It's over and I'm crushed.....

[Ricky]

You know I'm not sure if I feel sorry for myself. I feel very sad and angry. Still one month later.

This girl rocked me hard. I hate her for it now. I really do.

We still talk occasionally. She is just scared and can't hang with the big dogs. I honestly believe it.

She said as much in a way, that i'm at a different stage than her in my life. I have accomplished alot more.

I loved her though. It is ****ing hard. I haven't had the same gusto for going out to meet women. The weather sucks here, and i've found it easier to get pessimistic.

Then I hear things like the Sean Interview with David D (check out his site seanstephenson.com. This guy suffers from a rare bone disorder but still has a positive attitude). Also in Mens Journal I read about a wrestler in Georgia who was born without arms and legs and wins matches!

I mean what do i really have to complain about. So one girl I loved couldn't get with the program. It is her loss.

I am so lucky in life and as long as i stay in gratitude mode, i cant feel sorry for myself. Bitter yeah, a bit sad yeah. But I will be back up soon enough. After a long day and I come home to my quiet apartment sometimes I think about her too much, or tonight at the library where it was all quiet I thought about her.

She was supposed to call yesterday or today. How great she is at keeping her word.

Do I want her as a friend. Yeah in a way, for some reason the ****y hope that I could get her back (would I take her again and be able to trust her) makes me feel better.

Face it she broke up with me, I felt like I lost, just like with some of my other failed relationships, particularly where the girl broke up with me.

 

[BigDawg]

Ricky, some of the things you are describing are exactly what I went through with my ex-wife. After we separated, even though it was amicable, I was still expecting her to call me when she said she would. And when we did talk, she would make the occasional passive/aggressive digs at me. So, despite the amicable split, I would get angry at her.

Eventually, my heart caught up with my head in regards to my attitude towards her. I eventually stopped feeling angry. I stopped loving her. I stopped hating her. The best part is when I stopped feeling anything for her.

I've always said that hating someone takes just as much energy as loving them. Either way, feeling anything for someone who no longer has a priority in your life is using energy that is better spent elsewhere.

You are clearly learning this, my man. So, the path may be a little rocky from time to time, but you're going to get through this, no doubt.

 

[Ricky]

You are right Big Dawg.

I still have hope that she will see the error of her ways, but I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't give a damn at all.

She didn't keep her word. Funny about how you said your ex didn't call. This girl specifically said she'd call me Sunday or Monday and she didn't. I still enjoy talking to her, but if she can't keep her word oh well. She's proven that a few times now.

If she doesn't call me, I will never call her again. It's as simple as that.

If she calls I can return the call. She is just a crutch for me to practice ****y and funny and other stuff with until the next girl I go out with.

 

[DonRob]

Originally posted by Ricky
Thanks guys.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now.

First off, my move up here for this job was a choice I made for myself, but she had talked about moving as well. It was a tough choice but one I made because it was to go to work at a really prestigious place.

My plan was to work here for a year or two, for her to move up iin the fall and then to transfer to a job in her hometown after that year or two. Basically she moved for me, I moved for her.

This job I am going to treat like a new learning opportunity. I will put my full soul into it.

I never want to feel this crappy again....

I'm taking a break from thinking about women. I will surely be on here still.

What do you think the best way to get over a relationship is?

For me in the past I'd always move on as quickly as possible and start dating a new girl. That did help and it kept my DJ skills up but in this case, I am really really really HURT and don't know if I can do that and I know I don't want to right now.

Unlike a lot of the advice you are likely to get here, I think the best thing you can do right now is to take a time out from the women.

Pouring yourself into your job is a great idea. Hit the gym too.

When you get hurt like this your psyche and emotions need some time to heal.

And you know what? If you treated this woman well, its HER LOSS not yours. What ever you do, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. If you do, you will have ZERO power in the relationship. You'll have to ask permision to turn the temp up or down in your own home!

 

[Don-Rocker]

RE: I can REALLY feel for ya

Dear Fellow DJ,

I was engaged to be married, girlfriend freaked out on me and disappeared, went into rehab, relationship and engagement down the tubes. 2 months ago, now I am socializing and having a great time man, lots of cool people have come my way.

