Is This DJ Stuff Fun For You Guys??

[i-shine-regardless]

Just wondering if you guys enjoy all this DJ stuff...cuz lately I've been feeling like it's all a burden. I mean just the whole process of meeting women is getting me down.

I tell myself to get out more. Then I go out to the mall or bookstore and almost never see any females I'm interested in. If I do, that's even worse because I usually don't do anything about it and then I beat myself up afterwards.

My life is structured so that I basically can't meet women at work. (Just me and my biz partner) I only have one other friend. I've gone to bars by myself a couple times. That sucks.

I still talk with my BPD ex sometimes, and she infiltrates my mind without even doing anything. I've also been seeing my gf from before the BPD, who's a good chick but just doesn't grab me intellectually or emotionally...

The only new chicks I ever talk to or meet are from online. Most of the time they have me feeling like I'm in a bad comedy movie.

I really don't know. I try to psych myself up and stay positive. I alternate between telling myself to "relax just let things be, you'll meet the right girl when the time comes, just enjoy life and keep growing"

And then I flip to the other side where I tell myself "Stop being a pu$$y, get out there and talk to some chicks, stop making excuses."

Then I flip to a middle ground where I say "It's all about balance, you are doing what you can, just relax and keep pushing yourself and growing, don't give up but don't be too hard on yourself either."

And then I'm back to where I am now, and just kind of feeling crappy. It's like this stuff just isn't fun to me. Meeting girls is stressful to me. It's like this burden...

I just want a decent girl I can chill with and work on having a healthy relationship with so I don't have to worry about this part of life anymore. It feels like everywhere I turn every idiot and their brother has a gf and is content or getting married. And they weren't out doing out cold approaches, or studying attraction and DJ stuff...

It just fell in their laps, but they seem happy enough. Then I think well "they might be happy now, but talk to me in 10 years when they are getting divorced."

I don't know...the whole situation has me down. I know I shouldn't be. I know plenty of guys have it way worse than me. I know I have plenty to be happy about. I know I'm the only who can change anything in my life. I know all that stuff...

The problem is I just don't FEEL it. It's only conscious thoughts. And the whole thing bothers me because I feel like all this stuff (being single and free to talk to as many girls as I want) should be fun and enjoyable, but it just feels like the opposite.

 

[Lusterkx2]

Dude dont even worry about it. Im in the same boat with you. I try man i do exactly what you do. and then i go home not feeling totally satisfied as i should be. it is stressful huh. yup lets be patient. im in the same boat with you man exactly.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Most of the time they have me feeling like I'm in a bad comedy movie.

Confucius says: It's better to feel like you are in a bad comedy movie than feel like you are in a horror movie.

 

[STR8UP]

Anyone who tells you that you HAVE to pursue women in order to be a real man is full of sh!t.

Do you feel some sort of obligation to "do the DJ thing"? If so you should take a step back and reassess your priorities.

You are the captain of the ship that is your life. Do what makes you happy.

 

[Juando]

Samspade's take on your (and many of us at various times) situation is very good.

Do you have a good mix of guy friends? Work on that if you don't and then do stuff with them, a variety of stuff, and you will meet women, some you will like and who will be responsive.

Stay away from cold approaches, unless you're in a situation where you're up for it and it could be a lot of FUN.

Most of all, don't isolate, but learn to enjoy doing things alone and/or not involving the pursuit of women.
Bottom Line: women are everywhere and they ARE available, but you want to get to the point where you are not searching for women, but that you become a solid Man who is screening for Quality Women.

 

[NewMan]

It feels like everywhere I turn every idiot and their brother has a gf and is content or getting married.

Ignorance is bliss my friend.

Do you believe these people are happy - really happy?

maybe 15% of them - tops.

Your on a journey - and need to enjoy the ride. On the up days - you should bask in the glory - on the down days - you should learn and remember those feelings.

The Zen way talks about the old master that sends his students to the top of the mountain. They all race off - but one gets left behind and get's to the top way behind the rest. He oppologies to the master - the master says "why do you oppologize? Did you not get to the top of the mountain?" - It's all about the journey.

 

[Bible_Belt]

And then I'm back to where I am now, and just kind of feeling crappy. It's like this stuff just isn't fun to me. Meeting girls is stressful to me. It's like this burden...

