It really wasn't just me ............

[alexafcw]

Having come across this site and various others about learning to become good with attracting women, I have realised for me the problem comes from more than just learning a 'new set of skills' so to speak. After a hard year last year I have seen my GP recently and been diagnosed with social anxiety or social phobia (for those that don't know, high levels of anxiety are constant when in certain social situations and this is particularly true around women for me i.e. i feel very uncomfortable more than most - in my situation it's slowly materialised since about the age of 16). For this reason the major improvement i can make is just overcoming this social phobia ( I have now started seeing a counsellor) before I can really become good women. It's a damn shame as i'm 20 and at uni and i'm not really captalising on the opportunity of being surrounded by beatuiful women (a lot single)that uni presents - i can't help but feel depressed because i should be doing this automatically. I guess what with the social phobia it's gonna take time to recover and then get good with women. I just hope it doesn't take too long and i end up recovering before it's too late!

Can I just ask has anyone been or known someone in a similar situation to myself? Or even have any opinions/ words of advice? Thanks in advance

 

[RaWBLooD]

**DONT READ MY POST IF U GOT NO GUTS**



FIRST of all.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES
SOCIAL PHOBIA?
OK someone gonna EAT YOUR HEAD?
start talkin to people
COUNSELLOR? wtf? THAT WONT HELP YOU !

ONLY YOU, YOU can help yourself

you are in CONTROL of yourself, no one else is, THIS IS A BIG EXCUSE for not being able to cope with people, GET OUT , TALK TO PEOPLE, GET RID OF THE COUNSELLING AND STOP MAKING SILLY EXCUSES LIKE SOCIAL PHOBIA

 

[Tomb]

I'll be blunt. It's bullsh!t excuse. If you want to let that hold you back, then fine. Live in regret. My seargant once told me and I never forget, "So you are not gifted, tough sh!t, deal with it and work harder!." Everyone is born with some kind of disabilities, it all depends on how you deal with it. Don't let it hold you back and don't let it be an excuse not to try. The key is try even harder. Face your fears, face your anxiety, tell it to go to hell. Get tough with yourself and you will be mentally tough. No more excuses, soldier!!!!

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by Tomb
I'll be blunt. It's bullsh!t excuse. If you want to let that hold you back, then fine. Live in regret. My seargant once told me and I never forget, "So you are not gifted, tough sh!t, deal with it and work harder!." Everyone is born with some kind of disabilities, it all depends on how you deal with it. Don't let it hold you back and don't let it be an excuse not to try. The key is try even harder. Face your fears, face your anxiety, tell it to go to hell. Get tough with yourself and you will be mentally tough. No more excuses, soldier!!!!

damn motha #%#%# right, thats why people with talents for things arent always the best at said things.

 

[alexafcw]

Thanks

for the replies but I really don't think you understand the condition. It's not anxiety in the form of having a few butterflies in your stomach like most people. It is severe anxiety that sometimes often panic attacks like (dizziness but often dry mouth and watery eyes) It has been known in many people to affect forming relationships because of what it involves. The reason I am seeing a counsellor is to get over it, I agree with what your saying that about it being in my control, however, it's more than just an stupid excuse!

The only thing that rids it temporaily is alcohol which is why i pull when i'm on the piss and never sober. But I do need to sort it out!

 

[Tomb]

Re: Thanks

Originally posted by alexafcw
for the replies but I really don't think you understand the condition. It's not anxiety in the form of having a few butterflies in your stomach like most people. It is severe anxiety that sometimes often panic attacks like (dizziness but often dry mouth and watery eyes) It has been known in many people to affect forming relationships because of what it involves. The reason I am seeing a counsellor is to get over it, I agree with what your saying that about it being in my control, however, it's more than just an stupid excuse!

The only thing that rids it temporaily is alcohol which is why i pull when i'm on the piss and never sober. But I do need to sort it out!

Stop making excuse man. If you keeping thinking like this, you will never change.

 

[Jariel]

Actually I suffered with social phobia for a few years too and I can relate to it. I know guys who haven't experienced it will say "just face your fear", but sadly it doesn't work. It's not a case of facing your fear will make it go away - instead it makes it worse because you are unprepared, you don't know what to do and it turns into a dreadful experience that makes your fear 10 times worse.

Trust me, you can overcome it 100% though. I used to have panic attacks just talking to shop assistants and would shake if a strangers tried talking to me. Nowadays I'm extremely outgoing and have more friends and acquaintances than I can count. Actually I'm the guy who brings a lot of shy people out of their shell and give them more confidence and people have even thanked me for this.

The key is taking it step by step, but keeping it constant. You have to try and make some progress at all times, no matter how small. If you spend a lot of time at home or a friend's home, try going out more, to the cinema, quiet bars or something. Just try to get used to being around people to begin with, even if you don't speak to them. Eventually you could progress onto joining a social group/part time college course or similar, which will pay off big time! Or when you're feeling particularly brave, a retail job will change you forever (as it did with me)! It will terrify you at first, but facing customers every day will make socialising and speaking to strangers a force of habit.

It does take a long time to overcome it, but just keep pushing forward and be willing to make a few bold leaps along the way.

 

[theprime]

Man some of you people are ridiculous. People are not identical biologically. We are not all created equal. Social anxiety is not an illusion. Just because you don't experience something, does not make it non-existent.

