Is she flaking, cheating, or spinning?

[white sox bill]

Hey Guys,
Been a while since I logged on. Anyway, started dating this divorced woman in her 40's in April, slept w/her first date and have been having wild sex ever since. She comes over to screw, then has to go home to her kids (4 of them). Never any talk about being exclusive, although she gave me the impression that I was just what she wanted. Its been a week since we had sex, then starting Friday PM, we talked that she should come over after she's done with work, which was 10:30. She never showed or called--a first for her. The next night, Saturday, she called and said her kids showed up at work and had to take them home on Friday. I was at a festival Sat PM and we agreed to hook up Sunday PM for bascially the week since all her kids will be at camp.

She was a no show and a no call last night as well. Here she just said she was sooo looking forword to this week since we could finally sleep together for the entire week without having to go home to her kids.

Flaking or out with another guy? Or neither? Should I call her? Keep in mind that we have weekend plans for July 20 & 21 for rock concert and sporting events. What about those? I would appreciate any feedback, thanks!

 

[Vulpine]

Line up someone else to go to those events with you, just in case. It sounds like she's got something else going on and you are her FB.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Its been a week since we had sex!

Yea that's not a good sign.

then starting Friday PM, we talked that she should come over after she's done with work, which was 10:30. She never showed or called--a first for her.

First the sex stops, then she's acting out of character. Flaking and starting little fights* are major signs of acting out of character.
*I know she's not starting fights, but I include it just so you know.

She was a no show and a no call last night as well. Here she just said she was sooo looking forword to this week since we could finally sleep together for the entire week without having to go home to her kids.

Ok. Let's put the puzzle together: She give you no sex, She's acting out of character and she's telling you one thing, yet doing another. Her actions are now speaking louder than words. I begin to laugh when I see girls doing this. I can set my watch by it haha.

Flaking or out with another guy? Or neither? Should I call her? Keep in mind that we have weekend plans for July 20 & 21 for rock concert and sporting events. What about those? I would appreciate any feedback, thanks!

More than likely another guy and/or she's lost feelings for you. Don't call, man. You've put the ball in her court.



Bro, I've been in this situation so many times it's silly. I date girls for a while, bang the hell out of them, then they do exactly what your girl is doing. RARELY do they just come out and say, "Let's not see each other anymore".

I'm going to tell you your fortune: Her next move will be to start drama and then end the 'relationship' because of something YOU supposedly did or said.. usually something VERY minor, but enough to justify ending it with no guilt. Then, you're bad guy and she's good girl. lol

I'm glad that I have been through this sh!t, so now I can help guys through it. You're seeing the beginning of the end with her. Goes like this: She loses feelings for you, then the sex comes to a hault and the excuses start, drama, end.

Let me know how your relationship plays out.

 

[cordoncordon]

I would say that two no-shows in that short of time, with a late phone call the first and now no phone call with the second, means that she is having second thoughts or is doing someone else. Either way its really rude imo.

Take the last posters advice and line up someone else. Shes a divorced mother of 4, think about it, you cant ever have a normal relationship with that kind of woman anyways. You are better off moving onto someone else if you are looking for a relationship. You are getting yourself all worked up over a 40 year old mother of 4 kids. She should be begging to be with you.

 

[white sox bill]

Well she just called....said regarding last PM, she had to work late, like until 2:30 and didn't want to come over so late. Good idea IF shes telling truth. Said she couldn't call last PM because she dropped her cell phone and all the numbers went away....then she got called in early again this AM. She claims she will be over tonight. Guess we'll see.....

 

[cordoncordon]

Dude, tell her you're busy tonight.

She has given you excuse after excuse. Go with your gut. Somethings up.
Had to work late. Dropped her cell phone. Numbers erased. (lol, nice one) Before that it was kids coming to work.

Cmon, I dont believe any of it, mostly because Ive used similiar excuses myself in the past.

If, and I say if you want a relationship here, you need to tell her you are busy tonight, maybe even mention going on a date with someone else.

But whatever you do, dont see her tonight.

 

[grinder]

You don't have to tell her anything except you have to do something (make up something) real important tonight. Don't give away your hand or explain anything, just see how she reacts, what she says. Pull back a little, see what she does. No need to be mean, sarcastic, or anyting but "nice".

She is on thin ice with you, not the other way around.

 

[Vulpine]

I'm going to tell you your fortune: Her next move will be to start drama and then end the 'relationship' because of something YOU supposedly did or said.. usually something VERY minor, but enough to justify ending it with no guilt. Then, you're bad guy and she's good girl. lol

Exactly. Who hasn't been here?

Anyway, don't see her right away. Demonstrate to her that you aren't her monkey that will dance for her at a moments notice; her plans fell through and now she's coming back to the "old standby". This is classic branch swinging, if I were to guess.

But, she did offer up some excuses... did she offer an apology?

You are too available. TOO AVAILABLE! Hooking up same night stuff after her flakey behavior? Shame on you. Keep on dancing, monkey.

She's coming over to start that drama and break up with you about it.
:crackup:

 

[white sox bill]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to fabricate...guess I'm getting the dreaded "shyt test" here. I'd love to knock off some tonight though. But I also know that this may be the last time w/her if I do give in. I'd be better off, like you all said, to hold off for tonight. She knows I'll be gone on business Tuesday and maybe Wed also. I still can't quite determine whether she's cheating or giving me the shyte test. I need to give up short term satisfaction (sex tonight) for long term gain (keeping her interest long haul)

 

[cordoncordon]

Again though, you are getting way to wrapped up in this. You said it yourself and you didnt even realize it when in the last post you said, "I still can't quite determine whether she's cheating or giving me the shyte test."

