It's a shame...

[Die Hard]

I just need to vent, guys.


It's a shame, it's all such a shame... When you can't get what you want, when you're so far removed from things that you can only dream about them, it's all so special. Then, once you've put the effort in and finally are able to acquire those things, it's not that special at all!

Blegh! Women are boring... Sex is just the same as jerking off... And sharing a mutual feeling of acceptance, intimacy and affection is not all that special either...

Just spent two days with a girl I've been seeing for a while. It was nice, we can be ourselves with each other, no games... Spending two days with someone and doing everything together is obviously too much for me: walking around the city, doing groceries, cooking dinner together, spending all night talking and drinking, going to bed, fvcking, cuddling, waking up together, taking a shower together, dressing up together, then doing groceries again and fixing some sh!t in her house. Just like we're a "couple" (yegh!) And a part of me likes it a lot, I like the intimacy, the sharing... But at the same time, it makes me sick to my stomach! I dunno... At one point, I was just observing her silently, while she was walking around the house naked, doing all kinds of stuff. I was there, but at the same time, I wasn't... She would say or ask something to me while she was walking around and I'd answer her so she wouldn't notice anything about me. But inside, I was constantly thinking to myself: "What the fvck am I doing here?" Later on, she asked me if I wanted to stay the coming night as well... Hell no! I made up an excuse and she was obviously disappointed but she didn't wanna show it. Then I felt sorry for her...she's a good girl, she treats me better than any girl ever has, you know?
Then once I got home, I felt sorry for myself, coz I suddenly felt kinda.................alone

I just don't know WHAT I want anymore! Once I got home from her place, I slept and went to a latin party, drinking & dancing all night long. Got attention from girls but I just couldn't care, some of them wanted to dance extremely close and passionate, rubbing themselves against me. Who gives a fvck? I feel empty inside...

ROFL, I'm sort of "doing a Squirrels" here!

Something else... I somehow got the idea to watch all three of the old Star Wars movies last week, I hadn't seen those in ten years. I remember how that stuff was special to me when I was young, but...it didn't do anything for me now. Growing up is nice, you become stronger and more capable and sh!t, but everything becomes so mundane, you know? Women, I've been terrible all my life with women. Over the last six months however, everything is finally coming together. But now that I'm having success, it just seems kinda boring to me. "Oh, here's this chick, rubbing herself against me and kissing me in my neck. SO WHAT?!"

/end rant. Thanks for reading.

 

[Sue Madre]

It sounds like you are hanging around a girl you don't really like.

 

[letsplay]

...or depression.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Diehard,
All sounds rather familiar to me....Once you become an independent Male,then really there are just so few things that you need a Woman for....for me its Dancing and Svex.....can't do that all Day any more...Is there anything worse than having a Woman under your feet all the time,day after dreary Day?...It is as if they are from a faraway Galaxy,their pleasures so trivial and banal,I prefer the Company of my Old Dog,at least I can kick her butt if she plays up,without it costing me an Arm and a Leg...As for the jaded appetite in movies,see how you feel when you last saw it 50 years ago?

 

[Boilermaker]

DieHard , yes you are doing a sort of squirrels .. But unfortunately all that you say is so familiar ... I am sure to many of us.

Once I was showered with all this knowledge, I gained a very important skill. But I lost a lot of natural emotions, too.

This DJ stuff, is like figuring out the cheat codes of Fallout.. First it feels like the world is at your feet, but then you realize how meaningless it all is. And you shut the game off.

We tamper with very raw parts of our nature when we learn all this. And the "rational" part is not always in sync with our raw desires .. And once you master all this, there's no going back.

You will never be able to unlearn what you have learned. You will never naively fulfill a sh!t-test without judging its reasons and consequences, you will never make a decision, based purely off your emotions ..

Squirrels advises that this stuff shouldn't consume us, but it's consuming me. I am in a relationship with a loving woman, but I can't be happy. Because I know and I expect too much. She cannot please me. Because I want her, and I hate her too.

