Is This Girl Manipulating Me?? Need Advice

[soulforge]

guys i have already done 3 or 4 threads on this chick, please read those threads


i have been dating this girl for around 4 months, in that time we have had alteast 3 fallouts

each and everytime she seems to twist the situation around, make me to look like the bad guy... i feel like she is always using power plays against me


she texted me 2 days ago, and arranged a date for thursday night (tonight)

we both agreed on this date...

last night i sent her a text, and just asked her what she did with her day off work, and i sent her a picture of a car i am looking at buying

she did not get back to me at all that night..

the next morning i got a simple text off her, saying... "thats a nice car"

no mention of how her day off work was, and not even a reason for why she did not message me back that night.. not that i really needed an explanation.. just think its good manners to let a person know sometimes

(this chick has been persuing me hard for a full on relationship, and has even talked about marriage lol)


this is how the text conversation went..


HER : thats a nice car x

ME : yes it is.. erm i did also ask about how your day went yesterday x

HER : erm somebody has woke up grumpy today

HER : my day was quiet, i didnt do much x

ME : i'm not bieng grumpy, guess its ok to have a quiet day sometimes x


so i went to work afterwards, and i never heard anything from her all day..
she usually sends me the odd message at work, but nothing today..
i am usually very busy to be messaging her.

anyhow she usually comes to my house for 9pm after i have finished work.. i finish work at 7pm.. when i get home, i usualy shower, eat, get changed, tidy up etc etc before she comes

she always sends me a text (like clockwork) to check what time she should come over for... and i usually tell her around 9pm

tonight i got no text off her... i got home and got ready to meet her, showerd shaved etc etc.. but no text from her!

my gut told me something was wrong... this was another power play.. she was expecting me to text her, and ask her when she is coming over? she wanted me to be the one reaching out to her

i was just expecting her to come over as per usual and as planned, but she was playing power games instead.. anyhow when it came to 9.45pm, i knew she was not going to come over now

i knew, she is probably sat at home, expecting me to text her to come over..

this was a pre arranged date for tonight.. i had no reason to text her about it, i just assumed it was business as usual..

so then i sent her this text message tonight...

ME : hey if you was not going to come over tonight, then least you could have done is texted me and let me know..

HER : erm i did not get a text off you about meeting today, so i assumed you did not want to see me

ME: if i did not want to see you, i would have just texted you and let you know before hand and cancled.. we had pre arranged this date for tonight, so why would i text you about it, when it was already confirmed

HER : well you was in a mood this morning, so i guessed you would not want to meet, and if you did.. then you would just text me

ME: me in a mood?. get real.. i wasn't even in a mood.. i just pointed out that i had asked you the night before about how your day off was.. if i was in a mood, or did not want to meet you, then i would have told you so

HER: I cant just come over to your house just like that, if you have not contacted me during the day

ME: my day is always hectic at work and we are not allowed to use our phones freely.. you always message me after work and ask me what time to come over... i,m not silly and can clearly tell when you are playing games

HER: be rude and paranoid all you want

ME: i,m not bieng rude.. nevermind have a good night


AT THIS POINT I KNEW SHE IS TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME, TWIST THINGS AROUND, CREATE DRAMA AND START MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY.. SO I KILLED OFF THE CONVERSATION

in the past i have never messaged her while at work, to confirm a date.. this date was already arranged..

she knows i am very busy at work and unable to freely text.. she usualy 99% of the time waits till i have finished work, got home, got showered etc etc, then she will send me a text and ask what time to come over

today she is twisting the whole thing around...

i have come to the point.. where i feel i need to dump this chick.. i feel she is quite manipulative, and loves to twist things around.. also playing power games all the time... plus she has many male friends

and i met her on POF


I wont lie.. i like this chick, got feelings for her... but can't be with a woman who carries on like this


this was a power play.. she was pizzed at me, because she wrongfully thought i was in a mood this morning.. and she wanted me to be the one trying to set up the date, and be reaching out to her


do i need to dump this girl??

 

[jurry]

Jesus christ you two are like children..

