Is there a such thing as a female friend?

[eminence]

I do both actually.

So there both attractive women, who you talk over the phone with and go out alone together? Don't try to lie and say you've never had any sexual thoughts about them, because if you find them attractive, you have. Whether you have ever acted on those feelings or not....it will never be a true friendship, because deep down inside you have ulterior motives.

You don't think about getting inside of your guy friends or get a hard on when you think about their body do you? Don't answer that.

 

[Proof]

You dont get respect from women until you've slept with them.

I agree.

Female friends.....aint no such thing boys.

 

[Robo-Kai]

I don't think it's possible. This girl that rings me/messages me seems to like hanging out with me and indeed sexual thoughts/interest did sway pass my train of thought. For a few weeks she's been continously hanging out with me per 2-3 days and we watch TV together/eat out and shopping.

I somewhat enjoy her company, but me being Chinese and her being Asian (indian/sikh; modern) I just don't think anything could work out. All her pass boyfriends are Asian and her current one that she's "seeing" (not kissed yet, according to her. I sniff a lie). I kinda like her, but I don't think it will work out in the long term, she might think that her family will disapprove of her dating someone outside their culture.

I haven't asked yet but I sometimes wonder if she is only using me to pass time and such. There were a few times where I arranged to do some stuff and she just declines. It appears that she'll only come see me whenever she's doing nothing, disregarding my time and personal interests. Sometimes only, though . . . .

At the moment I've shut her out for now (I've moved to this other place). I'll keep in light contact via text/e-mail. When she sees me I can sense that she likes to be with me due to all the kino and how she laughs a lot and generally seems happy, but since she seems to mention her guy now and then, I've decided to switch and go on light contact. (this has only been on for 4 weeks). Since my shifts have temporarily changed, she can't see me anyway. I'll examine her reactions in a weeks time or so ...

EDIT: Forgot to add, all in all i think it would be better as friends, but it's beginning to feel in my opinion, that I am a tool for her to pass her time by. If I conclude it to be that, then I'm nexting it ... but as the topic suggests, this is hard to even achieve so far ...

 

[ScrewIt]

EDIT: Forgot to add, all in all i think it would be better as friends, but it's beginning to feel in my opinion, that I am a tool for her to pass her time by. If I conclude it to be that, then I'm nexting it ... but as the topic suggests, this is hard to even achieve so far ...

Dont see anything wrong with this picture. you use her she uses you, done deal. Besides you can have social proof with her when you go out or start seeing someone else. Besides, since you're not in a relationship with her and know the situation, you have no reason to have high expectation coming out from this.

the ridiculous thing is in any type of male-female relationship there exists some form of power struggle.
Once someone expects/wants more from the existing relationship, it's already in motion to crumble.

 

[Robo-Kai]

True, I seriously don't expect much coming out of it. The only thing I'm losing her is my time and money (I seem to have many interests while she doesn't, it seeeeeems.). But I cannot deny that all her previous (and current "guy") are losers, real losers (she told me about them). I think she's spoilt by them since they buy her gifts and stuff and sends all these romantic messages. Then I stepped into her life and done none of it (and poked fun at her a lot). Even though it's not a relationship (and there's no reason for me to do all this) stuff I say and do make her laugh and some stuff she actually thinks about. I can tell she has a good time when I'm around but ...

All in all, I suppose, I can use her as an experimental tool also ... doesn't have to be strictly one way ...

 

[Freddy1]

So there both attractive women, who you talk over the phone with and go out alone together? Don't try to lie and say you've never had any sexual thoughts about them, because if you find them attractive, you have. Whether you have ever acted on those feelings or not....it will never be a true friendship, because deep down inside you have ulterior motives.

Who said anything about lieing. Having abit of attraction is different than acting upon them. Its not hard to brush off. Simply just Dont Think about it.
No ulterior moltives. Some of the women are the wives or girlfriends of my friends. So I respect those boundaries. Nothing hard to brush off (well at least to me).

Theres a difference between sex and emotional love.

