Is it ok for a girlfriend to have male friends?

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

they all have male friends.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

they all have male friends.

Almost. But they don't interact similarly with their male friends.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Almost. But they don't interact similarly with their male friends.

I might make a separate topic regarding this, but most women are here to waste men’s time

 

[Murk]

they all have male friends.

No they don't, my last 2 LTR didn't have male friends apart from work acquaintances. Work friends are always going to be there and IMO you shouldn't encourage not talking to men at work as it's detrimental to career growth in certain fields.

My last 2 LTR had NO male friends they were in contact with.

 

[SW15]

I might make a separate topic regarding this, but most women are here to waste men’s time

Men commonly point out that women waste their time. The statement has merit.

they all have male friends.

They all have male acquaintances. Male friends is a different story.

This thread hasn't even mentioned the gay male friend yet. Single women in bigger cities tend to have at least one gay male acquaintance, if not one gay male friend.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Men commonly point out that women waste their time. The statement has merit.



They all have male acquaintances. Male friends is a different story.

This thread hasn't even mentioned the gay male friend yet. Single women in bigger cities tend to have at least one gay male acquaintances, if not one gay male friend.

The toxic gay male friend is the worst one IMHO.

No they don't, my last 2 LTR didn't have male friends apart from work acquaintances. Work friends are always going to be there and IMO you shouldn't encourage not talking to men at work as it's detrimental to career growth in certain fields.

My last 2 LTR had NO male friends they were in contact with.

My point was that your girl is always going to be interacting with other males. I’d also like to say that female friends can be just as bad as male friends.

 

[Murk]

My point was that your girl is always going to be interacting with other males. I’d also like to say that female friends can be just as bad as male friends.

Interacting with males isn't the topic of this thread. Obviously every woman will interact with males, they don't all have male friends though, and if they are with me they never will.

 

[SW15]

My point was that your girl is always going to be interacting with other males. I’d also like to say that female friends can be just as bad as male friends.

I made the same point about women interacting with other males. Most masculine men aren't going to be as upset over women's female friends as their male friends. There are also bad female friends out there. The upside with a woman's female friends is that her female friends aren't usually looking to have sex with her, unless she has an unusual number of bisexual or lesbian female friends.

The toxic gay male friend is the worst one IMHO.

Gay male friends can cause issues as well.

 

[Barrister]

Gay male friends are always an interesting wrinkle because women will act like they are no threat when in fact the "gayness" is many times just a cover for failing with women. "Yeah, me and Gay Friend are sleeping in the same bed on this trip but it is OK because he is basically one of the girls and there will be another girl in the bed too." Literally one of my blue pilled buddies had his girlfriend tell him this. He was okay with it of course.

 

[Murk]

My GFs have no gay best friends because they know I despise homosexuality, so by being with me they usually also detest homosexuality and keep gay people at arm's length while still being civil and courteous/friendly with them. That's why finding partners with similar views is so important.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I agree with this observation. But how often do you come across women with no male friends or few male friends whom she will drop for her man?

Once every 30+ years in my case. I hope other have better numbers

 

[Jor-El]

A woman with few female friends is almost certainly BPD or NPD.

Whilst I agree with that,generally speaking,any ideas why it should be ?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

A few more thoughts on this.

Without getting into too much detail, when I was married and blue-pilled, I learned that if you don't set boundaries around this, women will allow themselves to get into risky situations, sometimes innocently. Sometimes they do this knowing full-well what they are doing and it is very intentional, other times they know what they are doing but lie to themselves about what's really going on or what could happen, and still other times they are just following their emotions and not thinking about what could happen.

Women are emotional. Relationships are not always smooth. If a woman is feeling like she isn't getting all she needs from the relationship, she will either try to work with you on it or she will seek out the missing part from another man. The three most common things women end up feeling a lack of in an established LTR are:
1. Masculinity
2. Validation/Attention
3. Good sex

This "seeking" behavior generally isn't something that happens overnight nor is it always calculated and planned. The woman simply starts to talking to guys, hanging out with guys - she likes the way it makes her feel. She isn't planning to sleep with any of them. She just knows she enjoys talking to them and enjoys the attention and validation. In the case of a very attractive masculine guy, he makes her feel a certain way and she likes that. She justifies all this to herself as platonic and will make the same justification to you. But from here, opportunities arise for her, and from these opportunities, cheating can happen, as well as relationship sabotage where another guy is trash talking you and taking her side on everything.

You want to work things out with your girl, between the two of you, as opposed to her seeking what's missing elsewhere. Setting boundaries around male friendships will help enforce this.