And I am thinking, if she isn't good enough, then what is ?... What you described in your story seems so .. perfect.. so where's the flaw?

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the replies, nice to know some of my comments sound familiar to other posters.

I started writing my next post already but it's becoming a long one and I really need to get to bed now, so it'll have to wait a day or so.

 

[Jitterbug]

Is it the mother issue you brought up last time?

 

[LeftyLoosey]

This DJ stuff, is like figuring out the cheat codes of Fallout.. First it feels like the world is at your feet, but then you realize how meaningless it all is. And you shut the game off.

Great analogy - that is precisely what has happened to me. After a couple of years of chasing women with this new knowledge, I've lost all desire to date. I've never been more successful in my career, but as soon as I get home, the last thing I want to do is be anywhere near a woman.

 

[typical]

I went through this around 2 years ago what I learned is that as a MAN I had a urge and a need to do something all the time. It started off small with extra hobbies and running/training and after a while those became boring and I needed something more.

When I was younger and didn't have a crook back I loved the 3 month cycle of intense training for each kick boxing fight it was a thrill, I loved training for gymnastics shows and comps so I could nail a perfect routine, I loved chasing women not for the actually feat of getting her but only the chase.

What I've figured out is as MEN we have a primal need to push ourselfs all the time, if something is getting mundane then we have to seek out something new and exciting otherwise everything we have learned and achieved is for nothing.

Yea we want the love and attention of a woman for a wee while (lets say 10% of the time) the rest of the time we want to "do something" I can't sit at home and talk to a chick for hours or watch a movie without feeling like I've wasted a few hours and achieved nothing I have to be outside doing something anything really.

Women for me are just a small part of the puzzle of life the rest has so much better and more interesting things to offer. I still can't nail what I'm trying to say but hope you guys understand through the words

 

[penkitten]

ever love a certain resturaunt because their food is great... and then go to work for them and eat the same stuff every day because it's free on your break? you get sick of that stuff real fast.... and you stop bringing the free stuff home and eventually you even stop eating it there and then you wonder why the heck you ate it to begin with because it's usually not even healthy for you and made you put on a couple of pounds ?

sometimes that's like dating. when you come to the realization that someone isn't right for you and you need to stop seeing them.

sometimes it is because they really are unhealthy for you.
or maybe you still need more of a variety in your diet.
or maybe they did nothing wrong and truly are a wonderful person but just that you suddenly decided to "fast" for a little while until you decide on exactly what you need in your life and you make yourself yearn for it before giving in and finding it.

there is nothing wrong with making realizations about ourselves.

 

[SecondHalf]

I just need to vent, guys.
walking around the city, doing groceries, cooking dinner together, spending all night talking and drinking, going to bed, fvcking, cuddling, waking up together, taking a shower together, dressing up together, then doing groceries again and fixing some sh!t in her house. Just like we're a "couple" (yegh!) And a part of me likes it a lot, I like the intimacy, the sharing... But at the same time, it makes me sick to my stomach! I dunno... At one point, I was just observing her silently, while she was walking around the house naked, doing all kinds of stuff. I was there, but at the same time, I wasn't... She would say or ask something to me while she was walking around and I'd answer her so she wouldn't notice anything about me. But inside, I was constantly thinking to myself: "What the fvck am I doing here?"

Then once I got home, I felt sorry for myself, coz I suddenly felt kinda.................alone

Hmmmm, sounds like a nice woman who towed you around doing nice woman sh1t. Did she hint that she wanted the white picket fence touched up?
I can understand why you'd be a little bored.
I've had the same misgivings as you with some women I've dated.
However, the latest woman is a jock.
My Sunday was spent as follows...
20 KM trail bike ride (with me strategically behind her watching her bicycle shorts).
Came back to her place, showered, bumped uglys.
Leafed through some of her renovation projects and some online to figure out the best solution for my upcoming reno on my home.
I wanted a beverage (out of home), so we power walked 3 KM to go get it.

In short, the day was all about ... me!
Had a great time and never thought about "what am I doing here".