NOW this is after ending a job situation last October, trying to start a new consulting practice, dad had a stroke [which said girlfriend was also not there for], and I moved..[this all happened to me in a 6 month window, I got slammed boys, lived to stand another day and it did make me stronger in a way]

I came back by immediately going on allot of dates, meeting some cool new people, some cool romantic things happened, my confidence went up, it helped me get over the girl more. I realized that the engagement was not right for either of us anyway and we would have made each other unhappy, so it was for the best.

Well, I think it's true -

1. you've got to date a girl for a while before going exclusive, I made this mistake which will not be repeated with the engagement girl. No matter how much pressure they put on, I think at least 3+ months, maybe more like six of good behavior then maybe. Once your exclusive unless you really believe in your heart you can make romance happen when you want too, then that's when the being wipped [like cream] by the girl starts [aka nagging] I think you have to really be ready at anytime to end it if the behavior gets really bad and you draw bounderies and they are still ignored.

2. DO NOT give up your heart for a while either 6, 9 12 months , wait and protect you heart until someone proves wurthy of you, before you really get into all the love, I love you stuff..., what is love anyway. It's actually our fault guys if we allow our emotions to let us get into the deeper things before a women has proved you can trust her emotionally. There is nothing worse then trusting someone emotionally, getting into the love thing, then boom the carpet gets pulled out.

I think guys as a group engage in this behavior because they feel there will never be another girl like - not true - for the properly cultivated DJ there is ALWAYS quality women to date or be friends with, and like a brother said do not be afraid to throw'em back in the ocean of dating if they miss treat you - never except BS from a women - or man for that matter - that's part of the DJ alpha thing. Women I think have more confidence another man will come along, because any decent looking women never has problems getting dates, maybe just dates with men she is interested in, but then us DJ's, especially the older dudes are pretty rare out there. I wonder sometimes if the gals had to deal with what were are up aginst sometimes, how would they do, hummm, interesting question.

Anyway man, don't worry, once you are dating a nice new person you will feel better, and when you have a few prospects lined up and start seeing the quality of the women raising as your abilities do, then you WILL reach that point one day where you feel you could be placed anywhere at any time and pull women. The crowning jewel which I am working on is having it all, great looks in a girl, great girl [actually inside the girl], smart, connections, the whole sha-bang.

You can do it dude, your DJ breatheren are all behind you, especially those guys like me that have had their heart receive an incoming mortor shell and move on to come back stronger and better then ever.

Don-Rocker:

 

[Ricky]

Wow I can't believe the tough luck Don Rocker had lately that is really amazing. You are doing such a great job moving on that I think we can all learn from those lessons.

The stories and battle scars that alot of us have are amazing.

I thought today of how I will get back to one of my first loves. Latina women!

It is funny but just practicing my Spanish again with this cute girl that works in one of the hospital restauraunts has made me want to go that route again! I used to have a major Latina fixaton in a previous job that took me to Mexico but I was such an AFC i never took advantage of it.

I will add that to my list of cultures I've dated soon no doubt!

 

[DonRob]

Originally posted by Ricky
Wow I can't believe the tough luck Don Rocker had lately that is really amazing. You are doing such a great job moving on that I think we can all learn from those lessons.

The stories and battle scars that alot of us have are amazing.

I thought today of how I will get back to one of my first loves. Latina women!

It is funny but just practicing my Spanish again with this cute girl that works in one of the hospital restauraunts has made me want to go that route again! I used to have a major Latina fixaton in a previous job that took me to Mexico but I was such an AFC i never took advantage of it.

I will add that to my list of cultures I've dated soon no doubt!

Ricky,

If you want to just date, then hang with the casual thing you are doing now...

If its a serious thing you seek with marriage potential then I think you are NUTS to be looking at American Women.

One poster suggested latino women... if you dig that look thats a good choice. If you like the classic tall slender women, then the most beautiful women in the world, BAR NONE, can be found in the FSU (former Soviet Union) Im partial to Ukrainian women.

First they are for the most part, highly educated, extremely feminine (like you wont meet here!) there society still has a 1950's feel to how women act and expect a man to act.

Ive lived in Hawaii, San Diego, LA, San Fransisco, and New York And not one of these cities has SQWAT on the women over there...

Ill warn you though, if you go you'll be totally hooked on the women over there....

