Jack Wealthy's Journal of Beasting

[Jack Wealthy]

Leavers Pt. 4: Leaving

This section features no parties and is just prelimanary for me to describe the next few days, ie last weekend.

Friday

Where the wind woke me the morning before and the sun the one before that, this morning rain is my alarm. As the last of the elements it felt left out and to make up for that there is a monsoon by seven in the morning. At first I try for more sleep but it's futile. I rise feebly, much stronger than the night before, much weaker than normal. My bag feels normal again. The girls wrap themselves in my blanket as weather protection. I don't mind. It's already soaked.

It takes us forty minutes to get back to town and it's only then I realize how far we walked the night before. We have to take breaks due to the rain this time, but even then, they only add five or ten minutes to the trip.

"Thank god you had me to lead you. You would not have survived the night otherwise." Jez says. "Well, you would have." He amends by pointing at me. "But they wouldn't have."
"Jasper wouldn't have. He was worse off than any of us."
"He was homeless though. Even if just by hobo luck, he would have made it while you slept right next to him and got eaten by a bear."
"There aren't bears in Australia."
"Never been to the zoo?" I ask.
"You know what I mean."
"A ****ing kangaroo then!" They roll their eyes at Jez.

We're stuck in Dome due to weather. We decide to try and catch an earlier bus than the last one, the one we have tickets for. We all crave the big city. While we talk we stack all the cups and plates at our table and then the girls cover each layer with sauce. Issy collects half of them, visibly distressed. I take the other half up to her then send her an apology text. She promises to meet up with me next year while she's going to uni and sends me three kisses more than I send her.

Before we leave to Busselton to find out if there is seats on the earlier bus, we go to buy munchies. It is my cheat day- the one day of the week I will eat any and every food. I spend $20 and get everything I dreamed of eating. I get Malteasers, I get chocolate chip cookies (one pack of a dozen has 16 and this is the pack I take), I get banana bread, I get honeycomb Tim Tams, I get choc fingers, I get a Toblerone, I get mint slices, I get malt fingers and I get a girls number on the way out. The last is free. The rest comes to $20, it fills two shopping bags and has $39 of savings on the receipt, as well as a voucher good for one half price dog grooming.

Next we go to the bakery where we were promised free food. I ask for a Vindaloo pie and a jam donut, Jez gets a Korma and apple pie. They are separate pies. She charges Jez $4 but refuses to take even a cent from me. I wasn't even expecting anything free. I get instead the tastiest pie of my life. We smoke a joint before the bus gets in (I rolled three for the trip, the papers got wet and Jez couldn't get them to work so I had to) and savour our sweets. The bus driver gives me such a large smile I can see his epiglottis. I pay hurriedly and scamper to the back of the bus. A couple with more tattoos than IQ points tries to trip me and laughs when I jump their feet.

"Someones jumpy."
"Someone should get their kid some paper instead of letting them scribble on them."
"These are tattoos idiot."
"Kids shouldn't handle tattoo guns either." He can't think of a reply smarter than a slack jaw. He mouths like a goldfish, which is probably how he kisses, because despite both being thirty I'm sure they lost their virginity to one another and recently. They have the look in their eye of people who don't understand their own sexuality.
"How many girls do you think the average guy our age has slept with." I ask.
"About 10?" Neema replies.
"No, higher than that. Like 20?"
I shake my head. "Lower than either." They continue to guess until giving up. "One to three is the official statistic. I'd say it's more like three to six though."
"What the ****, that can't be true!" Emma and Neema speak as one.
"It is." Jez nods. "Most guys I know have slept with about that many girls."
"But thats so... Few..."
"Yeah, most guys suck." I snicker a little. "But don't ****. Kind of like that one type of girl." I point to a girl at the front of the bus with the biggest set of blow-job lips. She must have had as good a discount on the botox as I did on the binge foods. Otherwise she would have to be a very wealthy lady.
"Well how many have you slept with?" Emma asks me.
"I don't know." I speak only truth.
"Roughly?"
Jez answers "I've slept with about twelve."
"That's not bad, considering the average is so low." Neema pats him on the back verbally. His ego is satiated.
"How about you?" Emma persists.
"I really don't know."
"That's not true, every guy counts."
"I lost count before ten."
"Bull****." She seems incapable of believing me.
Jez chimes in "It's true, he doesn't actually know, or else he would have told me. But I know it's more than twenty. I wouldn't be surprised if it was like fifty." I would. If I had to guess under pressure I'd say 32, because it's a nice number. It has relevance to tournaments and I like tournaments.

Emma is still obviously mulling it over and not believing me. She asks me a few more times in Busselton so I decide to ignore her partially. The Jewish girls are waiting in line for the bus and are eager for me to get on it. Shelby give me some cookies her mum cooked for the girls. They are delicious. Her mum is a chef. SCORE!

"These cookies are amazing!"
"Do you want anymore food? We all share food." Another girl comes forward with a bag containing everything from carrots to chocolate.
"Uhh I'm good for now. I'm getting off from this cookie." I make an orgasm face. They get off from my joke.

While I talk to these girls three girls I don't know come up and hug me without a word. I want to introduce myself, but they look familiar so I wait. Eventually it comes out that we met at the zone. One said she'll teach me to surf in Perth. I get her number then go back to talking to Sarah. The bus driver comes over I ask if he has spare seats. He walks off, past the bus, and looks off into the distance. He gets onto the bus and faces out the front window. He does everything except counting seats, including a little jig.

"I've got enough seats for you two."
"There's four of us." I motion to the two girls.
"Oh. That's good, I've got plenty of free seats."

Jez, Emma and Neema take three seats next to each other then laugh at me as though I'm left out. I sit next to one of the Jewish girls and spin around to talk to Shelby. The next three hours pass with nearly no pauses in the conversation. We talk about life(secure), aspirations (mid-wife) and what we'll do when we get back to Perth (meet up for a date.) She also tells me she is pilgrimaging to Israel for five weeks. She promises to bring me back sultanas. Israel has the best fruit in the world. We talk about relationships:

"A casual sexual encounter isn't a breach of love, it just means I find other people attractive. I don't expect a girl to sleep with only me because it just leads to distrust and fear of cheating."
"I get that. There would be a lot less jealousy in that relationship."

We make a solid minute of eye contact before she asks me what subjects I did. We talk about human biology next.

"My best area in human bio was muscles and bones. I only lost one mark in the bone test; when they asked what the biggest one was I wrote penis."
"My best area was sexually transmitted diseases. I got 100% in an STD test."
"That's not something to boast about Shelby."
She nearly spits out her drink. She isn't even drinking. "No, I meant-"
"You have all the STD's. I get it. Does that count crabs."
"Yeah they do count, but I've never had one."
"You tend to get more than one crab."
"That's not what I meant! I mean, I'm clean!"
"How can I trust you now?"
"Well... you don't have to but..." She shrugs and ****s her head sideways.

When I feel too tired to talk any longer, I turn to read Junky. Then I fall asleep on the girl next to me and wake up to her petting my hair. She stops when she realizes I'm awake. I hug her silently and awkwardly.

"Chip?"
"Sure." I take one. The bus driver said the only rule on this bus was no food. The Jewish girls and our group have been passing food to everyone on the bus like the secret messages of Radio Londras. One guy gets freaked out and won't even touch the food, too scared of being kicked off and forced to walk. He can't see reality through his thick brimmed glasses.

Just before we get off the bus I grab Shelby's number. She asks me to send her a text so I send her this quote:

Life is like photography- you develop from the negatives.

"Oh my God, that's so spooky!"
"Why?"
"I wrote on that exact quote in the English exam!" Synchronicity.
"Jasper," Sarah turns back to talk to me, "My dad can give you a lift home if you want."
"That would be great, yeah. Thank you."
"No problem, you live so close to us!" Jewish people are the nicest people.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Fifteen minutes later we file off the bus, weary and homesick the lot of us. The girl who sat next to me walks up to me with a big bag of food.

"Do you want anything?"
"I'd love an apple thanks."
"Here." She hands me a big bag of apples, at least two kilos.
"Uhh, can I just take a few? I have a lot to carry."
"No." She walks off before I can debate.
"Jasper, this is my dad."
"Nice to meet you." We shake hands. His is firm and businesslike. "Are you in management?"
"Good guess." He seems impressed. After five minutes of filling me in, he turns his full attention to his daughter and they talk for the next twenty minutes solid. Occasionally Sarah turns back to me and tells me a short story about one of the girls. When we get to my house she helps me get my bags out, gives me a long, lingering hug and then they drive off. I'm completely hard.

