It's been 6 months of celibacy. My Mentality.

[Jeffst1980]

I think that it's easy to forget that game is a luxury. Sure, it is important for us to get laid, but it is not a necessity in order to live.

I'm a business owner myself, and I've experienced a similar shift in priorities since things began to pick up. Sadly, it is impossible to communicate to others- especially young girls -the extreme tests of character and perseverance required to start a business from scratch. It just lies outside of the realm of experience for most people.

These days, I haven't allowed myself much time to try to "convert" flaky girls, or even do cold approaches outside of my comfort zone. For whatever reason, the cost/benefit ratio has grown exceedingly high, and I haven't been able to tap into the "joy" I once felt in my early days of cold approaching.

This has allowed me to grow my business significantly, but it has also hampered my ability to constantly generate new plates. There simply isn't enough time in the day.

It's important to be financially stable, but I think it is erroneous to think that success in business breeds success with women. It is entirely dependent on your profession; if you're a successful club promoter, you will be in contact with MUCH more women than if you are a successful solid state physicist. Social status is always relative to the venue, so "social status" really means "having high status in an area where hot women congregate." It is frustrating to think that a Nobel Prize winner would get snubbed for a local DJ nine times out of ten, but that's just the way it is.

I think the goal (for me, at least) is to strike a balance between work and play, and really rediscover the joy of being social and constantly meeting new women. I think this gets harder as you get older and naturally have less in common with the 18-25 demographic.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

It's bizarre that this sort of conversation takes place here, but it's always really nice when I see posts from guys like Warrior and Backbreaker that either directly or indirectly deal with the issues of running your own business. Compound that with the fact that a lot of these guys are really intellectual and willing to share their experiences, and it makes for a heck of a sounding board.

I too run my own business, and I'm fortunate because the industry I'm in (accounting) lends itself to dealing directly with other self-employed types. And in the course of this, I'm going to echo what another poster said: guys who follow the self-employed path are a certain breed, and the experiences you get in the process cannot be explained to another person. It really is a case of you either "get it or you don't."

Everything you've brought up Warrior is a direct result of the pathway you've chosen. When you don't have the security of a 9-5 gig and guaranteed money coming in (whether you have a good day at the office or not), everything you do winds up having a purpose that is almost directly related to your own survival. When you are cut loose in that ocean, you realize how vicious it can be, and you don't have the resources and/or time to waste on frivolous things.

The thing to remember is that times are hardest for the first 3 years; if you can stay alive for that period, you'll probably be alright. Backbreaker had it right though; during that time period you become a hardened f*cker. Because if you aren't, you get eaten alive by the guys who are. It's where the whole "It's business, not personal" bit comes from. You may be the nicest guy in the world, but at the end of the day I have to eat, and if you don't have your business squared away I (and everyone else including your clients) will take advantage of that due to the fact that I enjoy eating.

Your personal life also starts to take on that mindset as well. We all know women are work; when you have security, you can afford to take your mind off the job in order to deal with the inherent female issues. When you're on your own, you can't afford that. Client's don't give a crap about your home life; they expect results. And if your spouse (I use the term out of convenience, don't interpret it the wrong way) is distracting you from producing the results, she will literally be taking food away from your table. So through all of this, you wind up having the "what can she do for me" mindset when it comes to a spouse (and unfortunately, to a lesser degree, your friends as well), purely due to the nature of your enterprise and the need for survival.

These things are extremely difficult for people "outside the circle" to understand. I was born into a self-employed environment, where my dad hasn't taken a paycheck from someone else for 40 years, and as he is mostly retired now, he most likely never will. So I'm used to the lifestyle and the quirks. However, my mum was not born into it, and even after living with a husband who has been on his own for 40 years, she still doesn't quite understand. So I guess my point is two-fold: (1) When you voice this "self-employed lifestyle" stuff, you'll have guys who either know exactly what you're talking about and guys who won't be able to relate at all; there is no grey area in this case. And (2) the "lifestyle" you find yourself leading right now is right where you should be given your circumstances.

I honestly could not have read a more relevant post to my current situation.