You ARE with a woman who carries on like this, and you keep reaching for her when she backs away like a little puppydog so dont lie to us telling her you're going to dump her for the same thing shes been doing since you met.


Accept the situation, or walk. You dont need multiple page long threads to re-hash the same scenario that you refuse to do anything about.

 

[Willard]

Arguing with a woman is a waste of time, especially over text. Why don't you let her initiate all texting, you should have let her not telling you about her day go, do you even care how her day went?

Wait for her to contact you, don't bring up your silly argument, and go from there.

 

[G_Govan]

(this chick has been persuing me hard for a full on relationship, and has even talked about marriage lol)

Talk is cheap and you fell for it. See how easy that is?

Read everything she said and compare it to what you said.

She sounds like the laid back guy and you sound like the drama queen. Your behavior comes off as needy and desperate.

 

[soulforge]

Arguing with a woman is a waste of time, especially over text. Why don't you let her initiate all texting, you should have let her not telling you about her day go, do you even care how her day went?

Wait for her to contact you, don't bring up your silly argument, and go from there.

i agree with you.. my intention was not to argue with her.. i just simply stated to her, if she could not meet up tonight.. then least she could have done, is to text me, amd let me know..

i got showered, shaved, change of clothes, grabbed some wine... rushed around like fvck...then she flaked.. and blamed it all on me

i am developing feelings for this girl... but some serious red flags popping up

 

[soulforge]

Talk is cheap and you fell for it. See how easy that is?

Read everything she said and compare it to what you said.

She sounds like the laid back guy and you sound like the drama queen. Your behavior comes off as needy and desperate.

how the fuk is it needy, pointing out to her... that if she was not going to come over then, she should have let me know?

 

[Willard]

She should have let you known, of course, you have to put this nonsense behind you and come up with a strategy to get in control. You are letting her actions upset you.

Your best bet is no contact until she contacts you, then pretend like nothing has happened and you don't really care if you see her or not. Then you have control back, then you stop texting her so much, let her initiate them.

Remember the one who cares less has the power, use this event to show her you have the power.

 

[soulforge]

She should have let you known, of course, you have to put this nonsense behind you and come up with a strategy to get in control. You are letting her actions upset you.

Your best bet is no contact until she contacts you, then pretend like nothing has happened and you don't really care if you see her or not. Then you have control back, then you stop texting her so much, let her initiate them.

Remember the one who cares less has the power, use this event to show her you have the power.

I just felt like i needed to call her out... she should have let me know she was not coming.. i had made preperations to meet her... Its just common fukking courtesy to let me know.. if i had not had called her out, then i,m sending her the message that she can just flake on me anytime right! !


here is the problem.. if i stop texting her much... she mirrors my actions and does exactly the same back..

Only 2 months back, she did not text me for around 6 days straight, then sent me a text eventually, claiming that its me who is ignoring her...

If i stop texting her much... i know for a fact, she will just play the same game back

 

[soulforge]

I need to wake up and realise.. that this girl is not good for a long term relationship..

So far i have been spending weekends with her... taking her out for meals and day trips out... also holding hands, watching movies together etc... even talked about our future together!!

All that shiit stops now... i need to back off, stop caring and drop her from girlfriend to plate...

No more days out, holding hands, sleep overs, and talking about the future... this girl is not worth it

 

[Serenity]

I was very close to literally go bang my head against a wall. I'll give you my thoughts right off the top of my head.

This girl DOES NOT exist to you anymore!!!

You DO NOT create any more threads about this girl.

Unless you want a world of sh!t you dump this girl, there's not a snowballs chance in hell this can end well.

It's your fault that you're in this situation.

 

[Infern0]

The old talking about meeting up and then going quiet then blaming you for not confirming.

Actions>words

Does this seem like the actions of someone who wants to really spend time with you.

I suggest you next this girl and if she starts wanting to see you, downgrade her to FB status.

She just wants you to want her, that's the MO of this kind of chick

 

[Yewki]

here is the problem.. if i stop texting her much... she mirrors my actions and does exactly the same back..

No, the problem is... you think that's actually a problem.

