Is it really cheating?

[speed dawg]

Is it really cheating to fukk another girl say, if you're overseas, or in Vegas, or in some other area completely and you fukk a chick with absolutely NO strings attached and no emotional involvement whatsoever? I've been thinking about it alot. I'd be pissed if my gf fukked a guy that I knew, or in our city, but if she went off to Italy or something, hooked up with a random dude, never contacted him again, never told me about it, would it necessarily be wrong? I like the fact that I have a trustful relationship, but in a sick sort of way, I think it may be good for a relationship some times to get something different, and that way you stay happy and appreciate what you have. Thoughts? Esp. welcome is insight from guys who have cheated and what became of it....

 

[Skel]

Is this a real question?

 

[Vulpine]

I have done exactly what you are talking about. I didn't feel guilty because it was "endulging" without any damage. If it was for the sake of sex, and the GF wasn't going to find out, then it's only a matter of how you would feel about it afterwards. No harm, no foul, as they say. They also say "you were only breaking the law if you get caught, or there is a victim." I too think it is somewhat healthy to have some variety: it has added value to a relationship that was loosing its lustre.

 

[niceguydying]

How does the old adage read, "It's only wrong if you are caught?" Cheating is cheating regardless. If a women is not treating you right you will go somewhere else. I have cheated in the past and you know what? It almost seems like Karma has a way of paying my ass back for it! Being a man is a tough job indeed!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If you are in a relationship, any physical or emotional intimacy that you share with someone else and are not willing to tell your partner about can be considered cheating.

 

[Vulpine]

But there is a difference between "intimacy" and "sport fuqing". If you don't pick up any diseases, don't get anyone pregnant, and don't have any emotional attachment, then what's the harm?

Ok, not everyone has the same attitudes towards sex, and not everyone will agree that there are different kinds of sex: sex for pleasure and sex with emotion to some are the same thing... sex.

To me, that's a woman's perspective. And, by the same logic, you would have to say that you are cheating on a woman if you masturbate because you are "making love to yourself" or "having sex with yourself". See the point here? Masturbation is for pleasure. Some sex is for pleasure.

So if you didn't want to do it yourself, don't call it "cheating", call it "masturbating with some help".

 

[WestCoaster]

Sport f-cking is a term to excuse it. I'd call it cheating. Or "masturbating" with help, you're spinning like mad to excuse it.

If you want a GIRLFRIEND be loyal and faithful to that girlfriend. If you don't want one and want to sleep with other women, don't have a girlfriend. What's so confusing about this?

If you don't want to be tied down, why have a gf? Sounds like you want to play the field. Play the field, don't excuse it with silly terms or excuses, it makes you look weak.

I'm not sure why men can't either be loyal to a gf or just be an admitted playboy and have fun. Why the conflict?

It's as dumb in this country as pro athletes and rock stars getting married. Why? To appease the media.

I'd love it if instead of having one of these "married" athletes who really doesn't like his wife and pulls tail left and right, we had the alternative. A playboy (like Joe Namath way back in the day before he was a clown) who just told the media: "You know, I'm not married, but I'm not a hypocrite either. I'll admit, I sleep around, I'm a playboy, no strings attached. The difference between me and my teammates is I'm honest about it."

I'd love to hear that. Meanwhile, men feel the need to be attached but sneak around.

Why?

 

[S1NN3R]

This makes me think of a Gin Blossoms song.

"You can't call it cheatin, cuz she reminds me of you"

 

[wayword]

But there is a difference between "intimacy" and "sport fuqing". If you don't pick up any diseases, don't get anyone pregnant, and don't have any emotional attachment, then what's the harm?

Right, so if your future wife fuxxored 1000 random men but didn't get any diseases or preggo - then "what's the harm?"

And if there's no harm, then why can't you tell your gf? Somehow, I don't think she would agree wit ya there...

The problems here are deceit and breaking of a mutual contract. At the very least, what if she was honoring the contract and passing up many opportunities - but you weren't? That's not fair to her.

Also, there's quite a few diseases out there (including non-STDs) that you could unknowingly pick up from so much intimate contact with others. Ever heard of cytomegalovirus? M0rgellons? Probably not, and those are just 2 of thousands of cooties out there. And getting tested at the clinic once a year sure ain't gonna catch half that shyt.

 

[azanon]

If a tree fell in the woods, and no one was there to hear it, did it make a sound?

If you took a business trip to Vegas, banged a girl while you were there, perhaps all week, and she kept the secret, did it really happen?