Running your own biz does turn you into a hard motherfvcker because it's like if I flinch or hesitate too long I DO get taken advantage of. You start defaulting to the, 'no bullsh!t' mentality. Look, this is survival, this isn't always fun and games (although sometimes it can be that too).

I'm 6 months in. We are already profitable and it is web-related, so the overhead is low. I've had to take out $0 to do this, and so far all the $ I've made has been made from hard work and rolling cash into what might return.

But man my patience wears thin sometimes...the stress...and I am juggling a 20+ hour/week second job, so I am basically working always -- in my own time on my business (well my client's time), or at my employers place (but it is my goal to be gone from here in 6 months time and fully self-employed...although I have been tempted to walk away entirely and go balls-to-the-walls).

To all those forging a path -- keep going -- I know it is hard and sometimes uncertain, stay strong! Very often nothing good comes easily!:rockon:

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I think that it's easy to forget that game is a luxury. Sure, it is important for us to get laid, but it is not a necessity in order to live.

I'm a business owner myself, and I've experienced a similar shift in priorities since things began to pick up. Sadly, it is impossible to communicate to others- especially young girls -the extreme tests of character and perseverance required to start a business from scratch. It just lies outside of the realm of experience for most people.

These days, I haven't allowed myself much time to try to "convert" flaky girls, or even do cold approaches outside of my comfort zone. For whatever reason, the cost/benefit ratio has grown exceedingly high, and I haven't been able to tap into the "joy" I once felt in my early days of cold approaching.

This has allowed me to grow my business significantly, but it has also hampered my ability to constantly generate new plates. There simply isn't enough time in the day.

It's important to be financially stable, but I think it is erroneous to think that success in business breeds success with women. It is entirely dependent on your profession; if you're a successful club promoter, you will be in contact with MUCH more women than if you are a successful solid state physicist. Social status is always relative to the venue, so "social status" really means "having high status in an area where hot women congregate." It is frustrating to think that a Nobel Prize winner would get snubbed for a local DJ nine times out of ten, but that's just the way it is.

I think the goal (for me, at least) is to strike a balance between work and play, and really rediscover the joy of being social and constantly meeting new women. I think this gets harder as you get older and naturally have less in common with the 18-25 demographic.

Another great spot-on post. Dude it's because we get hampered up all day tying to TCB (take care of business) that going out to hit on women is a LAST resort. Hell, I'd rather blaze a bowl and play the guitar or watch a movie than go out and put a bunch of effort into socializing. But that is the double edged sword. Because it is through shear social exposure that we grow and develop, and if you're cooped up all day running your business and have no outside social avenues, well sh!t where do you expect to meet women?

Couple this by the fact I am in a small town...SCARCITY SON. =(


But as you denoted, I have my priorities right now. My business is still vulnerable and young. But I do fear that the years I put into this will knock down my social skills a peg because I am becoming so wrapped up in getting sh!t done. I also feel less and less I have the *time* for silly-sh!t because each minute means I could be spending it getting things done or spending it taking care of things that I need for myself (like quiet time or going into nature, two things which I have barely done in the last months which are both major staples in my mental health).

This society really does make things hard sometimes. We have maybe forever lost the value of real community. As much as I enjoy the challenges of pioneering my own path, I often feel it is only because I have no other true options in this society, and they will, feast upon you, if given the chance.

It is about survival.

But I don't think some messages, like that of the Great Gatsby and the falsity of happiness in the American Dream are that far off.

Making $ and having a business is fine and dandy for financial well-being...but women and internal happiness are entirely other ballgames....

 

[Warrior74]

A little update.

Gotta love tax season. I'm getting a ton of local work, and at the same time my biggest client (the Asian company) is putting a lot of work on my plate. I'm raising my rates as I've been working as a loss leader to get work in the door to build up my portfolio. I'm still in the hole on debts, but it's getting better. I'm getting my website and marketing materials in order. My first attempts were thrown together just to get work in the door. Now I'm putting effort into making them look as professional as possible.

As for women, I've met two off of POF. Neither looked liked their photos. I stopped calling them immediately.

I've been posting blog posts and samples of my work from my business on my facebook for networking purposes and I've noticed that a lot of females that I know have been giving me a lot of attention.