 

[Jon341427]

Re: Thanks

Originally posted by alexafcw
for the replies but I really don't think you understand the condition. It's not anxiety in the form of having a few butterflies in your stomach like most people. It is severe anxiety that sometimes often panic attacks like (dizziness but often dry mouth and watery eyes) It has been known in many people to affect forming relationships because of what it involves. The reason I am seeing a counsellor is to get over it, I agree with what your saying that about it being in my control, however, it's more than just an stupid excuse!

The only thing that rids it temporaily is alcohol which is why i pull when i'm on the piss and never sober. But I do need to sort it out!

what you can do is slowly decrease the amount you drink each week before you go out. but this means you have to actually think about how much you are drinking each night. and then just try to push yourself as much as possible. eventually you will get over it.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Re: Thanks

Originally posted by alexafcw

The only thing that rids it temporaily is alcohol which is why i pull when i'm on the piss and never sober. But I do need to sort it out!

that only proves how much IT IS ONLY IN YOUR HEAD, start thinking POSITIVELY, AND GO OUT THERE WITHOUT EXCUSES.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by theprime
Man some of you people are ridiculous. People are not identical biologically. We are not all created equal. Social anxiety is not an illusion. Just because you don't experience something, does not make it non-existent.

ITS A DISEASE OF THE MIND. dont post stupid stuff.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by Jariel
Actually I suffered with social phobia for a few years too and I can relate to it. I know guys who haven't experienced it will say "just face your fear", but sadly it doesn't work. It's not a case of facing your fear will make it go away - instead it makes it worse because you are unprepared, you don't know what to do and it turns into a dreadful experience that makes your fear 10 times worse.

Trust me, you can overcome it 100% though. I used to have panic attacks just talking to shop assistants and would shake if a strangers tried talking to me. Nowadays I'm extremely outgoing and have more friends and acquaintances than I can count. Actually I'm the guy who brings a lot of shy people out of their shell and give them more confidence and people have even thanked me for this.

The key is taking it step by step, but keeping it constant. You have to try and make some progress at all times, no matter how small. If you spend a lot of time at home or a friend's home, try going out more, to the cinema, quiet bars or something. Just try to get used to being around people to begin with, even if you don't speak to them. Eventually you could progress onto joining a social group/part time college course or similar, which will pay off big time! Or when you're feeling particularly brave, a retail job will change you forever (as it did with me)! It will terrify you at first, but facing customers every day will make socialising and speaking to strangers a force of habit.

It does take a long time to overcome it, but just keep pushing forward and be willing to make a few bold leaps along the way.

ya so ur basically saying u had it, u faced ur fears, and u got over it, SIMPLE, its obviously just in the head.

 

[Tomb]

Originally posted by theprime
Man some of you people are ridiculous. People are not identical biologically. We are not all created equal. Social anxiety is not an illusion. Just because you don't experience something, does not make it non-existent.

No one said it was an illusion. No one is denying it. What we are saying is not to let it hold you back and not to use it as an excuse to stop trying. The key here is to keep trying til you overcome it. Mental disease require mental toughness and sitting around wasting time talking about it with councelor isn't going to do much, you have to go out and face the fear, little at a time til you are free from the grips of it.

Btw, it's "ridiculous" to assume you know one's position when you fail to read them correctly.

 

[Hound_of_Love]

Originally posted by RaWBLooD
ya so ur basically saying u had it, u faced ur fears, and u got over it, SIMPLE, its obviously just in the head.

Of course it's just in his head. That doesn't make it any easier to fix I'm sure (never having suffered from social anxiety, I'm not speaking from experience).

Trouble is, you need to use your mind in order to fix your mind - I'm sure you can see why that would be a problem.

I wouldn't dismiss counselling - it helps some people.

 

[Bradshaw]

Originally posted by theprime
Man some of you people are ridiculous. People are not identical biologically. We are not all created equal. Social anxiety is not an illusion. Just because you don't experience something, does not make it non-existent.

theprime,

I wouldn't even bother trying to explain. The amount of KBJism on this thread is off the charts.

Apparently, psychological assessments are "for dem fancy book learnin types."

schizophrenia? "dats just fancy talk for: not trying hard enuff."

diagnosed with down syndrome? "dont listen to dem doktors. You just need ta study more, son"

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Bradshaw
theprime,

I wouldn't even bother trying to explain. The amount of KBJism on this thread is off the charts.

Apparently, psychological assessments are "for dem fancy book learnin types."

schizophrenia? "dats just fancy talk for: not trying hard enuff."

diagnosed with downsyndrome? "dont listen to dem doktors. You just need ta study more, son"

:crackup:

Tragic optimism at it's best... or worst... whatever ones perspective may be...

 

[alexafcw]

Cheers

for the replies. I will take it on board. Well actually I only spend 45 mins every other week with a counsellor - so not much time and plus it's not time waisted as she actually helps me out by giving me guidance so i can really improve in those 'small steps'. On the women improvement front those my strategy was get confident get over my social anxiety and then learn the skills with women or do you lot think i should just start right away. Just think you need a strategy to learn all this stuff. Cheers

 

[Don 'Ron]

Isn't it ironic...

...that he has to go and "talk" to a doctor in order to help rid himself of "social" anxiety?

 

[HalfAddict]

Im a fat hairy guy...

Im not afraid to talk to people, I got a number at the beach before with no shirt on lol.

There's no reason to be scared to talk to people.

Just go out, and talk!

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by RaWBLooD
ya so ur basically saying u had it, u faced ur fears, and u got over it, SIMPLE, its obviously just in the head.

Yeah I did beat it, but it took me 5 years and it was anything but simple.