Is my wife crazy? should I bail?

[timeisnow]

I have been married for 14 months now and want to decide soon if I should end this...

I am not going to say my wife has been acting any different since I married her... she has actually always exhibited what I consider hot/cold behavior or basically becoming extremely angry over little things (at least from my point of view). Its just now that we are married and she is thinking about having kids and having a family (plus I spend more time with her now) its starting to get to the point where I really need to decide if I should leave her or not..

I am just not sure how much of our constant fighting is my fault or if she really is a wacko... I will give you an example of what happend today which is a somewhat typical example of fights that start I feel because of her...

We went to a baby store because she needed to buy a gift for a baby shower. This was the first stop on our way to the mall. She says I never spend quality time with her (whatever this means I am at a loss) so I told her I would go to the mall with her. Anyway I wasn't really interested in anything in this baby store so I started texting some friends and checking my fantasy football team on my phone. When we got out of the store she started going off on me about it and how she expects me to be interested or ask questions about baby items in the store since having a family is important to her...

She started yelling and getting emotional and I couldn't take it anymore so I told her to take my home because I wasn't going to deal with someone yelling at me, especially after I made an effort because I easily could have stayed home and watched football. So she did but of course flipped out on me then drove off and just got home and is giving me the silent treatment...

Now things like this have happend throughout the course of our 4 year relationship... I probably made a mistake marrying her... but she had become the 1 dependable person I could count on throughout the years and despite this crazy behavior she probably still is....

Here are her pros and cons

Pros
Loyal
Dependable
Family Oriented
Gets along with my family
Affectionate
Cooks for me
Sex whenever I want it


Cons
Blows up at me over the littlest things
Overweight
Tries to be controlling
Intrusive Family
Attemps to control relationship



Advice?

 

[VladPatton]

I'm not going to tell you what to do, or bash marriage even, but, damn, man, those items on the Cons list are pretty nasty. Why would you even bother with marriage? Did you do it just to be like everyone else? Family pressure?

For me, if I am not as close to 100% happy as I could be about doing something, I don't do it and I chalk it up to it being a bad decision, not the right time, a wrong move, etc. So I stop and evaluate. Perhaps you missed this step earlier before getting married.

 

[speed dawg]

My automatic advice is to tell you to stay with her for the next 18 years, to give your child a halfway decent chance of growing up and becoming a responsible adult.

To accomplish this, you need to grab your nuts and take back the frame. Her *****iness will subside when you up for frame of dominance. Just from your text, it seems you are playing the role of typical suburban young married soon-to-be dad very well.

ETA: I misread that.....I thought you buying stuff for YOUR unborn baby. In this case, forget my first paragraph.

 

[Albatross953]

I read it as you don't yet have kids. If this is true...

The overweight thing is about to get a lot worse.
The "you never" is about to get a lot worse.
The disrespect is about to get a lot worse.

You think long and hard. This needs to turn 180 on her attitude, and you need to be able to sustain it long term. That's a tall order.

Read married man sex primer.

 

[rugby11]

Please read the rational male by rollo tomassi

 

[latinnova]

So... Do u like dealing with her sh!t now? Cause I can only promise u it will get worst. Do u want to deal with sh!t like that for the rest of your life, only getting worst and worst as the years pass by? U have one life to live, and women are only suppose to compliment your life. So digest that for a moment and come to your own conclusion.

 

[mikey2012]

Run while you can....

 

[vinkoch]

Sounds like you two haven't found a way to balance time time spent together and time spent doing your own thing. She complains about not enough quality time and you don't understand it. So ask her what quality time is vs time spent together that's not quality time. Then try to make time that satisfies that criteria for her and say you're going to make time for yourself too instead of just spending too much half @$$ time with her. Make this look beneficial for her by saying she will have more time to do things for herself

 

[vinkoch]

I've had these same fights with my wife. More so early in the marriage. From what you wrote it sounds like she just wants a better connection with you when you're doing something that's important to her. You said you didn't care about the baby store. Wellshe did and wanted you too also. It upset her. Just try to understand it's important to her. Not sayin do this all the time and become her slave. Gots to have your own thing too. Just set aside the fantasy football for a bit and make the b!tch happy. If she doesn't like you having fun with fantasy football ever then she has issues. Having a family is a big deal and she might want to know she can connect with you about it. If it was sewing or some girly stuff than fvck it. Just like you can't expect her to be into fantasy football.