Right/wrong... moral/amoral - take that to a religious forum, not this one.
STDs, and associated risks, are blown way out of proportion. If they were so bad, then why does this website even exist. We should all be too scared to screw lots of women, married or not married.

The real question is, what can you live with? Some people could live with it and other people cant; be it for a religious reason or just a personality one.

So if you're looking for a definitive answer, if you ask me, there isnt one. Different strokes, different folks.

Azanon

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's cheating if you're leading a woman (or anyone for that matter) to believe you'll behave according to certain, agreed set behaviors and you do not. If you promise sexual exclusivity to a woman whether in marriage or an LTR then, yes, you are cheating. Got it?

That said, the whole premise of this post only reinforces Plate Theory. You wouldn't think to ask questions like this if you held yourself to non-exclusivity and were open to options instead of clinging to this stupid mindset that you somehow need monogamy to validate yourself. Time to leave the Matrix DAWG.

 

[Vulpine]

Sport f-cking is a term to excuse it. I'd call it cheating. Or "masturbating" with help, you're spinning like mad to excuse it.

If you want a GIRLFRIEND be loyal and faithful to that girlfriend. If you don't want one and want to sleep with other women, don't have a girlfriend. What's so confusing about this?

If you don't want to be tied down, why have a gf? Sounds like you want to play the field. Play the field, don't excuse it with silly terms or excuses, it makes you look weak.

I'm not sure why men can't either be loyal to a gf or just be an admitted playboy and have fun. Why the conflict?

Being a man, WestCoaster, why would you EVER have a GF or a wife? Why?

"Cheating" is a concept created by women and the church. If you aren't religious, and aren't a woman, what benefit does it have to call sleeping around "cheating". Women create bonds with people the have sex with involving emotion, guys, not so much with the emotion. Women associate men fuqing with them also having this emotional involvement (which isn't necessarily the case), so they feel betrayed and label the interaction "cheating". Where the guy was harmlessly getting a nut off, the woman would have been "bonding".

Right, so if your future wife fuxxored 1000 random men but didn't get any diseases or preggo - then "what's the harm?"
.
.
Also, there's quite a few diseases out there (including non-STDs) that you could unknowingly pick up from so much intimate contact with others. Ever heard of cytomegalovirus? M0rgellons? Probably not, and those are just 2 of thousands of cooties out there. And getting tested at the clinic once a year sure ain't gonna catch half that shyt.

...but "didn't get any diseases" is key here. And the other part was that you don't find out about it.

The problems here are deceit and breaking of a mutual contract. At the very least, what if she was honoring the contract and passing up many opportunities - but you weren't? That's not fair to her.

I don't remember signing anything.

Thoughts? Esp. welcome is insight from guys who have cheated and what became of it....

I have cheated and nothing became of it, and I offered my thoughts. I didn't say I would "cheat" in the future, nor did I say it was right or wrong. At the time, I endulged in some sex and didn't feel any remorse or guilt because noone was a victim.

If it's not your bag, then hey, it's not your bag. Some people like scat sex too, that's their bag, but I don't tell them it's not right... because noone gets hurt, and it doesn't affect me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

But there is a difference between "intimacy" and "sport fuqing". If you don't pick up any diseases, don't get anyone pregnant, and don't have any emotional attachment, then what's the harm?....

Good question. Ask your girlfriend and see what she says.

 

[wayword]

If they were so bad, then why does this website even exist.

Dude, just search this site for STDs, herpes, genital warts, etc.

I am 28 years old and have always used protected sex (condoms). I have not even had that many partners, so you can imagine my surprise when I got diagnosed with genital warts!

The doctor explained to me that condoms do NOT protect against this disease. Genital warts can be invisible to the naked eye and are highly contagious from skin to skin contact. This means you can have a condom on and still catch it! I got it under my pubes so for the longest time I didnt notice. Last week I cut my pubes and was HORRIFIED!

I found out I have herpes about 8 months ago

I just received a call from him telling me that she has genital herpes

All HB9 kept saying was: " when are we going to ****!" - oh enough already - Sensation suggested we venue change to a park just outside the nightclub - to hell with that! -it was -5C outside!!

