Is my GF testing me?

[DJmonster]

I've been with my girlfriend for six months now, and I must say that she has never been one to throw tests at me.

The situation I find myself in now is very confusing to me. Up until a week ago, we were very happy together. While I was driving she was going through my # list on my phone giving me crap (in a playful way) about the girls I have in there. I grabbed her phone in the same manner, so I could tease her about what guys she had in here. I saw a number in there that I didn't expect to see (I assumed she'd erased it after she told me she'd never talk to him again). Anyway, I got real mad and we had a heated argument for a while (she got mad too and wasn't making any sense).

That night, I appologized for getting so mad, told her it wasn't that big a deal, and we ended up having sex before I took her home. Next morning I woke up thinking about that damn guys number in her phone book. She text messages me, "how you doin?" I say, "still angry, but I'll get over it". She texts me back, "So last night you just wanted to get laid" That hurt, so I left a message on her phone saying how hurt I was about her saying that, because my agenda was not to get laid and my apology was sincere. She texts me back, "I'm sorry". I reply, "I'm sorry too".

Our sixth month anniversary is three days later, and I remember her hinting to me that the sixth month anniversary is important. I took her to a nice restaurant, we went for a walk in the park, then I surprised her with a 2 hour limo ride. Inside the limo I gave her a nice necklace. We had awesome sex in the limo for almost the whole drive.

Two days later we get together and she is being very cold towards me. We go to watch a movie and she loosens up a bit and shows me a lot of affection. We were flirting and having fun up until the car ride home, where I can tell somethings bothering her. We pull over so I can get her to tell me whats wrong. She says she is still hurt from our fight, and the fact that we had a fight worries her (this surprises me, because earlier that week she told me I was forgiven). I just listen to her, try to get her to open up, and apologize further. She says she feels different now, and things just aren't the same since we fought. She's not used to being yelled at like that, and she can't stop thinking about it. When I left her that night, I was very quiet with my head down, feeling like a piece of sh*t. She asked me what I was thinking as I left, and I just shrugged, said "I don't know chica", and left.

I don't understand how she can still be upset about our fight. I have done everything I can think of to help her forgive me. I tell her I'm sorry, I listen to her, and I explain that every couple has issues, its how they work through them that matters.

If I called her right now, I have a feeling she wouldn't pick up her phone. She obviously needs some space, but with as much as I've done to try and make things better, I don't think I deserve this cold treatment that she's giving me.

Is my GF testing me, and if so, how do I deal with this? Is her behavior an indication that I should move on and if so, whats the best way to do this? I'm so frustrated, I'd like to just forget about this girl, but it is taking all my will power not to call her up right now.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

No, shes not testing you, shes a spoiled little beootch.

First, you have every right to question if there is a name on her celly that doesnt quite add up. You shouldnt have gotten upset about it as much as you did , but you did. But dont feel quilty about asking about the #, from her reaction she very well could be hiding something.

Now, you did mess up by forgiving each other, having sex, and THEN still the next day acting like a wuss about it. Once, you forgive a person over something , you just have to move on.

Furthermore, since then you have taken her out to a very cool aniversery night, and said you're sorry (way too many times btw, youve said your sorry-move on). So now she is the one acting like a spoiled little *****. I mean, get over it.

You're best bet here is to quit calling or talking to her for a few days. ANd QUIT APOLOGIZING!!!!! AND ACTING LIKE A FVCKING WHIMP!!! Leave her alone, then when she calls, act like everything has been great in her absence and move on from there. But, learn from this. One-once you forgive someone, you cant take that back. And two--no more groveling!!

 

[Ojete]

How to deal with it? simple... stop caring so much about the issue!

you see.. women logic is based around their emotions, so when they 'feel' something arguing and what they say, will not be the same one week later. Get used to it and use it to your advantage.
When i was with my ex, there were days on which we would never argue and everything seemed fine... but she needed the drama, she had to provoque it, hence 'look for ways to argue'. The best solution is to not think much about it. Let it go. Don't try to supplicate or tell her you're sorry, just one "sorry" is enough. Or do you really feel you have done something terrible to her?? I don't think so.

Keep reading the DJ Bible frequently, and be happy no matter what . It will show her you are confident and sure of your actions.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

There could be a couple different things going on here:

1-Of course she's still mad bro!! You guys have been together for 6 months and all of sudden you starting yelling/whining about a dood's number in her phone!! That's pure AFC insecure wussy behavior! I understand they might have had a history together etc, but she's WITH YOU NOT HIM!! You should've never brought it up.

2- You've questioned her trust and that's the whole basis for a relationship. If you don't trust the other person, you cannot have anything together. She feels violated, betrayed and unsure of who you are now.


3-You doing all that nice guy stuff for her and the anniversary just proved in her mind that you were wrong and you were tryiing to make it up to her through gifts. Not good.