The point of communicating your boundaries is to:
1. Lead your woman and provide the structure around the relationship that women need
2. Prevent her from unintentionally getting herself into situations that could end up turning into cheating or relationship sabotage

If a woman is dead-set on cheating, you can't stop it, but at the same time, communicating your boundaries is not going to hurt. If she is viable LTR material, she will honor your request. You have nothing to lose by communicating it. As for the comments about a woman using your boundary as a manipulation tool, no girl worthy of an LTR would do that to you and if it happens, you drop her. If we are talking about early dating or a plate, then covert communication is best, so if she is talking to other guys then you talk to other women. But if you are seeing that early-on, you know she isn't LTR material anyway.

Part of operating in a masculine frame is leading a relationship and setting boundaries. To draw a parallel with the current topic: If you are at a bar with your girl and you excuse yourself to the bathroom, then come back to find some guy has approached her and is hitting on her, the masculine thing to do isn't to just wait in the shadows until they finish their conversation or awkwardly approach and stand there silently. The masculine thing to do is walk up to your girl, put your arm around her, look the guy in the eye, smile and introduce yourself to him, then ask your girl, "So babe, how do you know ______?" to which she is likely to say, "He just came up and introduced himself." Not doing this is beta and will drive your woman away, just like knowingly allowing her to go hang out with guys 1:1 or talk to a bunch of them all the time.

Whilst I agree with that,generally speaking,any ideas why it should be ?

That is a great question. Because NPD/BPD women believe that the world owes them everything (total entitlement), and they owe the world nothing in return. This means they are only capable of one-way value exchange relationships where they are always on the receiving end of value and never on the giving end. No woman would enter into a friendship with another woman like that - normal women expect healthy two-way value exchange in a friendship. On the other hand, simps and orbiters provide EXACTLY this type of relationship the NPD/BPD woman needs: She gives nothing and they shower her with attention, validation, service, favors, money - whatever she wants.

 

[SW15]

In terms of male friends, my rules for women are:
1. No hanging out with men 1:1 (meaning, just her and the guy)
2. No regular communication with male friends, via text, phone, DMs

#2 is a good rule. Sometimes I won't explain #2 because I realize how difficult it is to enforce and monitor. Even with women with no male friends, she's going to have male acquaintances texting her and sending her social media DMs. She might even get the occasional phone call from a male acquaintance.

The point of communicating your boundaries is to:
1. Lead your woman and provide the structure around the relationship that women need
2. Prevent her from unintentionally getting herself into situations that could end up turning into cheating or relationship sabotage

The last quote is a great point and made me realize a deficiency. I could have done a better job in the past communicating no regular communication with male friends and acquaintances. Since I screen hard for male friends, this never came back to affect me, but it's better if I communicate that expectation as an early frame announcement.

I agree on always communicating boundaries.

 

[Barrister]

A few more thoughts on this.

Without getting into too much detail, when I was married and blue-pilled, I learned that if you don't set boundaries around this, women will allow themselves to get into risky situations, sometimes innocently. Sometimes they do this knowing full-well what they are doing and it is very intentional, other times they know what they are doing but lie to themselves about what's really going on or what could happen, and still other times they are just following their emotions and not thinking about what could happen.

Women are emotional. Relationships are not always smooth. If a woman is feeling like she isn't getting all she needs from the relationship, she will either try to work with you on it or she will seek out the missing part from another man. The three most common things women end up feeling a lack of in an established LTR are:
1. Masculinity
2. Validation/Attention
3. Good sex

This "seeking" behavior generally isn't something that happens overnight nor is it always calculated and planned. The woman simply starts to talking to guys, hanging out with guys - she likes the way it makes her feel. She isn't planning to sleep with any of them. She just knows she enjoys talking to them and enjoys the attention and validation. In the case of a very attractive masculine guy, he makes her feel a certain way and she likes that. She justifies all this to herself as platonic and will make the same justification to you. But from here, opportunities arise for her, and from these opportunities, cheating can happen, as well as relationship sabotage where another guy is trash talking you and taking her side on everything.

You want to work things out with your girl, between the two of you, as opposed to her seeking what's missing elsewhere. Setting boundaries around male friendships will help enforce this.

The point of communicating your boundaries is to:
1. Lead your woman and provide the structure around the relationship that women need
2. Prevent her from unintentionally getting herself into situations that could end up turning into cheating or relationship sabotage

If a woman is dead-set on cheating, you can't stop it, but at the same time, communicating your boundaries is not going to hurt. If she is viable LTR material, she will honor your request. You have nothing to lose by communicating it. As for the comments about a woman using your boundary as a manipulation tool, no girl worthy of an LTR would do that to you and if it happens, you drop her. If we are talking about early dating or a plate, then covert communication is best, so if she is talking to other guys then you talk to other women. But if you are seeing that early-on, you know she isn't LTR material anyway.