Other date activities have included golf, tennis and a GolfTown store where we researched bigger better clubs.

What I've applied here (from AntiDump's teachings), is to bring her into my world, see if she wants to do things that interest me.

Perhaps you should try to date a woman who shares your passions rather than the only commonality being the bed.



SH

 

[squirrels]

You and I, man...we need therapy. Bad.

How is it all of these mindless morons can trapse through life and fall in love and get real fulfillment out of it, and to us it's like a f**king war??

I'm literally sitting at my desk at work, about to bust out crying, trying to maintain my composure, cannot focus on a damned thing.

Trying to stay "hard", be a man, control my destiny, and I just feel like everything is out of my control.

I should leave it all into the hands of God if I can't control it, but I can't. I feel like I'm falling...I'm grasping but I'm falling. There's nothing left to hold on to. Nothing left to believe in except the fall.

Playlist:
U2 - With or Without You
Creed - One Last Breath
Offspring - Have You Ever
GodSmack - Love, Hate, Sex, Pain

I don't know what's left to believe in...

I don't know any more what to hope for...

I want to fire up the X-box and let it all drift to the back of my mind.

I cannot handle the responsibility for living my life.

I am not good enough to handle living...

I'm nuts...I gotta pull myself together and start ignoring these feelings again...who I am does me no good.

 

[sodbuster]

Seems like you are bowing down to the false gods of the external.... I'll be happy when: [1] I get good with women and have this great woman;[2] I have a million in the bank[another common one];etc. With no realization of the fact that no matter where you go...there you are.

When you couldn't get a date, you never knew about the problems of relationships-nuts, she wants me to go to her cousins wedding,she wants a commitment,she wants to go to a romantic comedy and I want to see Rambo 10.

When you have a million in the bank: you study the market....because you read inflation is a problem,I need to invest. The market is up 4% -great made 40k.When it drops like 08 and 09-wow I lost 300K!

Life is yin and yang,good and bad in one package. Are you happier knowing about women or dreaming/hoping you could find one? sounds like you'd like to go back to ignorance. You aren't alone...read Proverbs. Solomon- a king with hundreds of wives and concubines,more money than Bill Gates ...and issues

 

[Die Hard]

There are too many variables here, I get confused writing my own post. I wrote a HUUUUGE post, overthinking so many things... But fvck it, I'm not gonna post it.

I'm just gonna stop thinking altogether! I have too many conflicting urges and thoughts and sh!t inside of me, it's not just one perspective versus another perspective...no, I have like SIX different perspectives, some rational, some emotional, all opposing each other, fighting inside of me to win my favor and make me stick with one of them.

We'll see what happens here... This is all growth, I just have to weather the storm :box:

FVCK IT!!



P.S. There's truth to many of your posts here, guys!

 

[zekko]

This reminds me of the most recent new episode of South Park, "I'm Getting Old". It aired a few months ago, I think. In it, Stan loses his ability to appreciate any of life's pleasures. Everything becomes sh!t to him. New music literally sounds like people crapping. New movies, food, everything starts to look like sh!t. Apparently they equate this with growing up.

It's just a phase, Die Hard. I'm sure it will pass shortly.

 

[StevePUA]

...or depression.

Could be.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Great thread.

What you're feeling is totally normal. It's realistic - and sometimes that isn't comfortable.

Better to be Socrates dissatisfied or a contented pig? When you see betas walking around with some mediocre femme but looking all happy and at peace do you envy them or pity them?

The fact is women aren't all that once you get past the obvious. I'm so used to my own space now I can't bear the thought of a woman being around 24/7.

As you concluded, no need to overthink it. SecondHalf really got it right - she is nice to you but why wouldn't she be when she is loving all the tedious stuff you were doing together?

Squirrels - relax. You don't have to figure everything out right away. You've got years. Stop tormenting yourself needlessly.

 

[Colossus]

Seems like you are bowing down to the false gods of the external.... I'll be happy when: [1] I get good with women and have this great woman;[2] I have a million in the bank[another common one];etc. With no realization of the fact that no matter where you go...there you are.