You need to give her, her space. If she cannot get over this, then it shows you how much she really cared about you. I don't think she's testing you bro, I think she's really hurt. She also might be looking for a way out of the relationship because you might have been correct in thinking something is going on with her and that other dood. Ask yourself the following question and you'll have the answer to your riddle:

Can I trust my girlfriend 100%?

In any case, don't call, give her her space and see what happens.



PIMP

 

[jbbrain]

im curious...whos number did u see that you were so surprised about?

an ex bf? an old FB?

Now to your problem. Dont call her. Chill out on the whole episode. She has her own issues with everything, let her deal with it the way she wants to. You have already expressed everything you needed to, you needn't say anything more. If she comes back, and everything returns back to normal, Im happy for you.

If not, good riddance, this weak relationship wouldnt have last another year anyway.

 

[DJmonster]

The number I saw was an ex-boyfriend of hers. I got so mad, because the last time we talked about this guy, she told me he was a loser and she wasn't going to talk to him anymore. Also, she used to tell me about her sexual experiences with him, which always made me cringe. I confronted her about it and she stopped doing it, but seeing that number in her cell phone brought back the bad mental images that I had formed in my head of this guy having sex with my GF. They are just friends now, and I do trust my GF 100%, but no matter how much I trust her I still didn't like seeing that number, especially when she said she wouldn't talk to him anymore. I tried to tell her this, but I was too mad, so I didn't communicate very well.

I was thinking of writing her an email to try and let her know that I do trust her, and try and help her understand why I got mad. Then, I'll tell her I'm going to give her space, but if she takes too long then I'm going to move on. What do you guys think?

BTW, thanks for the replies. I'm already less frustrated, because I'm understanding this better.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

DO NOT SEND HER AN EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Send her nothing! And let her like it!!

You have done more than enough already!

If you do any more groveling you might as well break up right now because you will NEVER be the man in the relationship again. She will be!! Let thing be and regain your sanity boy!!

 

[Lt dan]

this reminds me of something that just came to my attention the other day. i think it was in a post by giovanni casanova. he was saying how whenever you apologize you are saying that you are wrong. and shes gonna think, hey if hes apologizing he must have done something really wrong huh. i wouldnt call her, i would wait till she calls you, and she will. and if she wants to talk about it, let her say what she wants to say. then just act like its nothing at all to worry aoubt. and then go on how yall were.

 

[cactus3178]

DJmonster, where in Oregon do you live?


Also, this:

"The number I saw was an ex-boyfriend of hers. I got so mad, because the last time we talked about this guy, she told me he was a loser and she wasn't going to talk to him anymore. Also, she used to tell me about her sexual experiences with him, which always made me cringe. I confronted her about it and she stopped doing it, but seeing that number in her cell phone brought back the bad mental images that I had formed in my head of this guy having sex with my GF."

Is exactly the way you should explain it to her. Straight to the point and honest. After that, forget about the whole fight.

 

[RabidDog]

I am going to say it's the classic "shes banging the other guy and is trieng to start fights, and wants to break up completely guilt free" scenario. Seriously, this jumped out at me above all else. It's like I'm reading from a textbook.

I do agree with the "stop calling, and validating her" approach though, but only as an aside to next'ng her soon before she does you.

[/.2]

 

[TooColdUlrick]

most chicks don't like guys that get mad and yell. no one likes it for that matter. i take it that this was her first experience with you getting so mad? no doubt she's thinking, oh okay, these are his true colors. do i want to deal with this in the future? will he get violent next time? next.

quit groveling. tell her if she can't get over it, then later. this is risky though because she can come right back at you with the same question.

 

[JohnJones]

I have gotten/heard the "can't handle my past" comment before, which has some truth to it: it is what it is and the girl can't change it so you just look silly being unhappy about it -- but that's not your issue ...its what she does about her past that is iritating.

You say she used to talk about it -- a lot of girls don't have enough empathy to understand that its iritating and mildly disrespectful. They don't mean harm, they just don't understand.

You said she knocked it off when you said something about it, but it looks like she's still talking to the guy? Why? It's stupid to get into arguments over who called whom, how many times, what they talked about, etc. Just explain that exclusive is designed to mean that and that talking to the guy more than is required to just not be rude gets in the way of it being exclusive.

If she says something like does she need your permission to talk to other men or be seen with them, you say of course not but that its stupid that it has gotten to this point and that you won't be in a relationship where she's going to press boundries of appropriate conduct like that.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
There could be a couple different things going on here:

1-Of course she's still mad bro!! You guys have been together for 6 months and all of sudden you starting yelling/whining about a dood's number in her phone!! That's pure AFC insecure wussy behavior! I understand they might have had a history together etc, but she's WITH YOU NOT HIM!! You should've never brought it up.

2- You've questioned her trust and that's the whole basis for a relationship. If you don't trust the other person, you cannot have anything together. She feels violated, betrayed and unsure of who you are now.


3-You doing all that nice guy stuff for her and the anniversary just proved in her mind that you were wrong and you were tryiing to make it up to her through gifts. Not good.