 

[logicallefty]

Sounds like a lot of typical woman bs but being dependable, loyal, cooking, and hassle free with sex are certainly good qualities not to be taken for granted. I agree with others who have said to try and establish/reestablish your frame. Start by telling her you will spend more time with her only when she knocks off the blowup cr@p. Tell her you must have piece in your life with or without her and if she doesn't change her behavior it will be without her. The weight is your call you are either attracted or you aren't.

 

[guitaronfire411]

Run while you can....

What this man said. She sounds like quite a beast.

 

[Colossus]

Those are some big cons man.

I don't agree with the others who say "get over it". Once you are with a truly demure high quality female this type of behavior will seem outlandish to you.

The thing is, I used to think it was 'normal" too. And maybe it is, given the declining value of the North American female. But having an overweight harpy bust your balls for something so trivial as checking fantasy football in a BABY STORE----sounds like major control issues to me. I'd bet $100 that she would pitch a fit if she had to accompany you into a Cabela's or fishing store for a half an hour, probably about how selfish you are to drag her in there in the first place.

The other telling bit of your story is you openly admit you probably made a mistake marrying her.

I'm not saying up and divorce her, that's a big deal, but you need to consider you don't currently have kids and once you do I think your problems with her will explode exponentially. You think she is demanding NOW? You think she is overweight NOW??? Wait till the babies come and become her A#1 priority in life.

 

[expos]

You came to the right place. We can help you out and I hope you write back. My thoughts below.

I am not going to say my wife has been acting any different since I married her... she has actually always exhibited what I consider hot/cold behavior or basically becoming extremely angry over little things (at least from my point of view).

Why did you make such a commitment with such lousy, inconsistent behavior? I'm not ripping you for this. Just wondering why you chose this woman to be your wife? Did you not think you could do better? Because I bet you could have.

Its just now that we are married and she is thinking about having kids and having a family (plus I spend more time with her now) its starting to get to the point where I really need to decide if I should leave her or not..

You cannot be on the fence about leaving the relationship. I think the fact that you are thinking about it probably says a lot. If you are going to bail, now is the time to do it because no kids are involved.

I am just not sure how much of our constant fighting is my fault or if she really is a wacko... I will give you an example of what happend today which is a somewhat typical example of fights that start I feel because of her...

We went to a baby store because she needed to buy a gift for a baby shower. This was the first stop on our way to the mall. She says I never spend quality time with her (whatever this means I am at a loss) so I told her I would go to the mall with her. Anyway I wasn't really interested in anything in this baby store so I started texting some friends and checking my fantasy football team on my phone. When we got out of the store she started going off on me about it and how she expects me to be interested or ask questions about baby items in the store since having a family is important to her...

Most, if not all women, want to be a mom. Women will go to great lengths to get a baby from a man (going off birth control) because it's VERY important to them. You have to realize that she is going to pound this down your throat because right now she is putting a timeline down as to when you should give her a baby.

She started yelling and getting emotional and I couldn't take it anymore so I told her to take my home because I wasn't going to deal with someone yelling at me, especially after I made an effort because I easily could have stayed home and watched football. So she did but of course flipped out on me then drove off and just got home and is giving me the silent treatment...

Good. Good for you for asking to go home and wearing the pants and getting what you want. Unfortunately, if you continue on the path you are now, you'll continue to get this treatment from her. Start laying out some ground rules for what you will and will not tolerate. She'll respect you for it. If she continually breaks them, cut her loose.

Now things like this have happend throughout the course of our 4 year relationship... I probably made a mistake marrying her... but she had become the 1 dependable person I could count on throughout the years and despite this crazy behavior she probably still is....

It sounds like her core personality isn't all that bad. She seems to be there for you and care about you. Some women don't give a crap about their partners and I've been with several women who didn't care in the slightest about what I wanted in life.

Does she like to control you because she's insecure and has an ego?

My advice:
I would stay with her for another 6 months. Circle the date on the calender.

This is what you are going to do:

1. Set boundaries. Don't tolerate bossy, controlling behavior.

2. Tell her that you are allowed to have interests like Fantasy Football. She is allowed to have her own interests as well.

