Is this girl waiting for me to initiate contact?

jts3443

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Hey fellas, pretty short one here mostly involving text game. So I met this girl, got her number, texted her for a couple days, than set up a date. Date went great, her interest level was very high, got a few drinks at two different bars, than at the end of the night when she started the "well I had a good night speech" I just cut her off and went for the kiss and got it. She literally texted me about 2 minutes later, and proceeded to contact me the next day. She told me she was having a holiday party the next day (sunday) and invited me. I already had previous plans for another holiday party with people we mutually know, I told her about it and just left it at "maybe we can link up at some point in the night."

Sunday rolls round so I text her teasing her and making her promise not to sing (inside joke from our first date) if we met up, she laughed and agreed. I told her that she should just stop by the party I was going to, since we both knew people there, she responded saying she couldn't leave her own party... understandable. So I had planned on meeting her and later in the night text her to see how hers was going. She told me it was just a small thing and was pretty much over. I asked her if I should still stop by and she said "if you want to but its basically over and now I'm just watching tv haha". Being that I was a little tipsy and didn't want to drive I said "this partys still going if you want to swing by here".

She never responded (It was around 12:30) and hasn't contacted me since. That was sunday night, its Tuesday night now, so 2 days. But she had initiated contact immediately after our date and the next day to invite me, so the interest was definitely there on her part after the first date. So I'm wondering if I either ticked her off or made her feel rejected by not going to her party, or if she feels I'm not interested and is waiting for me to contact her after she invite me out for a second "date", or maybe neither is true.
So long story short, should I contact this girl tonight and try to set up a second date? wait another day to contact her? or wait a few days and see if she initiates contact again since I never got a response when I invited her to the spot I was at? Like I said interest level was through the roof but I haven't heard from her since sunday when we where potentially going to meet. Thanks!
 

marmel75

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Too needy. Killed attraction. It seems counterintuitive but trust me that's what it is. You don't start planning sh!t for the next day after a date with a chick you just met...that screams "I have no options and I'm desperate".
 

Konada

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Mistake #1: I told her about it and just left it at "maybe we can link up at some point in the night."
Killed all uncertainty that you were thinking about meeting up with her that night. Strike 1.

Mistake #2: I asked her if I should still stop by and she said "if you want to but its basically over and now I'm just watching tv haha". Being that I was a little tipsy and didn't want to drive I said "this partys still going if you want to swing by here".

What she actually meant: Come over and fvck me.
You rejected her advances and therefore you dropped the ball. Live and learn.
 

jts3443

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You don't start planning sh!t for the next day after a date
Sorry Marmel, I think you misread what I was saying. SHE initiated contact with ME the day after our first date and SHE asked ME to come to HER party. I said I was already busy with another party, but maybe we could meet at some point, that was it. She tried to plan the second date, not me, I just talked to her the night of to see how it was, but didn't leave where I was to see her.
 

marmel75

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Sorry Marmel, I think you misread what I was saying. SHE initiated contact with ME the day after our first date and SHE asked ME to come to HER party. I said I was already busy with another party, but maybe we could meet at some point, that was it. She tried to plan the second date, not me, I just talked to her the night of to see how it was, but didn't leave where I was to see her.
Yup, exactly. She was trying to find out how desperate and needy for her attention you were. She found out exactly what she wanted to find out.

I understood perfectly fine...she gave you some rope and you hung yourself with it...
 

jts3443

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What she actually meant: Come over and fvck me.
You rejected her advances and therefore you dropped the ball. Live and learn.
Right Konada, I had that thought in the back of my mind. So now is there any way to salvage this?
 

jts3443

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Yup, exactly. She was trying to find out how desperate and needy for her attention you were. She found out exactly what she wanted to find out.
Right, I don't exactly see how being too busy to go to her party is desperate and needy. Konada says that when she told me I could still come over if I wanted, that she was just watching tv, that what she was really saying was "come over and **** me" and by not acting I rejected her subtle advance. That opinion is in direct contrast to what you're saying so only one can be right. Either I was too needy (which I don't feel I was at all) or I didn't advance when she wanted me to, so which one is it? And is it salvageable?
P.S. I appreciate the feedback, just want to make sure I got it right
 

marmel75

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Well, I mean it is possible, but in my experience when you start planning things with a new girl immediately after a date things tend to go south fairly quickly. Just from personal experience. Others might have different experiences, but I don't recommend it.
 

jts3443

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but in my experience when you start planning things with a new girl immediately after a date things tend to go south fairly quickly.
Right and I agree, I usually wait 3 days minimum to even attempt to set up a second date. But in this situation, she literally text me the SECOND she got into her uber after the date, and than text me the next night just to tell me what she was doing and than text me again to invite me. So I felt it was fine to reciprocate some interest in seeing her seeing as she showed massive amounts in me and had attempted to set a second date with me. I don't know what else I could have done in that situation? Just avoid/ignore her attempts for a second date?
Either way whats dones done, how should I proceed with this girl, should I throw out a second date tomorrow since its been a few days, or just drop her?
 

Konada

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Imo you could've played it better like marmel said if you didn't give her any closure. She probably wasn't aware she was giving you rope to hang yourself with.

