Sorry, I'm a little late with responses, but I had finals to ace.
First, I want to thank everyone for their replies. I haven't contacted her, and I'm going to move on with my life and focus on my hobbies, passions, school work, activities, cold approaches, etc. Now, onto the responses.
Ashlee Angel said,
I see you really like this girl so my advice is try ONE more time to make things work. If not back to those 50 approaches .
I decided I shouldn't even try to get her back because I'm not sure if it is worth it. I know I can find a girl that treats me better and that I like to be around. I've also thought about all the times where she showed low interest, and I thought she was having a bad day or something. Now, I'm just going to start approaching any girl that interest me, and I will date as many as a can.
Senor Fingers said,
I find that once you put a label on a relationship, it really kills the magic. Even if you are exclusive with a girl, dont tell her how you feel until you get a decent foundation, we are talking months here. The whole time she should realize that she still has competition, even if you are faithful.
I realize what I did now, and you helped me understand why she was so attracted to me in the first place. She always made my validate to her that I would never cheat on her in the beginning of the relationship, and I DID because I wouldn't cheat on a girl in a LTR because of the past experiences. The next relationship I'm in(whenever that will be); I will make sure that she will have to earn my respect and trust for months and ask me to be exclusive, not the other way around.
In the future, with this girl, or any other for that matter, dont be so readily available. Women get turned off by men they can control. You have to reframe the situation so that YOU are the one in the drivers seat at all times. She wants to meet you for lunch? Its cool to meet her sometimes, but be UNPREDICATABLE too! On some days tell her you would love to but you can´t because other pressing matters await. Dont let her run your show!
That's is exactly what I'm coming to grips to right now. I believed we always did what I wanted to do, but we also did what she wanted to do EVERYTIME. I didn't really get into arguements with her either because I'm a laid back person who doesn't show anger unless you do something to piss me off. Also, I did get into a comfort zone, and didn't really give my full effort to spice things up(and she didn't either).
That post was meant to celebrate the multifaceted heritage of mankind. There was nothing multifaceted about jwhite´s approach to this situation. In fact, he was pretty damn predictable in the sense that he ALWAYS made time for this chick. She would only have to SUGGEST "jump" and this guy would be like "how high?"
I was too available for her, and I should have realized that early in the beginning. For example, I would always call her back if she called me in the library to see what she wanted. Hmm...next time I will not interupt my life to make time for a chick ALL the time.
Survivor said,
Jwhite, when you met your ex, and got to know a little about her (too little IMO), you took all the hopes and dreams you had for a future wife, then projected those hopes and dreams onto the girl's body....and viola, instant oneitis. And of course all that happened next was classic "LJBF" history.
This is absolutely true. I did only know her for a about a month and a half before I told her I wanted her to be my GF. Actually, it is the other way around. I didn't have any hopes or dreams in a future wife because I didn't have any requirements for that at the time, then I met her and she had qualities about her, and I filled them in for my future wife and then I got oneitis because I thought she was so perfect!
I think yours is a classic case of projecting your own high interest level onto the female. We can avoid this by ..... (drum roll)....
This is true; her interest level was sporatic thoughout the relationship while mine increases and remained constant until she broke up with me then it increases even more. Now, I back down to reality.
Your standards for women are only that. YOUR standards. They are representations of ourselves, not women. And if you noticed in your initial post, you were very descriptive of your preferences for an LTR girlfriend, however YOUR interpretation of HER standards proved to be inaccurate. Thats because they were not her standards, but instead a regurgitation of YOUR own standards.
Wow, I've never thought of it like that before. I think there is some truth in this statement, but I also think it was part of my standards and her's combined.
Like the others said, resume your cold approaches. But this time, don't go out searching for a "good girl". Instead search for a girl that you respond to favorably, which could be any kind of girl. For now, set aside your standards and taste every flavor in the ice cream shop. You might be surprised what you learn about yourself.
That's exactly what I'm going to do. I shouldn't be looking for a specific "good girl" because I will probably miss out on a lot of learning experiences with decent girls.
Thanks again for all the advice, suggestions, and support. I really appreciate all the contributions.
JW
