Is it possible that a woman is interested in you, but does not need/want to text with you?

[BeExcellent]

I understand, in fact I just discussed this with a friend and she agrees with you!

That it's best a woman lays out her expectations, clearly and succinctly, he's not a mind reader.

If he cares, he will meet those expectations.

Is that what you mean?

If so, I don't disagree although it's never been my style to tell a man what I need or expect.

Wrong or right, I'm more passive I guess.

During early stages, I simply observe quietly to see if our values match including who pays. If they don't, it's next. He should be doing same.

Telling a man what I expect sounds heavy-handed imo, a bit "masculine" for lack of a better way of describing. Akin to me leading, him following. It's what I would expect a man to do!

That said, I have a lot of respect for you, you're happily married, something I have not found yet (I had a brief marriage, now divorced), so I'm gonna rethink my mindset about it.

Thanks!

Well to be clear, I'm more passive and observational, like you are. I think that's the best way to be and the most feminine way also. I expect the man to initiate and pursue and act like a gentleman. I observe and respond positively.

And as you may have noticed I catch a lot of heat around here for promoting that more receptive, feminine way of existing.

Some of the guys here expect women to initiate, to chase/pursue, and essentially assume the male role.

Then the same men get offended when a woman overtly states her expectations.

That's what I mean about "muddiness". Men cannot expect women to be so assertive to initiate and pursue, but then get bent when the girl (in this example) states her expectation.

That is the erosion of social graces I'm talking about.

But I'm very old fashioned myself. If my husband had not initiated and pursued and kept initiating early on, we would not be together now. I would have never reached out to him in the beginning (I rarely initiate contact even now) and although I found him very attractive, I would have blown him right off in short order. Why? Because if a man doesn't have sufficient interest in me to make a move, he's not worth my time....and time is our most valuable asset.

So its not what I would ever do (I'd never tell a man I expect him to pay - that is not how an elegant woman operates, its not a classy move at all in my book) but that is to a degree where the erosion of social graces has led society as a whole. And that is the muddiness that people now are trying to navigate in my opinion.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

women will never admit this, but lots of women will text a guy, engage with him online, but never meet up with him just to use him for attention/validation purposes

 

[BeExcellent]

women will never admit this, but lots of women will text a guy, engage with him online, but never meet up with him just to use him for attention/validation purposes

Oh there's NO DOUBT this happens a great deal. I never utilized OLD.....I tried for a few days, two different times several years apart since my divorce. FYI I am now remarried to a man I met in real life. I found OLD to be a terrible time sink. I simply did not have the time or motivation to weed through endless messages and cheesy pick up lines from dudes I'd never give the time of day in real life.

That and I met handsome accomplished men just fine in real life going about my business. So I found OLD to be a total waste of my valuable time.

My cousin met her second husband on OLD so I realize it can work for people, it was just never my thing....and personally I don't need the attention.

Honestly one of the nice things about being an older woman now is LESS attention & oogling. Often I do not wear makeup and dress conservatively to avoid undue attention.

But lots of women troll for attention on OLD and I think that's undue wasting of mens' time.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Oh there's NO DOUBT this happens a great deal. I never utilized OLD.....I tried for a few days, two different times several years apart since my divorce. FYI I am now remarried to a man I met in real life. I found OLD to be a terrible time sink. I simply did not have the time or motivation to weed through endless messages and cheesy pick up lines from dudes I'd never give the time of day in real life.

That and I met handsome accomplished men just fine in real life going about my business. So I found OLD to be a total waste of my valuable time.

My cousin met her second husband on OLD so I realize it can work for people, it was just never my thing....and personally I don't need the attention.

Honestly one of the nice things about being an older woman now is LESS attention & oogling. Often I do not wear makeup and dress conservatively to avoid undue attention.

But lots of women troll for attention on OLD and I think that's undue wasting of mens' time.

also, if a woman reaches out to me first online and calls me handsome/cute, a lot of times, those women are scammers

 

[Redwood]

also, if a woman reaches out to me first online and calls me handsome/cute, a lot of times, those women are scammers

Who knows if they are?

 

[jhonny9546]

Women Do a Lot of Weird Things

A friend of mine recently made a personal improvement; he changed a lot. You know the type, it's the transition from boy to man.

Some women he already knew were interested in this change, while others weren't.

What surprised us both was the interest of a woman. They had known each other since high school, and she likely always had her eye on him. For some reason, though, she ended up in a relationship with someone else. Now, it seems like she has developed a crush on him again.

My friend is now very good at understanding whether a woman is attracted to him, and in this case, she definitely is. She has an intense way of looking at him,very deep looks. It's as if she's regretting her choice and it's in FOMO for him. It's like She feel She lost the "prize".