 

[KillaCam]

But you dont 'have' a girl unless you have sex with her, all you have is a 'false sence of security or mirage' that you have a girl if you didn't do it.
Dont you think so?

That's exactly my point, your concept that because she's a girl, she's an alien species that cannot be related to in any other way than sexual, it disturbs me. I'm coming from the point of view that a female is just another person in this situation, you're coming from the opposite side of the ledger kind of thing. I don't care if you think with your pecker and nothing else, but to some, sex is not life. I have a girl mate, and I enjoy having her as a mate. That's plain as day to me.

Sex does not suddenly constitute situations that have nothing to do with sex in the first place.

But you still dont 'have' her if she's just a friend. You can have a nice conversation with anyone on the street or at a bookstore. To me, this 'friend' idea is an insult - you dont have someone if she's just a friend, you just have an obsession and fantasy. When you actually do it, then you have someone. Don't you think so?

I don't screw my guy mates, are you implying that I need to do that? I'll stress the point, to some, the fact that she is a female does not alter ones mindset drastically. Of course there is lust over a friend who's a chick, it would be inhuman to completely ignore those instincts, but the want for a friendship with this particular person, and the ability to control what one feels and thinks, is more important than getting a lay. Do you have self-control?

We are still in contrasting zones about the place of a girl in this situation, we are from 2 completely different mindsets. But it makes a good conversation at least

There are other things in life besides sex. Things such as living.

I respect your point of view though, from your standpoint, you make hella good points. But, all I need to know, is that female or not, I enjoy their company. They aren't just females, they are humans. A vagina doesn't scare me away from having a good friend.

 

[Freddy1]

1) There are women in my life whom I get emotional support and guidance from and I respect them. I dont mess with those. (Maybe it just comes with age???)
(They were there when I lay half dying in the hospital. They are true friends.)

2) Now on the other hand there are women who I have no emotional attachment to and having sex with them is alright to me. Easy come, easy go types.

 

[Freddy1]

Do you have self-control?

That is a good point KillaCam.

Not everything in the world is about sex.

(like emotional love)

 

[Luke Skywalker]

That's exactly my point, your concept that because she's a girl, she's an alien species that cannot be related to in any other way than sexual, it disturbs me.

I didn't say that. I merely said, based on something I read from a woman's website (who claimed to have wanted to be my friend) that another guy HAD her then dumped her like a hot potatoe once he had his conquest.

I told this to my parents. Mom and dad said the guy fvcked her. This girl virtually friendzoned me, told me she can only offer friendship, has other guy friends - and I read this nonsence.

So, this is not from my mouth, it's from a girl's website - the ideal female friend you are talking about, right? I had oneitis on her, I thought I had her because she was my female friend. Boy was I dead wrong.

This girl has changed me. I now know I have nothing unless I've fvcked her or kissed her - from the horses's mouth, right?

 

[KillaCam]

I didn't say that. I merely said, based on something I read from a woman's website (who claimed to have wanted to be my friend) that another guy HAD her then dumped her like a hot potatoe once he had his conquest.

I told this to my parents. Mom and dad said the guy fvcked her. This girl virtually friendzoned me, told me she can only offer friendship, has other guy friends - and I read this nonsence.

So, this is not from my mouth, it's from a girl's website - the ideal female friend you are talking about, right? I had oneitis on her, I thought I had her because she was my female friend. Boy was I dead wrong.

This girl has changed me. I now know I have nothing unless I've fvcked her or kissed her - from the horses's mouth, right?

That's your way of thinking and feeling, I can't argue with what works for you at all. Different situations mould different people. At least you're straight up about it

I just appreciate the value of a good friendship, female or not. I could afford to look concerntrate more effort on other situations though.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm not sure if women are capable of friendship period.

 

[i am me]

ya man, i hav female friends who i dont really feel like fuking. pretty sure they dont want me that way either....i mean, theyre not ugly and im not ugly so i guess if we had to we would, but theres nothin sexual when we hang out n stuff. girls are jus people, why would it be impossible to hav a platonic relationship?

killacams got the rite idea. not everythings about sex