is this acceptable behavior by gf?

[baltyre]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

 

[trent81]

Unless the other guy is a relative or he is gay, then by no means should she spend SIGNIFICANT time with another man. What she is doing is finding comfort in him. It's just a matter of time before he seduces her. Women are fickle and if you aren't careful they will jump to another branch before you even know it. This is unacceptable behavior. Women desire something they cannot have or are afraid of losing. Time to show her that she can lose you with behavior like this.

 

[trent81]

I will guarantee you that they are fuvking or are at least making out. Stop being the fool and walk away from this. It's difficult but you are a man, you do not stand for a woman having dinner with another man at his house. This is ridicolous to even tell you to do. You should have gotten rid of her long time ago.

 

[WaterTiger]

Unless the other guy is a relative or he is gay...

If you were going over to some girl's house and she was making you dinner...how would your girlfriend feel? She'd be pissed as HELL! And tell you about it for days. :box:

 

[dark god]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

dude..WOW. Is this behavior wrong?! are you serious? Your like a cuckold in training.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Aww c'mon guys? You're letting me down here! Where are all the chumps who're so ready to tell him how men and women can be perfectly good platonic friends now?

 

[jophil28]

" CHeating begins when one party turns OUTSIDE the primary relationship to a third person in order to fill emotional or physical needs ."

Jophil2007

 

[speed dawg]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

:yawn:

Shaking my head, here. Is this guy serious?

To answer your question Baltyre, no, it's not acceptable. And yes, she's most likely cheating on you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

No, it's not acceptable, even if she isn't cheating. Regardless of how he behaves, his motivation is likely to be to steal your GF. He's orbiting right now; just wait till you two have a fight and he's right there to console her.

If you want to set a boundary without appearing jealous, simply tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her hanging out with him one on one and ask her how she would feel if you did the same with a random girl. Don't make her drop him as a friend (too late for that), but allow her to hang out with him in group settings only--none of this "one on one" stuff. That's really just a "date."

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm going to have to make sure I subscribe to this thread so I can reference it the next time a 'Friends' thread gets started.

 

[scrouds]

Dude that's perfectly fine, your woman needs friends, right? So what if just happens to be a single guy? And she spends a lot more time with him then you? She calls you after she's done with him, so that means there's nothing going on and she still cares about you.

HA! Who am i kidding? Find a new chick, someone more local, eh? Personally, I don't think its right to tell her who she can and can't hang out with. The easy alternative is just find a new one. You've probably set this sequence of events in motion for over a year now. Start fresh.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Here's a good way to determine whether or not this is an issue:

If it doesn't bother you, it's not an issue. If it bothers you, it's an issue.

I dated a girl for 6 or 7 months and when we hung out she would occasionally get phone calls from guys she worked with, asking if she wanted to grab a drink or dinner. It NEVER bothered me because I had complete control of the frame of the relationship. This girl would call/email me 2-3 times/day, and I would turn down her offers to hang out except for once or twice/week. I couldn't have cared less about who she was hanging out with or why, because it was obvious that I was the only man she was sleeping with and that she was absolutely nuts about me.

If you feel that her interest level is not high enough and you're suspicious of the other guy, you need to take steps to regain control of the frame. There are enough resources on this website to show you how to do that.

The problem with your situation is that a) it's long distance, and b) you've indicated that the frequency of sex has decreased. Combined with hanging out with some single guy on a regular basis, you should definitely be suspicious. Also, NEVER have long distance relationships, because you can't compete with the local, easy-to-access men that are available to her.

Tom Leykis say: "long distance relationships = long distance cheating."

 

[Luthor Rex]

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

Here's what's going on. He's trying to steal her from you. Her interest level in you is low enough that she's willing to see what the man has to offer without committing anything to him yet. If things go on the way they are and she likes what she sees in him, she'll be dumping you for him.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

Totally acceptable, man. Anything from the waist up is not considered cheating. What's the big deal?

Seriously, did she know this guy, and spent this kind of time with him before you two became comited to eachother?

Well, even if she did, right after you two got involved, it was time for her to put some distance between herself and this other guy.

This is probably the guy she has warming up in the bullpen, if she is not already somewhat involved with him.

Another possibility is this guy is totally obsessed with her and if a major afc, and she is just using him for platonic, attention, companionship during the week.

Either way, you need to be asking the above questions to her, and watch her non-verbal, honest signals when she responds, and you'll a better idea the type of role he plays.

Regardless of her intention, you are being tested, and you'll judged by your reaction. In this case, it needs to be one where you tell her it is not acceptable. She's giving you a chance to cut her loose, or to hang yourself. She doesn't want to take responsibility for ending it with you.

 

[Zunder]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

Shouldn't the question be why a 26 year old guy is spending time with a 30 year old woman, and a woman at that that is showing obvious interest in another guy?

 

[steviecruiser]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

Let me answer your question simply.

NO!

This is precisely the type of actions I engage with when I try to seduce women who have a "boyfriend" I let them open up to me and trust me and as soon as there is any sign of weakness I got alpha and get what I want most of the time. Its such an exhilarating feeling to seduce a woman who is in a commitment.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

Hey, they're just Friends right? Men and women can be completely innocuous friends, with no ulterior motives, right? Maybe they're just "hanging out" as friends. Nothing to worry about. I mean, there's got to be 100 threads about how "not all guys want to get into a girls pants", what're you thinking?

:nervous:

 

[Sinistar]

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me...

...if you weren't jealous you never would have expended the energy to post!

From what I've read you two are not clear on one very important point. In your mind you are in a relationship. In her mind after a year and a half you are face less booty call that she doesn't have to worry about bumping into back home.

Sure go on, expect her to be "open" and "honest". Expect her to be "direct" and tell you what they are really doing. Good luck to you then. She is playing the game she was designed to play from day one. She is playing multiple guys "indirectly". Any guy out there who thinks she's being "dishonest" or "manipulative" is a chump. She is doing just what she's programmed to do.

It's your job to be the man. Learn how women operate. Know that this behaviour is a clear sign that she sees you in a way differently than you expect or hope. Go ahead, get p!ssed. Expect her to "talk it out". Go on. Try some tactics to "get her back." Heck, it might work for awhile.

Eventually though you'll have to face the truth. No woman who is very interested in you will put you in this predicament to start with. Furthermore, now that she's "somehow gotten herself into this mess" she will get herself out and will do so skillfully and tactfully as to not have to feel bad about it later. It's in her nature. It's just the way they are.

You want simple advice. Say nothing, start dating other women and stop wasting 1.5yr stretches getting emotionally invested in women who just aren't that interested in you.

Oh yeah, she may not have been intimate yet. But every minute you spend talking to her about him will double the odds in his favor (insecurity is the worst repellent).

Who knows, maybe right about now the other guy is posting on SS asking how he can overcome the LJBF she just threw at him while she sorts things out

 

[Jean Valjean]

" CHeating begins when one party turns OUTSIDE the primary relationship to a third person in order to fill emotional or physical needs ."

Jophil2007

By this standard EVERY DJ is cheating. By the DJ bible main commandment "Always have a backup chick" . Everyone spinning plates has a primary or at least tells them that.

 

[jophil28]

By this standard EVERY DJ is cheating. By the DJ bible main commandment "Always have a backup chick" . Everyone spinning plates has a primary or at least tells them that.

You missed the point. I used the word "relationship" in my definition of cheating. Spinning plates is vastly different to being 'in a relationship' .