Ex-gf tells me that HB9 has an STD

Gentlemen... I have genital herpes. I have had it for three years now. Genital herpes (HSV2) is an incurable disease caused by a virus that is typically transmitted by skin-to-skin contact of the genitals. It is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in the United States. It affects anywhere from 20% (1 in 5) to 25% (1 in 4) of all sexually active adults. A majority of those people are not even aware that they have and carry the disease.

however, 2 weeks ago i suddenly was broke out with an std. i may be 24 and learned about some when i was younger in school. i guess i never thought i would get anything like that because i wasnt a dirty person. maybe i didnt know all the signs to watch for in others.

over the past 2 weeks , i have shopped for knowledge between doctors and books and web sites.
i will be forced to deal with herpes forever ever now

I did have a herpes "scare" a couple years ago when I met this woman (a med student at the time, now a physician) and we talked at length about our sexual histories/diseases and she denied having herpes. I banged her for awhile using condoms but a couple times didn't use condoms with her.

We broke up but stayed friends and would compare notes -- she told me that some guy she had slept with was "in for a huge surprise" when he discovered that she had given him herpes because she had had an outbreak right after sleeping with him (totally forgetting that she had told ME that she didn't have herpes).

I can't believe it guys...but I have herpes


Apparently herpes can be spread easily, even if you do use a condom. All it takes is some of her juices to come in contact with your nuts and it's over. If this post scares you, then GOOD! Please don't make the mistake I made fellaz. I am so ****ing depressed right now and if I can spare some of you from going through this bull****, then it will at least make me feel a little better. The ****ed up part is that I have never shown any symptoms. No sores, no nothing! The virus is dormant in my body and I am stuck with it for life! The doc told me that 1 out of every 5 women has this virus. Do you want to take your chances by boning tons of chicks? I think not. Please guys, be careful where you put your ****s and stay away from those easy skanks.

My LTR girl is obviously no longer interested, and I can't say I blame her...
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and cry now

Sorry to be the spoilsport here, but there's a ton of cooties out there that are far more common than you think. And statistically, you have a good chance of getting exposed to at least one I'm guessing every 3-4 partners, if not less (and condoms don't fully protect against some like herpes or genital warts, etc).

So, there is definitely something to be said for a mutual pact in fidelity - i.e. a committed relationship.

 

[Vulpine]

It's cheating if you're leading a woman (or anyone for that matter) to believe you'll behave according to certain, agreed set behaviors and you do not. If you promise sexual exclusivity to a woman whether in marriage or an LTR then, yes, you are cheating. Got it?

More accurately, it makes you a liar.

So, if it should come up and you both agree to be sexually exclusive, then you are obligated to be faithful. If it doesn't come up and isn't vocally agreed on, then you are free to bang whomever you please? How do you think there is a difference in the woman's eyes? If she ever found out, there isn't any difference to her. Your "we didn't discuss it" is a flimsy argument.

Woohooo! Jeez, you guys are all over me like I'm the anti-christ. I'm just presenting this side because noone else is. If you want, I can get on the moral soap-box instead. Don't get all riled, it's a discussion.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

You're a grade A idiot. I've never seen someone try so desperately and so pathetically to rationalize having sex with another person and not telling their partner as "not cheating".

"Cheating" is a concept created by women and the church.

"Cheating" is a concept created by couples who put their faith and trust into each other and pledge exclusivity to each other. If you break that trust, faith, pledge of exclusivity in any way, you are cheating. If you're screwing around in any way that you wouldn't want your gf/bf to know because you'd be afraid that they'd leave you, you are cheating. End of story.

And no, you don't need a "verbal contract" to pledge exclusivity, moron. At a certain point it's implied. Anybody with any kind of sense knows that. Hell, you know it, you're just looking for ways to justify f*cking around behind your girlfriend's back.

Seriously, try having this discussion with your girlfriend and see what her take on the issue is.

 

[azanon]

Dude, just search this site for STDs, herpes, genital warts, etc.

You missed my point, so let me help you. If these risks are a problem for you, then maybe you shouldnt be having sex at all. Is it any better to catch a STD single? That would still suck just as much.

STDs are treatable. I personally dont advise living in fear over STDs, but sure if you want maximum safety, then dont have sex.

I take it you've also heard of condoms and their effectiveness on preventing STDs.

"If" i were going to do the long distance bang thing though, it would be with a quality woman that i had prearranged it with, not just some whor*.

Azanon

 

[azanon]

You're a grade A idiot. I've never seen someone try so desperately and so pathetically to rationalize having sex with another person and not telling their partner as "not cheating".

.......

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

There's no right way to do the wrong thing.

 

[azanon]

I'm an agnostic, so i think right and wrong are relative.