When I go home it suddenly hits me I haven't played guitar in five days. I forget about unpacking and get my fix. The withdrawal symptoms (irritability, tiredness and tender breasts) go away immediately. I play Maybe Tomorrow for nearly half an hour. I switch to Youth by Daughter and wake up still playing it an hour later.

I go outside to see Andrew. He rolls me a joint the instant I walk through the door and we smoke it while he fills me in on what I missed. I appreciate our friendship because he is the only friend I have more interested in telling me stories than hearing mine. Afterwards he complains about his girlfriend not replying to his messages because she has no reception. The girl she is with texts me at that exact moment, but I say nothing. I take a hit and yawn.

"You tired?"
"I've had about twelve hours sleep the last five days."
"Wow, that must have sucked."
"I hallucinated at one point and blacked out at another."
"What happened while you blacked out?"
"I don't know. I was blacked out."
"Fair enough."

I get up to grab my guitar then come in and turn off the music. I play more songs until we have to leave to get to Jez's post leavers gathering. We catch a bus there and a hippie on the bus drops his stash.

"Yo man, your illegal drugs are on the floor." He snatches them up with a glare at me, then drops them again. "Yo buddy, you dropped your illicit substances again." He moves.

Andrew gets a phone call and says "No I'm busy." This is followed by a two minute tirade, of which I pick out only swear words.
"What was that about?"
"Lance was abusing me because I couldn't get him weed tonight. He called me a dead beat **** and said he'd put me on my back in front of Lucy."
"That over weed?"
"I think he might be addicted."
"Even so, I've never heard of a violent stoner."
"It seems... odd. But, even if he did hit me, my spleen would rupture again and I'd sue him for everything he's worth."
"Not much apparently."

No girls come to the gathering at Jez's house and we all just binge on food and weed. I get to sleep before anyone else.

 

[Watawata]

Awesome entries! Havent read it all, Im saving it for a special moment. Because it feels like Im reading an adventure book, a very good one. Wish there were books like this. You should consider writing Jack, really.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I just listened to Youth! Maybe I should get back on my guitar..

 

[LearningSlowly]

Sweet story dude that festival sounded like a great ride

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Wata, my dream is to become a writer. I work on that more than anything. I've been out twenty days in a row. Now I have plenty of material, I'm spending the next ten days inside writing. I will still go out for a few dates, but only because sex helps me write better. Like Bukowski I guess. Or Hemingway. Or Thompson.

Norway: Yes you ****ing should. Guitar=girls.

Learning, thanks man, it was really great.

Thursday


Ella gets back from her vacation with Lucy, Andrew's girlfriend. They're both supposed to come over but for whatever reason Lucy doesn't. Ella arrives late in the afternoon and we talk about our respective trips while Andrew chain rolls joints. She espouses the way of adventure, her stories are laden with gorge climbing and swimming in natural springs. They swim in their clothes to keep the heat off in the Australian desert.

Speaking of heat, we sweat. I go inside to grab my fan and Ella follows a few seconds behind me. She come up behind me and starts tickling me. I grab her in a bear hug and slam her down on my bed. I throw myself atop her and pin her arms as she struggles to dig fingers into my ribs.

"Ella, why do you even try? I always win."
"No you don't!"
"You're sure?" I tickle her viciously. The only person who can tickle Ella is me. Otherwise she isn't ticklish. She squirms around like the worm on the hook and I goad her for it. "So, you're not ticklish huh? You can get out of this Ella. Come on."

I start squeezing her legs just above the knee, alternating. Her spasms shake me halfway across the bed but I stay on top of her. One knee is over one of her arms and I'm pinning the other down while my left hand roams her body and finds vulnerable spots.

"Stop! Stop!"
I stop. "Have I won?"
"No." I start again. "Stop! Stop! Please." I do and she can breathe again.
"Have I won?"
"You win." Grudgingly.
"Yeah, see Ella. That wasn't so hard." I roll off her and go to hug her. She tickles me. "Bad idea."

This time I flip her over face down to the mattress. I wrap on of my legs around both of her arms and lock the ankle behind my other knee. My weight holds her down while I use one hand on her stomach and the other on her ass. All girls have at least one ticklish spot. It exists where their butt meets their thigh, the little crease. If you dig your fingers in just the right spot it hits them like a taser. Electricity courses through Ella's veins and she jolts like she's seeing how long she can hold onto a cattle fence.

"No more no more..." She groans. Exhaustion only tickles can provide.
"Ok Ella." I roll off her and hug her while she pants.

We go back out to Andrew, Ella carrying the fan, me carrying my laptop and guitar. Unfortunately not my guitar, which is broken, but Aldo's. It's a Yamaha. It has less action than The Notebook. It's so easy to play compared to my guitar that at first my fingers fumble and flop about the fretboard. The spaces are smaller but only marginally. Once I get used to it however I have an extra step of reach in every direction.

Andrew continues rolling at a schedule of one joint every thirty to forty minutes, standard for night time. During the day the pace is higher, a new one coming into existence every ten to twenty. I'm too stoned at this point to really notice much abou the joints or conversation. I don't think it actually exists. Ella and I link legs under the blanket. Jez and Damian come over. They bring more bud. They want to pack a vape hit. After four of them in a row I can't take much more of this.

"I'm going for an adventure. Who wants to come?"
"Nah **** that man I'm too stoned." Jez groans. The rest of the guys mumble agreement.
"Well I'm going. See you then."
When I stand up Ella pipes up. "I'll come."

We go inside and start to get things together. I put on my glasses, eager to see the world in 20/20. Aldo asks for his guitar back and when I walk back into the backroom, every last one of them is unconscious. When I go back in I inform Ella, who shakes her head with a knowing smirk.

"Could you roll a joint before we go?"
"I guess." She passes me a fifty bag of weed she bought from Andrew. When I walk out he's awake again, Jez and Damian have left. They were too high to say goodbye.
"You guys can have what's left in the chop bowl. I'm off too bed."

I hug him and he shambles off the sleep. A zombie of fatigue. I sit down and put a little of Ella's weed in the grinder. She comes out and I pass it to her to grind. I put Andrew's weed to one side, courtesy, he isn't smoking it and Ella has her own. I rip off two strips of rolling paper from the box, each just under ten centimetres long. I roll myself two roaches, also hemp, Ying-Yang shaped. I place one of them with the narrow end at the left side of the paper. I put a ball of baccy at that end just above it. Then I place a thin layer of tobacco across the whole length, sans a space at the top. Ella passes me the grinder.

"Is it done?"
I check it. "Not quite."

I work fast and hard, not wanting lethargy to set in. A few seconds later I carefully cover the tobacco with green until it's all I can see, exempting the blocker. I sprinkle another layer of baccy then create a sandwich of sorts.

"I'll roll the next one green."

I use the left overs from the vape- because it isn't smoked it leaves a residue- as spin instead of cigarette. It immolates if you're not careful because it's so dry, but so long as you take slow hits the joint is a champion. This one is slightly shorter and thinner but has more weed in it. We smoke it one the walk over to the primary school at the end of my street.

We get there and sit down. There are none of lifes mysteries we feel the need to discuss. We start talking about areas we could improve in one another. I point out Ella's vague spells. She sometimes just tunes out and doesn't hear a word you say. Or she forgets them all. Ironically she asks me to repeat myself. She had gone off into her own world.

"That's what I mean."
She laughs. "Yeah, I'm bad like that.'
"It's your choice though. You have focus, you decide to neglect it."
"You're right." Silence. "I'd say you're a bit too arrogant."
"I know. I try and do it for humour. I'm actually fairly insecure."
"I just find it funny personally, I don't even mind. But it pisses a lot of people off. You're getting better though.'
"Yeah. I used to be a real jerk."

Reminisce.

"You ready to smoke the other one?"
"Sure." I pull it out of her pouch of tobacco. I put the end in her mouth then we both use our hands as a windshield while I light it. It catches aflame and burns slow and smooth, better than the last spliff. The tobacco helps the roast of the marijuana a lot. I really feel it hit me. It isn't as smooth though and it scratches my throat.

