Its Official..... Im broken up...

[perseverance]

Thanks alot guys for the support here on SS, appreciate it. I am going to go the no contact route and just try to stay rock strong.

Good man.

Your friends have an important role in helping you through this.

Organise days out with your mates, play some golf, hit the cinema, hit a bowling alley, hit bars and clubs in your area. Go for a lads weekend break, even go on holiday with your mates.

Immerse yourself in activity and that will take your mind off of things and will make it easier to ease into single life and will help you get over this woman.

See this break up as a window of opportunity to enter a new chapter of life.
Good luck.

 

[SteR]

Thanks Ster, Where it went wrong, i can honestly say this.. the first year i remember, we fell in love with each other hard, the feeling was mutual and we just felt it one day looking into each others eyes. I was not looking for a relationship, just sex, and she wasnt looking for one either. It just happened.

the second, third and fourth year was great, we did things together, we went on vacations together, the love was felt strong and this is where i began to believe,.. this may be the woman for me.

forward to recent times. With the economy down, financial hardship hit and it was difficult to go out together like we did. things got too routine, however my business was starting to take off so i figure, we will be able to do alot of the same things like we did.

I figure she probably got bored, however, if she is going to just leave me based on that instead of trying to work things, then im not sure if she has her head on right, life is much harder than a small bump in the road.

She told me she was always scared or worried that i would leave her, because yes i have threatened to leave her if she started acting stupid and she would insanely freak out at the thought of me leaving. however i never did leave her because i was in love with her. She said she felt scared that any little thing she did to upset me would cause me to freak out and was scared to talk to me BUT she could talk to me, i would have not freaked out over anything if she just talked to me instead. now she started telling me she feels traumatized that i made her paranoid of me leaving, One time i told her that im just going to leave and let her think after an argument, she went into a huge explosion begging me not to go anywhere...... i stayed.

She has a small business going for herself and that has been stressing her out alot, plus she got sick also, arguing with her parents etc. Finally she just changed a week and half ago, to her feeling lost, sad, depressed, unsure of anything, saying she feels like she doesnt care about anything and feels like she has her guard up.

i just dont know whats up but ya know what, she wants to be apart, it was her choice, she initiated the break. so im going to give her exactly what she wants and cut contact completely.

Do you reckon there was a breakdown of communication then?

Not saying there was btw, this could be entirely her issue but I'm just interested to see if there is anything that may have been missed which led to this happening..

 

[Groovy]

It is super sad for you, it must be! I used to get sad, and I still feel probably a little bit sad sometimes when girls I don't even know that well don't like me... So 5 years? It may take a while to get over this, I understand that you're feeling like this!

Just remember sometimes the problem may not really be you. Sure, if you were more this or more that, as some posters may try to point out to you, she would have more attraction to you, bla bla bla. But it depends on her too, not just from you. Some girls will like you, some won't, and that's because every person is different. Don't you agree? Think about it... Because some girls will like you, and some will not, both of their opinions make sence for them. People will look at you different, which is because of them too, not just because of you.

Just know that you have qualities too and if this girl doesn't like you, fine, there are more women out there who will appreciate you more then this one.

Second, if this one girl doesn't want you in her life then you will have to let her go. You're gonna have to stop looking at her like she is the best thing ever, because if she doesn't like you, can she do much to improve your life? It doesn't matter if she is cute, or has a good personality, if she can't add to your life what value does she have to you? You'll replace her anyway, there are many girls out there with good personalities, which may not be as cute, sure, (or they may) but because they'll LIKE you they can make your life much better! These are the ones you have to focus on, not to be broke up because someone who doesn't like you doesn't want to be with you anymore. Nice, so what? Do you undesrtand what i'm saying?

I just wanna say, if you situation I don't know what to do, but if it all ends it's fine, (maybe you have to let her think about coming back to you if you think she's worth it, you can figure out what to do best maybe) you can be happy single for a while, and relax for a little bit, (Doing some sports, I like to do Tai Chi sometimes, and go to the beach or play chess, browse on youtube, if you have some hobbies great) but just remember there are lots of girls out there, every girl is good on her own way for someone, look for the ones that you think are the most compatible with you and that interrested in you, and if you just want a good looking girl (But is that so important?) then there are lots of those out there too.