Part of operating in a masculine frame is leading a relationship and setting boundaries. To draw a parallel with the current topic: If you are at a bar with your girl and you excuse yourself to the bathroom, then come back to find some guy has approached her and is hitting on her, the masculine thing to do isn't to just wait in the shadows until they finish their conversation or awkwardly approach and stand there silently. The masculine thing to do is walk up to your girl, put your arm around her, look the guy in the eye, smile and introduce yourself to him, then ask your girl, "So babe, how do you know ______?" to which she is likely to say, "He just came up and introduced himself." Not doing this is beta and will drive your woman away, just like knowingly allowing her to go hang out with guys 1:1 or talk to a bunch of them all the time.



That is a great question. Because NPD/BPD women believe that the world owes them everything (total entitlement), and they owe the world nothing in return. This means they are only capable of one-way value exchange relationships where they are always on the receiving end of value and never on the giving end. No woman would enter into a friendship with another woman like that - normal women expect healthy two-way value exchange in a friendship. On the other hand, simps and orbiters provide EXACTLY this type of relationship the NPD/BPD woman needs: She gives nothing and they shower her with attention, validation, service, favors, money - whatever she wants.

Great post.

Most women who end up cheating I think fall into the passive-seeking you mention. Generally, the guy finds her attractive and wants to talk to her and he becomes an outlet for her to get those good feelings that she is not getting in her LTR/marriage. There is a smaller percentage of women who require such large amounts of validation that they will be active-seeking when comes to outside male attention. These are definitely your Cluster B types and they are much more prone to cheating than your normal women. No amount of boundary setting is going to impact them. Instead, you will need to employ dread game to keep them in line - and this obviously is not tenable for long periods of time (multiple years). Yet another reason to avoid them altogether or go no further than plate status.

 

[Gamisch]

Gay male friends are always an interesting wrinkle because women will act like they are no threat when in fact the "gayness" is many times just a cover for failing with women. "Yeah, me and Gay Friend are sleeping in the same bed on this trip but it is OK because he is basically one of the girls and there will be another girl in the bed too." Literally one of my blue pilled buddies had his girlfriend tell him this. He was okay with it of course.

Ime most women basically see no difference between
1.gay best friend
2. Non attractive orbiter.

Both guys can basically tell her anything. Nr2 can say shyte like " if you only fell for overweight balding midgets like me Stacy...I would buy you a diamond ring the size of a truck !". Both guys can comment on her looks without boundaries; " Damn Stacy your azz looks good today!", and it will be no problem.

I knew a guy whose strategy with women was being a wolf in sheep's clothes, and take the role of both nr 1 & 2. He would say he" felt better having some woman to text with(even friendly) than having none att all.". Or " I will be her shoulder to cry on and then make my move ". That's why male friends are infuriating; you know exactly what's going through dude's mind.

The last quote is a great point and made me realize a deficiency. I could have done a better job in the past communicating no regular communication with male friends and acquaintances. Since I screen hard for male friends, this never came back to affect me, but it's better if I communicate that expectation as an early frame announcement.

I agree on always communicating boundaries.

100.

You should say this before she even mentions having male friends. Any moment after she brought it up you'll lose. Unless she is willing to drop male friendships.

Same applies to all things you consider to be a dealbreaker. Its basically just another red flag. Every woman will have a couple of red flags.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

A number of reasons:

1. She will have them now or eventually
2. You don't want to let her know that you know they're her backups. It shows a weakness she can use and it sends the activity underground
3. It comes across as controlling and desperate
4. She will keep them at bay if the relationship is going well. If its not going well, she won't abide by the rules regardless.

That's kind of like avoiding the problem altogether. One can at least filter out girls with male best buddies or girls that wanna keep the guy friends into the LTR.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I agree with this observation. But how often do you come across women with no male friends or few male friends whom she will drop for her man?

Most, but not all women have male friends. All have male acquaintances and orbiters. In my experience, the women I have dated seriously were willing to drop their male friends in order to be in a relationship with me (and if they were not, I would not agree to a relationship with them). I bring this requirement up when the girl initiates the exclusivity conversation, and I tell them I abide by the same rules. But I don't phrase it as "dropping her friends" or losing her friends. They can still be "friends", but they can't hang out 1:1, shouldn't be talking regularly, and she shouldn't be talking about our relationship with them; she can talk to her female friends about that. The girls I have dated seriously have accepted all this, but as I mentioned in another post, it is difficult to track how often she is texting or talking with male friends even if she isn't hanging out with them anymore. Most women will want to keep those friends, even if they are much more distant with them.

My current girl has explained to a couple of her male friends, "I'm in a relationship now and while I want to keep our friendship, it isn't really appropriate for us to hang out 1:1 like we used to when I was single, or talking daily over text. I'm sure you understand." Another thing that happens is that every month or so, a guy from her past who she hasn't talked to will reach out to her out of the blue to try to reconnect. This could have been a guy who she dated briefly, or a friend, or an orbiter. When this happens, she tells them that she's in a relationship and that it wouldn't be appropriate to talk.