Ella accidentally drops part of the cherry on my leg when she ashes absent minded. I stand up with a roar of shock.

"What the **** Ella."

She just laughs. I walk to the other side of the assembly area and grab a kids legionnaire hat.

"**** you. You're excluded from the group." I put the hat on and sit in the corner.
"Oh, bubby." She comes over and patronizes me.

I snatch the joint off her and slam her against the wall. She gasps. I take a pull then breathe the smoke into her face. I get so close it pools between us. She inhales some of the cloud. I breathe it into her lips, closer. She puts a hand in my hair. I pull back and get some water. I take another hit then pass the joint to her.

"You finish that."
"Really?" There's a good half dozen tokes left.
"Yeah, I'm already high enough." I readjust my glasses. They slipped slightly during the drink.

She finishes up the joint and I walk over to her. She's still up against the wall. We stare at one another, seeing each other in different light as though by a new moon. It is full and bright. A cloud cuts across it and the undercover area goes dark. We can barely make each other out. I grab her hand and we start walking.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

We find a disabled kids swing. It's similar in design to a hammock. I push her down on it and it swings so suddenly she nearly gets tossed off. I lay down on top of her. Hug. Close. Tight. I prop myself up a little. The comfort has made me hard. The head nestles between her thighs, snug and cozy.

Our faces inch closer. We consume each other.

"Hold on. Let me take off my glasses." I place them carefully on the grass above our head.

She grabs me by the back of the hair and we're kissing like we're dying. Her lips feel soft. She writhes up against me and I lift her ass up off the hammock. I kiss her neck while I slide a hand down her legs. Her inner thighs are already wet. I yank her tights off and her panties come with them, stuck by moisture. She starts stroking me through my shorts. I know I don't have to wear protection, it's my best friend. We don't bother with foreplay. I rub the tip along her lips and she moans with pleasure. She grabs my **** and pulls me into her. I can only penetrate her shallow because of my basket ball shorts, still on. I measure out an inch and and give it to her again and again. The tortoise won the race. I force a slow pace. She tries to pull me in but to no avail.

She starts sucking on my neck. It drives me wild and I rip my shorts off. I pull her up the hammock like a rag doll, so her ***** points up towards me. I lean over and kiss her while I jam my **** in with force. The feeling shocks her. Her eyes slam shut. She loses all the air in her lungs in one big sigh. Half pleasure half pain, it tips me over the line of rationality. I regain control before I use her as a **** toy and hurt her. I force myself to be gentle. Even after pushing down as hard as I could, I've only managed to bury about half of my member. I'm slow as I ease the percentage I can get into her, adding a few hair widths ever thrust. She gets slicker. I slide in and out with increasing ease. When I get to the end of her depth, the last few inches, it's noticeably tighter. It takes a few minutes to work my way inside her cervix. It feels like no time at all, yet all the time.

Her eyes flutter open.

"How does it feel to look into your best friends eyes while his **** is inside you?"
She groans loudly. "So good."
I pick up the pace. "Your ***** is really ****ing wet, you're dripping from your best friends ****." Groan. "That makes you such a slut... Getting so soaked from me ****ing you... Like you're just some dirty little *****." I lack coherency. My voice is gravelly but soft. I groan. "Ohhh, but you're not Ella, we're so close. You mean so much to me and I mean so much to you. Now we mean that much more..."

Her fingernails dig further into my back as I lift the pace and my hips higher and higher. I'm now coming all the way out, before slamming back down. I hold at the top for a bit. Instantly she tries to pull me back inside her. She wrestles with her arms and legs.

"Ella, you can't win. I'm too much stronger. Ask nicely."
"Please.." She's dazed.
"Not good enough."
"Please **** me..." Wanting.
"No. Beg. Use my name."
She lifts herself up to my ear. "Please **** me Jasper. Please **** my tight little *****."
I start ramming her like I''m trying to knock down the gates of Rome. I slip into Italian for a few sentences and fade back out to English. I've lost control and there is nothing but the sensation of my **** tearing into her *****. I'm stretching her out and telling her so, she knows. The knowledge drives her over the edge and I feel her spasm inside. I ramp up the pace until the hammock is lifting me off the ground and I can't go any faster without flipping us. Luckily long legs keep good balance.

"Hey Tony, can you hear that?" Ella doesn't. I lean slightly to the left, to see past the office.

"Oh ****!" I pull out of Ella and jump off her.
"What?!" She nearly falls off the hammock, legs wobbly.
"There's a parked car like an inch out of view." I grab her panties and tights and throw them to her.
"Really?" She leans across. "Oh **** they're walking over!" She whispers with urgency.
"Nah I can't hear **** man, you sure?"
"Positive. I could hear it right over there."
"Shorts!" She throws me my shorts and slips on her tights in one smooth movement. I grab my jacket and she jams her panties into the top pocket.
"Here, take care of these." She's smiling and in waxy light of a complete moon she looks like a sexy elf. I tell her so.
"Thanks. How?"
"You're freckles. Your eyes. Your hair... Plus you have pointy ears." I'm whispering as we edge along a wall, avoiding the sounds of leaves crunching. They hunt for us and find only our ghost trail. Elves are good at leaving without a trace.

We walk silently hand in hand back home. I roll us another joint. After we lay down in bed together. We make soft, soothing sex and connect deeply. She asks me to *** on her face and I do. I take a photo. She says she'll let me keep it if I don't show anyone.

I never will.


Friday

I wake up before anyone else. I clean up a bit, then everyone else is up and we finish the job. When the house is spotless we celebrate with a few vape hits, a cone and a couple of joints. I'm insanely high and forget to meet up with todays date. We reschedule. Ella and I go back to bed, **** and cuddle, without Andrew noticing.

Jez meets me in the city and we go to see a few friends of ours that are pretty and nice. These things result in a boring time. The one highlight as we sit around chatting in her loungeroom is when I manage to make the conversation open and sexual. This is an entertaining, although fleeting, period.

"So what you're saying is you're attracted to grunts?"
"No-"
"All a guy has to do to get in your pants is grunt cavemen style?"
"NO-"
"Does a handjob count as being gay?" I change the subject.

When I get home I read and then crash. Ella wakes me up. She jumps into my bed and cuddles with me. As a girl her most feminine power is the ability to snuggle sleep into you. She purrs and nuzzles her head on my chest while her fingers trace patterns on my back. I'm out for a at least four more hours.

We get up to the sunrise and Andrew rolls us a joint to go watch it. We all climb up on the wall around my house. Ella sits in the middle but we switch because shade cloth is hanging too low and hitting me in the head. I drop down and clutch the wall with my fingertips while she shuffles slowly sideways. I'm reminded of the fact I do pull-ups with my fingertips when I don't fall to my death.

There is a party Jez gets me invited to. Andrew doesn't want to come. Ella is very excited. She isn't invited. I bring her anyway and Jez calls the host. The host tells us it's fine. Jez says the host has a little crush on him.

Awesome.

On the bus an aboriginal woman has a random rant about Transperth. I understand bagging out on the transport here, but not her particular version.

"I invented these buses! Transperth stole them off me and never paid me!" She sniffs a bag full of either petrol or glue. "WHAAAAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAA!" She laughs to herself in a hoarse bark. "MOOOOIIIIN" This is aboriginal for vagina. "YEAH HEY!" She falls off into laughter again. "I invented these buses! I deserve to be paid! Australia owes me!"

Despite being incredibly aged, she still doesn't look more than 50. This particular bus is obviously older than her. Its creaks speak volumes about the last century. So, if she did indeed create it, to steal it Transperth must have invented the time machine. If so, I give them the right to steal a design for a bus. Though I'm not sure I believe they did. You'd think they'd actually run on time if they had a machine which controlled it.

We get off the bus into a group of people waiting to go to the same party. They all hug their friend and I hug all of them. I introduce myself.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

"Casper, that's kind of a gay name." This guy has a rejected Justin Bieber haircut and is wearing a kids shirt with holes in it.
"Jasper. What's your name?"
"Lorando. I prefer Lorandra though. It sounds more exotic."
"I would have pegged you for a Bruno."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You seem like a flaming hetero."
"Oh believe me honey, I' am. Right Sam?"
A girl turns around. "We've kissed." She rolls her eyes at me as Lorando makes the "M-hm" noise feisty black women make.
"Ok man, you seem a lot straighter than me." Jez laughs and Lorando glares at him.
"I was laughing at something else."
"I've banged chicks!"
"We all believe you man." I smirk. "Strap-ons have been around for years."
He throws a hissy-fit followed by a bottle at my head. It flops well short and confirms his sexual orientation.