When you couldn't get a date, you never knew about the problems of relationships-nuts, she wants me to go to her cousins wedding,she wants a commitment,she wants to go to a romantic comedy and I want to see Rambo 10.

When you have a million in the bank: you study the market....because you read inflation is a problem,I need to invest. The market is up 4% -great made 40k.When it drops like 08 and 09-wow I lost 300K!

Life is yin and yang,good and bad in one package. Are you happier knowing about women or dreaming/hoping you could find one? sounds like you'd like to go back to ignorance. You aren't alone...read Proverbs. Solomon- a king with hundreds of wives and concubines,more money than Bill Gates ...and issues

^ The advice of an older and wiser man.

Die Hard, I have recently been through feelings like this. To be honest I havent worked them all out either. BUT---I have seen the light on some of these issues.

The grass is always greener. You are in that right now. It's the yearning for something, the striving that you miss. I'll be happy when ________. Fill in the blank. Let me tell you something about women: You can carry this cycle on through your entire adult life. You'll bail on her, find someone new, then in a few months you'll become bored or start nitpicking at her faults. You'll start romanticizing past relationships and fantasizing about being a player again.

When we are young, naive AFCs we put so much FAITH in the happiness an imagined relationship with an imagined woman will bring us. Then after enough of them, we start to realize they are people just like us---not objects to fvck and make us food---and that we cant just coast on the good feelings of newness forever. Relationships often are mundane. You think every moment with a woman is going to be fireworks and pen!s-lifting glory?? No. It's a lot of boring sh!t sometimes. Weddings, dinner with the parents, housework, arguing about how you should load the dishwasher or some other pointless crap that makes you so mad you're seeing stars. You cant avoid it unless you just want to pvssy hop, which in itself offers only limited fulfillment.

There comes a point in time, after the "effortless" phase, where you really do get what you put into it. If you arent investing your own emotion and interest, it is no wonder why the relationship has little meaning to you.

At any rate, I can fully relate to your feelings here. Dude, I am truly scared of the thought of living with a woman and having her underfoot all the time. Always having to include her in my plans, always having to check in....just because you dont want to spark another argument. Ughh. Men have a deep-seated need for ADVENTURE. For challenges and competition, for something NEW to sink our teeth into on a regular basis. Women dont. Not to say they like boredom, but they are much more OK with the mundane comforts of monogamy than we are. Shopping, cooking, cuddling...that stuff.

In a nutshell I havent got it all figured out either. I know I dont wanna be a perpetual bachelor, but OTOH I dont know how I feel about having to see someone every single day. Oh well, no rush. We'll figure it out.

 

[Die Hard]

Is it the mother issue you brought up last time?

EVERYTHING is the mother issue. Everything you experience with women, is simply a projection of what you once experienced with your mother.

A young boy still sleeps in bed with his mother. When he wakes up, he reaches for his mother, puts his arm around her and presses himself against her.

As a grown man, when you wake up next to your girl in the morning, you do the same thing. It is simply a repeat, a projection of a situation from the past onto a situation in the present. The experience and the feelings it evokes in you, are exactly the same as in the past, when you were an infant. Your girl assumes the role of your mother, you basically project your mother onto her.

The closer you get to your woman, the more she "becomes your mother".

A mother takes her boy to the supermarket and he misbehaves there, so she lectures him and shows her dissaproval. He becomes silent, stares to the ground, feels 'shame'. When she sternly asks him "Do you understand?" he answers in a lowered voice, almost unhearable.

Sometimes, a grown man in an LTR, says/does something which his girl dissaproves of. She acts toward him the same way the mother did, showing her disapproval. "You can't be serious about that! I really don't like you when you act like this!" and he responds in the same way as that kid. Perhaps not that strongly, but his feeling on the inside is the same. He feels ashamed, her dissaproval makes him feel bad inside, the expression on his face becomes "weak" and he'll say in a lowered voice "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I was just kidding..." Then they walk on, she keeps that pissed-off look on her face and walks with loud and firm steps, showing her disappointment/dissaproval of him through her body language. She won't talk to him anymore and he just walks behind her silently, afraid to look her in the eyes.