 

[iveyleeger]

I came back by immediately going on allot of dates, meeting some cool new people

Tell us more how you did that part, Don. Where'd you get the dates, meet the cool people, etc.?

 

[BootsOfEscaping]

-->

Some great posts guys! I am 4 months out of a 6 year LTR, its a ***** sometimes. I still get all screwed up in the head over it sometimes. Its just like was said above, you let your emotions get involved and then your emotions control you instead of your common sense. I wont even get into what I put up with from my ex. Very AFC type **** for sure. She dumped me, I moved to another state where my friends are and although I am somewhat miserable over the breakup I can see it was a good thing. I needed to work on myself anyway. Now all I do is work and lift. You have to get involved in yourself. Build yourself up, mentally, physically etc.

I have no problem meeting and getting girls but I am trying to take a break. My ex had a new boyfriend about a month after I moved away, how sweet eh? ha. She is ho'in' around and still calls me and says she loves me. Its insane. I am trying to slowly stop talking to her. I am over the whole thing but I can relate to how you still feel an emotional need to talk to your ex. We know in our mind its stupid and wont help but yet we still talk to em.

My ex wants to come visit me(screw). Half of me is like sure why not. Its guaranteed great sex. The other half of me thinks its a really stupid idea.

We all have our battle scare from "love" dont we?!

When I get down I think of this lyric from snoop:

Well, if Kurupt gave a f**k about a ***** I'd always be broke
I'd never have no motherf**kin endo to smoke
I gets loced and looney, ***** you can't do me
Do we like BBD, you hoochie groupie?
I have no love for hoes
That's somethin I learned in the pound

 

[insomniac]

Originally posted by iveyleeger
Tell us more how you did that part, Don. Where'd you get the dates, meet the cool people, etc.?

That's what I did when I got out of my last relationship. Jumped right back into dating. It did no good...everyone I met just didn't measure up to my ex. Maybe in looks, personality, or intelligence individually yes...but overall, they didn't give me the same feeling my ex did. I wouldn't say I still have feelings for my ex...but the idea of someone like her is what I'm hung up on. It feels like I'm waiting for another version of her to come along.

So, it's been four months and no one compares. Regardless, I'm forgetting about women for now and concentrating on other areas of my life. Eventually my desire will return and I'll get back out there, but for now, keeping women out of my life is just fine with me.

 

[Ricky]

I think I'll feel better when I get laid again. That's like a huge psychological hurdle since I haven't really had a drought in over 4 years of not getting laid until now.

I will have it broken very soon

 

[Muppet]

It doesnt help as much as you think, cause you then just wish it was her you were having sex with.

 

[Bonhomme]

Just having read through the thread, it's clear that your attitude is picking up, Ricky. Good!

Think of all those hot Latina gals to experience.

 

[Spartan]

Can relate to you Ricky. I hope you are feeling better now.

Remember mate, when you get knocked down, learn from it (which you have done), then rebuild and come back twice as strong. (which it sounds like you are doing).

Strong mind, strong body and strong spirit.

Focus on yourself for you have no idea what is around the next corner. You have no idea who you might meet.

Never, ever let a woman or situation get you down completely, for a short while maybe, but only long enough to come back stronger than ever before.

We all have a warrior aspect to our nature. It is the part of you that says, "Sod it! What is done is done. Time to move on. I need a new challenge. Power is my presence, power is my restraint, power is how I talk, what words I use, how my body moves, how I conduct myself, power is how I live my life and finally real power is to be fearless. The ability to be unaffected by the actions of others and still remain happy, have a lust for life, to want to learn new things, to remain balanced and optermistic no matter what chaos is going on around you. A woman is but one page in the history of your life, maybe even two. You still have women to meet and new adventures to come your way".

Sorry to go all spiritual on you mate but it is the attitude that works for me and it may or may not help you.

Good luck Ricky.

 

[Ricky]

One good thing is that i have a board exam that is very important to study for.

I"m trying to spend alot of time doing that while I still don't know alot of people in the new town and don't have a busy social calendar.

Must admit though seeing the girls in shorts now about makes me wanna get back out there soon at least for the sex part of things.

 

[andari]

hey man i know the feeling........my girl took a big sh$$ on me too. Right when i thought things were going well.......but time heals all wounds and that is all that you can do. go out have a good time .......when you are ready and then after you have met some new people (women). you will see that for a women to do that to you, she prolly didnt care that much from the jump.

time heals all wounds

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by Ricky
I still have hope that she will see the error of her ways, but I'm starting to realize that I shouldn't give a damn at all.