Inside the party the first event is a bee line made by a girl with massive breasts. She could have actually been a pair of breasts with a girl attached. She hugs me and I slip between her ridiculous rack. I then stare at them openly, causing her to blush.

"I'm Laura."
"Hey Laura."
"What's your name?"
"Tits."
"What?"
"Jasper. Freudian slip."
"What?"
"I was admiring your chest puppies and said tits instead of my name. They were on my mind."
She blushes to crimson. "You're ****y!"
"If you only see me as a ****, you're being very sexist."
"Says you!"
"I'm sexy."
"Ist." Ella comes over to say.
"Sorry I'm sexy..."
"Ist... oh **** I me-"
"That I'm sexiest. I know baby, it's hard to keep your hands off me." I hug her tight while she moans no.
"What do you all think the most common girls name is?" The girls have gravitated towards me. They are one third of the party and six of ten are standing around me.
"Sophie?"
"No it's probably Laura." The girl next to Laura says.
"Jen?"
"No I don't think so." The girls argue among themselves for a while.
"What is it?" Laura asks me. Puppy dog eyes.
"Well I met a couple of hundred people on leavers. I met the most Katherine's, Kate's or Katie's."
"How many?"
"At least a dozen."
Jez interrupts. "Is this about all the Katherine's?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't you end up meeting like twenty of them?"
"Closer to thirty counting the first day. There was so many on that one bus."
"No ****. I remember you yelling Katherine and nearly everyone turned."
"I don't think that's the most common name." A girl I don't care about talks. She is very tall, mousy blond and exudes the vibe of someone who is not nice to talk to. It's insecurity tinged with bitterness.
"I came over to tell you Damian just lit up a joint." Jez ignores her.
"Awesome." We walk off to find Damian.
"Yo, I heard there was a marijuana cigarette in progress."
"You can be next." Jesse takes a hit and passes it to me.

The general rule is puff-puff pass but I see this as a guideline. I usually take three or four hits then don't take anymore. I like to have all my hits at once. I feel the effects more noticeably. Every time I'm high is slightly different. This time it's like a warm wet blanket is being spread over my skin. It drops from the sky and drips down my body, coating my head and neck in slick softness. It's sort of like being inside a vagina. Except full body. This effect is known as foreshadowing.

The lay out of this party is very good. There is a barbecue with a table and ten or so chairs. The other side of the yard has a pool. Down the bottom is a house and up the top is a separate flat. It's of full metal construction and the massive trees on one side of it occasionally drop a branch or a nut with a bang. Despite the volume of the music it is clearly audible when this happens.

"**** I'm blazed. I'm out." I put my hands up in surrender.
"I only have enough weed to roll three more."
"That's fine. Three will get us all plenty high."
"You reckon?"
"Yeah. I'm already plenty high."
"Dude, take one more." Jesse tries to pass back to me.
"No I'm alright. Is that my cardigan?"
"Yeah, I'm wearing it to give it back to you."
"Alright, take good care of it. That means a lot to me." I can tell he was hoping I wouldn't notice it was mine.
"I know man. It's a girls cardigan."
"No actually-"
"Is that a joint."
"Yeah man. Do you want some." Damian is very close to the baccy blocker. The last finger-width of the joints rolled by our group are just tobacco. This all started from me doing it. I imitated another friend. They all copied me because no one wanted to smoke the last few pulls. This time someone does. He hacks a little bit because it's harsh, very harsh. It's also harsh that Damian passed it to him. I don't mind. I walk off in search of excitement.

"I'm so drunk!"
"Hi so drunk, I'm Jasper."
"That is a beautiful name!" She hugs me very tight. I sink slightly into her round depths. "I'm Michelle."
"That's cool. So you're the host?"
"Yeah! This is my room-" as she motions she spills alcohol all over the floor "-and this is my house!"
"Sweet, cool room. I love granny flats." Her room is bad ass. It has a mini-kitchen, complete with sink, microwave and refrigerator. She has a whole pantry stacked floor to ceiling with food; tuna and tomatoes, weet-bix and wafers. It''s a perfect 50/50 split between healthy and unhealthy. She has my favourite cereal. It's incredibly healthy and this would be an exciting fact, except they stopped making it four years ago. It doesn't look stale. I don't look closely. I want to hold to that illusion.
"I know! It's so good! Are you staying the night?"
"Probably not."
"Oh that's too bad." She is genuinely disappointed. She hugs me and feels up my ass a little but it's subtle so I don't really mind.
"Hey Sam."
"How do you know my name." I hate her voice. It reminds me of the country. Deliverance country, not Dukes of Hazard country.
"I met you when we got off the bus. Lorandra?"
"Oh you're that guy. Hey." She walks off.
"Sam has a boyfriend. I don't."
"Is it Lorandra?"
"No!"
"He gay?"
"No."
"Sure."
"We've hooked up before." I am now 100% certain he is gay. No straight man would go there. I think this at the time.
"Hey, a guitar!" I'm genuinely excited.
"Yeah it's mine." As I walk past she grabs a hold of my arm, resulting in me dragging her through the cheap spirits she spilled.
"Do you play?"
"No. I tried learning, but I wasn't very good so I gave up."
"You won't be good to start off. You have to persist."
"I can't be bothered." Laziness seems to be worn like a badge of honour by the obese.

I play a few songs and some girl comes up to me and starts singing along. I'm playing Yellow at this point.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

"Can you play any other songs I know?"
Her voice is beautiful so I start listing off the mainstream stuff I know.
"I don't know any of those. I'll look up the lyrics." She Googles the lyrics to Breezeblocks. I play the intro riff over and over. "This is hard. Can you play Wonderwall?"
"Oh no." I say sarcastically.
"Oh damn. That must be a hard song to play then."
"I'm kidding. It's super easy. I just don't like to play it because so many people do." But I do and she sings along until the third verse, when she forgets all the lyrics, forgets what she was doing and forgets where she put her drink. She runs off to get it.
"You're really good at guitar." American accent, slightly too large nose, little pretty eyes.
"Thanks."
"How long have you been playing for?"
"Guess."
"Two years."
"Two months."
"Wow!"

We talk for a few minutes before it comes to me.

"You're Lexi right?"
She is instantly put off. "How did you know that?"
"You went to the ball with my friend Sam."
"Oh!" She warms right back up. "He's a weird one."
"What do you mean?"
"His accent is obviously fake."
I laugh. "Don't tell him that." Ella signals to me a joint is about to be smoked. "Hold on, I'm going to go smoke some weed."
"Can I have some."
"It's not mine, but you can ask."
Outside. "Can I have some?"
Damian. "Yeah sure." He passes it to me. I have a hit then hold it while she does. Rinse repeat. Ella looks annoyed. I feed her hits to her as well. Sucking on my fingers soothes her.

The top part of the yard, next to the hosts room, is a garden. We're all standing around on the remains of a great tree, a giant oak of legend. All five of us fit easily. Just outside our group are strugglers, hangers on hoping we'll shout them a little green. Uniformly male and uninteresting, they are out of luck. One mopey teen wearing a skaters beanie and skinny leg jeans tries to get up on the log next to Lexi, but I put my arm around her and he is jostled off. Behind this clingers is the bottom part of the yard. This is dominated by a pool. I get the sudden urge to pick Lexi up and throw her the five feet into the pool.

I recently had sex and haven't showered since. It was athletic sex which I chased with a workout, too awake to sleep despite the deprivation from it. I could smell the sweat on my body and I feel like the pheromones triggered some primal part of the phemale brain, because Lexi dragged me into the room for a deep and meaningful conversation. This occurs of course under the covers. The heat makes me start to sweat again. She clutches in close to me. We talk nose to nose.