BTW I only really read the first post of the thread, so I don't know if this is going to help you out at all, I hope so... But anyway, good look man, I hope you don't suffer much more, that's really really bad... Maybe at least you can learn something from this and become stronger.

 

[Groovy]

Oh boo hoo. Are you a little girl or something? You broke down? Please, get over it. She did you a favor, now you have more time to bang other girls. How old are you? I'm guessing young, only a young guy without much life experience would be this melodramatic over a girl.

Damn I was gonna criticise this but I don't think it's even worth it. NVM someone cal delete this post.

 

[pipe007]

I would seriously like to slap the "Last-Straw" poster in the face...

calling the OP young for being sad over a 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP!!!.
damn!!!.. either last straw is around 15-24 years of age.... or just mentally retarded schizoid who just follows DJ rules without even having some personal judgment....

very sad!!

 

[Last_straw]

Sorry if I'm being insensitive but I just don't understand breaking down over a girl. Especially in front of her. And I'm not 15, I'm 25.

 

[Joshski]

Sorry if I'm being insensitive but I just don't understand breaking down over a girl. Especially in front of her. And I'm not 15, I'm 25.

Use CTRL+F and type in 5 years and see how many times it shows up.

(5 years = your sophmore year of college to now)

 

[Last_straw]

Use CTRL+F and type in 5 years and see how many times it shows up.

(5 years = your sophmore year of college to now)

well the only thing that would bother me about losing a girl I've had for that long would be the feeling that I've wasted years on a girl for nothing. But personally I've never been attached to a girl that strongly, I've always thought of that as a weakness.

 

[Kailex]

well the only thing that would bother me about losing a girl I've had for that long would be the feeling that I've wasted years on a girl for nothing. But personally I've never been attached to a girl that strongly, I've always thought of that as a weakness.

Next logical question is, have you had a relationship last for 5 years between the ages of 19 and 25?

 

[Last_straw]

Next logical question is, have you had a relationship last for 5 years between the ages of 19 and 25?

the longest exclusive relationship I've ever had lasted 6-7 months (of course we were chilling for 2-3 months before that). We only broke up because she moved for school, which was cool with me (again, I made sure to not become attached to her).

 

[Iceberg]

well the only thing that would bother me about losing a girl I've had for that long would be the feeling that I've wasted years on a girl for nothing. But personally I've never been attached to a girl that strongly, I've always thought of that as a weakness.

I don't see how it's a weakness to become attached to someone who you've qualified as being valuable enough to date for 5 years.

It's weakness to get attached to every girl that comes into your life for a month or two. To date someone long term, I'd assume that attachment is a normal part of the process. People can talk as macho as they want, but this is human nature.

 

[Joe Stud]

I would like to point out that the OP writes about how sad he is, etc. Okay, understandable.
Then several DJ's give advice, and the OP writes about how sad he is, etc.
Then... several MORE DJ's give even more good advice, as well as empathize. And the OP writes about how sad he is, etc.Then some of us try to "shake him out of it" by firmly telling him it happens a lot, and he will be okay, etc. And... [I]the OP writes about how sad he is, etc.[/I]He's stuck on wallowing about the problem, when he needs to get "unstuck" and pay attention to the suggested solutions.
But no... the OP writes about how sad he is, etc AGAIN..

If the tire on my car goes flat, I fix it, and move on. I dont go to the dealer, to the repairman, sit home at dinner with the family and keep saying "why, oh why did that tire go flat? Did I hit a curb? Did I catch a nail?

Fix it, and move forward!

 

[In2theGame]

i posted on my other thread, i meant to post on this one.

Shes messeging me saying she feels like she needs to talk to me. Im holding it down like a fvcking ROCK right now. im trying to be strong and cut contact. 2 girls want to hang out with me tonight,..... i dunno i might go.

