I've been such a f'king sucker!!!!

[Chemistry]

Well a modified example would be best suited... it should be apportionate... ask yourself how well can you know a girl in a year taking into account the frequency with which you see her and how good friends you were... to return to the example, I might trust a stranger to hold £20 for me, and if I lose out with my gamble all is not lost... now I would trust one or two of my closest friends to hold £100,000 in cash because the potential for loss is much greater... I have to be sure that my investment, whether it be financial or one of trust, is secure


I still have problems with believing the intimacy stories... if Brad Pitt walked by and offered himself to her, the prospect of a refusal and overall rejection seems far-fetched... I did have a girl once who was nervous given only one previous BF but thats it and 24 hours later I had her in the correct way of thinking...

besides the instability of the girl

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Speaking from painful personal experience the fact that she left her boyfriend to be with you would've marked her as someone not to get emotionally attached to.

I could never really trust any of the women who left their BFs for me.

Chin up tho mate,at least you found out early on before you really became invested in the relationship.

Spark up a fattie and chuckle to yourself as you think of the poor bastard she's going back to

 

[Double]

Jariel, there is no need for more fvcking games. You dont play the indifference game, you will BE indifferent and delete her number, and never ever text or talk to her again. Man you have to realize you are not a cruel player so don't play games like you are one, it will only hurt YOU. she played you and nothing you will do will change that,accept it and never make these mistakes again.

 

[Jariel]

Ashley: I agree and I'll be a bit more careful next time.

Ted: The poor bastard met someone else and good luck to him. Now she's alone now, so I can chuckle to myself at that.

Double: You are totally right. If I don't let it drop now I'm just prolonging my resentment. Onward and upward.

 

[Trance]

The diference between you and her:

- She doesnt care because she has lots of prospects.
- You care because you have small number of prospects.

This is what you get when you focus too much on a girl that didnt deserved it yet.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Trance
The diference between you and her:

- She doesnt care because she has lots of prospects.
- You care because you have small number of prospects.

This is what you get when you focus too much on a girl that didnt deserved it yet.

It's very interesting you say this because it's actually the opposite way around. She's the anti-social chick at uni with no friends and I'm the popular guy with lots of female admirers (I'm not exaggerating). She knew this, hated me speaking to other people and hated when women would come and flirt with me. This may be one of the reasons she took a liking to me - my social proof and value was probably a huge ego boost for her.

However, I did focus on her too much because she was so enigmatic and seemed like someone I could get serious with, whereas many of the girls I meet don't interest me enough. So I guess you are right that my prospects are small, mainly because I'm so selective.

I can take consolation in the fact that she'll see me in her classes surrounded by people and women flirting withme, while she sits alone. If it bothered her before, I assume it will still bother her.

 

[Trance]

If you posted this its because you care. If you were already after another chick you wouldnt. One thing is having a lot of friends, and being a great social person (like you are), other thing is a girl like that, that even tough not having many friends only wants to flirt with guys and get atention for a while, then get atention from diferent guys. Any woman can do this, all it takes it not being fat and having a p.ussy. But as a moral you can retain this experience and use it for a incoming situation.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I don't think the number of prospects is the issue here, I'm sure Jariel has no probs there.

Look, sooner or later, if you want to build a relationship, you will have to drop your guard down and trust the other person. You can't be a challenge forever, you can't be distant and defensive forever. Jariel basically dropped his guard down with the wrong person, and thinks it's his own fault that he couldn't see this happening.

It's not tho. Everytime you drop your guard down, there is a chance the girl will make you regret it. You can't avoid it, you can't anticipate it, all you can do is know that the chance is there, and be prepared to deal with it if it ever happens. Get your inner game to the point where this sh!t doesn't phase you anymore.

The only other option is to be a player forever, never drop your guard for anybody, never bother with relationships, and just move from vagina to vagina.

 

[rgeere]

Mindovermatter speaks the truth .. I'm glad to find another DJ besides Jariel who has the same understanding.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Jariel
This is a follow up to this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=69838

I finally got a response from the girl in question who told me that she doesn't want a relationship, I need to grow up and basically that she's a b1tch and proud of it. She also told me she never liked me as much as I thought, among other harsh things. And she was ignoring me just for the hell of it.

She has completely led me on, used me to boost her ego and stabbed me in the back!!

I thought she was a really great girl, but she deceived me with her sweet and innocent act, let me think there was something great between us, let everyone else think there was something great between us and now it's come to this.

I still have faith in women, but I'll be way more cautious from now on.

Whoa...either this woman is a complete and total biotch who has been a total fake in your group of friends or there is someone sabotaging you to her and she is buying it.

Is it at all possible that there is another guy in the group of friends who has the hots for her who would make up stuff about you to keep you apart?

This just is NOT normal behavior for a person in the same group of friends to behave unless they are righteously pissed off over a significant betrayal or hurt.

You should investigate this further...but either way...don't bother trying to get back with her if there has been sabotage.

Something smells mighty fishy...

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
I don't think the number of prospects is the issue here, I'm sure Jariel has no probs there.

Look, sooner or later, if you want to build a relationship, you will have to drop your guard down and trust the other person. You can't be a challenge forever, you can't be distant and defensive forever. Jariel basically dropped his guard down with the wrong person, and thinks it's his own fault that he couldn't see this happening.

It's not tho. Everytime you drop your guard down, there is a chance the girl will make you regret it. You can't avoid it, you can't anticipate it, all you can do is know that the chance is there, and be prepared to deal with it if it ever happens. Get your inner game to the point where this sh!t doesn't phase you anymore.

