good and very wholesome.
-Exercising lots. Yoga, boxing and working out with consistency. All with Ella. She is much fitter as well.
-Rapping.
-Transferred from psychology to commerce at Curtin. Used the psych-elective to get an extra elective into my commerce degree, which isn't supposed to have any, then dropped the psych via email. So I'm doing an extra 3 hours of classes a week but it's for Writing the Zeitgeist which sounds outright awesome.
-Haven't cooked much, Ella's mum is fifty times better than me and does it constantly.
-It's like having a mum.
-Spoke a fair amount of Italian.
-Impovving a lot on guitar. Consistently get asked how many years I've played for, after around four months of playing. Can improv in multiple styles and scales now... Classical, lullaby, Jazz and Spanish are my favorite. The latter is so sexy.
-I've developed a new guitar style I've yet to hear. Working on making it better. Very stringy style.

This is all mi amici. Re ipsa loquitar.

 

[foolyoufool]

Jack that picture on your blog is totally boss hahaha. What is going on in it?

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Everyone gathered for a group photo and while they did they, I sprinted upstairs and grabbed a chicken drumstick. Then I came back down and ran across the camera's view as they were taking it.

I've noticed my voice has gotten more quiet and less resonant. I don't raise it very often these days. It's no longer as deep, nor does it have as much range. That mysterious, silky depth has gone.

Anyone know any good vocal exercises?

Trained Ella in boxing yesterday. She was getting dizzy halfway through, need to go easier on her. It wasn't intense, not even sweating. She just isn't used to the contact yet. Such a soft spirit.

Going to Sydney for a few days to visit Rad. Using Ella's parents miles to get there, my money to stay. Should be good.

Setting up my credit card to get my own miles now.

Also, Mr.Arkadin, really short read. Even better one. Do it.

 

[Watawata]

dude, your legendary. Reading trought your journal, youre an inspiration to me

 

[RedemptionJ]

Jack your an inspiration to me too!

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I'm eating red pesto, Camembert and frenched(?) cucumber in a slightly stale sourdough bun. It's crazy good but I feel like it is a rather Serious Offense, considering I'm in a library and all.

Why am I here?

Well, the cleaners doing there thing down South in the house I share with my girlfriend and her parents. I felt like getting out of their hair. I'm encouraged by the mother to do so. Decided to visit the city, got some cash to blow.

Business is booming. Success. I now have the money to travel at any point. Well what's holding me back?

First, I've got to establish the business so I don't have to do anything. I can't exactly leave for indefinite foreign experiences on indefinite alien shores and tell my clients "Bon Voyage!" I mean, I could, but that's no way to run a business. I want the cash not the commitment. That means replacing myself with either four trainers at 30% cut each or five at 20% cut each. Writing it out like that four sounds like the obvious good option, that's around 80k a year, assuming I can get them all a weeks worth of clients. Which would be much easier than for five people...

Mikayla. I love this girl. We said it to one another in tearful, joyful sex. She went first. Thanks David Shade. It was completely unnecessary to hold back because we really feel it, dammit, dragged though medias mud it's hard to convince you. So I won't. Take it or leave it.

Sydney. Mikayla's mum paid for us to go, real journey, that city is a city. Perth is a glorified town. 0.6 kilometres of central business district, stunted skyscrapers and fledgling franchises. Pie face anyone? Oh, sounds great. I love my pie made by Miss Maude, frozen, cooked, frozen, microwaved then left to sit in a warmed display shelf. Coincidentally I'm bulimic...

Anyway, went to Starbucks. I felt like that was cool. I even drunk a little while I was there. A lot. Too much. The next weekend too, real bender, benzo's brewed the whole thing to cataclysm and I smoked some...

I broke it.

But back to Sydney. Great city. I spent a lot of time in the ethnic areas, eating local fare. Which is to say, Spanish, Italian, Brazilian... Trip not funded by us, her mum, we ate out every night, every day, the mornings we woke up in time. Mardis Gras was insane. Did I mention it happened to be Mardis Gras? Was insane. A city this size churning with 15,000 heads is really a sight. You should have been there. We only were by chance. No wonder the tickets were so expensive.

I just realized Bankwest have two towers. I want more money. Maybe I should walk in and ask for a job. I think money might be addictive. I went so long with none. Budgeting, saving, thrifty spending seemed the natural way of life. Now I have cash- in hand, in bank, in a little hideaway for hundreds. It's ****ing weird, I've really blown the budget. I'm finding it hard not to spend. The only thing holding me back is "Would that dollar do me better here, or overseas?" ****, tickets are expensive. I'm going to wait until I've got at least 10k before I actually leave. While the girlfriend is in New York, I guess. She wants me to go with her but man, New York? She says its great, I'll love it, Sydney but bigger. Because I loved Sydney seems super.

My urge is somewhere new. I won't get addicted to New York, I know that. I could leave Sydney after four days (how frivolous) and I could leave New York after two weeks. But what about... Some place no ones ever heard of?

Hey, New York is probably as good a first destination as any. Just so long as it's not Asia. Nothing racist, it's just everyone goes there first. I'd be an Aussie among the Balinese among the Aussies.

If I can't think of anything better, New York it is. I find out if I'm approved for a years study in Sweden this afternoon. If I get it, I may move to Mauritius for the other year of my degree. After three years in a degree and thirty thousand debt, what will I do? I'll tell you what. Stay the hell out of dodge, Australia, put oceans between myself and my debt collectors.

 

[eastcoast15]

Man New York is a hell of a city. I wouldn't say you won't get addicted until you've been there. It's a pretty incredible place. Hit it up I promise you won't be disappointed.