Is it possible that a woman is interested in you, but does not need/want to text with you?

[BeExcellent]

I understand, in fact I just discussed this with a friend and she agrees with you!

That it's best a woman lays out her expectations, clearly and succinctly, he's not a mind reader.

If he cares, he will meet those expectations.

Is that what you mean?

If so, I don't disagree although it's never been my style to tell a man what I need or expect.

Wrong or right, I'm more passive I guess.

During early stages, I simply observe quietly to see if our values match including who pays. If they don't, it's next. He should be doing same.

Telling a man what I expect sounds heavy-handed imo, a bit "masculine" for lack of a better way of describing. Akin to me leading, him following. It's what I would expect a man to do!

That said, I have a lot of respect for you, you're happily married, something I have not found yet (I had a brief marriage, now divorced), so I'm gonna rethink my mindset about it.

Thanks!

Well to be clear, I'm more passive and observational, like you are. I think that's the best way to be and the most feminine way also. I expect the man to initiate and pursue and act like a gentleman. I observe and respond positively.

And as you may have noticed I catch a lot of heat around here for promoting that more receptive, feminine way of existing.

Some of the guys here expect women to initiate, to chase/pursue, and essentially assume the male role.

Then the same men get offended when a woman overtly states her expectations.

That's what I mean about "muddiness". Men cannot expect women to be so assertive to initiate and pursue, but then get bent when the girl (in this example) states her expectation.

That is the erosion of social graces I'm talking about.

But I'm very old fashioned myself. If my husband had not initiated and pursued and kept initiating early on, we would not be together now. I would have never reached out to him in the beginning (I rarely initiate contact even now) and although I found him very attractive, I would have blown him right off in short order. Why? Because if a man doesn't have sufficient interest in me to make a move, he's not worth my time....and time is our most valuable asset.

So its not what I would ever do (I'd never tell a man I expect him to pay - that is not how an elegant woman operates, its not a classy move at all in my book) but that is to a degree where the erosion of social graces has led society as a whole. And that is the muddiness that people now are trying to navigate in my opinion.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

women will never admit this, but lots of women will text a guy, engage with him online, but never meet up with him just to use him for attention/validation purposes

 

[BeExcellent]

women will never admit this, but lots of women will text a guy, engage with him online, but never meet up with him just to use him for attention/validation purposes

Oh there's NO DOUBT this happens a great deal. I never utilized OLD.....I tried for a few days, two different times several years apart since my divorce. FYI I am now remarried to a man I met in real life. I found OLD to be a terrible time sink. I simply did not have the time or motivation to weed through endless messages and cheesy pick up lines from dudes I'd never give the time of day in real life.

That and I met handsome accomplished men just fine in real life going about my business. So I found OLD to be a total waste of my valuable time.

My cousin met her second husband on OLD so I realize it can work for people, it was just never my thing....and personally I don't need the attention.

Honestly one of the nice things about being an older woman now is LESS attention & oogling. Often I do not wear makeup and dress conservatively to avoid undue attention.

But lots of women troll for attention on OLD and I think that's undue wasting of mens' time.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Oh there's NO DOUBT this happens a great deal. I never utilized OLD.....I tried for a few days, two different times several years apart since my divorce. FYI I am now remarried to a man I met in real life. I found OLD to be a terrible time sink. I simply did not have the time or motivation to weed through endless messages and cheesy pick up lines from dudes I'd never give the time of day in real life.

That and I met handsome accomplished men just fine in real life going about my business. So I found OLD to be a total waste of my valuable time.

My cousin met her second husband on OLD so I realize it can work for people, it was just never my thing....and personally I don't need the attention.

Honestly one of the nice things about being an older woman now is LESS attention & oogling. Often I do not wear makeup and dress conservatively to avoid undue attention.

But lots of women troll for attention on OLD and I think that's undue wasting of mens' time.

also, if a woman reaches out to me first online and calls me handsome/cute, a lot of times, those women are scammers

 

[Redwood]

also, if a woman reaches out to me first online and calls me handsome/cute, a lot of times, those women are scammers

Who knows if they are?