We humans tend not to treasure what is given to us easily. When was the last time you felt OVER THE TOP HAPPY about an item you wanted that was given to you at your first request? I bet not much. We treasure things more when we have to work for them, to earn them. Given her interest was high, you probably had more room to play with fvcking up but the second one rejecting her sexual advances was the last straw.

Its hard to recover when you reject a girl for sex. Since you left the ball in her court, wait till she gets back to you. Try again in a weeks time if she doesn't reply, although I won't get your hopes up about this one.

How I would have played it:

HB: blahblahblah, would you like to come to my party?
You: Kinda packed on that day, me and my boys are gonna throw a kickass party. Have fun at yours!

<party day>
You: Bet my party is beating yours hands down
Her: Oh reaallly, actually mine ended already its a small thing blahblahblah
You: I knew it! Actually we're just getting started, join us ;)

Either way whether she invites you over or goes over, its on for the bang.
 
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jts3443

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My initial thought was that after she reached out to set up a second date and was busy and couldn't that she was putting the ball in my court and that she didn't want to come off desperate by asking me twice
 

jts3443

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Its hard to recover when you reject a girl for sex.
Are you positive that's what she was going for though?
I mean isn't there the possibility that this girl just doesn't want to feel desperate herself and is waiting for me to set up a second date after I didn't oblige to her attempt?
 

Konada

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Always assume interest. Too many guys here are too afraid to get taken advantage of or being played to the point sometimes they are auto-rejecting themselves.

He who gets rejected the most also gets laid the most. (Thanks Mr Wright)
 

jts3443

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Always assume interest.
Right! Which brings me to the thought that waiting a week to see if she reinitiates may really be the "axe in the back" in lowering her interest level. I feel just waiting till tomorrow (which would be three days since we talked) and throwing out a teasing text/ attempt at a date is my best option.
Along the lines of "Hey cat lady ;-p, lets get together this week since I wasn't able to make it to your party"
A. The three day gap shows I have other things going on....which I genuinely do
B. I set the context as since "I wasn't able to make it to your party" aka. aloof and busy
C. I start it out teasing her
P.S. the cat lady thing is another inside joke, I was teasing her about being a future cat lady because she really likes cats.
 

Konada

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Right! Which brings me to the thought that waiting a week to see if she reinitiates may really be the "axe in the back" in lowering her interest level. I feel just waiting till tomorrow (which would be three days since we talked) and throwing out a teasing text/ attempt at a date is my best option.
Along the lines of "Hey cat lady ;-p, lets get together this week since I wasn't able to make it to your party"
A. The three day gap shows I have other things going on....which I genuinely do
B. I set the context as since "I wasn't able to make it to your party" aka. aloof and busy
C. I start it out teasing her
P.S. the cat lady thing is another inside joke, I was teasing her about being a future cat lady because she really likes cats.
I would say go for it, send her a text. I realise that waiting a week more often than not shows you don't value her enough to be keep yourself on her radar (sounds counterintuitive here but too little contact also turns a girl off.)

Teasing her at this point only reinforces you're needy and fishing for a reaction. Gauge her interest with this
"I just made you check your phone for no reason. Looks like I got you in check :)". Abit of flirt/banter then set up the date. That shotgun text only displays neediness/desperation.
 

marmel75

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Right! Which brings me to the thought that waiting a week to see if she reinitiates may really be the "axe in the back" in lowering her interest level. I feel just waiting till tomorrow (which would be three days since we talked) and throwing out a teasing text/ attempt at a date is my best option.
Along the lines of "Hey cat lady ;-p, lets get together this week since I wasn't able to make it to your party"
A. The three day gap shows I have other things going on....which I genuinely do
B. I set the context as since "I wasn't able to make it to your party" aka. aloof and busy
C. I start it out teasing her
P.S. the cat lady thing is another inside joke, I was teasing her about being a future cat lady because she really likes cats.
Send her a text saying "I had the dirtiest dream about you last night...." and then when she responds talk about some sh!t like you dreamt you weren't out in the woods in the pouring rain with her and it all muddy and it was SO dirty...then start ramping up the sexuality("then as we got up I pinned you against a tree and ran my hand underneath your soaking wet shirt that was clinging to you and up to your rib cage", etc, etc)...its from some "magic texting" book I downloaded free but its always worked well when I've used it...if anything is going to pique her interest again, you need to show a little more sexuality with her...

Plant the seed and then let her water it in her mind...
 

G_Govan

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I think you both may be playing the same game. Trying not to seem overly interested.

This means you need to make a move. Put her in a position to reject your advances and you'll have your answer.
 

RangerMIke

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Easy to say where you went wrong, what to do going forward is what you need to do.

You need to back off and re-boot... I would wait a couple of weeks AT LEAST, then just treat her like a new girl you just met. Make a date, wait a couple of days and make a date the next week. If she reaches out to you, go ahead and make a date. If she invites you to something, and you are busy, then counter-offer.

The key is that you are coming off as too interested, and she is playing games with you. Remove your attention of a few days, if she reaches out to you and calls you on it, you on it just say "Hey, I've been busy, but would love to see you, when are you free next week?" Then go from there, if you toss out "When you are free." YOU MUST be disciplined and WAIT for her to let you know when you are free.... it is a test of HER interest level. If she never lets you know, just walk away. But it's important that you get her back to putting effort towards you.
 
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