Well put and I can't agree more! Taking risks like this are just part of meeting the right woman, and they either pay off or fail. I have been blaming myself for being stupid, but I'm sure I will take the same risk again and again, until hopefully it pays off.

Even though she has been a b1tch to me, I strongly believe she felt something and is only resentful because she is mixed up right now. So I agree, it was just the wrong person. Another woman or maybe another time what I did may have paid off.

At least that makes me feel less foolish.

 

[Jariel]

Re: Re: I've been such a f'king sucker!!!!

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Whoa...either this woman is a complete and total biotch who has been a total fake in your group of friends or there is someone sabotaging you to her and she is buying it.

Is it at all possible that there is another guy in the group of friends who has the hots for her who would make up stuff about you to keep you apart?

This just is NOT normal behavior for a person in the same group of friends to behave unless they are righteously pissed off over a significant betrayal or hurt.

I agree, she never seemed like the sort of girl who would do this. However, she is susceptible to strange mood swings and I think she currently blames me for her breaking off her previous relationship that she's not over.

Our friends were actually convinced she was falling for me, and I think they would all be very surprised by this reaction.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: I've been such a f'king sucker!!!!

Originally posted by Jariel
I agree, she never seemed like the sort of girl who would do this. However, she is susceptible to strange mood swings and I think she currently blames me for her breaking off her previous relationship that she's not over.

Our friends were actually convinced she was falling for me, and I think they would all be very surprised by this reaction.

Well, maybe the guy she left is telling her stuff about you. Is he part of the group, too? If he is part of the group it could be that she is feeling guilty about hurting him and is only behaving so bizarrely to try to make him feel better if she had a change of heart.

Whatever the case...just steer clear of her in the future. There are plenty of other women out there and this is a bit more drama than anyone should be asked to contend with.

 

[Kaine]

Did you ever verbalise that you liked or loved her in your month of interaction?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Keep us updated, J!

 

[Jariel]

A valuable lesson

I feel I need to add to this post because I have learned a very important lesson. There are two sides to every argument and I gave you mine, as someone who was hurt and angry. But it was probably not a very objective account.

I have heard from her recently and she explained and apologised for her behaviour. I now see that I acted insecure and uncool. I read too much into her blanking me when we were out Friday night and I walked out. She saw my behaviour as childish and insecure, and she was right to think that because in retrospect, I was. I didn't get the attention I wanted so I tried to make a point by storming off, when I should have been cool and carefree.

She admitted that she was getting too serious about me and she isn't ready for another relationship. She has already explained that I was a big reason for her ending her 5 year relationship and that I'm the only person she has had feelings for since meeting her ex-boyfriend. She has left an entire lifestyle, her future plans and many people behind and is finding it hard to adjust. She was a b1tch to me because I have shown her no understanding and was only concerned about myself, so she purposely set out to attack my ego and hurt me.

The reason it has all come to this is because I was not cool-headed.

What's more, I gave her all the attention she craved, I was there for her all the time, and I stopped being a challenge. When we first started seeing each other, I was on top of my game, played hot and cold on her, hung out with other friends and made sure we didn't see too much of each other. She was so humble towards me and placed me on a pedestal. She even expressed how she missed me and looked forward to seeing me when we weren't together. Then, I stopped being the prize she was chasing and became the trophy she had won. She took me for granted and I lost my value.

I know a lot of guys here will be going mad, thinking that I am making excuses for her, but I'm just being objective and trying to learn from my own mistakes rather than passing blame.

 

[Cremasta]

Don't sweat this one Jariel. You picked a bad one and she blew up in your face... it happens. There are some women out there that will cause you dramas no matter how attractive you are or how good your game is.

Move on, live it up with your other female admirers and if this girl every tries to approach you again, just play it cool and tell her "No, I don't think so... you've got nothing to offer me".

Seriously though, I would put an even bet that one month down the track you've got her as a f-buddy... as long as you have her convinced that she needs to prove herself to you (if only to validate her self-image as a girl who's still 'got it') and don't let yourself get sucked into AFC behaviour.

 

[Jariel]

Ok, I've taken the advice given, put her out of mind, made a few calls and have two dates lined up for next week.

Now there's just one small issue playing on my mind. I have two Uni classes with my now ex-girlfriend and we share friends, so there's no avoiding her. So do I blank her, face her politely and deal with the awkwardness, or should I contact her beforehand and clear the air?

If I get in touch, I know we could talk things over and be on good terms. I'm thinking this would be a mature thing to do and show her I'm not fazed.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

What did you say to her on Friday though?She just ignored you and you didn't even speak to her?

 

[optimist prime]

Dude, dont fall for it!!! Now shes blaming you for what happened the night she blanked you? Dont you see what a master game player she is? Psycho, but a master. From what you wrote you did NOTHING wrong on that date. She is the one who ignored YOU. It is totally natural and appropriate when two people get more into a relationship for them to start to let their gaurd down and become more personal and caring for a person. YOu started to do that, and she pulled away.

Plus, she even admittted she was ignoring you that night. I mean waht kind of person does that? Psycho. You did nothing wrong from what I can see, dont let her try and shift the balme to you. And I can tell you are still MAJOR afc because you have no self confidence whatsoever. Your philosophy changes by the minute. one minute its all her fault and you're moving on, the next you take blame for it and still want to obsess over her. End this!!

Plus, you talked about her being a loner, her many mood swings, sounds like a possible borderline personality disorder to me. Stay away, and consider yourself lucky you are out now rather than experience further heartbreak down the line.