Is it ok for a girlfriend to have male friends?

[SW15]

it is fine for women to have male friends. However, I would never date a woman who has "male friends." Normally, these "male friends" are just orbiters that want to fvck the woman. Never be fooled either - the woman is well aware of this fact. She keeps them around for validation and attention, and you can be sure that if you have an LTR with a woman who has "male friends" she will be using them to feed her validation every time you don't give her what she wants. It is a dangerous situation.

I have learned this the HARD way in an LTR I had a couple of years back. You can have fun with these women and date them - but do not do anything more than that. No serious relationships. You are asking for a major headache due to constant frame wars you will be fighting.

The male friends issue is tricky. I don't want to date anyone with male friends either. I agree with your reasons and don't want the constant frame wars.

Even if the male friend(s) are "Beta", they will STILL try to get in her panties.

Betas will try to do this. Betas often think they've put in the time and deserve the sexual reward.

I have learned through a lot of experience that women with a lot of guy friends and very few female friends is a huge red flag and you'll never want to LTR a woman like this. During early dating, you should be inquiring about her female friends and her male friends to get an idea of her social circle. A woman with few female friends is almost certainly BPD or NPD. Filter them out early.

Yes. All true and important to do.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don’t be a simp. Make her drop all male friends if she wants the title.

 

[devilkingx2]

The way I see it is any woman who I can't trust to be around other dudes for 5 minutes is not a girl I would take seriously anyway.

If all her male friends are thirsty beta males begging for feet pics, or chads that have her as a side piece then you shouldn't get into a relationship with her, but if you do make her drop them.

 

[logicallefty]

Every single woman I have ever been with had male friends. Even my wife now has male friends. I know most of them and consider most of them my friends too now. I tell my wife "If you want one of them over me, nothing I can do, so I am not gonna stress about it. I will always fight for you, but I will never fight over you. ". Many of these male friends are married. There is only one I don't get along with. I once had an ex who had over 2000 FB friends and the MOST I was able to get was to tell her she needed to delete any guy on FB she has ever had a relationship with or slept with. We fought about it and she finally did. There were 6-7 deleted! Other than that, to forbid a woman from having male friends all together, I would love to hear some success stories on anyone here who has done that and actually had it work. With today's woman, this is a tough one.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Many of these male friends are married. There is only one I don't get along with. I once had an ex who had over 2000 FB friends and the MOST I was able to get was to tell her she needed to delete any guy on FB she has ever had a relationship with or slept with. We fought about it and she finally did. There were 6-7 deleted! Other than that, to forbid a woman from having male friends all together, I would love to hear some success stories on anyone here who has done that and actually had it work. With today's woman, this is a tough one.

It has always worked for me. The women I’ve committed to rarely have male friends to begin with. “Platonic” intersex friendships are not a normal practice. If she has a lot of male friends, there is usually something wrong with her.

Granted, I think the situation having a bunch of married intersex friends is a little better. Still doesn’t remove the possibility of one of those guys trying to fvck your woman though.

My main observation is that women who want to be “kept” will make it easy for a guy to do so. Women that want to run the streets and have dozens of male “friends” will do just that, and will resist being kept. Men, which woman would you rather commit to?

 

[zekko]

Almost in every relationship that the girl I was dating had male friends, the male friend or the fact of having male friends seemed to have directly (e.g. monkey branching or cheating) or indirectly (e.g. me having to enforce/explain my boundaries) contributed to the breakup.

That seems to answer your question right there.

Funny how modern day feminists say they "don't need no man", yet they all seem to have male friends.

Like @EyeBRollin, I've also had some success getting girlfriends to dump their male friends. It's a delicate matter though, and IMO needs to be handled right at the beginning. You have to frame it that you would be open to being in a relationship with her, but that you won't get into a relationship with girls with male friends. That leaves the ball in her court, and how bad does she want to be with you?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

The way I see it is any woman who I can't trust to be around other dudes for 5 minutes is not a girl I would take seriously anyway.

If all her male friends are thirsty beta males begging for feet pics, or chads that have her as a side piece then you shouldn't get into a relationship with her, but if you do make her drop them.

It's usually not as black and white as that with the girls I've dated.

What if they are not thirsty friends asking for pics etc? What if they're friends that she has introduced you to, but the gf still wants to hang out 1-1 with once in a while, for example once every 3-4 months?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Every single woman I have ever been with had male friends. Even my wife now has male friends. I know most of them and consider most of them my friends too now. I tell my wife "If you want one of them over me, nothing I can do, so I am not gonna stress about it. I will always fight for you, but I will never fight over you. ". Many of these male friends are married. There is only one I don't get along with. I once had an ex who had over 2000 FB friends and the MOST I was able to get was to tell her she needed to delete any guy on FB she has ever had a relationship with or slept with. We fought about it and she finally did. There were 6-7 deleted! Other than that, to forbid a woman from having male friends all together, I would love to hear some success stories on anyone here who has done that and actually had it work. With today's woman, this is a tough one.

May I ask what kind of interactions with male friends are allowed in your current marriage?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

My main observation is that women who want to be “kept” will make it easy for a guy to do so. Women that want to run the streets and have dozens of male “friends” will do just that, and will resist being kept. Men, which woman would you rather commit to?

I agree with this observation. But how often do you come across women with no male friends or few male friends whom she will drop for her man?

 

[logicallefty]

May I ask what kind of interactions with male friends are allowed in your current marriage?

My wife and I like to go to bars to see bands, one in particular we both really like a lot. We are friends with the band. I work a lot so if I am working, I don't ever tell her she can't go. The band members have crew that keep an eye on her if she needs help with anything in my absence. Also, she is in a group for one of her hobbies that is probably 75% male and 25% female. Same thing, I go to their activities when I can but I can't always be there. These are pretty much the biggies. She never goes out with her male friends one on one or anything like that.

