Is this normal? GF keeping old letters from ex...

[Dapper Swindler]

Of course this is normal, haven't you ever seen a sitcom?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by belividere
WF,
no disrespect but if I were to start dating you I would take that as being a HUGE red flag.

I don't care if anyone would see it as a red flag. And any guy who was so insecure to get jealous over me keeping things given to me by a deceased fiance' would definitely NOT be my type anyhow. As I said before...if a guy so much as whined or complained about those things even once I'd dump them anyway. That's the beauty of not being needy and being willing to walk away, even if you love someone....you are ALWAYS true to yourself and don't tolerate behavior and attitudes you don't like, period.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Viking25
Just shows how much value WF places on the guy she is 100% in love with and wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
A box of fukking paper!!!
Yeah..she is a true player alright!

Those letters are NOT just "a box of paper"...they are 5 years of my life with a wonderful man who I loved more than life itself. I will always love him. That doesn't mean I can't love someone else too. But frankly, any man who would not understand the importance of those letters to me clearly would not love me enough to warrant me being with him. He would also be insecure and insecure men typically can't hold my attention long enough for a second date anyhow.

 

[K B]

In simplier terms:

If the man keeps old love letters, poems, pictures, etc. from his ex, he is insensitive, insecure, and doesn't have "faith" in his new relationship.

If the woman keeps old love letters, poems, pictures, etc. from her ex, she is "having tangible proof that you have been loved and cared by someone. It's basically an affirmation that the person is 'lovable' and worthwhile." (Wyldfire)

Wyldfire, you don't know what it is like being a MAN and trying to tell a WOMAN those words. If a MAN tells a woman and that, do you know what she will call you? INSECURE.

Why? Because a man is considered GUILTY until proven innocent.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by K B
In simplier terms:

If the man keeps old love letters, poems, pictures, etc. from his ex, he is insensitive, insecure, and doesn't have "faith" in his new relationship.

If the woman keeps old love letters, poems, pictures, etc. from her ex, she is "having tangible proof that you have been loved and cared by someone. It's basically an affirmation that the person is 'lovable' and worthwhile." (Wyldfire)

Wyldfire, you don't know what it is like being a MAN and trying to tell a WOMAN those words. If a MAN tells a woman and that, do you know what she will call you? INSECURE.

Why? Because a man is considered GUILTY until proven innocent.

Well...I don't think a man is insecure if he wants to save his memories and is sentimental. Some women might view it that way, but if they have a problem with a man being sentimental and saving those kinds of things then it is them (the women) who are insecure.

I think men save things for the same reason women do...although most would never admit it. But hey, they are human, too. Human beings have feelings and emotions regardless of their gender. That's normal, fully acceptable and anyone who thinks otherwise isn't worth your time. It's really quite simple.

Oh...and although Feminism has brainwashed society into demonizing men...you don't have to embrace those messages or buy into them. A man should only carry guilt for his OWN wrong-doings...not for the bad behavior of others. That is one of the messages that Pook tried very hard to get across to the guys here. He's right...if a man embraces those negative messages they feel guilty for being a man. Don't do that to yourself.

 

[K B]

Wyldfire, your answer is honest and fair. Unfortunatley, woman HAVE been brainwashed by feminism to demonize men. Let me tell you, it is no fun being made out to be the enemy for no other reason than because I am a MAN.

I just read a book last week, that completely blew my mind. It is about the effect of feminism on men and women today. It was written by former feminist activist Warren Farrell. For years he studied women and formed numerous groups for women's rights. Then one day he realized that men were not being heard, so he started to research the other side. What he finds is absolutely SHOCKING. You should check this one out:

Warren Farrell
"The Myth of Male Power"

 

[JohnJones]

Heck, it can even be an advantage -- your girl starts talking about moving forward, why you eschew serious conversations, etc., just tell her you can move forward when it seems like she can let the past be the past.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by K B
Wyldfire, your answer is honest and fair. Unfortunatley, woman HAVE been brainwashed by feminism to demonize men. Let me tell you, it is no fun being made out to be the enemy for no other reason than because I am a MAN.