Men have been so brainwashed to think this ask is unreasonable, but ask yourself how girls you've been in an LTR with in the past would react to your going and spending the weekend 1:1 with a female friend (who is really skinny and hot), or having dinner regularly with this female friend and talking to her all the time. No girl I've dated since I became red pill aware would be ok with that. They would be very jealous and wouldn't like it or think it is appropriate. But the same girl would probably think it's ok for her to have guy friends lol. This is why YOU as the man have to lead the relationship and set the boundaries.

 

[2Rocky]

So my GF moved 800 miles to be with me. I was her conduit to a social circle. Now she has made some male acquaintances through work. Some were vendors, some were colleagues and a few were customers. She really made an effort to keep those professional. The male orbiters who frequently commented on her social media, quietly disappeared as her SM usage decreased.

What I found was that my social circle actually changed to accommodate her and we gravitated to couples as our main social circle.

I had not realized the number of female friends I had and how she felt a bit threatened by that. Once those single women got a man of their own, then she became less likely to pee on her territory. She also made an effort to get to know my friends' spouses, which I appreciated. My Ex wife was not social and many of my friends, especially female thought I was making up having a wife.

So guys it goes both ways. Walk your walk and you won't have to talk much.

 

[SW15]

Most, but not all women have male friends. All have male acquaintances and orbiters.

I have been fortunate that most of my girlfriends had either acquaintances, orbiters, or weaker friendships. This wasn't an issue because I did screen for deeper male friendships.

In my experience, the women I have dated seriously were willing to drop their male friends in order to be in a relationship with me (and if they were not, I would not agree to a relationship with them). I bring this requirement up when the girl initiates the exclusivity conversation, and I tell them I abide by the same rules. But I don't phrase it as "dropping her friends" or losing her friends. They can still be "friends", but they can't hang out 1:1, shouldn't be talking regularly, and she shouldn't be talking about our relationship with them; she can talk to her female friends about that. The girls I have dated seriously have accepted all this, but as I mentioned in another post, it is difficult to track how often she is texting or talking with male friends even if she isn't hanging out with them anymore. Most women will want to keep those friends, even if they are much more distant with them.

My current girl has explained to a couple of her male friends, "I'm in a relationship now and while I want to keep our friendship, it isn't really appropriate for us to hang out 1:1 like we used to when I was single, or talking daily over text. I'm sure you understand."

I like your boundary a lot. It's a boundary with real consequences.

Most women will want to keep those friends, but they won't due to reality. What sort of friendship can a woman maintain with a male friend if they hang out 1:1 and aren't talking regularly? The increased distance is going to starve the friendship. If the male friend has any sort of backbone, he will end the friendship based on that.

I had one platonic female friendship with a woman and I wasn't physically attracted to her. One of her boyfriends went ape**** when he saw me text her and that caused her to send a text message to me like the one you described that your current girlfriend has sent. Her boyfriend went ape**** about me for no reason since I didn't even live in the same city as her when he went ape**** and hadn't seen her in person in multiple years. Based on that, because I have backbone, I decided that I had zero interest in ever talking to her again. also decided that I didn't want to ever have a platonic female friendship again. It's too complicated, even when I'm not attracted as I wasn't in that situation I just described. Men and women truly can't be friends.

In theory, I could have a lesbian friend. I've never had a lesbian friend. I don't think most heterosexual men have lesbian friends. I think most lesbian women have a social circle that consists mainly of lesbian and bisexual women.

Another thing that happens is that every month or so, a guy from her past who she hasn't talked to will reach out to her out of the blue to try to reconnect. This could have been a guy who she dated briefly, or a friend, or an orbiter. When this happens, she tells them that she's in a relationship and that it wouldn't be appropriate to talk.

I'm sure some of my girlfriends have done what your girlfriend did with their orbiters and weaker friends. Random, out of the blue guys might be able to accept this, but reasonably close friends won't.

Men have been so brainwashed to think this ask is unreasonable, but ask yourself how girls you've been in an LTR with in the past would react to your going and spending the weekend 1:1 with a female friend (who is really skinny and hot), or having dinner regularly with this female friend and talking to her all the time. No girl I've dated since I became red pill aware would be ok with that. They would be very jealous and wouldn't like it or think it is appropriate. But the same girl would probably think it's ok for her to have guy friends lol. This is why YOU as the man have to lead the relationship and set the boundaries.

All true. My girlfriends didn't mind my one platonic female when I had her because I explained I wasn't attracted and she didn't live in the same city. Since that friendship blew up, I don't even have to explain that. I have zero female friends. I still have female acquaintances and there are still a couple of school era females on my social media that I'll often go multiple years without DM'ing. Those social media names would never be women I'd see in person. My male friends' wives are also acquaintances, but I would never seen them 1:1 and would rarely text or DM on social.