 

[Last_straw]

i posted on my other thread, i meant to post on this one.

Shes messeging me saying she feels like she needs to talk to me. Im holding it down like a fvcking ROCK right now. im trying to be strong and cut contact. 2 girls want to hang out with me tonight,..... i dunno i might go.

You better go tonight. Opportunity is slapping you across the face. At least these girls will get your mind off this other chick. And if what I just said doesn't get you to go then how bout this, if you don't go your gay, just saying...

 

[In2theGame]

You better go tonight. Opportunity is slapping you across the face. At least these girls will get your mind off this other chick. And if what I just said doesn't get you to go then how bout this, if you don't go your gay, just saying...

lol Thanks for the laugh straw.

 

[Tiguere]

Go and hangout. Your ex must now see what life is without you. But the only way for her to see is if you dissapear for now. This your time to heal, your time to reflect and your time to be selfish.

 

[prairiedog24]

I don't mean to threadcrap, but I thought you might feel better knowing you're not alone. I'm right there with you this summer.

I agree with Igetit (again). If you don't have a bond after 5 years, something is wrong with you. Just try not to be bitter, try not to let yourself think negative thoughts, and for goodness sake try not to let yourself get to thinking that you'll never meet someone better.

I'm in this trap right now... this girl went through a type of bootcamp and trauma with me that nobody else will ever understand. Heck, on at least one occasion we almost died together. She also is a foreigner and has unique looks, personality, sense of humor, background, etc. I feel as though nobody could ever replace her... not just because SHE'S necessarily all that special, but because SHE was the one there sharing these experiences with me.

Worse, no contact is impossible. I will see her 5 days a week until late May. Chances are I'll get paired with her to do some major assignments.

These sorts of bonds breaking up simply suck. There's no way of putting it any better. I don't expect to be back to my 100% normal self until sometime next year. But... sometimes you live and learn, and sometimes you just live.

You have a major break up or two and you survive... and you realize that the next girl you got was way better than the earlier one. I simply can't imagine that right now, but I tell myself daily I couldn't imagine it the last 2 times. Sometimes you just have to believe the irrational, and be a blindly optimistic fool. Someday far into the future you wake up and realize that you are even happier than you were with her.

 

[Real Talk]

i posted on my other thread, i meant to post on this one.

Shes messeging me saying she feels like she needs to talk to me. Im holding it down like a fvcking ROCK right now. im trying to be strong and cut contact. 2 girls want to hang out with me tonight,..... i dunno i might go.

Your ex will probably say she wants to "see how you're doing" or some such. WHAT SHE REALLY IS TRYING TO DO IS SEE HOW EMOTIONALLY AFFECTED YOU ARE. I don't really know the reasons for it but girls have a need to know at all times how emotionally invested you are/were in them. It isn't for the benefit to you, it is to satisfy their own emotional curiosity.

They may have even started to miss you a bit, but your company is something they deserved because you WERE with her. Not now. Stay strong brother.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

prairiedog24, you say

Chances are I'll get paired with her to do some major assignments.

From this, i'm assuming that you work together in some capacity. There was you're first mistake, you don't date co-workers of any kind!

Real Talk, tells it like it is.

I hope OP that you went out with those 2 girls and had fun. And i hope you didn't talk to them about your 'situation'! :trouble:

 

[perseverance]

well the only thing that would bother me about losing a girl I've had for that long would be the feeling that I've wasted years on a girl for nothing. But personally I've never been attached to a girl that strongly, I've always thought of that as a weakness.

Wasted? I don't think so.

Not every relationship lasts, but it's important to live a life with no regrets. People will change over the years, feelings change and situations change. It's important to remember that everything in our world is constantly changing, for better or worse, it all changes.

Also having a strong connection with a woman is not a weakness, I don't see it as a strength either, but it is certainly not a weakness. It's nature taking its course. Men and women for thousands of years having been paired into relationships to raise offspring, so they can extend their family line. I don't see how getting into a relationship with someone is a weakness.