"Tell me about your life." I give her a rundown, Cliff notes if you will. I gloss over the family stuff. When I bring up being homeless she becomes incredibly sympathetic. "Oh my gosh! That's so sad!" She goes to kiss me.
I turn my cheek. "I'm not ready for that." I change the topic. "You're religious aren't you?"
"How did you know?"
"You won't use the Lords name in vain."
"I am, very."
"Ok. Why?"
"Well to be honest I'm not that Catholic, my parents are. But I still believe in it a lot and I go to church every Sunday. How about you?"
"Agnostic." She opens her mouth, I feel to argue. "But I respect others beliefs as their own."
A slight hitch. "Me too."
"You're a dancer aren't you?"
"How did you know?"
"Your body. What kind."
"Is that a good thing? Ballet."
"No. It's a great thing." I start to grope ass and stroke her stomach.
"I'm trying not to sleep around!"
"Me too."
"I don't want to be easy!"
"That's why I wouldn't let you kiss me." She goes quiet. Someone yanks the blanket back.
"Lexi is ****ing a guy!"
"No, she isn't." I get up with all my clothes on. "We were having a d'n'm, until we were rudely interrupted."
"Oh, sorry." This guy weighs about twice me, but I have the feeling he is slightly scared of me. I don't know why. "Hey, aren't you Jasper Wealthy?"
"Yeah I am." I worry when my reputation precedes me. "How did you know that?"
"I've seen you around on Facebook." Shock/horror. "You're really good friends with Tyson Vacher right?"
"No, that kid is the seed of evil."
"But I've seen you on each others Facebooks..."
"We used to be friends. I let him move in with me even. But he did terrible, terrible things and I could never associate with him again."
"Like what?"
"He made a girl try and kill herself for fun."
"Oh, I saw someones post about that. It got like 1000 likes." The word still makes me cringe.
"Yeah, it was mine." I admit reluctantly. "I really hate that kid."
"But you seem so close." I walk off.

Later that night I see that same guy crying. I don't put two and two together until I stop teasing Lexi- stroking her inner thigh, lower stomach, such a slight brush- and start listening to their conversation.

"You can't do that! He's my friend." Tears streaming down his face.
"Well I just did." Jesse corrects.
"But you shouldn't have."
"It was his fault for passing out first."
"So you just put your nuts on his face?"
"I did. What of it?"
"What makes you want to put your balls on someones face?" He asks, genuinely bemused.
"Because it feels good."
"That makes you gay!"
"No, it makes him bi." I correct. "Wait guys, I've got the solution." I pause to let that sink in.
"What is it?
"Well have you ever seen that episode of South Park where Cartman puts Butters **** in his mouth while he's sleeping?"
"Oh brother. I know where this is going."
"Well, so it wasn't gay, Cartman had to put his junk in Butters mouth."
"Oh no..."
"So, all that has to happen is your friend has to teabag Jesse."
"That's a ****ing terrible idea! Why would he want to do that?" Punctuated by sobs.
"Because it feels good." Jesse repeats. At this stage Jez is pressing his balls into the side of Jesse's face so he can take a selfie with nuts on his cheek. Everyone is completely confused. Jesse comes and sits down next to me on the bed. "You know how it is. You've done it. It feels nice."
"To a girl. Never a guy."
"You recorded it! Like seriously!" Universal giggles. "You guys are going to ****ing put that on Facebook and ****!"
"No, Nutface." I get dirty looks. "No one would put that picture on Facebook." Jez took a photo. Hilarity.
"If someone put their nuts on your face, would you really get that pissed off?" Jesse asks.
"He's stopped crying!" The girl with big boobies walks in to say. That is her only role besides eye candy in this interaction.
"Of course I would get mad! I'd be ****ing angry."
"Look, once I was passed out... Actually I was fully awake. But Jesse tried to put his balls on my face, so I shoved my foot up his ass."
"That actually happened. That's ****ed up." I state.
"So what happened is someone tried to put their balls on your face, so you got really ****ing mad and put your foot in their butt."
I'm getting bored of this circular debate. "Yo Charlotte, you ever clam trapped a passed out dude?"
"What's clam trapping"
"Female teabagging."
James. "Jasper did you just say clam trapping?"
"Yeah."
"I don't get why you guys have to be such ****heads!" He's no longer crying, but is supremely pissed off.
"Don't get up in my face!" Jesse jumps up and storms over to the guy. He shies away instantly. Jesse is a fighter. He's undefeated in Muay Thai and trains for around six hours a week, minimum, both MMA and Muay Thai.
"I'm not getting up in your face!" He's nearly cowering. It's interesting to watch because he towers over Jesse by at least six inches. Jesse pushes him. I jump up.
"Yo, everyone just relax." The other guy leaves the immediate vicinity. By the time he's turned back around from the other end of the room, Jesse is jovial.
"Jesse, you really intimidate me."
"I don't mean to intimidate you." I cough loudly. Jesse pays no heed. "You just have to come up to me and say 'Hey man!" and I'll say "Hey man!"" Jesse hi-fives our heavy-set comrade.
"You act so scary and tough though."
"I'm a cuddly little bear!"
"Yeah, Jesse is so cuddly!" Charlotte agrees.

I see the time for drama has past and leave. Damian, Ella and James follow me. Damian sits down and briefs us while he rolls, running commentary on how much weed he has left. By the time he's finished rolling James has got Jesse and Jez. Ready to smoke we walk to our official spot. As soon as we step foot on the trunk a mooch appears.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

"Dude, are you just here because you think we're smoking weed?" I ask.
"Yes."
"I want to say get lost but I appreciate your honesty a bit too much. Nearly though."
"Yeah it is a little rude." He looks worried we won't share.
"You guys are really cool-"
"I'm reminded of the tale of the monkey and the cat."
"What?"
"The cat ends up burning itself to grab the monkey some chestnuts. The monkey seduces the cat with compliments. The morale is along the lines of 'If someone flatter you excessively, there's probably a reason."
"That's so true. People don't suck up without an ulterior motive." Ella has been really quiet recently. This is the least generic thing she's said in a while.
"Wow, you're talking again." I hug her. She squirms a little, then nestles into me when I don't loosen my grip. It feels protective for me. I feel at ease.

We finish up the joint and Damian rolls another one for us to chain smoke. We do. He says he has enough for one more small paper joint. He rolls it and tells us all to come out front with him to smoke it. Jez and Jesse are distracted by jiggling jugs and wander off for booze. I grab the guitar while James and Ella go out the front with our roller. Damian waits for me.

"Where are the other guys?"
"Playing a drinking game."
"They ****ed up." He lights up the joint and passes it straight to me.
"Cheers man." I toke.
"Can I play that?"
"Sure." I pass the guitar to James. He plays Taylor by Jack Johnson. I pass the joint to James. He plays eight bars of silence.
"You know what song you should learn?" He passes to Ella.
"What?"
He starts playing Come as You Are.
"Yeah, I love that song." He teaches me how to play it.

Soon after we go inside, everyone starts talking about leaving. Lexi overhears.

"You guys are going?"
"Yeah."
"Don't leave!"

I toss it up. Go home with Ella and the guys. Probably **** Ella while they sleep...

I don't have the mental energies to stay up for that. We'd have to wait for everyone to fall asleep. She wouldn't let me until after. We'd be going at it from three in the morning until the sun came up. There would be no hope of a strong slumber. I'm hesitant about more of that deprivation to say the least. I am not wicked and I need my rest.

"Michelle, could I stay the night?"
"Sure! Sure! Do you want to sleep in my bed."
No... "Hey! I'm sleeping in your bed." Thank you Jez!
"Oh, that's right... Sorry."
"Uh, I hate to ask, but I'm really hungry. Could I get something to eat."
"Sure sure!" She drags me off into the kitchen.
"Cookies!" There is two left in the box. Choc chip is my favourite flavor. "Can I have one?"
"Of course. Do you want one of these? I don't like them." She hands me a fruit mince pie. I have never had a better one.
"Holy damn so good." I say with a mouthful of pie.
"Anything else?"
"Could I please have a bowl of cereal?"
"Sure." She opens up her cupboard. Inside is a box of my favourite cereal, discontinued, half empty.
"Can I have some of that?"
"That's been in there for a while..."
"How long?"
"Since my brother started high school?" He just finished year ten, meaning three years of stationary cereal.
"I'll take the chance." I pour myself a little bowl and take a bite. "YES!"
Her mum comes out, disturbed by the noise. "What's going on?"
"Oh mum I was just getting Jasper some food..." She starts to push me towards the door.
I step past her lightly. "Hi, I'm Jasper." I feel a tug at my shirt but resist it.
"Oh hi. I'm Katherine."
"Oh, we were just talking about your name."
"Oh really?" She raises her eyebrows to her daughter.
"Yeah. It's the most common name in our generation." I motion between her daughter and I.
Katherine laughs. "Are you enjoying your night?"
"I am. You have a lovely home."
She laughs again and rolls her eyes. "Why you're quite the charmer."
"Thank you, but I'm being honest. You have such a cool backyard. I love the oaks."

