Is this normal? GF keeping old letters from ex...

[mecca411]

The other day, I was at my girlfriend's place and we were watching tv. She told me to get something out of the drawer by her bed. When I checked, I didn't see it, but I did see a bunch of letters. The letters were all addressed from her ex-boyfriend (they broke up almost 3 years ago). I had looked in the wrong drawer and I never bothered to mention to her what I saw.

I'm just wondering if this is normal or if I should be bothered by it. I know that there's absolutely nothing going on between them now and that they don't even come into contact (he lives in another town). But I do know that he's the only real "love" that she's ever had. He was the one who ended it because things weren't working out, which she knew but never had the courage to end things. She had actually thought that he was the one awhile back. SHe's 26 now, I'm 29. THe ex was a couple years younger than her. Anyway is it a bad thing that she's still keeping these letters? I never read them by the way. What are your thoughts on this matter?

M.

 

[Freeman]

hmmmm...ex's letters.

Well, in my humble opinion I would say that its nothing to throw a fit over but I would say that you should confront her about this. You as her CURRENT BOYFRIEND have the right to know these things.

 

[b's nuts]

don't fret over it, girls hold on to **** like pack rats. my girl has every letter, note, picture, ticket stub from every guy she ever dated including me. scrap booking biatches. Don't fret, you can't get jealous over a piece of paper, unless these letters are new.

 

[JohnJones]

Agree with b's nuts. It's dopey and you wonder what the f--k they get out of it, but my g/f has a box of every tender and naughty note her old b/f ever gave her, notwithstanding a pretty rough break up.

 

[Keeper]

Dammit I sucked at writing love letters in primary school.

Wonder if the girls still have those...
...hmm....

 

[Wyldfire]

I have every letter my fiance' of 5 years wrote to me saved in a box, along with every card he sent, poem he gave me, every gift he gave me and a few naugthy photos of him. I will NEVER throw them away under any circumstances. If any guy I got involved with threw a fit over them I would dump him in a heartbeat over it without even having to think about it. My fiance' was killed, though...so that might be part of why I would never consider getting rid of them. Seriously, even if I were 100% in love with the guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...if I had to choose between him and those deeply cherished memories I would NOT part with those memories. The guy would be history in the blink of an eye...period. I only look at the letters about once or twice a year, but they are priceless to me.

 

[K B]

Ahhhhh yes, yet ANOTHER double standard.

You have to ask yourself one question: How would SHE react if she had gone through YOUR drawer and found a bunch of old love letters, poems, photos, etc. from YOUR ex? I can tell you what she would do:

-She would get REALLY mad at you for keeping them.
-She would accuse you of still loving your ex.
-She would accuse you of not loving her.
-She would ask you if you loved your ex as much as you love her.
-She would ask you why, if you love her, do you still keep letters from your ex?
-When she finally gets over it, she will ask you things like, "Am I doing it better than (your ex)?"
-She would ask what you would do if she were to come back into your life.
-She will think that you don't love her (current gf) anymore, and tell you this. CONSTANTLY.

Add to the fact that HE dumped HER, and you have a problem. There is no reason why she should be hanging on to old letters from a guy that she "doesn't love anymore."

Wyldfire, I am so sorry about your fiancee that was killed. That must have been extremely difficult to deal with. Keeping your old letters etc. from him is completely understandable, and I wouldn't have a problem with. Anyone else, though is DISRESPECTFUL..

 

[Don_Joffe]

I just came out of a year relationship and I still have a special place in my heart for this girl and I got many other valentines cards etc.. from girls and stuff. Do you guys keep it or throw it away? What should I do? I read somewhere its bad to think of your ex, but what if your relationship was something special?

 

[Double]

what does that mean she told you??? ever heard of respectful asking?? or are you nothing but a servant??

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by K B
Ahhhhh yes, yet ANOTHER double standard.

You have to ask yourself one question: How would SHE react if she had gone through YOUR drawer and found a bunch of old love letters, poems, photos, etc. from YOUR ex? I can tell you what she would do:

-She would get REALLY mad at you for keeping them.
-She would accuse you of still loving your ex.
-She would accuse you of not loving her.
-She would ask you if you loved your ex as much as you love her.
-She would ask you why, if you love her, do you still keep letters from your ex?
-When she finally gets over it, she will ask you things like, "Am I doing it better than (your ex)?"
-She would ask what you would do if she were to come back into your life.
-She will think that you don't love her (current gf) anymore, and tell you this. CONSTANTLY.