Think about that for a moment. Cheating. Even if she is seeing someone else, she isnt cheating. You two are not bf/gf correct? Just F buddies? Why are you considering being in a bf/gf relationship with a 40 something year old mother of 4? You could do better. She is sensing your weakness and neediness, thats why she is flaking.

Call off tonight, go on your biz trip. See if she gets back to you later this week.

Her flaky behavior the past few days does not deserve you being at her beck and call whenever she feels like it.

Be a man.

 

[mountain]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to fabricate...guess I'm getting the dreaded "shyt test" here. I'd love to knock off some tonight though. But I also know that this may be the last time w/her if I do give in. I'd be better off, like you all said, to hold off for tonight. She knows I'll be gone on business Tuesday and maybe Wed also. I still can't quite determine whether she's cheating or giving me the shyte test. I need to give up short term satisfaction (sex tonight) for long term gain (keeping her interest long haul)

I allowed a woman I was seeing to stand me up for two dates in one week just like you did. I allowed a woman to show up 45 minutes late to a date with no explanation. What did I learn? These are simply permutations of the same test. They speak indirectly of your personal opinion of yourself. If you seem otherwise confident, a woman will throw a variation of this at you to see if you are the real deal.

In both of the above situations, the first being very much like your own, I allowed my insecurity to override my self respect. And the result... lost both of those women.

Only a man who doesn't value himself will call a woman than stands him up.
If you are getting **** tested in this instance, the quickest way to fail is to be home tonight. As many here suggested, do not see her tonight. Don't be home when she comes by. Don't give her an excuse, just dont be there.

It's also very possible that Vulpine is right and you are the "old standby". The woman who stood me up twice... the ex boyfriend had come back into the picture.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

I could be the minority here, but I don't think this is a sh!t test. I see it as a loss of interest. I've never been able to pull a girl out of this type of nose dive.

 

[cordoncordon]

Oh I agree, I dont think its a shyte test. A 40 something mother of 4 probably has better things to do then pull those childish games.

I just think she has lost interest or is seeing someone else.

 

[Sinistar]

A few things I see in your words

Hey Guys,
Anyway, started dating this divorced woman in her 40's in April, slept w/her first date and have been having wild sex ever since

I'm guessing you are younger than her plus doing her on the first date means this was a FB setup at best right?

She comes over to screw, then has to go home to her kids (4 of them). Never any talk about being exclusive, although she gave me the impression that I was just what she wanted.

She's got it really good here, she is controlling your 'impressions' and you are bigtime into her frame being just what she wanted. Shouldn't she be just what you wanted?

Its been a week since we had sex, then starting Friday PM, we talked that she should come over after she's done with work, which was 10:30. She never showed or called--a first for her.

You have given her the perfect FB situation. Only s3xin at your place. By not having other plates a spinnin she had you conditioned into expecting she would always be there. If you wouldn't have had so much invested into waiting for the 'sure' call this wouldn't have rattled you enough to write. And where's the respect, she could have called. Dare I say she would have called if she respected you.

The next night, Saturday, she called and said her kids showed up at work and had to take them home on Friday. I was at a festival Sat PM and we agreed to hook up Sunday PM for bascially the week since all her kids will be at camp.

Did she finally call you back when she knew you would be gone/away? And if it was something as simple as her kids showing up why didn't she call the previous night?

She was a no show and a no call last night as well. Here she just said she was sooo looking forword to this week since we could finally sleep together for the entire week without having to go home to her kids.

One important thing here. She has an entire week to herself. She has made it clear to you through her actions that she is investing this 'free' time somewhere else. It may even mean she is bringing someone to her place now that she finally can. When women perceive that they can get away with something they'll do it even when they know their actions are revealing the truth.

Flaking or out with another guy?

Should I call her? Keep in mind that we have weekend plans for July 20 & 21 for rock concert and sporting events. What about those? I would appreciate any feedback, thanks!

Definitely do not call. Follow (exactly) the advice of the others. Be a mystery, more importantly, just starting seeing other women w/o kids and if possible not divorced. Although this is not a test, consider it one and pass it by not calling her and not showing any feelings. After being in control it will make her do a double take.

To answer you thread title/question...

She is spinning plates. In her mind you were not dating thus she has rationalized that she is not cheating. This isn't a test or flaking because she is not in a relationship.

 

[white sox bill]

She called an hour ago...I didn't answer nor did she leave a message

 

[dietzcoi]

Good job and keep up your strength... keep posting and we will all help you stay strong

I can imagine myself in this position and being weak.. without supporters to help me think straight I could easily fall into the trap you are dangerously close to falling into yourself

She is not worth another minute of your life.. you only have so many minutes left on earth...is this how you want to spend them??

Dietzcoi

 

[PowertripII]

I just went through this situation (after having been in a relationship for almost four years).. Everything I've read here is spot on and I'm actually glad that I shook some cobwebs out of my system as soon as I did.

The thing is, I don't think all women are that malicious.. maybe ill-intentioned is more like it- I could probably be accused of the same on more than a few occasions; it just came down to attention and interest levels being the opposite of what they should've been.

It's a fine line to walk and the worst part is that it's incredibly hard to get a clear view of what's going on when you're in the middle of it. I've dated hundreds of women but I still crashed & burned my last time out of the gate.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

,..started dating this divorced woman in her 40's

Strike One!

...., then has to go home to her kids (4 of them)

Strike Two!

,..she gave me the impression that I was just what she wanted

Steeeriiike Three! Yerrrrrout!

I'd say her flaking on you is the least of your problems at this stage. See this for what its - an exit opportunity, and take it. Of course the sex was wild in the beginning, that's the bait. Her flaking now is the beginning of the switch.

Do yourself a favor and eject now.

 

[LaoDa]

any update...? bump

 

[warpy]

yeah, whats going on its been 2 weeks!