 

[SW15]

The women I’ve committed to rarely have male friends to begin with. “Platonic” intersex friendships are not a normal practice. If she has a lot of male friends, there is usually something wrong with her.

This has been my experience as well.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

That seems to answer your question right there.

Well, that could have been a problem with me. So I was trying to figure if others' experience is similar.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

This is not a thread about girls I'm dating right now, but rather a reflection on past relationships I had. Almost in every relationship that the girl I was dating had male friends, the male friend or the fact of having male friends seemed to have directly (e.g. monkey branching or cheating) or indirectly (e.g. me having to enforce/explain my boundaries) contributed to the breakup.

Now that I'm trying to date around, I've noticed (again) that so many girls have male friends. Unfortunately having male friends seems like the norm in western, and even some eastern cultures. What do you DJs think is an acceptable level of having male friends when looking for LTR material? For example, if a girl has a few male friends, whom she sees once a couple of months, is that acceptable? What if she has to make a day trip to visit a male friend?

No. No male friends.

That's all I need to say about that.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

theres no such thing as men and women being friends

Yep, I agree. Nosuch thing as friendship between men and women.
Only exception is your mom and your sister or other female relatives...

 

[devilkingx2]

It's usually not as black and white as that with the girls I've dated.

What if they are not thirsty friends asking for pics etc? What if they're friends that she has introduced you to, but the gf still wants to hang out 1-1 with once in a while, for example once every 3-4 months?

In my opinion if they're legitimate friends, that's fine. They can get coffee and discuss the world cup if she wants.

That's if we're eliminating the obvious red flags like date scenarios, hookup scenarios, "friendships" between people who have nothing in common, her male friend she sees all the time, etc.

 

[forcerecon01]

lol

 

[zekko]

She never goes out with her male friends one on one or anything like that.

That's pretty much where I draw the line. I would certainly never suggest that a girlfriend should never even talk to a guy, that's not healthy.

Well, that could have been a problem with me. So I was trying to figure if others' experience is similar.

I wouldn't say that is always the case, but it certainly happens.

 

[Zimbabwe]

No man with self respect would allow his woman to have male friends.

 

[Murk]

No male friends ever or I'm gone, what happened to us being the prize? It's a non-negotiable for me.

I'm with @EyeBRollin on this one - anything else is just beta AF.


"I let my girl talk to men all the time because I'm not an insecure jealous beta" - some beta who will amount to nothing.

 

[SW15]

In terms of male friends, my rules for women are:
1. No hanging out with men 1:1 (meaning, just her and the guy)
2. No regular communication with male friends, via text, phone, DMs

#2 is difficult to enforce and monitor. You'll never TRULY know how many guys a woman is texting/DMing with. All you can do is explain your boundary, hope she honors it, and then pay attention to what you are able to see and hear her do. When she leaves her phone on the table and she gets a text, do you see a guy's name? But some women set their phone so you can't see the name unless you unlock the screen, and some women never leave their phone sitting out. Does she talk about guys - share stories with you about what's going on in their lives? Then she has been talking to them.

#1 is a great rule. I screen for this upfront because I don't want the frame wars that @Barrister mentioned. @Mike32ct is correct that a lot of friend zone guys are hopelessly beta, but there's enough doubt there that it is worth avoiding that situation.

#2 is a good rule. Sometimes I won't explain #2 because I realize how difficult it is to enforce and monitor. Even with women with no male friends, she's going to have male acquaintances texting her and sending her social media DMs. She might even get the occasional phone call from a male acquaintance.

Reality makes it even more complex. Guys from her past can reach out to her out of the blue and she isn't doing anything wrong if they do this. If she engages with them, then yes she is doing something wrong. But, this situation can be used as an excuse any time you happen to be fortunate enough to notice a guy's name pop-up on her phone either via incoming call or text - she can claim she hasn't heard from them in ages etc. You can then either trust her or ask to see her phone and doing the latter has issues of its own.

I have learned through a lot of experience that women with a lot of guy friends and very few female friends is a huge red flag and you'll never want to LTR a woman like this. During early dating, you should be inquiring about her female friends and her male friends to get an idea of her social circle. A woman with few female friends is almost certainly BPD or NPD. Filter them out early.

Women even as young as 20-25 can have guys from her past contact her. At this age, it is usually elementary school and high school era guys contacting her. At 24-25, sometimes it can be college era guys contacting her 2-3 years after graduation.

As a woman ages, all these school era guys can continue to show up. It's not uncommon for a 35 or 40 year old woman to have school era guys contacting her. In addition to school era guys, women 25+ can have male co-workers contacting her and former co-worker males contacting her. Former co-worker guys are often looking for sex when contacting an unmarried woman. She might even have ex-boyfriends or an ex-husband contacting her. Obviously, the ex-boyfriend and ex-husband contacts are problematic, especially for a childless woman who has no reason to talk to an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. There are a variety of other types of orbiters who can show up. The longer a woman has been unmarried, the more probability that she has a wide variety of male contacts who could randomly show up. Married women deal with fewer orbiter type males.

Sometimes male names in a woman's phone are brothers and cousins, this is not a problem at all.

I disagree with asking to see a woman phone/social media DMs. That has a lot more problems. It's best to screen for male friends and whatever happens, happens.

Do not debate with a woman about it your boundary. It is ok for you to explain why this is a rule for you, and explain that you follow the same rule with female friends once you are in a committed LTR, but if she wants to debate the fairness of it, you simply say, "I hear you. It seems we feel differently about it. I'm not going to change my mind on this boundary and if it's not acceptable to you, we can either go our separate ways or we can continue seeing each other without exclusivity," or don't give her the last option, depending on what you are looking for.

All true. Frame is everything.