Add to the fact that HE dumped HER, and you have a problem. There is no reason why she should be hanging on to old letters from a guy that she "doesn't love anymore."

Wyldfire, I am so sorry about your fiancee that was killed. That must have been extremely difficult to deal with. Keeping your old letters etc. from him is completely understandable, and I wouldn't have a problem with. Anyone else, though is DISRESPECTFUL..

i totally agree that most chicks do this. happens everyday.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I have every letter my fiance' of 5 years wrote to me saved in a box, along with every card he sent, poem he gave me, every gift he gave me and a few naugthy photos of him. I will NEVER throw them away under any circumstances. If any guy I got involved with threw a fit over them I would dump him in a heartbeat over it without even having to think about it. My fiance' was killed, though...so that might be part of why I would never consider getting rid of them. Seriously, even if I were 100% in love with the guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...if I had to choose between him and those deeply cherished memories I would NOT part with those memories. The guy would be history in the blink of an eye...period. I only look at the letters about once or twice a year, but they are priceless to me.

i keep my old stuff too and i dont even read them. but by golly i keep them and i am not throwing anything away .

 

[Disconnect]

Why? If you don't use it to remember your ex, then it's nothing more than a bunch of trash. Obviously, if you keep something from the past, you still have some sort of a connection to it. Maybe she has trouble letting go.

I personally throw all of it out, cards, notes, letters... unless the gift has a practical use.

Confront her.

 

[Kaine]

I doubt I am the only male here that has retained all gifts, poems, letters etc that has given to them by their previous lovers.

I've kept them all and boxed them as well. I'm definately going to have an entertaining journal to reminsce over when I get old. Also it's a great way to boost to my ego as well.

As long as they don't get in the way why burn your memories, it's the sum of our experiences that make us human.


Kaine

 

[Wyldfire]

In most cases (not one like mine, obviously, but most) it's not about having sentimental feelings FOR the guy that gave you these items. It's more about having tangible proof that you have been loved and cared about by someone. It's basically an affirmation that the person is "lovable" and worhtwhile. That's what the sentimental value USUALLY is, and it shouldn't have any impact on future relationships at all. Once in awhile you might run into someone that is still pining away over an ex...but in those cases they would be constantly talking about them and you'd already know there was an issue. If the person doesn't even mention or rarely mentions the ex that wrote them then there is no reason at all to be jealous or view it as disrespectful.

 

[PRMoon]

I use to keep old girlfriends letters when I was a wee lad.... Now the junk mail piles up so much that my shredder is not on strike...we're on day three of negotiations.

 

[belividere]

WF,
no disrespect but if I were to start dating you I would take that as being a HUGE red flag.

Now I know, and agree 100%, that girls are total pack-rats most of the time. To me though it is still a little f'ed up. I mean as much as a girl is going to try and feed the whole, I dont look at it or care about it anymore routine, the honest truth is that most girls LOVED the attention and keep what they can that reminds them of that around for that reason. It is the emotional un-stability that they possess where they think that feelings are forever, even when they fvcked it up, that refuses to let go of what they had. When I say what they had it is to be read, "What they pretended to have had". They thrive off the past tense. It is unfortunately many a girls truth in their existance and manages to define their entire being.

With that said, you might as well just accept it. I mean if the letters were old then what can you really do or say about it. Or more realistically what can you say that is going to make you sound secure and confident about bringing them up. If they are recent though then I am all about bringing it up. You shouldn't be wasting your time when she is still caught up in the **** in her life that ain't gonna happen.

 

[belividere]

Ironically before I read this thread I tossed on an old jacket that I hadn't worn since last year and found my X's v-day card in it.

It gave me a good laugh and then it got tossed in the garbage can. Made me remember how words are just words and actions always speak louder than words.

 

[xiola]

i still have some old high school love letters. fun to look over every couple of years, brings back memories

b

 

[Viking25]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Seriously, even if I were 100% in love with the guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...if I had to choose between him and those deeply cherished memories I would NOT part with those memories. The guy would be history in the blink of an eye...period.

Just shows how much value WF places on the guy she is 100% in love with and wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
A box of fukking paper!!!
Yeah..she is a true player alright!

 

[alphawolfx]

Let the woman keep her s.hit. It's not a threat to you.

On the flip side, if you want to keep memories, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Enough said. Now close this thread, it's pointless.

No need for further replies, because I'm right.