We talk about the ancient trees until eventually I relent and allow myself to be dragged back to the party. I wave goodbye. She waves goodbye. I nearly trip over, walking backwards.

I go into Michelle's room and Jesse is smoking inside.

"Jesse, that isn't cool man. Don't smoke inside."
"I asked her and she said it was ok."
"When?"
"Just then."
"Don't lie to me. We were just inside together."

He stares into my eyes with a challenge. I look back calmly. I am reasonable. He butts out.

Jez and I are the only ones staying the night. I lend Damian my card so he can get back home. He forgot his wallet and needs to be back for work. It's at nine. He is very drunk and high. He assures us he'll be fine. Work will suck.

My friends mostly leave and I hug them goodbye. I go into the room and Lexi is lying on a bed.

"Come cuddle with me."

I'm asking her if I should get a condom no more than two minutes later. She says yes. I slip one on. I push into her like a warm nife through butter. It's easy. American girl is as wet as Niagara falls. I can hear Ella talking outside with Jesse and James and feel slightly guilty. We're open and have discussed this. I still feel weird ****ing feet from her.

They leave and Michelle comes in at the same time.

"Oh for ****s sake! Keep it down you two, I want to sleep." She turns to another person in the room. "They're having sex."
"We know. It isn't hard to hear."
"Sorry if I'm a little loud guys." I apologize.
"It isn't you that's the problem."
"You hear that?" I whisper. "All your friends can hear how good I'm making you feel. They can hear you scream while I split you open. They're all listening to me **** you, they're all thinking about my big **** going in and out of your tight ****..."

Despite her complaints, Michelle is asleep within seconds. Jez comes in moments later and I slow down to a snails pace. Lexi tries to force me to go faster but I hold a hand over her mouth (which she bites) and bury my head in the pillow. I try to act asleep as Jez slides into bed next to Michelle. He has this thing about never being in the room with me while I ****. I wait for him to slip under the sheets.

I'm jack hammering her ***** now and everyone within 50 metres of the party can hear the wet slap-slap-slap of crotch to crotch contact.

"OH WHAT THE **** JASPER!"

Jez leaps out of bed and runs outside. I burst into laughter so severe I nearly piss myself.

"Hold up. I need to take a break to piss."

I go and stand on our sesh log. I piss off into the bushes while the remaining revellers clap me.

"Good effort man." A guy who is obviously a surfer makes a ****ing motion with his index finger through a circle of his index and thumb of the other hand. The universal symbol for ****.

When I go inside Lexi is up and in bathers.

"I'm going swimming. Do you want to come?"
"Sure. I'll have to skinny dip though."
"I don't mind." She smiles and fondles me.

I go outside and start to strip down.

"Hold on, I thought you said you didn't have bathers."
"I don't. I'm swimming in my underwear."
"Wait, I thought you didn't wear underwear?" Laura remembers our conversations.
"I don't." Now I'm not wearing anything. I shake it around a little in the open air then dive in. Exactly fifty percent of the people try and shield their eyes. the other half watch openly.

I swim around in freezing water until I feel a sharp pain in my kidney where my testicle strikes it. I take this as I sign it's too cold and jump out. I grab a girls towel and dry myself thoroughly. Then I put my jeans back on and go lie in bed. I can hear Jez and Michelle in the bed next to me. Lexi comes in shivering a minute or so later. I try to re-initiate sex. She says there's too many people, but doesn't resist me slipping her panties off. I take my jeans off and whisper in her ear.

"I bet it gets you off when I **** you like a slut in front of all your friends."

She moans back into my ear and bucks up against me.

I wake up in the morning lying across her. When she wakes up she gives me a dirty look.

"You shouldn't do that to a girl."
I remember and laugh. "Good morning to you too."

The guy who got tea-bagged gets up and I tell him about his friends heroics.

"I don't give a ****, I was asleep." He finds his shoes and leaves immediately.

The surfer makes us all breakfast. I head back home with Laura, who lets me cop a few feels before the bus arrives. She keeps asking about Lexi. She seems slightly jealous. She slaps my hand off her chest. I rest my head on them and let my eyes take a break until my stop. I transfer buses and twenty minutes later I'm at home, in bed.

When I wake up Andrew's rolled me a marijuana cigarette.

"Joint?"

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Philosophy

Last night I was walking to the park to work out when I heard someone say to their friends "Do you know anyone who would want a hard guitar case?"
"Me." She didn't hear me at first so I walk over. "Did I ehar you say you're getting rid of a guitar case?"
"I am. Do you want one?"
"How much?"
"Free. I'm moving."

Later that same night on the phone to Ella- despite being in Italy she still calls me- I walked through the same park and found a new pair of aviators. Really nice. I broke my sunglasses so this is a pleasant discovery.

Besides that I found a girl who wants to have sex with Ella and I. Ella has agreed to pick up and **** girls with me. Another (extremely hot, like Ella level) has agreed to when she breaks up with her boyfriend.

How did I get her?

I made a lot of female friends.

Let me elaborate: I had a four or five month period where I had sex maybe four times. That is a dry spell for me. It was all ****ty sex as well. The reason being, I was befriending most the girls I may have been able to ****. The last two weeks I've slept with more girls than those four months. I've been calling the cards. After this long, they're all sure things.

See, hot girls in general only go for one night stands when there is insane chemistry. Even then it's usually last minute resistance galore and the wrong word... No dice.

But say there is sexual chemistry. Say you just ignore it and make a connection. Form a friendship. Say you flirt with them, play with them and tease them to amp it up... But never make an overt move.

What happens then?

The answer is, eventually they crack. They climb into your bed and they literally beg you to **** them. If you make a move and they reject you... So what. You're friends. You get over the awkward and it just becomes more sexual tension.

When you break it, they *** straight away. The anticipation can be that high. I usually have girls ***, but lately without fail it happens and fast.

The sex is streets ahead. They really want to please me and I really want to please them. We're friends. We like each other. On top of that, we can legitimately hang out. We ****, then go do what we used to do beforehand. They also are a lot more likely to come over at silly times than a FWB, because it's primarily for a friend.

Last but not least, it's really ****ing fun being in a group of my guy and girl friends and know a) I'm ****ing all of them (except the girlfriends) and b) they know. It's a really good feeling to get to choose who I sleep with on any given night. It is a really good feeling be able to sleep with multiple girls in the same day, no drama. This goes back to LearningSlowly's post about poly-amorous relationships.

It is an amazing feeling to have a girl who wants to come out with me and pick up girls. She knows about the game and I may tell her about my journal. She already reads my stories so I don't see the point in hiding it from her.

Ella gets back on the 6th and is coming straight over to my house. Another girl I'm sleeping with will come over the next night. We'll make beautiful, multi-layered love.

Arrivederci mio amici xx

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Im oddly turned on

 

[Mindgamez]

Cool stuff. Polyamory's the sh1t

 

[LearningSlowly]

Im so close to a threesome. Just gotta get back to school first to see my women. Ive been going for first-date-fvcks, next Im going for threesomes. Also I cant wait to party this weekend.

 

[RiceandChicken]

Honestly, you are in God-Mode right now. Just really sweet stuff man. Other guys probably envy your life. I Don't blame them at all.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Skype

She refuses to suck my **** while I talk to Ella on the phone. She sucks my **** until I talk to Ella on the phone. Ella asks to Skype me. I go wake Andrew up to borrow his laptop. I cant get it. Windows 8 seems to be allergic to Skype. It's like the old ActiveX problem all over again. Register, confirm, install, have you registered? I get frustrated five times too many and give up.

With the laptop all ready we start talking. Ella takes nearly five minutes to figure out how to point the camera at herself. I jive her for it. We play Strawberry fields. It's an old Pick Up Artist (PUA) game from the times when dressing up in a mascot suit was called "peacocking" and considered the height of effective "game." I always imagined hordes of PUA running around wearing matching rhinestone boots and cowboy hats. The minority would become the majority and eventually it's peacocking to not dress like an idiot.