Why do you care so about keeping her around? Seriously, I'm asking you. Why? Are you that desperate and needy? Is your life going to end if you *gasp* ... break up (again)?

Based on this thead I'd say the both of you are pretty emotionally immature and desperate. To be completely honest, you more so than her. The fact that she keeps coming back says a lot about her... so I know it isn't just you.

I think your best option is to move on. Not just because it isn't working, but because you need to learn to stop depending so much on a girl for happiness.

 

[soulforge]

No, the problem is... you think that's actually a problem.

Why do you care so about keeping her around? Seriously, I'm asking you. Why? Are you that desperate and needy? Is your life going to end if you *gasp* ... break up (again)?

Based on this thead I'd say the both of you are pretty emotionally immature and desperate. To be completely honest, you more so than her. The fact that she keeps coming back says a lot about her... so I know it isn't just you.

I think your best option is to move on. Not just because it isn't working, but because you need to learn to stop depending so much on a girl for happiness.

i developed feelings for her, thats why i cared.. and gave her a couple of chances in the hope that the games and bulll**** will stop... but its clear to me now, it will never stop...

i felt this one was different (even tho i met her on POF) i have kept a cool head with her... never over texted her, never acted needy around her.. never told her i liked her etc etc

but on this occasion, she wasted my fuking time.. did not even have the decency to tell me, she was not coming over.. was playing power games..

so yes.. i got pizzed off and called her out.. made it clear to her, she is playing silly games..

now i will back off and just accept and realise, that this girl is not long term matetrial.

she kept talking about wanting a good relationship, marriage etc etc.. so i guess i fell for her bulll****

her actions are very different to what a good wife or girlfriend is

 

[Willard]

Why don't wait until next week and ask her if she wants to go over your place. You should probably pursue other options in the meantime.

I started reading the Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi, the first chapter is "There is no One" http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/

Read what he said, It might cure you of the oneitis you have for this girl, who doesn't seem worth your trouble.

Did you seriously think you might actually marry a girl from POF?

 

[RangerMIke]

I stopped reading after you said you had 3 blow outs in a 4 month period.

You guys are dysfuctional. You might as well end this now, the sooner the better.

 

[soulforge]

I stopped reading after you said you had 3 blow outs in a 4 month period.

You guys are dysfuctional. You might as well end this now, the sooner the better.

Each and every blow out, has been over something petty and stupid.. and each time she pulls back in the hope.. that i will start reaching out to her..


Constant fuking games

 

[Twodogs]

Dude, this little blowout is petty and stupid too.
But to be honest you were being petty getting all butthurt because she didn't get straight back to you and answer your question about what she did that day.

If the roles were reversed and some chick come back to me with this *****y little comment:

"yes it is.. erm i did also ask about how your day went yesterday x"

I'd be inclined to blow her off too.

I personally ignore questions like this via text, I really can't be bothered typing sh1t like that out and would rather discuss it over the phone.

I haven't read your other threads but if all these other blowouts revolve around this sort of sh1t you need to work on communication.

 

[soulforge]

I hear and understand what you guys are saying.. and i do appreciate all your advice..

its seems to me she is playing the victim again, manipulating the situation..

I know exactly how things will go from now..

01. She will make no attempt to message or talk to me

02. after 3 or 4 days, she will send me a text, again playing the victim, claiming that i have not bothered with her, and making it look like its me who has ended it with her.



Had a long think last night.. and its obvious a relationship with this girl will not workout.. the thought of demoting her to fuk buddy while persuing other woman seems tempting.. but she will notice that sudden change in me..

Plus i have feelings for her, and i think things could get complicated..

 

[Thorninmyside]

Anyone who puts "Erm..." In a text is fixing for a fight and needs a slap in the face.

 

[soulforge]

Man had a difficult day today.. lots of mixed feelings.. me and this chick had some good times together.. lots of great sex, going out together, laughing and joking etc..

Man i wanted it to really workout with this girl.. its friday night, and i,m feeling quite upset about it.. she has many great qualities.. but also some very distructive traights..


Its going to be very hard, letting go of this one..