I was walking through the supermarket with this girl and was so much aware of it all, of myself, of my feelings of the whole fvcking situation. She drove the trolley and put stuff in it, I walked next to her. She left the thing standing there, while she reached for some product on top of the shelf. So I grabbed the trolley and drove it closer to her, she turned around and put it in. She smiled at me sweetly, acknowledging my gesture, showing she apreciated the fact that I drove the trolley closer to her so she could put the product in. it made me feel good. I wanted to help her and was happy that she rearded me for it, by showing some affection. It's exactly what a little boy does with his mommy, he wants her to apreciate him, to like him. She'll say to the boy "Oh how thoughtful of you, *insert boy's name* and he'll feel great, coz he helped mommy and she appreciates him.

I was totally aware of how all my feelings and the whole fvcking interaction that day (whether it was us in bed, us in the supermarket, us cooking dinner etc.) how it was all just a repeat of my interactions with my mommy as a little boy.

Walking hand in hand with your mommy, that's what you learned as an infant. Why? So you wouldn't lose her out of sight (and she you) while walking through the mall. On top of that, to feel physically close to her, to feel connected to her, to feel "safe". And here you are again, walking through the mall, this time with your girl. Hand in fvcking hand... Why? Simply because you're instinctively repeating the past, you partly regress to the infant you once were.

Ever noticed how a couple in love tends to "feed" each other? You go out on a date with her, sit at a restaurant and eat. You both ordered a different food, so at one point she asks you if you wanna taste a piece of hers and vice versa. Then she puts it in your mouth with her spoon, she feeds you like a fvcking baby. Can you vividly recall such a moment and how you feel at this kind of moment? Imagine how she brings the spoon closer and tries to put it in without making the outside of your mouth dirty. She has a smile on her face, and you smile too. Ahhh, how sweet, coochie-coochie. When it goes in without falling off the spoon and she succesfully "fed" you, you both smile at each other, it's all a very disarming experience. Then you sort of snap out of it and continue your conversation with her.

Etcetera, etcetera. Getting closer to a girl means becoming an infant again, in acts, in experiences, in emotions. All a repeat, nothing but a repeat. You're simply becoming that little boy with his mommy again, the girl just substitutes for your mommy.

You don't feel this when you bend her over the table roughly and fvck her hard. That's why men often prefer that kind of sex over the sweet and passionate sex. Coz the sweet and passionate sex is more resembling of your childhood experiences with mommy, brings your state of mind closer to that of when you were an infant. It's also why men often feel sort of a need to distance themselves from the woman after sex. He just "returned to the womb", quite literally actually, in a physical sense. But also emotionally, as you near the completion of the act, start thrusting harder and faster and become in sort of a trance, then finally coming and falling sown beside her. It´s an experience of "surrender". You surrendered yourself to her, in an emotional sense. In a way, you were one with her, your bodies entwined, your body actually inside her body. In an emotional sense and in a physical sense, you were going back to the womb you lived in before you were born. That was probably the most perfect state you have ever lived in, there in that womb as an unborn child. But you were pushed out and born... Getting born is a traumatic event, you know? The perfect, harmonic and tranquile state you were in, gets violently disturbed as you part from your mother and enter this fvcking world.
As you basically go back to that state, while fvcking your girl and coming, you become vulnerable. As you finish the deed and drop down next to her, you often feel a need to get back to yourself, away from that vu,nerable state, become the MAN again, not the weak baby.

Ah WTF, I’m done writing about this sh!t, it angers me! Figure it out yourself, man.