"Imagine a fence around a strawberry field. How high is it?"
Clarrissa. "Three feet."
Ella. "Two metres."
"You jump the fence. How many strawberries do you eat?"
"All of them." I stifle laughter before I ruin the game.
"Eight."
"How do you feel about the farmer whose strawberries you just ate?"
"**** him."
"You just ate all his strawberries and now you're saying **** him?"
"He can go **** himself. He should have got a higher fence."
"Ok... Ella?"
"Yeah who cares."
"Alright. Ready for the run down?"
"Sure." Female unison.

I explain that the fence is your willingness to have sex. Larissa is embarrassed and attacks the accuracy of the test. I explain the amount of strawberries you take is the amount of lovers you would have. Larissa is embarrassed. Ella- having slept with exactly eight men- is surprised by the accuracy of the test.

"... and your feelings about the farmer represent your feelings about sex. If you had of said guilty, it would have meant you were ashamed about it. Both of you seem healthy in that regard."
"Of course."
"Yeah why would I be ashamed of it?" Ella is staring off into the distance.
"Jasper, what did you answer for the number of strawberries?" Clarrissa is hoping for an answer to justify her own.
"I said 'Do I have a backpack so I can take more home?'"

Laughter. No surprises here.

Somehow the topic of conversation turns from innocent and mundane to sex. Ella describes what it's like to have sex with two guys. She says she was never "put on the spit". Larissa asks what that is. **** in either end. That would be degrading. Agree.

"So what about us having a threesome guys?" I propose.
"I've never tried it with two girls."
"Neither." To be fair two times in my life I was that close. The first I walked all the way to the train to pick these girls up. We got into bed together and I kept trying. They played along, then suddenly would turn *****y and complain. It turned out they were playing a game. This makes sense, neither of them have ever been able to hold a relationship together due to immaturity.

The other time I slept with a girl at my friends party. I skipped any form of foreplay because she'd just been finger-banged by a long-haired nerd who got them damp for the very first time. I didn't care. She was hot. Her friend came in and interrupted us. Ashamed, the girl stopped me. Her friend came in five minutes later and put her hands down my pants. Black out. I woke up the next morning with them both naked and spooning me yet no recollection of the events.

"I've never done anything with a girl before." I'm surprised Larissa hasn't.
"Not even a kiss?"
"I'm not the type of girl who gets drunk and makes out with other girls."
"Well, I'm game." I put my hands up as though I'm conceding a point.
"We know." Ella says this to denote the obvious. The voice is part you're an idiot part no more be said. Thank you captain obvious.
"Just making sure." My shoulders go up to match my hands in a gesture of surrender.
Consideration. "I'd do it." Thank you Ella.
"Well, it all hangs on you now." I turn to Larissa. We both watch her expectantly.
She takes her time. "Well alright then."

More chat. Goodbye Ella, we need sleep. I get hard. Larissa can feel it on her leg. She taunts it a little. We make out. I push it into her face, aggressive and direct. She's on her period, ***** off limits. I tell her I'll use her mouth like her *****. The only difference is a tongue. Use it to massage my ****. ****. Yes.

"Lick my balls." It's been forty minutes of blow-job. I want to ***. I masturbate over her expectant face, tongue tickling testicles. "Go lower. Lick my gooch."
"What?"
"My gooch."
"Where's that?"
"The spot just below my balls."
"It's the most sensitive there isn't it?" Before waiting for a reply she starts lapping at my taint.

Shivers run through my body. I jerk and groan as she pleasures me. Every now and again her tongue slides across my anus. I'm sure it's unintentional, a happy accident, but the more I moan the more frequent it becomes. Eventually I'm getting a full blown rim job instead of being blown. I go to blow my load on her face.

"Please don't *** in my eye this time." I laugh. In a British accent,it would make one of those statue street performers laugh.
"I won't *** in your eye."
"Well I hope not."

Groan, groan, spurts.

"Ahh! It's in both this time!" And all over your lips, forehead, cheeks...
"Well I was right technically..."
"You got in both eyes!" And through your hair, your jewelery, a little up your nose...
"Eyes. Plural." I start dabbing them with tissues. "Here, I'll help you to the bathroom."


Saturday

Enter dream, exit dream groggy and confused knock-knock on my door.

"Yeah, I'm awake."
"Good." I hear Aldo stump off.

I wake up an hour later groggier but not confused; I rush to get ready. I throw clothes into my bag as Larissa tries to tie me down with cuddles.

"Just lie in bed a little longer."
"I can't, I need to catch the bus now. Do you want to come?"
"I'll see you off."
I check the time. "Ok, but I need to leave right now."
"Alright. If I had of known I would have got ready."

She begins to drift through the room collecting clothes and placing possessions into her bag as though operating on a clock entirely removed from my own. Minutes tick by. I tell her I have to leave and walk out the door, she rushes to be seconds behind. Bang. The door slams shut. I blink and I'm halfway to the bus. I walk up to the stand and put my hand out as the bus roars past. I chase it down, but watch it thunder past the stand. The driver is speeding. The stand rattles as he goes past.

"****ING **** MOTHER****ER!"
"Hold on, I need to get something." Larissa runs off but I can't wait around.

I start to jog all the way to my bus to Albany. According to Google maps it is a 51 minute walk. I would usually cover one of those in 30 minutes, but given the luggage I'm lugging I'd be lucky for the first figure to be accurate.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Skype pt2

I still try.

I realize the hopelessness twenty minutes into the forty I have when I'm less than a third of the way and have taken all shortcuts. Or at least those one can take carrying a weeks worth of belongings. These tend to be the ones not involving trespassing (only in the strictest legal sense; I draw a bubble running from wall to roof of someones house and would never drop below it) and climbing.

It's at this very moment, profanities on my tongue, I see hope.

"Excuse me." She turns gracefully. Forty and with all the elegance of someone who hit that age with style. The type of person who keeps up to date with the world, who never let it get ahead of them. "Are you heading towards the city?"
"Yes I am." Her dog is a black toy poodle and smells mine on me. I put a hand out for it to sniff and it rolls over to be patted.
"Could I please get a lift towards East Perth? I've been running the whole way but I just discovered the futility of that."
"Sure." She doesn't even hesitate. The older a woman is, the more sure of her inuition she is. As she shuts her gate I offer repeated gratitudes. Her instincts are indeed incredible; her house is the family home of someone who rode the tech boom.
"Can I just drop you off on the Roe Highway?:
"Sorry, I don't know where that is."
"Where do you need to go?"
"East Perth. If you just take me in that direction it's fine."
She nods. "I just got back from the farmer markets. I don't take my dog anymore- I used to tie her off next to the fruit and vegies- because she gets anxious waiting for me."

The farmer market is on my street. I tell her so. We continue to talk about the merits of organic food. She takes me all the way wishes me merry christmas and I'm on my way. I wave and wish buon natale.

There are no spaces on the faster bus. I am condemned to a seven hour trip.

On the bus there is only one girl who meets my standard. She isn't so attractive as to overcome my urge to sleep. I go to sleep with a forty-something blonde with skin and a figure which implies working in fast food staring at me. In the seat behind a single mother sits with her two daughters, one of whom seems to be mimicking the mid-life McDonalds manager.

I wake up to her chilling blue eyes. She holds my gaze for five seconds. I smile to her. Seven. I'm not sure if this is a dream. Nine. She looks down.

I look up to the front of the bus where the cute redhead is being heavy-handed by a butch lesbian. Her tattooed arm disappears across the younger girl- she is my age, give or take a year- who squirms uncomfortably every time. I think of intervening but there are no free seats.

Plus, the dyke looks dangerous. I say that not in a derogatory sense. I hold nothing against homosexuals. However, I appreciate alliteration and I will want locutions to share the same first letter whenever it is possible. I can't help but feel there is another word I could have used instead of locutions... another word...

Anyway, this child is still staring. I cast a glance over every few minutes and she is completely rapt. I try to get absorbed in my book but I can't. It's disconcerting.

We get off for break and I take the opportunity to make myself feel more comfortable. I stretch for exactly 25 minutes, then go get a fork to eat my soup. This seems logical at the time.

I end up drinking the soup on the bus under the watchful eyes of my guardian angel. She looks so innocent, blonde-brown hair and baby blue eyes. Her mum swears at both her daughters if they open their mouths for any utterance, so there aren't many. The younger kid has a bunny much like my own sex bunny except pink. She uses it as a pillow to sleep on the floor. When the movie comes on she slips off and lands in the isle.