You need to give her, her space. If she cannot get over this, then it shows you how much she really cared about you. I don't think she's testing you bro, I think she's really hurt. She also might be looking for a way out of the relationship because you might have been correct in thinking something is going on with her and that other dood. Ask yourself the following question and you'll have the answer to your riddle:

Can I trust my girlfriend 100%?

In any case, don't call, give her her space and see what happens.



PIMP

What Pimp said. She's supposed to read all the girls' numbers in your phone and not get pissed and you're flipping your lid because she didn't delete her ex's number??

Chill out.

 

[DJmonster]

I typed this email, should i send it?

GF,

I have apologized, you have said you forgive me, but I am not forgiven, because you continue to give me cold treatment. I'm sending you this email, hopefully to help you better understand why I got mad, because I don't think I was ever able to get it across to you. I remember getting mad and spouting out things like: its disrespectful, you're just being stubborn, and maybe some other things that didn't make any sense. Looking back now on the fight we had with a cooler head, I will put my side in writing for you, and myself, and then I'm going to forget about the whole thing.

I got angry, because the last time we had talked about Alex, you told me he was a loser and that you weren't going to talk to him anymore, from which I falsely made the assumption "no more Alex!" Also, you used to tell me about your sexual experiences with him. Sometimes, I would ask you questions about your sexual past, and I was always accepting and appreciative of your honest responses. However, sometimes, without prompt, you told me things that I wish I hadn't heard. You've told me about you two having sex with handcuffs, you two having sex in your bed (in response to me declining to have sex in your parents home out of respect for them), you two having sex in a car (in response to me saying the back of the Supra would be tight) - "Alex and I did it in the back of a car, and he's 6'4". Hearing you blurt out things like that always made me cringe, and was a big turn-off, and I am glad you stopped doing that. When I saw the name Alex in your cell phone, when I wasn't expecting to, it brought back the bad mental images I had formed in my head of this guy having sex with you. This made me angry, and I then made the mistake of yelling at you, when you didn't deserve to be yelled at. I am usually a very calm cool headed guy, and I can tell you that the side of me that you saw that day is not normal behavior for me. I know that yelling at you was not the right choice, and I will do my best to never let it happen again. Furthermore, I hope you realize that I trust you 100%, and I understand that your ex-boyfriend's friendship is important to you.

I will give you time to get over this, but I'm going to move on if I don't hear from you soon. I know it has only been two days, but going from talking to you everyday to nothing is getting to me. Either ask me for more time, tell me we're through, or give me a second chance.

Love,

Me

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Well, I can see that no matter what I or anyone else on here says to do, you're going to do the opposite. So..go ahead and send the email. She'll probably take you back, and you can spend the rest of your SHORT relationship kissing her ass and walking on eggshells knowing that if you do the tiniest thing wrong, you run the risk of her dumping you. So you can become a total doormat to her, fulfill her every wish, and when she tires of the chump you have become you'll come back here and say how right all of us were and you'll never do it again.

So, go out and send the email, and we'll see you back here in 2-3 months. Good luck.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

Oh and btw, I didnt even bother reading that email past the second line. Any email that runs longer than 4-5 lines is a waste of time.

You sound like such a little wimp in that email. "Oh whoa is me...i am so sorry my love, tellme what to do. Tell me if you want to be in this relationship. I wait with bated breath." Gimme a break.

 

[Target_100]

DON'T LET HER KNOW THAT YOU FEAR ANOTHER MAN!

Could it be:

1. She want's to be with you for a while, but not for life.

2. In the Limo you give her this expensive neclase and all, and you basically say "I want to be with you forever".

3. She wants to end it before it gets too serious.

 

[MacDiddy]

Thats one monster of an email. You've designed your email to make her feel REAL guilty. Your communicating that you are totally AFC that is totally understanding and totally forgiving. Your gf may be having an emotional trip and thinking whether you're the right one for her or not. Don't validate it by acting all wussy or making her feel guilty. She's gotta want to be with you just like it was in the beginning and not out of guilt.

BTW - Her intermittent displays of affection is already a telling sign that something is wrong. You gotta approach this with DJ advice you pickup from this forum.

 

[DJmonster]

Ok ok I won't send it, but what if she still thinks I don't trust her?

aarrrg! I guess if she doesn't understand why I got mad, then thats her fault for not listening to me and not trying to understand me. Oh well...

Damn I made the mistake of text messaging her this morning when I woke up thinking about her, "Good morning chica" -haven't heard back. F*ck!

I'm in a lot of pain right now. What's the best way to get rid of it? I always hear go out and screw 10 girls, but I was thinking of just hanging out with my friends a lot.

thanks guys

 

[Jay Fiedler]

I take it your 17-18 years of age and this is your first ltr?

Buddy, you're not even broke up yet and you're acting like your dog just died. Relax!!! Play her game right back at her. Trust me, if you just ignore the girl, QUIT EMAILING, CALLING, TEXTING, THINKING ABOUT HER, she'll come around. But it really amazes me how you could read all of the excellent advice offered on this forum and then do the exact opposite.