Everything is a `mother issue`. Most guys just aren´t aware of it. But fvcking EVERYTHING about you and girls can be traced back to you and your mommy. You just don´t realize it when you feel a certain emotion or act a certain way while interacting with women. You just feel something and don´t know what it is or whatever, you just know whether the you like the feeling or whether you dislike the feeling. If it´s not good to you, you push the woman away thorugh some kind of subconcious defense mechanism. ou just find sh!t to start an argument, so you can fight with her and therefor create distance between you and her, so you canget rid of that vunerable motherfukking feeling that´s caused by the regression to your “infant self“

etc. etc.

Read it, you fukking Squirrels. You and your fukking problems in life all lead back to this sh!t. Whether you like it or not! All this cvnt ass motherfukkin bullsh!t is the truth that you can´t handle, like Jack Nicholson said. We get conditioned as infants, even before we are born! And all the rest of this fukkin life, all you experience with women, is all a regression to experiences from the past. You re-live emotions from the past thorugh the principle of classical conditioning. Just like Pavlov´s dogs got hungry from the sound of him ringing his bell. Your experiences, emotions, thoughts, even your ACTS get copied from the past and pasted into the present. Every situation with women is simply a copy-paste situation, everything to it. You think you are acting consciously but in a sense, you, everything you think, feel, say and do, is simply all a rebroadcasting of a movie from the past.

If that movie from the past is a crappy one, you keep having crappy experiences. So it´s time to do a remake! In order to do a remake, however, you need to examine the old movie in detail. Which is often not very appealing, so we’d rather not...

Hope any of this makes sense, coz I’m drunk as hell. Alcohol opens you up, but it also downgrades your ability to express yourself

I´m gonna sleep tight.

All this bullsh!t about gaming women is superficial. Let´s fvck em all!! But eventually, it all functions as a bridge. On the other side of that bridge, lies yourself. We journey outward, manipulate women, seduce them, put on nice clothes, a nice cologne, say the right words, execute the right movements with our bodies (kino), choose the right club or restaurant to game her, or the right bed to fvck her in etc. It´s all superficial, it´s the outside. Eventually, we have to breach through the outside and get to the inside, the inside of yourself! The world inside of you is bigger than the world outside of you, man.

Carl Gustav Jung said: “Space flights are merely an escape, a fleeing away from oneself, because it is easier to go to Mars or to the moon than it is to penetrate one's own being”

Note that he said this in a time where mankind had not yet accomplished to set foot on the moon...

This is where your inner AFC gets destroyed. Applying ****y&funny, how to make her horny etc. that´s all superficial bulsh!t. Getting good at gaming women is not gonna destroy your inner AFC, you are only buidling sh!t on top of him. The inner AFC is rooted in your infancy, you need to travel back inside of you, towards the part of you that came into existence during your infancy. That part has never ceased to exist, but you built your life and your personality on top of it, put many other layers on top of it. Now you have to peel all those layers off, and set things straight on that deeper level inside of you, if you want to find peace and be at one with yourself.

 

[Three]

Heavy, heavy ****, boys. This is why I love coming back here. Not just bull**** about picking up drunk sluts in a bar, but the real questions in life. The core truth.

I know these feelings well and I think most of us do. Yes, it sounds like there's some depression going on here for some of you (us), but there are other fundamentals as some of you have pointed out. Men do want adventure. We pine away for something more, no matter how much we've gotten. The mundane stuff just wears us down into nothing.

Look, I've been separated for 5 months now from this hot woman who is definitely not perfect (another story entirely), but the day to day stuff just completely overwhelmed my sense of pleasure with having her around. Of course there are other factors, but I know this restless feeling of having to accomplish something in life and of being bored to death with a job or living situation.

Squirrels, you need change at the very least. Take a yoga class or martial arts. Something where you can let go of all this crap in your head for a little bit and get some perspective. Also, you may want to seek out a good cognitive therapist. Somebody who can help you work through some of the feelings of being overwhelmed.

Here's a great book that may help you, too: Breaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael D. Yapko, PH.D.

I found the book to be really helpful in working out some of my crappy thought patterns.

Just remember, Die Hard and Squirrels, YOU are not ****ed up! Life will get better. A few small adjustments to the way you view the world and react to the things in it can make all the difference in how you feel.