I just read a book last week, that completely blew my mind. It is about the effect of feminism on men and women today. It was written by former feminist activist Warren Farrell. For years he studied women and formed numerous groups for women's rights. Then one day he realized that men were not being heard, so he started to research the other side. What he finds is absolutely SHOCKING. You should check this one out:

Warren Farrell
"The Myth of Male Power"

It's very good to be aware of this problem in society and to resist it's influence. At the same time, you need to be very careful NOT to allow learning this to turn you into someone who behaves the same way only reversed. There is a fine balance to keep on this issue. I used to run a forum where radical feminists and radical men's rights advocates did battle. It was essentially uncensored. A lot of the guys that really get into this subject end up behaving just like the radical feminists they despise so much. Don't go that route...it's not helpful to you or the situation. It's best to acknowledge it and talk about it reasonably and fairly...then you can actually educate and change a few people's behaviors and thinking. If you react angrily you just become part of the problem. Remember that.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I have every letter my fiance' of 5 years wrote to me saved in a box, along with every card he sent, poem he gave me, every gift he gave me and a few naugthy photos of him. I will NEVER throw them away under any circumstances. If any guy I got involved with threw a fit over them I would dump him in a heartbeat over it without even having to think about it. My fiance' was killed, though...so that might be part of why I would never consider getting rid of them. Seriously, even if I were 100% in love with the guy and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...if I had to choose between him and those deeply cherished memories I would NOT part with those memories. The guy would be history in the blink of an eye...period. I only look at the letters about once or twice a year, but they are priceless to me.

I can undestand that but isn't life about moving on?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Freeman
I can undestand that but isn't life about moving on?

I have moved on. I'm able to love someone else in the same way...but those letters are priceless to me. I wouldn't trade them for all the money in the world. Anyone who wants a relationship with me needs to accept that or find someone else, period. This is one of the things I will not compromise on under any circumstances. If a guy can't respect and love me enough to accept this then he's not someone I want in my life. I couldn't care less if a guy wanted to call it quits over those letters, either. I would tell him to have a nice life and not shed a single tear. But that's just how I am...I have no problems or reservations about ending involvements that are restrictive, controlling or don't meet my standards. I'm not really very emotional, either.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I have moved on. I'm able to love someone else in the same way...but those letters are priceless to me. I wouldn't trade them for all the money in the world. Anyone who wants a relationship with me needs to accept that or find someone else, period. This is one of the things I will not compromise on under any circumstances. If a guy can't respect and love me enough to accept this then he's not someone I want in my life. I couldn't care less if a guy wanted to call it quits over those letters, either. I would tell him to have a nice life and not shed a single tear. But that's just how I am...I have no problems or reservations about ending involvements that are restrictive, controlling or don't meet my standards. I'm not really very emotional, either.

I understand what you're saying.

 

[WaterTiger]

OH COME ON! It's not like she's sleeping with them under her pillow, or reading them over and over, sighing tearfully!

Women are pathetically sentimental. That's why we keep the ragged teddy bear we got for our 4th birthday, still have the dried up flowers from our prom corsage and just CAN'T throw away old love letters. Don't freak about it. It's perfectly normal and no disrespect towards you.

If you demand she get rid of them, then you just gave her ammunition for a nasty fight. "I had to give up something for you! What are YOU giving up for ME??"

 

[Bonhomme]

What's the problem?

I keep old letters from my exes, and would expect that anyone I'm dating would probably do so, too. Occasionally I'll read them for enjoyment and amusement, and I find it psyches me up a bit.

Let's not be ridiculous. Chill, bro.

 

[MindOverMatter]

jesus, they're just letters from the past, nothing more. there's a reason why they're exes and she's with you, stop being so insecure or you're gonna blow it.