Was and still is. 5ft 8 in bare feet, long red hair, brown eyes, slim but athletic with it, very smart
and has two degrees in finance and a fantastic career. Out of respect to her I won't post a pic that
shows her face but that's my soon to be ex-wife in the attachment at her pole club Christmas party
a few years ago. She's in considerably better shape now mind you.
I've heard this low T theory before, as I've said in previous posts I'm 47 now but was I celibate from 21
to 27 preferring to stay home and play Gran Turismo, socially I would just go visit friends rather
than go to public places. Thing is I have a very deep voice, a fast growing beard, no problems building
muscle when I train, am freakishly strong for my size, have no man boobs, a good jaw and get lots of looks
and 'choosing' signals when I go out and about whether that's in the supermarket or bars and clubs.
I also have Aspergers syndrome, a key component of which is finding interpersonal interactions very
difficult for a myriad of reasons. I love communicating on forums because I can make myself heard in
ways that I struggle to manage in person regardless of the sex of the person I speak to. I've been fired
from more or less every job I've had, I regularly fall out with friends, often for years at a time and am most
comfortable living a mainly solitary existence, this unfortunately extended to my marriage. I prefer the non
judgemental company of a dog to humans. I am also very quick to anger when challenged or frustrated
which is one of the main reasons I've never wanted children, my dad beat me badly and regularly as a kid
and I swore that I'd never put a child through what I went through. I must add I never so much as laid a
finger on my wife during our 18 years. When angry or upset I would punch myself in the face or headbutt
inanimate objects. I never EVER physically attacked my wife, but it was still distressing for her to witness
none the less. She stayed with me for a very long time but alas my abnormal behaviours did eventually
push her away, something which fills me with regret and sadness and will probably continue to do so
for the rest of my days. I really did love her.
On a side note T therapy isn't nearly as commonly available in the UK as the US and is very expensive
in the few places that offer it. I feel that if I could afford to do so and were I to take it it would just make
me feel angry about this situation, prompting the sort of outbursts and confrontations that would quickly
see me in handcuffs on a regular basis. For me acceptance of my situation has been very hard to manage,
especially as my diagnosis is very recent and for my whole life I thought I was just really weird. It wasn't until
I found a good therapist after the initial split from my wife that we unpicked what was at the bottom of
everything and now here we are. I have slowly come to realise I'll never be in a normal relationship and it's
very unfair of me to expect any woman to put up with my issues, mainly the distance I create and the lack of
intimacy of any sort. I didn't hug, kiss or dance with my wife much if ever either, it wasn't just the sex that was
missing. The more I've learned about Aspergers, the more I realise that this is far from uncommon in people
with the condition. It's not curable and guys with it nearly always have a lonely life, you see I don't shun
companionship, I crave it greatly. I just can't maintain it for any length of time which invariably leaves me
feeling sad and wretched. My wife was a saint for taking 18 years of my BS and now she's gone. The only
defence against feeling this loss and pain is to avoid intimate social interactions completely and accept that
I'm in this for the long haul and the outcome is already pre-determined.
Sorry for the wall of text.