3. Confront her about what YOU think is wrong in this marriage and what SHE thinks is wrong. You guys are supposed to be a team. Come up with a game plan to get you guys back on track. You need to need to drive and lead this relationship, because right now she's at the wheel and crashing it every three blocks.

4. After the 6 month mark, if she is not better and getting worse, then tell her firmly that you have given her more than enough time to get her act together and that you are done. Don't even give her a second chance. Walk away, No Contact, and start over.

Good luck!

 

[exhausted]

I have been married for 14 months now and want to decide soon if I should end this...

I am not going to say my wife has been acting any different since I married her... she has actually always exhibited what I consider hot/cold behavior or basically becoming extremely angry over little things (at least from my point of view). Its just now that we are married and she is thinking about having kids and having a family (plus I spend more time with her now) its starting to get to the point where I really need to decide if I should leave her or not..

I am just not sure how much of our constant fighting is my fault or if she really is a wacko... I will give you an example of what happend today which is a somewhat typical example of fights that start I feel because of her...

We went to a baby store because she needed to buy a gift for a baby shower. This was the first stop on our way to the mall. She says I never spend quality time with her (whatever this means I am at a loss) so I told her I would go to the mall with her. Anyway I wasn't really interested in anything in this baby store so I started texting some friends and checking my fantasy football team on my phone. When we got out of the store she started going off on me about it and how she expects me to be interested or ask questions about baby items in the store since having a family is important to her...

She started yelling and getting emotional and I couldn't take it anymore so I told her to take my home because I wasn't going to deal with someone yelling at me, especially after I made an effort because I easily could have stayed home and watched football. So she did but of course flipped out on me then drove off and just got home and is giving me the silent treatment...

Now things like this have happend throughout the course of our 4 year relationship... I probably made a mistake marrying her... but she had become the 1 dependable person I could count on throughout the years and despite this crazy behavior she probably still is....

Here are her pros and cons

Pros
Loyal
Dependable
Family Oriented
Gets along with my family
Affectionate
Cooks for me
Sex whenever I want it


Cons
Blows up at me over the littlest things
Overweight
Tries to be controlling
Intrusive Family
Attemps to control relationship



Advice?

You are on your phone the whole time, not involved or showing her any attention or concern. Even though you are there, you aren't there, in her eyes. A little effort goes a long way.

When I go out with my girl we now leave our phones in the car, all of our attention is to each other......

Then when you go to watch football all day or do other activities without her she will not feel neglected.

 

[Paintballguy]

Cons
Blows up at me over the littlest things
Overweight
Tries to be controlling
Intrusive Family
Attemps to control relationship

Dear god man. Why are you putting up with this? My advice is if you are having serious doubts, then end it now before you end up getting her prego.

 

[sodbuster]

IF you want to stay, go to married man sex life and do some reading about being the captain of the ship. WITH no kids? I may bail.

 

[G_Govan]

She's trying to emasculate you. No man is interested in baby clothes shopping, most reasonable women understand this and wouldn't ask you to be involved in it.

As others have stated, too many cons. Her behavior will only get worse because you haven't put your foot down. It has to be done in the very beginning or the behavior may never change.

She needs to feel like she's going to lose you if she keeps this up. She currently has no fear of loss, hence all the cons.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Time is Now,
Well it aint going to get better!...The overweight aspect is a real deal breaker...Just make sure you don't get her in the Family way,avoid major financial involvement,salt your dough away....What is your own market value?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Everything on your 'Cons' list I would consider an automatic NEXT.

 

[The_411]

1. Look at her mother to see what she'll look like in 25-30 years.
2. It's good to really think this over as while getting a divorce isn't great it's a whole hell of a lot better than divorcing when you have kids.
3. What Rollo said about the Cons. A relationship is not perfect but the point of being in a relationship to see how someone acts when they get feel comfortable and to see what things will get worse over time. To me when a woman meddles it means that you're frame is not strong and she's wearing the pants.

A woman who respects her man will yield to his decision making process as men are better decision makers because they make decision from logic whereas women often let emotion effect their judgement.. when she's meddling it means I don't think you are a man I need to inject myself to do this.

Hell, she may not even be correct but a woman who has the perception that you're not in complete control isn't a woman worth having around.