I just want a decent girl I can chill with and work on having a healthy relationship with so I don't have to worry about this part of life anymore. It feels like everywhere I turn every idiot and their brother has a gf and is content or getting married.


I think you have to learn to be happy by yourself before you will make anyone else happy. Emotions are contagious, and you can't fake it with women - they can tell when you are not having fun. It is the opposite when you are having genuine fun - women are drawn to you.

I have never been a fan of doing things like standing around at the mall and bothering every girl who walks by. I would feel absurd doing that. I did spend a lot of time in malls trying to re-learn how to talk to girls, but I would just go a few places and practice on a girl or two that I happened to run into here or there. If a girl gets a sense that you are standing in one place and chatting up all the girls, she is not exactly going to feel special.

The easiest "approaches" are going to be when you are already having fun anyway. Whatever it is you enjoy, places and activities, try to meet women in that environment. Obviously, the percentages are low with some things, like math and computers, but whatever things you are best at - that confidence will attract women. If you're confident and having fun, that is really all you need to pick up girls.

People will tell you to push through a thousand miserable approaches, get off the computer and get out there sarging! If you are miserable, then it is all pointless. Have some fun and look for women there. It does not matter so much what exactly you do. Video games are supposed to be antisocial, but I bet if they were my thing, then I could get on xbox live and pull chicks left and right. Wherever you feel confident and have fun is the place that girls will desire you the most.

 

[WhtRbt]

I think samspade said it best when he said he just doesn't care. Just do YOUR own thing and be happy being alone, and when you spot a woman you like, talk to her. Once you are happy with yourself BY YOURSELF, then you will feel much better.

I'm just getting used to this mindset. It really sucks when you WANT to get a girlfriend and then struggle to get one. I would go out and approach women, get some numbers, go on some dates, things would flop, and then I felt like **** cuz I didn't have a gf. Now I basically feel that I'm not looking for a girlfriend. If a girl wants to tag along, fine. If not, that's cool too. I'm happy with or without a girl (or girls).

Remember: Success with women doesn't mean having one.

 

[Mr. Me]

I just want a decent girl I can chill with and work on having a healthy relationship with so I don't have to worry about this part of life anymore

That's the problem right there. You seem anxious or concerned about this happening in your life, as if you may need it like air to breathe, and your focus on it makes it larger, more important, then it should be.

First off, life is just not going to agree to your schedule of things.

Secondly, even when and if you hook up with someone, it won't be over, it's not a done deal, it's not a final destination. There'll probably be some bumps on that road too, so there will always be something you may find yourself concerned with.

 

[Rhoto]

I've been feeling like it's all a burden. I mean just the whole process of meeting women is getting me down.

Then you're doing it wrong my friend. Ask yourself this question very seriously - Why am I doing this? For myself? For some perceived way of being? Or just to bust my nut as much as possible?

I tell myself to get out more. Then I go out to the mall or bookstore and almost never see any females I'm interested in. If I do, that's even worse because I usually don't do anything about it and then I beat myself up afterwards.

You behave as if there is a quota or some number you're trying to maintain, is this true?

My life is structured so that I basically can't meet women at work. (Just me and my biz partner) I only have one other friend. I've gone to bars by myself a couple times. That sucks.

Work is for work man, and in this economy, your focus should be on survival and kicking ass on the upswing. Don't bother yourself with ladies outside a professional manner when you're on the clock.

In regards to your 1 friend, start with your interests, there are bound to be some others out that share your interests. And don't limit yourself to what you think your friend type might be. Some of the coolest bros I know, I would've never expected to meet.

I still talk with my BPD ex sometimes, and she infiltrates my mind without even doing anything. I've also been seeing my gf from before the BPD, who's a good chick but just doesn't grab me intellectually or emotionally...

WRONG.

I have to get back to work, but I'll chime back in later.

You have more "me" work to do man. And trust me, it may seem sh1tty now, but it does get better. Much better.

"The only movement, is forward."

 

[mrRuckus]

I still have a bit of an evil mindset that "i'm supposed to have..." or "supposed to do..." even though logically i know i don't want to have whatever or do whatever.