For some women, you are nothing; you are invisible. Even if you were Brad Pitt with a net worth of 20 million euros and the mayor of your city, it wouldn't matter. For other women, however, you are as important as air, even if you were short, overweight, and bald.

I think I may have overdone it, but you get the idea. Unfortunately, we can't negotiate desire. However, as we are taught here, let's strive to become the best version of ourselves.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this: is it possible for a girl to be interested in you but not want to communicate via text when you're apart?

I consider myself experienced with dating, but this girl is a bit confusing. Normally, if a girl is interested, she will want to stay in touch through text or calls (does not need to be much, but at least a bit). But with her, it's different. I'm trying to figure out if she genuinely doesn’t like texting or if she’s playing games.

Here’s some background:
I met her around November 15 at work, and we clicked right away. We both like tennis, so after having coffee at the office, we went to play together. It went well, and I got her number. The next day, I texted her a photo from my run with a joke, and she responded, “Do you want to play again next week?” We played again the following week, and I jokingly proposed a prize for the winner. Over text, she gave a neutral reply, but in person, she seemed more interested — a sign that she might not like texting much.

After that, I won, and she agreed to a dinner date. The date went well, she dressed up, and we had a great time. Later, we went to a bar and kissed. We were enjoying the moment, but she stopped things, saying she didn’t want to do everything in one night, which was fair.

The next night, there was a company Christmas party. We didn’t communicate much beforehand — just a couple of sticker exchanges. When we saw each other at the party, she came close. We had a great conversation for about 1.5 hours, and she didn’t seem bothered by people seeing us together. Then, before I left, I suggested a chat outside, and we ended up having sex.

After that, we went home for Christmas, so we’ve been apart for about 2.5 weeks.

Now, my confusion begins. I’ve been texting her, keeping it light with 2–3 messages per day. While she responds and sometimes asks questions or sends emojis, it feels like talking to a stranger. She doesn’t initiate conversations, and sometimes it seems like she’s just replying out of politeness. Yet, she has shown interest, like mentioning she’s looking forward to the Christmas gift I promised when we return to work.

To change things up, I decided to call her. We had a 30-minute voice call, and I asked about our texting dynamic. She admitted, “I really don’t like texting or calling that much.” When I asked how she would’ve communicated if I hadn’t reached out, she said, “I probably wouldn’t have sent anything.”. She is the type of girl that would never say she likes me over text.

This behavior doesn’t match what I’d expect from someone who’s interested. So my original question: Is it possible for a girl to be interested in you but genuinely dislike texting or calling?

I’m curious to hear about your experiences!

No

 

[joaquin]

Just a quick update for everyone who was part of the discussion: it looks like the answer to the original question is yes, it is possible. It may not be the most common situation, but it’s possible.

When I returned to the office and she saw me again, it was pretty clear she was interested. The way she looked at me and smiled said it all.

Since then, we've had more dates, great sex, and things have been going well. Yes, I still make most of the moves, but she's slowly starting to take more initiative.

Let's see how things go from here.

Special thanks to @BeExcellent and @Sega Genesis —you got it right

 

[Barrister]

Didn't read the whole thread, but generally speaking -- no this is not going to be the case. We like to say women who are high interest will move mountains to see the man. And that is generally always true.

There is probably one exception to this -- and that is if there is a legitimate event that occurs in her life that makes you take a back seat -- family emergency, kid issues, etc., would qualify. But when those are not present, a high interest woman will reach out fairly frequently if you aren't initiating it with her.

 

[joaquin]

Didn't read the whole thread, but generally speaking -- no this is not going to be the case. We like to say women who are high interest will move mountains to see the man. And that is generally always true.

There is probably one exception to this -- and that is if there is a legitimate event that occurs in her life that makes you take a back seat -- family emergency, kid issues, etc., would qualify. But when those are not present, a high interest woman will reach out fairly frequently if you aren't initiating it with her.

I agree with you, and I think the same way.
However, the main point of this thread was to understand this specific situation, where I was getting strong positive signals during in-person interactions, but not seeing any first moves from her digitally when we were apart.

It turns out she was really interested. Therefore, I'm not saying this is the usual case (which I dont think it is), but it's possible.

As I mentioned, she didn’t text first, but when she sees me, it’s obvious she’s into me. She always responds positively to my advances, never has an issue with the dates I suggest, and we have great chemistry and sex together.

Two weeks ago, she actually chased me because I was testing things by pulling back and not giving her attention. She sent me a sticker on whatsapp that clearly showed she looked for my attention. But this kind of thing only happens when I "force" her to chase me (she also seems to have some patience, its not one or two days that will make this happen).

However, I feel she's slowly starting to come out of her shell. I think it’s just a matter of time before she begins to initiate more.