I recently started talking to a 30 year old single mom this week. I've known her for a while, she was my nurse back when I was sick, she was in a relationship but we stayed in touch. Very cute, looks about 25 instead of 30. Very religious, from a decent family. She's respectful of her son, she won't bring strange men around him. I can respect that, I'm very protective of my daughter.

The main problem is that she really has no time and our schedules never match up. Also, since we've only had lunch and talked/texted I've had no opportunity yet to close the deal. Then she hit me with the "come help me move this weekend, my parents will be there". Klaxons went off and I told her I had a previously scheduled video shoot (which I do). I still have to focus on work, I have a lot to do before I really have time to invest in the game.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Dude your first post was from maybe 7 weeks ago, sounds like you've made some righteous progress--keep it up man, you should PM me per your website, IDK if you do google adwords, etc, but there are some marketing things you can invest small amounts of $ into. If you are getting plenty of customers though via referrals right now, and you are in the hole, maybe spending money for online advertising isn't a priority..but seriously I've been working to help small businesses.

/rant

Not trying to pitch my ****.

Really just saying I think your path towards betterment is righteous, if I could help with advice / assistance I would -- keep on the right path man.

You'll get there.

What progress will you make in the next 7 weeks if you stay as determined, eh?

 

[Warrior74]

Thanks Buddha Mind. I actually have several free google adwords vouchers. I set up an test on the keywords for my main service and since a lot of what I'm doing is new to this area it's not enough justify it. I can set up an adwords account for web design and graphic design. I may test it to see how it plays in my area.


*edit* Oh the other reason I'm redesigning my site? I had a guy from the Philippines set up my original site and a few others, he left a backdoor open in wordpress by using bootleg themes (at the time I knew nothing about wordpress) and all of my sites were hacked last month. I've spent the last two months teaching myself tons on wordpress and on security. Good times!

*second edit* I've learned it's not about providing services, its about providing solutions. Sure they need a website or a marketing video, or a flyer/logo done...but if you can set up a marketing system that will help them gain exposure, they will pay monthly to have access to that system. That's what I'm working towards. I find myself on a treadmill of finding jobs, finishing jobs, looking for the next job. I want to build a system that brings those clients in to a monthly plan. I've found two that will get me there. But first I have to lay all of the ground work, and doing this by myself is not fun. I've tried to have partners in the past and it was like being back in high school working on group projects, people wouldn't pull their weight. So now I have joint venture partners. I have a video production partner, I have a social media partner, and a mailing list partner. They all run their own businesses. I use their services to provide services to my clients without the headaches of having a true partner. Eventually I would like to start outsourcing the bulk of my work or having a couple of employees.

 

[Warrior74]

Okay. I guess I'm using this thread as my journal now.

Went out with a business contact for drinks with his business partners. One included a super tall beautiful half black /asian girl. I thought she was with the other male buisness partner.

Somewhere around the 4th or 5th bar, the wife says to me, you should buy her a drink, she thinks you don't like her. I did, but only because it was business related. The rest of the night the wife kept trying to play match maker, telling me how the her friend was an independent woman with a great job and how she's been single and can't find a good man here. For some reason I just was not interested. She was pretty, and taller than me I'm 5'8, and she was fun to hang out with, but she wasn't doing it for me. Her personality was sort of generic and bland. Probably the hottest girl I've hung out with in months. Guys kept asking her to dance all night, or asking was she with me. I have no idea what is wrong with me, I flirted more with the bartenders and waitresses.

I think part of my reasoning is that I really need these guys for a campaign I'm running and I really do not want to screw it up literally. Honestly, it's been so long since I've dated anyone that I'm hesitant to get back in the game. I have to admit that. I'll be seeing them Sunday night for dinner.

 

[Warrior74]

Missed a date last night.

I was up thursday night trying to finish several jobs. I went to bed at 4 am, back up at 9 for a conference call at 10. Then working all day until about 7. I ate dinner in the office and promptly fell asleep at my desk. She sent me 3-4 text asking where I was. I woke up at 12, read them, and got back to work until 3am. I should probably text her back at some point today but I have tons of things to get done. Dammit. Just no time at the moment for chics.