I just want to do what i really actually want to do...

I've had a few invites out by several cute/hot girls lately and i just don't want to go. "Let's go to the zoo." "Wah? It's winter, stupid." It's like 5 girls i could be doing/seeing and it just seems like too much of a hassle lately. I still have a couple online profiles where i get emails or pokes or winks or whatever and i just ignore those too.

I'll go out with guys. I'm not depressed or anything. I still love lifting at the gym... i'm looking forward to softball season and warm weather. I'm thinking about getting a handgun and a buddy who is into guns is gonna teach me how to shoot soon. I do my hobbies. Work is going just dandy. I just seem to want to do what i want to do and none of it includes women right now. The last girl i hung out with was 7 weeks ago when i broke off contact with her for some dumb sh1t she tried to pull.* I feel like i'm supposed to care, and actually feel bad for not caring. It's weird.

I suppose i'll stumble onto a girl that motivates me more accidently maybe, but what's showing interest now, while hot or fun to talk to or whatever, just isn't pushing my buttons lately enough to even get me out of the house... shrug.

I need to get over this hump where I feel like I should care when I really don't that much.



* spilled RED liquid on my LIGHT colored carpet and just left it there without telling me or cleaning it or anything. Fuuuuq. u.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Thanks for the posts guys...

To be perfectly honest, I just feel like I'm being a little pu$$y...like I'm not living up to my potential...If I want something I should set the goal and then go get it.

I'm a guy right? Guys get girls right? It shouldn't be a chore...It should be fun...

If I could be doing anything in the world right now at this moment, I would be having sex with a beautiful woman.

Not posting on a forum about it.

But apparently I'm too scared though. Apparently I care too much about being rejected. Or what other people think. Or what I look like. Or a million other things that don't matter at all.

But the thing that kills me is that the only holding me back is ME. My mind. How can I be sabotaged by my own mind????? Or better yet WHY am I sabotaged by my own mind???

Shouldn't we be a team?? Don't we want the same thing?

 

[Mr. Me]

But the thing that kills me is that the only holding me back is ME. My mind. How can I be sabotaged by my own mind????? Or better yet WHY am I sabotaged by my own mind???

Shouldn't we be a team?? Don't we want the same thing?

It's your mind trying to keep you safe and protected from that which you fear.

 

[wait_out]

All sorts of guys get all sorts of girls. Dysfunctional PUA guys get tons of dysfunctional "perfect 10" women because these girls are too insecure and lack the self-awareness to absorb a perfected self-esteem hit... do you want to become that?

Sure, you'd get laid... but you'd still be a tw.at right? I hate that sh1t.

"DJ" is a bad term... you're not supposed to live your life by a canned set of rules. THAT is what is attractive to women... want to go fvck after 10 minutes on the dancefloor? Want to be a gentleman and kiss her sweetly and go home? Want to laugh at her own sexual frustration and take off? Write a waitress a poem in another language you hardly know for a laugh even if you know it's suicide? Dude it's up to you.

It SHOULD be fun. Not every girl will be, but your actions should bring you joy and self-respect. If you hate your actions and yourself, will having sex with a beautiful woman make you happy?

And yes, it is a numbers game. Compatability (even just for casual sex) is important to be happy and not all girls are. Relationships should be synergystic... they make you happy and enable you, not suck you dry. (Er hello BPD women?)

If you enjoy approaching girls and you enjoy the connections you might make there's not much pressure on you. I mean it's important to enjoy the whole process! Don't blame yourself for everything either... there's a lot of miserable girls who make dating correspondingly miserable, but there's fun ones too. Be more optimistic that women could be fun and judge a girl on how she makes you feel, not how your friends would rate her.

Paradoxically putting means before ends means you'd have to abandon your hopes of success with women by a "guaranteed method" -- but I think this would probably be good for you in the end. You'd get laid more but at that point you won't care so much about scoring, just having fun with the chicks who live around you. We're obsessed with sex but happiness is better... and BTW girls have a harder time finding that, then c0ck.

Sometimes we're more similar than we'd like to admit.