"Are you ok?" I offer her a hand.
"Get out of the ****ing isle in case someone kicks you!" Her mum doesn't even move. She has the lethargy of someone who had kids for the government payments and now trains them like monkeys. Go get mum a beer. Buy mum some panadol from the store. Find mummy a lighter for her smoke. "Sorry about that." She addresses me in a flirty tone. It flashes me back to one of my mums friends, about the same age, who once got too drunk and started massaging me. The massage was a sloppy attempt at sultry while my mum was passed out in the spare room.

"I'm going to go to bed now."
"Do you want to sleep in mine tonight?" Slurred sexual overtones.
"No that's ok."
"I might teach you a few things."
"I'm sure you would, but my girlfriend wouldn't be happy that I learned them." I couldn't lock the door. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't lock the door. I remember being a young kid, playing with her daughter (older) while our parents got raucously drunk.

I have no such trouble on this bus. I fall to sleep four more times, but for no more than twenty minutes a pop. I'm remarkably uncomfortably but ridiculously tired and remarkably is the weaker adjective. Sore, still staring silently. Sleep. Sudden feeling of unease. I look over to my watchful guardian. Her eyes lock to mine like on lovers bridge. Her hand is down her pants.

I snap my eyes back forward and try to ignore her. I have significantly less success. I end up packing up all of my gear and relaying it to the back of the bus. I'm undisturbed for moments, literal seconds, before she comes back to join me. She sits in the toilet with the door open. She beckons me to come in. She pulls her spangled sparkly short denims down.

I shut the door for her, distressed. I shiver. Gooseflesh. She's in there so long the mum sends her little sister to fetch her. When she comes out the toilet doesn't flush but there's a familiar smell in the air. I feel disconnected.

Forty minutes later the bus pulls in. I try and wait for them to get off first, given they're ahead of me, but the mum wants to sit stationary for as long as possible. She breathes heavily from the exertion of telling her kids to sit the **** still and shut the **** up. I end up leaving as one of the last people. The little girl goes to get up immediately as I walk past, I feel her tiny hand caress my leg.

"Down!" I hear a clutter and look back to see the girl, stunned, sullen and sitting sideways in her chair. Her mum is squeezing her arm in a vice-like grip. The daughter is struggling slightly, subconsciously, otherwise stationary. Still staring. Shudder.

Off the bus I rush to get my goods and get going. The weather is approximately fifteen times colder here. I walk into the bathroom to get changed. I hear the door open behind me as I go to piss. Someone steps up behind me. I cut off midstream and side-step just as a tiny little hand closes over the space my penis occupied moments before. I pause for a second. Not a word is spoken. She shuffles forward, eyes glazed over, as if in a trance. Thoroughly creeped the **** out and with no idea what to do I literally run, **** the cold I'll freeze to death. Dunsborough was worse.

I try and push it out of my mind and tell my perpetually late mum to pick me up from the concert hall instead. As I walk across the bridge I come across insightful grafitti, a rarity, especially for Albany.

"We are ugly. But we have the music." I reflect on the scrawl. I put my glasses on to enjoy the view. I feel at peace with the world. I try and sit on the water tower, but it crumples beneath me, making me feel a cave in and a swim out are inevitable. I think twice.

On the beach. I take off my shirt and look for somewhere with the perfect amount of shade and shelter. No wind. Darkness for the screen, sun for me. I can't find that so I settle for no wind. I stretch long, golden legs languidly in front of me in the scorching sun as I type. I feel my skin go a shade darker. A security guard walks past.

"Getting a tan?"
"You know it."
"Thats alright mate that's alright."

My mum pulls in. Albany begins.

Five minutes of hugging later- she misses me, misses me, misses me- we go to surf shop A. Inside mum buys me a shirt of my choosing for Christmas. It's a medium. I want a smaller size. We got to surf shop B. they have it.

In the change rooms: "Just switch the two shirts around." Ok mum.

I notice the one from this store has a security tag but do so anyway. It beeps on the way out and the teenager at the door checks our receipt at the counter. Yep, all good. It must still have a tag on it. Oh it does. Can you take it off for me? Her manager comes over, Suspicion. This is our shirt. Oops. Must have got them mixed up.

We buy it and get store credit from across the road. $60 of it. my mum uses it to buy a handbag. I have a new shirt.

We go home, where I read and pass out intermittently. Reading Naked Lunch. The definition of self-indulgent. If someone tells a joke and only they get it, is it still a joke? We have a roast for dinner, I go to fall asleep and of course Ella wants to Skype. Sigh. I relent.

Fall asleep at 2am. Tired. As. ****.

 

[AbsBro]

Dude your life is so ****ing awesome! Can we please meet up if you're keen?

 

[Ashx88]

wait! let it grow faster.
feeling and progressing is like a pushing in right direction.
hang around school and make her pretty feels good and this, do not miss them, and finally an attractive girl is beside you

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Miasmic Sexuality

Dude your life is so ****ing awesome! Can we please meet up if you're keen?

Why not? Pm me.

Business business and applying for jobs. Nothing exciting or girl related. Just four hours solid of working, four hours solid of applying and a couple hours of calling a day. An hour of planning. Then Skype with Ella, writing and some guitar takes up all the rest.

Got my phone repaired. Now ready to sell. Awesome, it will pay off the bill.

Looking for a job on an airline. Very competitive. Thank **** io parlo in Italiano, perche e importante per il positione. I speak better than I write so I hope that is write.

Girl was on her period. Banged her in the ass. Really easy to convince her to let me. Too easy. It wasn't even slightly fun. It was ****ty. Literally ****ty. So glad I wore a condom. Last time I didn't have too because she was super clean. It was kind of gross. She then proceeded to suck my **** until I finished in her mouth. Terrible orgasm, not worth it without an emotional connection.

Thus me not caring if I get laid next year or not. Seriously, I just want to travel. I used to want to have the most impressive score sheet of any PUA... Ha. **** that. It's already meaningless and I'm in the low thirties. Maybe it's because of the concentration... I've been sexually active for what, three years? Less. Wow, much less. Yeah no wonder I need a break from this bull****. Gay is it might sound I only want to bang girls I'm emotional with or that are CRAZY hot to the point that chemistry occurs straight away.

Biggest irony? Girls consistently want to meet up, come over or talk to me. I haven't been rejected in days. Today three different Italians I spoke to (in la lingua bella) were into me to the point I know I could have had them. I just didn't care. I visualized ****ing them and thought... I could use my time more effectively.

It isn't lack of sex drive, it's still there. It's lack of prioritizing sex. Sex is now a back-burner hobby, something that comes to me and I do, not something I pursue. My standards are ridic as well... We're talking either 8 with HEAPS of emotional investment, 9 with a great personality or 10 with good chemistry.

I've become somewhat... psychopathic in regards to it. It feels ok to me. I feel no added emotion from it, just what is already there. Otherwise... meaningless. I can watch a girl come (I know how to push their buttons now) and I'll be saying **** like "I feel closer to you than I ever have before" or "You're just a dirty little ***** who I use as a ****-toy and you love it, because that's what you are and you know the truth so you *** on my **** because I fill you up and you're just a vagina to me and right now, thats all you care about too..." Then back to emotion, rinse repeat...

And if that were actually true I would probably care more.

On the plus side girls that didn't like me now do because I have zero percent neediness, outcome dependance or desire to take anything from them. I've talked travel with a few and they've been valuable conversations. One of them asked to come over to give me my Christmas present (insinuating it was sex and/or *******) but I said no because she doesn't meet my standards. I would have taken a girl of her looks on a date to **** them earlier this year. Now she would have had to pay me.

Ha as I'm writing this some girl came with a group of my friends to visit. She walked through the door, hugged me, kept a hold of me "Sorry what was your name" laughed at a non-joke- literally something told her not to do- then instead of walking outside with my friends she tried to wait for me. I'm back in my room writing this. I don't give a **** about her. She is however hot. I'll probably go outside in an hour or two and spend a few minutes getting to know her. If she is worth it I will do something. If she bores the **** out of me, I'll Skype Ella and work some more. Maybe write if I feel it. Guitar actually.

So, if anyone who read this ramble knows anything about any travel related jobs, hit me up. I don't care about ****ty pay as long as the savings are good and the job is in a cool country. Or better yet, lots of countries.

Peace.