She didn't keep her word. Funny about how you said your ex didn't call. This girl specifically said she'd call me Sunday or Monday and she didn't. I still enjoy talking to her, but if she can't keep her word oh well. She's proven that a few times now.

Ricky, this girl is fvcking with you and will continue to do so as long as you allow it, seriously. I don't care how 'sweet' she is.

I damn sure would not carry on dialogue with her, not unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. You may think that sounds juvenile, but I will NEVER go back to being Mr. Nice Guy. EVER.

Quick story: I had a LTR with this chick I was in love with (what a fvcking joke), pre sosuave days. And yea I was like you all in love blah fvcking blah. Once she discovered this, she dropped my a$$ like a bad habit. After she dumped me she would call my place, ask my buds about me, find out my plans and show up where I was and it never fvcking failed she would touch me constantly when around me.

Me being a heartsick puzzified idiot played into this bullshyt she was spinning. I'd talk with her on the phone, pour my disgusting guts out to her etc. I thought I was on the way to getting back in. Nothing could be further from the truth.

THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO MOVE ON!!! I don't give a damn what they say. They hope you will pign away for them for eternity. As long as you do this you will be stamped 'loser' in her rating list. Women encourage the very behavior that makes their interest in you plummet! They are self destructive. She is castrating you by keeping contact with you. It happened to me. Don't be an idiot like me, learn from my mistakes.

You may not be pouring feelings out to her but in a way you are simply by keeping her in your life. Juvenile? Maybe. As I said I will not return to Mr. Nice Guy. Women will wear your a$$ out if you let them. ALL women. Don't let em. Sounds like you are on the right track for the most part.

BTW, the chick that dumped me did end up wanting to get something going again years later, AFTER I quit being her lapdog, stopped all contact with her, etc. If she called I ALWAYS said, "I'm walking out the door", then CLICK. And that is ALL I said. By the time she was interested again my interest in her was history, like yours will be with this girl. I like the Spanish learning idea. Good luck.

--Crowes

 

[gixxer]

I'm with crowes.

You already screwed up because she dumped you. You should have had a better feel for her interest level and dumped her first. I always dump first now that I know what is going on in this game.

But since she dumped you first I would have tossed her a$$ out right then and not let her stay the rest of the weekend.

You can't fix those mistakes but holy crap, man, BREAK ALL CONTACT and move on! She is only talking to you to ease the pain of the breakup for herself. Once she gets herself over you completely she will cut all communication and leave you wondering why you aren't "still friends"

It will help you in the healing process if you take a stand now and cut all ties. F*ck the ***** - she dumped you remember?

On the airplane of love there is only one parachute!

Get online and start hooking up with some internet hos to get your game back. I always find that some cheap sex with a cute young girl does a ton for my game.

And, BTW, the pain you are feeling DOES go away.

gixxer

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

Man it happens to all of us and everyone will give you all kinds of opinions on the matter but the bottom line is she's human and you're human and sometimes things dont work in our favor. I've broken up with plenty of woman and have been broken up with also and when you're the one who has been broken up with it hurts more. All I can say is get out there and start dating. AND LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE DATING. Jealousy is a *****. Ive had women who dumped me like a chump come back when they found out I didnt care anymore and was happy going out dating other women. Trust me on that.
But instead of focusing on the negative and how it ended focus on the positives of what you had. If you really had a good relationship you never know if she'll come crawling back. Happens all the time.
I have ex from 1994 still asking me how I am and if Im dating. As long as you leave on a good note (and hopefully not like a chump on a good note) then you stand a chance but until things blow over go out and date. Worst thing you can do is sit at home pondering what if, why, who, where....

 

[Ricky]

We did have a good relationship, it was the distance that was the problem.

It was really a triumph of DJing that I got it that far, and I forgot that I really did well up until the breakup.

I will post the whole story and why it really was an amazing set of DJ skills that even got her to the point of having to decide to move or not.

I do want her back, but I'm going to enjoy other women of course too.

And I have a big board exam to study for so I can focus alot of this time on professional aspirations. It sucks that it will take up much of my summer but that's the way it goes.