 

[Alexander the Great]

i-shine, there are great responses allover in this thread that I don't have much to add to, so just this:

You're in the transitionary phase where you're slowly changing from pre-DJ to a more DJ / masculine mindset. As with all change, you feel out of place, unsure of yourself and especially, out of place. In some cases, you probably feel fake and forced.

Just hang in there and keep it up. It'll change for the better with practise and some stamina. What now feels as "not my thing", will grow on you. Plus, you'll find your own path in that forest of DJ-information. You're adjusting yourself to a new mindset, working to find what works for you. Or rather, how you work with all this new knowledge, working to discover the "new" you. Which is merely a different, more knowledgable you. You don't have to use and try everything.

It's much like how you feel during a first-time sexual experience, during a first-time LTR or being a father for the first time: out of place, unsure with everything new and adapting. The key is not to force anything and don't rush into anything, let alone do anything that you don't like. Go slow. There is no other "must-do" other than becoming a more healthy you and exploring your options.

As has been said: you're venturing from your comfort zone and that feels... uncomfortable.

If it's any consolation: We've all been there, so we know and understand how you feel.

 

[Interceptor]

The "DJ thing" is more about Lifestyle than just the narrow spectrum of 'meeting women'. There are more issues involved here and certainly they have nothing to do with your DJ 'skills'. For if you had them, you wouldnt be posting this.
I respect and honor your feelings and observations, but your issues are rooted in an unsatisfactory lifestyle.
In addition you are asking why your subconscious is 'failing' you. Well, you need to look at what is programmed INTO your subconscious. What belief system are you operating from?
Your perceptions are what are coloring everything.
Look into why and what is in your subconscious.
And look into how you can nurture and nourish yourself when there are no women around.

 

[Maxtro]

Sometimes I do wonder if I would be better off if I never knew "the community" existed. It obviously hasn't helped me. I've been a member for 5 years and have nothing to show for it.

What really bugs me is that I've been gathering tons of "knowledge" and am understanding stuff about the game and I know that I could be (should be) doing so much better. I know that men can get better with women but I still don't know why I haven't. It sucks knowing what I'm doing wrong but not understanding how to do it correctly.

I long for the day that I'll come here and post a success story.

 

[darkstarrr]

Just wondering if you guys enjoy all this DJ stuff...cuz lately I've been feeling like it's all a burden. I mean just the whole process of meeting women is getting me down.

I tell myself to get out more. Then I go out to the mall or bookstore and almost never see any females I'm interested in. If I do, that's even worse because I usually don't do anything about it and then I beat myself up afterwards.

My life is structured so that I basically can't meet women at work. (Just me and my biz partner) I only have one other friend. I've gone to bars by myself a couple times. That sucks.

I still talk with my BPD ex sometimes, and she infiltrates my mind without even doing anything. I've also been seeing my gf from before the BPD, who's a good chick but just doesn't grab me intellectually or emotionally...

The only new chicks I ever talk to or meet are from online. Most of the time they have me feeling like I'm in a bad comedy movie.

I really don't know. I try to psych myself up and stay positive. I alternate between telling myself to "relax just let things be, you'll meet the right girl when the time comes, just enjoy life and keep growing"
And then I flip to the other side where I tell myself "Stop being a pu$$y, get out there and talk to some chicks, stop making excuses."

Then I flip to a middle ground where I say "It's all about balance, you are doing what you can, just relax and keep pushing yourself and growing, don't give up but don't be too hard on yourself either."

And then I'm back to where I am now, and just kind of feeling crappy. It's like this stuff just isn't fun to me. Meeting girls is stressful to me. It's like this burden...

I just want a decent girl I can chill with and work on having a healthy relationship with so I don't have to worry about this part of life anymore. It feels like everywhere I turn every idiot and their brother has a gf and is content or getting married. And they weren't out doing out cold approaches, or studying attraction and DJ stuff...

It just fell in their laps, but they seem happy enough. Then I think well "they might be happy now, but talk to me in 10 years when they are getting divorced."

I don't know...the whole situation has me down. I know I shouldn't be. I know plenty of guys have it way worse than me. I know I have plenty to be happy about. I know I'm the only who can change anything in my life. I know all that stuff...

The problem is I just don't FEEL it. It's only conscious thoughts. And the whole thing bothers me because I feel like all this stuff (being single and free to talk to as many girls as I want) should be fun and enjoyable, but it just feels like the opposite.

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION as Rollo reminded us.

I gave up on the bookstore although I still go there once a week. I've been gaming chics at the grocery store lately. Spliiting up my grocery shopping into 3X/week just so I can get in there and meet them. I just say C&F things to them and the moment they react with a shocked smile and a blush its on like popcorn. Point is when you are going to the places solely for X then you are going to look out of place and perhaps feel out of place. Be there for something you need to do anyways (like grocery shopping) because that way it 1) takes pressure off the situation 2) promotes you getting out/having hobbies etc 3) they say certain things come along when you least expect or when you are not looking - my rephrasing of that is that - certain things come along when they are NOT the first thing on the list of what you are there/looking for. Does that make sense?

I've also given up on the online dating BS. Ironically the only luck I have had is with sugardaddie. Stupid sluts. Drop the online BS because its never going to work and your going to inevitably come to the conclusion that its a watse of fucking time.

I had this problem before with externalizing my needs. Once I learned to shift that and increase my self confidence, self value, etc in my own mind - I was able to internalize things to the point where I am satisfied being alone and you will begin to let things happen more naturally (little R. Jeffries for taiyuu_otoko). Try self affirmations. Each morning I tell myself I love myself and that I forgive myself. I must admit it has been working for me.

As far as not feeling it - man I know what you mean with that one. Keep an eye out for my next thread because I believe it may encompass/address this issue independently.

Good luck.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

I have been a long time lurker but only started posting recently. My problem is not meeting women, its meeting quality women. Maybe my standards are too high but I just cant seem to find a girl that has her head screwed on right. The better looking the girl, the more shallow and insecure she tends to be. Attractive women have so many men competing for their attention they end up becoming horrible people.

I used to make exceptions for women before I found this site. I managed to screw up some very good relationships with women because of my own immaturity and I also tried to drag out relationships with women who were nutjobs. I have become less forgiving but at the same time I do offer more these days. The thing with the DJ mindset is that there is a total lack of compromise. Which in many ways is a good thing but in many ways makes the search that much harder. What it will hopefully provide is a more rewarding experience long term.

Fact is, the longer you date and the older you get the more focused you become. As a 21 year old guy I was like a lamb to the slaughter. I would **** pretty much anything with a pulse and would invest emotionally into almost anything that was more then a one night stand. As a 26 year old man I was wiser and a lot more bitter. The more ass you get the more you realise just how ****ed up women are. Having travelled a lot, I notice it even more. The difference between women of various cultures is so extreme I cant help but feel I am hard done by at times being based where I am. So I went through a stage where I really thought all women were evil, manipulative cows that were good for nothing by ****.

Where I currently stand is at a point of complete indifference. Women come and women go and I have pretty much seen it all before. My sex drive is the only reason I chase them to be quite honest. As much as I would like to find a decent woman and knock her up 3 or 4 times, finding a woman I could make that commitment to is not easy. Its borderline impossible unless you settle for a woman who is below par in the looks department.

I believe that the fewer women you have dated, the more idealistic you are. The more experienced you are, the more negative you become. Its like the conservative pro war student compared to the Vietnam vet. One has this perception of what war is, the other has actually experienced the reality of it.

My biggest concern is that my outlook is at complete loggerheads with society as a whole these days. Im drifting. My views are archaic to most and when expressed suffer extreme condemnation at times. Im almost at the point where I am going to turn my back on western culture and society altogether because I am starting to feel like I simply do not fit in.

So yeah, I do have my days where I could not be bothered. Then I meet another cute girl and wonder if she might not just be worth a crack. At best, she is the woman of my dreams. If not, maybe she is another slut who I get to dip my wick in. At worst, she is a total ***** for not letting me do anything

 

[SharinganUser]

I agree with Intercepter. Your problem isn't about meeting women. It's about your life style. Sounds to me like you need to start living more. Get out and enjoy life, not to meet women but to enjoy it for what it is. Do something to push your boundries. Go 4x4ing, take a martial arts class, go to Africa, go bungy jumping. I hate to say it but you sound a lot like Jim Carrey's charactor in the begining of Yesman.